This is written like Jenny would have wrote it (it's always the Watsons who do the story telling, is it not? grin)
Oh! And NO, I don't hate Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot! I just thought this is funny

The Penguin Attack

It came to my knowledge one day, that the Poirot's and Holmes's were somewhat rivals together. It just happened to be, that Shirley liked to read about other known detectives as well. She weekly looked through their fan websites of sorts to read what was going on.

One day she came to me with a A4 paper in her hands. "Read this!" she puffed, "Just read the whole damn thing!" I took the paper from her hand and read it.

'The world's most greatest detective of all time must be our very own Hercule Poirot! His mind as his only weapon - - with the great Captain Arthur Hastings beside him, they would crack all cases they got together, unlike some other detectives (say, one Sherlock Holmes). - - We are happy to announce that we are keeping a 50-year anniversary party at the Waterbridge hotel, on Tuesday evening (10.5.2005 7:00 PM). We expect everyone to come in costumes of.. - -'

"Did you read it all the way?" Shirley asked or, more like demanded. "Yes, yes. The beginning is a load of crap" I said back, still eyeing the text. Shirley snorted. I could sense she was seething with anger. Her feeling towards this message was understandable. Sherlock was her idol, and in this message they had the balls to say that this Poirot was his superior.

"You know what this means Jenny" Shirley said, in a voice from which I knew that something illegal was going to happen. "Do enlighten me"

"This means war" She seethed like an angry cat, snapped the paper from my hands and left

"- - as you all know I'm, I mean, Hercule was, chubby and looked like a penguin but.." the little, fat man in a black and white suit said to all the people that were gathered around the long table full of delicious foods. His last words got the crowd to laugh and some even snorted saying "No way"

Shirley grimaced and knew this was the right time. Clinging her spoon to her glass she got everybody's attention to her. "Haha! That was a very good one Mr.Prob.. I mean, Monsieur Poirot"
The crowd laughed once more.
"But I think I have a joke that fits this party" Shirley said ending her sentence.
"Yes! Tell us a joke!" "We need a good laugh!"

And a good laugh you shall get Mister, Shirley thought and smiled cunningly. "Alright, it goes like this: The seven dwarfs went to a local library. They asked from the librarian: 'Do you know if there is a 1,50m high nun in England?' 'No,' the librarian said, 'No there isn't' 'Well, is there a 1,50m high nun in Europe?" 'No,' the librarian said after a while, 'No there isn't' 'Is there a 1,50m high nun in the world?' 'No there's not' said the librarian. After that all SIX dwarfs started dancing around the seventh one and singed: 'Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!'"

At this point the whole crowd went dead silent. In the same moment, Shirley threw her first layer of clothes off, only to reveal the trench coat and the Victorian era clothes beneath it. From her pocked she pulled out a deerstalker hat and placed it to her head. In one long jump she was on top of the table.

"What.. What is this?" demanded the man who played Poirot. "This is the revenge from the Holmes family. You sir," she said, pointing at the man in question, "Couldn't even find a needle from a haystack!" And with that said, from somewhere she had gotten in her hands a cake with the pipe sign on top of it, and she threw the cake to 'Poirot's' face with a triumphant cry.

All the people in the room went "ooh!" after Shirley's little stunt. Needles to say she had to run away from the scene as fast as she could. It was only a good thing some members of the Holmes family have long legs, just like she has..

-Jenny Watson