Don'cha Love Me?
Episode IV

Iruka woke up slowly as Naruto leapt up and down on his bed, "Wake up Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka sighed, "All right. What do you want?"

Naruto said, "it's time to get ready for your date with Tsunade!"

"She is the fifth Hokage! The fifth Hokage!" Iruka said, then he sighed. "And I dunno, I'm getting kind of tired of this, this is like what, the third day we've been at this? I just want to give up . . . I don't know if I dare risk angering the Hokage."

"Yeah, well whatever she is you're gonna plow her like a corn field once we're done!" Naruto said.

Iruka raised an eyebrow at him, "What the heck? Where'd you learn to talk like that?"

Naruto grinned, and waved a piece of paper, "You've got mail sensei!"

Iruka scoffed, and turned away, then like lightning turned back and snatched the letter from Naruto and gave it a quick read.

"Wow . . . she's pretty descriptive." Iruka said. "All right then! Let's get to work!"

"But I thought you wanted to give up!" Naruto said.

"If a woman sent you a letter like this, would you give up?" Iruka scoffed.

"That's the sensei I know—kinda—now lets get crackin'!" Naruto said zealously.

"Double dating is one of leaf village's oldest and most beloved traditions!" Nartuo said.

"Yeah right." Iruka scoffed.

"Yeah, I am right! Believe it, everything is going to go smoothly, I'll bet Tsunade-Hokage will be despairing your embrace, just like she said in her letter!" Naruto said.

"You mean the line where she says "desperately embracing me?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, despairingly embracing you, just like I said, sensei! Now here's the deal! Shizune was nice enough to tell the Hokage that she's on a double blind date, so you and Kakashi-sensei are going meet them at the same fancy restaurant where Kakashi-sensei stole Shizune from ya!"

Iruka grunted, that one sort of stung, he'd rather liked Shizune, but it was for the best, his admirer was the only woman for him . . . as long as she wasn't ugly. I mean he could handle a little ugly y'know? But a complete mirror breaker, well that's where he drew the line. He had to be able to have kids with this woman, and as it was he wasn't that good looking, they needed a hot mother to have any chance of avoiding being ugly little nobodies in life!

Be real.

"Okay, Konohamaru, you ready?" Naruto asked.

A bright yellow mail box, a stone portion of a brick wall and a blue fire hydrant came to life revealing Konohamaru and his cronies, Iruka couldn't help but note, "Y'know if you don't improve you're all getting failing grades in stealth and disguise."

"Aww . . . but the boss said that you'd be so happy once you got 'it' from your secret admirer, that you'd pass us all!"

"Got 'it?" Iruka demanded, glaring at Naruto.

"Hey, I never told them what 'it' was, sensei! I've got brains!"

"What's 'it' boss?" Konohamaru asked.

"Well y'see when a man and a woman love each other very much—" Naruto began, Iruka covered his mouth.

"Shaddap!" He cried.

"Morrfee!" Naruto said, muffled.

Iruka released him and said firmly, "No cats."

"Right, right, but here's some cards, they're great!" Naruto said.

Iruka read through some of them, then handed them back, "I've ah . . . memorized them all." He lied, "I wont need the cards."

Naruto frowned, but Iruka wasn't going to use the cards even if the boy cried (play 'wind storm' indeed!). He then turned and headed off towards the restaurant.

Naruto sighed, his sensei needed every bit of luck he could get, Naruto hoped he did well but doubted it'd be so. Iruka was helpless really, Naruto understood that now.

However with forty bowls of ramen on the line, Naruto wouldn't allow himself to be wrong, not again! He would do everything in his power to make the Hokage his sensei's secret admirer, whether she already was, or not!

"Ready?" Naruto asked.

"Ready!" Konohamaru said, he and his two friends were dressed up in little togas with wings, and carrying little bows and arrows with hearts for arrow heads.

What woman could resist that?

Naruto himself was far too dignified to dress in such a fashion so he just wore his normal outfit. "Ready?"

"Ready!" Konohamaru's friends said together.

"Get to it!" Naruto cried, and the three rushed off.

It was rather pleasant, Iruka thought. Because she was too vain to allow anyone to see how old she truly was, Tsunade didn't look bad at all, she looked mid twenties, early thirties tops.

But coupled with that incredible body was an old woman's experience, and knowledge, which was why she was Hokage . . . a woman with brains and looks, nice!

However this wasn't a very romantic date, Tsunade seemed more interesting in making sure Kakashi behaved himself, Kakashi seemed more interested in trying to get Tsunade to admit she was Iruka's admirer so he could leave, and Shizune just sort of clung to Kakashi and purred. Every now and then holding out her hand for more PEZ.

