Don'cha Love Me?

Episode V

Iruka fidgeted as Kakashi tightened the sash to his kimono, "So you're sure about this one?"

"It's a sure thing, I had Shizune talk to her about men. Shizune says she rolled her eyes and scoffed when they started talking about you."

Iruka frowned, "Kakashi . . . that's not a good sign!"

"It is if she's playing hard to get, or pretending she's not interested in you!" Naruto pointed out.

"Yeah, right on boss!" Konohamaru said.

Iruka shook his head, he was surprised by how many people were in his corner on this. Granted they were in it either for large wagers of ramen, good grades, or purely to relieve boredom, still it felt almost like he had an army of well wishers hoping that this date went right.

He took a deep breath and suppressed a smile, not wanting to get his hopes up, "So who is she?"

"Well I'd better not say until we get you to the point of no return." Kakashi said.

"She's fat, isn't she?" Konohamaru accused.

"What? Oh no she's . . . hmm, well I've never really looked at her, I guess she's got kind of a round face and—" Kakashi said slowly.

"I knew it!" Iruka groaned.

"What? No, no, she's not fat, right Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto cried.

"Hmm? Oh yeah. She's not fat. She's pretty good looking." Kakashi said.

"Well . . . I guess nothing else can go wrong in my love life. So lets see how it works out!" Iruka said, beginning to take courage, at least she was good looking. "Oh, and this time Naruto, Konohamaru, no assistance please."

"What? Why?" Naruto demanded.

"Because I'd like to be alive at the end of the night, your stunt with Tsunade almost got me killed. That's all."

"You should have tried harder with Tsunade, I bet she's a wild cat in bed! I tell you I have been trying to hit that for years!" Jiraiya said.

"What? Hey, who invited you?" Iruka demanded.

"Well Naruto mentioned something bout five hundred bowls of ramen . . . uh, I mean I thought I'd lend my expertise with women. Try to stare at her chest, they like that." The perverted Sennin said.

"I'll uh . . . try to remember that." Iruka said. "Do I really need to be dressed so formal?"

"Yes." Kakashi said, "Now remember, be positive, tell yourself that this is the one."

"This is the one, I'm sure of it!" Iruka said, "That's why I don't want you—any of you—to do anything to screw it up!"

"Gotcha!" Naruto saluted.

"Roger!" Konohamaru said.

"Understood." Kakashi nodded.

"Aww, please? Just a little?" Jiraiya whined.

Iruka arrived at the fancy restaurant—different from the one he'd used before, he refused to show his face there ever again—and was quickly met by the attendant.

"Right this way sir," The cycloptic silver haired waiter said.

"Who do you think you're fooling Kakashi?" Iruka whispered.

"I don't know what you're talking about. And Naruto made me do it." The 'waiter' said as he led Iruka to his table.

Excitement rushed through Iruka as he saw the back of his date. She was beautiful from the back, she wasn't fat at all.

Now the face . . . Iruka's heart stopped.

No, she wasn't ugly or anything, she was actually kind of cute, but the problem was she was Mitarashi Anko.

"Kakashi . . . do I look like a man who wants to die?"

"My name is not Kakashi sir, though it does sound like a very cool name. Please take your seat." Kakashi-waiter said, shoving Iruka down.

"Oh screw that!" Iruka said a bit too loudly.

"Is there a problem?" Anko asked. Oh no, now he was going to die!

"Not at all ma'am, this is your gentleman caller for the evening."

"Uh . . . okay." She said, raising an eyebrow as Kakashi left. She looked at Iruka, "Did you know he had a part time job here?"

"I'm shocked." Iruka said without emotion.

"Uh-huh . . . so . . . you wanted to go out with me . . . why?" Anko asked.

"What? Uh I . . . uh well I . . . hmm . . . I think you're very . . . uh . . ."

"Easy?" She demanded, grabbing the butter knife besides her plate.

"Pretty much—uh I mean pretty! You're very pretty!" Iruka cried, and Anko watched him through narrowed eyes. "So uh . . . tell me, what are you thinking? What looks good here, I feel like a bowl of Ramen all of a sudden!" He said, hoping Naruto would show up at that.

The little punk did not.

Oh just great! When Iruka needed saving there was no one there to do it!

When he didn't they all just crawled out of the wood work!

"I'm thinking the calamari . . . but the ramen does look good." Anko admitted.

"Yes it does. But calamari is tempting too . . . say, have you read that new book by Jiraiya, I think it's called "My Heart for Calamari" or something." Iruka said, almost shouting the perverted sennin's name, Anko stared at him cautiously.

"Uh . . . no, I didn't know he was a writer . . . but he creeps me out." Anko said, her hand moving perhaps unconsciously back to the butter knife.

Okay, someone was ruining this date and for once it was Iruka himself! He decided he'd have to make the best of a dangerous situation and just try to enjoy the evening. "So . . . you're a Special Jounin . . . I bet that's really challenging."

"Oh yeah!" Anko groaned, her hand moving away from the butter knife, "You cant imagine! It's torture! Especially now with the fifth sending us every which way trying to act like the village didn't lose any power after that little war! Man!" Anko leaned back in her chair and shook her head. "But this whole ninja gig is just a temp job, y'know, to pay the bills."

"Oh? You have another career in mind?"

"Oh yeah!" Anko nodded, leaning closer she whispered across the table, "I'm just doin' this for the time being, but y'know what I really like?"

"What?" Iruka asked, knowing it'd have something to do with blood.

Anko looked around then whispered, "Well when I was a kid, before I became a Shinobi I liked to go to the park and watch the ducks. All these sweet old couples would come and throw bread crumbs at them, it was so adorable." She sighed wistfully.

Iruka blinked, that was almost normal! And it had nothing to do with blood! "So you want to—"

She leapt up and punched the air, "Kickin' those freaking ducks' butts and stealing those delicious little bread crumbs for myself! That's gonna be my real job!" She shouted.

Iruka stared at her as she returned to her seat, ignoring the stares from the other couples trying to enjoy their dinners. "Y-you're kidding, right?" He asked as a real waiter showed up and asked if they were ready to order.

Anko gave and 'I'm not telling' smile and went back to looking at the menu. "How about . . . the calamari, the steamed rice, the fried rice, a sushi platter, 'dozen sweet buns, a pound cake, bowl 'o ramen—of course—five squid okonomiyaki—oh! And a light salad . . . no dressing."

Iruka gawked. "Uh . . . yeah how's your soup?"

"Our soup is as tasty as the water and dehydrated vegetables we put in it, and very cheap sir." The waiter said.

"Y-yeah, I'll go with that." Iruka said.

"And to drink?" The waiter asked.

"Hmm . . ." Anko tapped her chin lightly, "I'd like water, but send out some tea later."

"Very well, and for the gentleman?"

"Uh, yeah water." Iruka nodded. He wanted to ask for something alcoholic and give in to oblivion, but if he wanted to live he'd need to keep his wits about him.

"So . . . aside from my being pretty . . . any particular reason you asked me out?" Anko asked.

"Well . . ." Iruka trailed off . . . maybe if he could think of a really good lie he could get off without any scars. "I admire you."

"Yeah, about the longest conversation we've ever had was you trying to convince me to pull Kakashi's team from the selection exams."

"Yes . . . and you've been on my mind ever since. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Your beautiful eyes, your supple curves, your raven hair . . ." He trailed off romantically.

"Oh really?" Anko raised an eyebrow at him and seemed about to say more when the food arrived, then she was too distracted.

Iruka smiled, he knew how to end this date.

To Be Continued . . .