Don'cha Love Me?
Episode VI
"Iruka," Anko said, tilting her head to the side in a gesture that might have been cute had it been done by anyone other than her.
Sure Anko was hot, the woman was stacked! Not quite as much as the fifth, but still more than Iruka had ever hoped for. Take into consideration the fact that she was not thirty years older than him, and did not believe he beat children and she was really the overall winner.
However . . .
Iruka had this odd fear, a vision of sorts of their future. Oh sure they'd beat the snot out of ducks every now and then, but as a married couple suppose they did what all married couples did?
What if they, like every other wife and husband . . . had an argument? (What were you thinking?)
The image of Iruka standing with his arms limp and one of his legs bent at an odd angle as he explained to the neighbors and the police that he'd fallen down the stairs and landed on several Kunai knives as Anko licked his blood away with zest was not a pleasant one . . .
Iruka didn't have a problem with a woman who could kick his butt. Heck, he'd yet to date even one who couldn't . . . which was kind of depressing. He just didn't want a woman who would kick his butt for no reason.
After a while he realized that being lost in thought while she was trying to get his attention was pretty stupid, he wondered how long he'd been entertaining these thoughts while she, at a growing level of annoyance, tried to get him to pay attention.
He was still alive, so it couldn't have been long.
"Iruka!" She said, snapping her fingers in front of his eyes.
Iruka shook his head, "Anko-chan, I . . . I cannot. I cant stay here with you, as pleasant as it might be . . . Anko my dear . . . I have another lover."
Anko raised an eyebrow, "What? I thought you wanted to date me!" She said.
"Yes . . . to see if I could . . ." Iruka trailed off, "Oh Anko, you were my last hope!"
"Hope for what?" Anko asked.
"To make sure that I wasn't . . . in love with--" Iruka coughed violently.
Anko's eyes narrowed. "Oh really?" She asked. "Kakashi?"
Iruka shuddered, but whatever it took to get out of here alive . . . "Yeah . . . y'know . . . that guy. Kakashi, my . . ." Iruka couldn't get himself to say "love" so he just said, "Uh . . . dear friend."
Anko's eyes were slits, she was twirling her fork around with two fingers in a rather intimidating way. "I see . . . Kakashi eh? All right. Kakashi-kun, come here now!" Anko said. Kakashi didn't move, so Anko shouted, "Waiter!"
Probably sensing that Anko was annoyed, Kakashi came . . . but slowly. He bowed.
"Kiss this man." Anko said, pointing to Iruka.
Iruka blinked, "Uh . . . why?"
"You're kissing one of us." Anko said calmly. "Pick."
Kakashi shook his head, "Uh, hey no. I've got a girlfriend so . . . I mean sure she only likes me for my PEZ but still . . ." Kakashi said.
Anko stood up, "Kiss me, or kiss Kakashi!" She said, a mad, almost lecherous glee in her eyes, as if whoever Iruka chose, she won.
Iruka sighed and took a look at Kakashi . . . this should be easy, Kakashi looked so girly he could just pretend and . . .
Yeah, not happening.
But then Anko, despite her beauty . . . was way too blood thirsty for him.
"Okay . . ." He said quietly.
The look on Kakashi's face . . . well, eye, said plainly that if Iruka kissed him, he'd die. The annoyed expression Anko wore said plainly that if Iruka didn't kiss Kakashi after that load of crap he'd told her . . . he'd die.
So Iruka grabbed . . . Kakashi . . . and then shoved him into Anko!
Then he ran.
He ran as fast as one would run if one were being pursued by two very angry Jounin.
He ran.
And crashed into Naruto!
"Iruka-sensei, what are you doing?" Naruto demanded, "You're supposed to be breaking Anko's dam!"
Iruka didn't even want to know where Naruto had heard about breaking dams. He assumed his admirer had sent him yet another letter.
"It's uh . . . it's not Anko . . . just run!" Iruka cried.
Naruto complied and waved a letter at Iruka, confirming his suspicions, "But sensei, the number of single women in the village is running low! It's gotta be Anko! Also, why are we running?" Naruto asked.
"Oh boy, my aching side! I'm not as young as you kids you know," Jiraiya said.
"Oh . . . well you can stay here and die, that's fine." Iruka said. "When did you join us anyway?"