Iruka wondered what'd happen if Kakashi ran out of PEZ. He wondered what'd happen if he got some PEZ of his own? Who'd be laughing then, Kakashi?

Iruka was about to resign himself to boredom when it was lifted in the most unfortunate way.

Dressed in a toga Konohamaru entered the restaurant, he waved his bow and arrows in the air while his friends tried valiantly to play the harp . . . and failed.

"Tra-la-la, ter-ran ter-ran ter-ah!" Konohamaru said in what Iruka guessed was a singsong voice, "Iruka sensei, what a guy . . ."

"Aren't those your students Iruka?" Lady Hokage blinked.

"Why are they wearing bed sheets?" Kakashi asked.

Shizune just held out her hand for more PEZ.

Gulping and knowing this was somehow Naruto's fault, the ninja addressed the students,"Why are you wearing that?" he yelped.

"He's such a guy, it makes me cry," Konohamaru continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"You're making them cry . . . stop it." Kakashi sighed.

"What? Making them cry? What's going on?" Tsunade demanded.

"Iruka sensei, we'll get a good grade, once you've got yourself good'n lai—" Konohamaru sang, but Iruka quickly shoved a hand over his mouth!

"Th-that's enough!" Iruka gulped, "P-please don't mind him!" He said to the others.

"What ever." Kakashi sighed.

Shizune just wanted PEZ.

But Tsunade was not pleased. "Excuse me? I see what this is! You're beating these children!"

"Yeh-no!" Iruka yelped, "What gives you that idea?"

"I am a top ninja, my powers are limitless, just listening to the song I can easily deduce its hidden message and plea for help! That's why these little ones turned up in bed sheets, their cloths are too covered in blood, you're a vile child beating monster!"

"Wh-what?" Iruka groaned, "That's insane!"

"Child," Tsunade said to the bubbly little girl still trying to play the harp, "Does master Iruka beat you?"

"Yep!" The girl nodded.

"What?" Iruka croaked.

Konohamaru came to the rescue however and shook his head. He turned to the girl and said, "Is the sky black?"

"Yep!"

"Is the grass blue?"

"Yep!"

"Are you good with the harp?"

"Yep!"

"As you can see, that's just about all she says." Konohamaru said.

"Yep!"

"Thank you Konohamaru. You see lady Hokage? I am no child abuser." Iruka said calmly.

"This proves only that they're afraid to reveal you!" Tsunade cried, she cracked her knuckles.

"Uh-oh! Better let me pull you outta here." Kakashi said, grabbing Iruka.

"Oh forget it, just leave me here to die." Iruka sighed, "If I escape Naruto will just want to bet me eighty bowls that the next girl he picks is my secret admirer, I'm better off dead."

"Secret admirer?" Tsunade cried, her fist millimeters from his face. "How adorable! Oh to be young again—er I mean . . . uh . . . to be . . . uh . . . younger again."

"Am I still gonna die?" Iruka asked.

"Someday, yes." Tsunade shrugged. "But I must say, going on blind dates when your secret admirer is out there no doubt wondering why you haven't found out who she is yet? Get out of here you crazy boy, find that woman and settle down, raise your own kids and beat them."

"I don't beat children." Iruka noted.

"Yes, well even better." The Hokage said sagely.

Iruka looked at Kakashi, who shrugged. Shizune demanded another PEZ, so Kakashi gave her the entire dispenser and the pair left.

"That wasn't so bad." Kakashi said.

"Yeah . . . right." Iruka grunted.

Just then Naruto came running up covered in slugs the size of small dogs, "What's going on? Am I too late?"

"What? Uh . . ." Iruka decided not to ask.

At that same moment Ino came skipping up, "Hey master Iruka! I hear you're dating the Hokage! And here I thought things like age deterred you, y'know like normal people!" She giggled to herself as she skipped away.

"Sensei!" Naruto cried but Iruka held up a hand. "I bet you double or nothing it's Ino! Notice how she emphasized age? She wants you! A forbidden love!"

"It is not Ino." Iruka said firmly. "If it were Ino I'd have recognized her handwriting in the letters, and even if it is I refuse to date a kid! I mean look at me Naruto, do I look like that kind of guy? Forget it!"

"Aww nuts." Naruto sighed. "Well we should try to find out, y'know? So if it is you can let her off easy, and if it isn't then no harm no foul!"

"Forget it!" Iruka groaned, "I'll just let her come to me!"

Kakashi cleared his throat and said, "I think I might have a suspect . . ." He said softly.

"I bet double or nothing on Kakashi-sensei's suspect!" Naruto cried.

Iruka groaned. His secret admirer better be incredible, because he was beginning to think that no normal woman would be worth this trouble.

To Be Continued . . .