"I've been following you since you ran into Naruto." Jiraiya said. "Where are we going?"
"I aint stopping 'till I get to Suna." Iruka decided.
"That's kinda far . . ." Naruto said.
"Yeah . . . she'll give up after that I think." Iruka said.
"Not likely." Kakashi said.
"Oh no, I'm sure . . ." Iruka blinked. "Oh crap." He stopped. "Okay, how far back is she?"
"She's not coming." Kakashi said. "She's uh . . . crying. Yeah . . . you hurt her feelings so . . . yeah."
"Even better! Let's make tracks boys!"
"Hold it! If a woman is crying because of you, it just isn't right to leave her!" Naruto said.
"You know nothing, I want to live! LLLIVVVE!" Iruka shouted, making a dash for it, but Kakashi caught him.
"You've got to go back!" Kakashi said. "What kind of man are you?"
"The kind that likes being alive!" Iruka cried, "Let me go! I'm sorry I used you as an escape implement, I just knew you could take her! Let me go!"
Naruto shook his head and looked at Iruka in disgust, "Fah! To think, leaving a sad woman alone and running away."
"She's the one from the second exam!"
Naruto twitched, "G'bye!" He cried, and he ran off towards the sand village.
Kakashi sighed, "Oh great. Someone's going to have to go after him."
"Yeah . . . I'll take care . . . of it." Jiraiya said, panting. He summoned a giant frog and they set off after the boy.
Kakashi shook his head, "All right Iruka. We're going to see Anko."
"I thought we were friends." Iruka scoffed.
"I don't know what gave you that idea, but no. No we're not. And I'm going to enjoy seeing her burn you alive." Kakashi said, and dragged Iruka back.
Kakashi shoved Iruka forward. "There she is . . . heart broken."
Yep, there was Anko, wailing pitifully on a bench in the park. Iruka scoffed.
"Just go tell her you're looking for your secret admirer and you cant settle for anyone else." Kakashi shrugged.
Iruka shook his head, "Screw that, I want to live."
Kakashi scoffed. "That's it, I'm out of here. You're a waste of time."
Iruka scoffed and thought about running off. But then he thought about it . . .
It wasn't really Anko's fault she was an insane freak . . . well maybe it was . . . he didn't know.
But she had been the student of the evil Orochimaru, so one could only expect a bit of blood lust from the woman. Maybe they'd work through it . . .
That, and she didn't seem al that deadly just sitting there crying.
So, ignoring the sensations in his brain that insisted it was suicide, he walked over to Anko. "What are you doing out here?" He asked. "The restaurant is back there."
Anko avoided looking at him, "Oh! I was just . . . oh boo-hoo!"
"Okay, that's the most pathetic fake crying I've ever heard." Iruka said.
"Oh screw you!" Anko snapped, jumping up, fists drawn. Then she remembered what she was doing and collapsed again, "Uh, I mean . . . boo-hoo."
"Puh-lease." Iruka scoffed. "Hey, I'm sorry I uh . . . walked out on you. I just . . ."
Anko sobbed one last time, seemed to decide it wasn't worth the stares she was getting and collected herself. She folded her arms, blocking his view of her impressive chest, and said, "Just what?"
Iruka shrugged. "I just . . . I am deeply in love with another woman . . ."
"Secret admirer?" Anko grinned.
Iruka raised an eyebrow now, "How did you know?"
"Kakashi said something about that." Anko said.
"Then you understand!" Iruka said.
"Yeah, yeah. I get it." Anko shrugged.
"Then you forgive me?" Iruka asked. "I don't have to die?"
"No. You can live." Anko said. "In fact I'll do you one better. I'll join your little coalition and help you find out who she is."
Iruka blinked, this was better than he could ask for! Not only was she not going to kill him, she was going to help him!
"I-I don't know how to thank you!" Iruka said.
Anko shrugged. "No big deal. I mean I already know who she is."
"You what?" Iruka blinked.
"Yeah. I thought it was kind of funny, you asking me out when she's all head over heals for you. That's why I kept asking you what you saw in me." Anko grinned an evil grin, "Not to fear . . . your search is over."
Iruka grinned, "Finally! So . . . who is she?"
To Be Continued . . .