Beauty and the Beast….
Gravi Style
Disclaimer: The Spiffy Spoofer does not own any part of Gravitation, nor does she own any part of Beauty and the Beast. Maki Murakami owns Gravitation, and Disney owns Beauty and the Beast. So, you have no reason to sue. And you if you do, file it with the complaint department. points to scary looking stick with a sign saying 'complaint department' taped to it
The story was updated because I did some editing and added some text about Yuki getting relationship counseling from Tohma and Judy before the first dinner.
Our story starts out overlooking a tranquil village in the morning. A spring morning, mind you. One of the prettiest, and quietest, the town had seen for a while. However, nothing perfect lasts long, and this time the beautiful morning was broken yet again by Shuichi, the son of the local crazed inventor. Or at least the townspeople thought he was his son.
Suddenly, a deafening boom echoed across the square.
"THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!" sang Shuichi as he ran through the staring passersby.
"That's the wrong song, you pink haired dope! This is Beauty and the Beast, remember?" Shouted the bookstore owner.
"Oh yeah…sorry." Answered the innocent adolescence as he started in with the correct song…
"Little town, full of little people, waking up to say…."
"BONJOUR!"
"Bonjour!""Bonjour!" "Bonjour!" "Bonjour!" called the townspeople in response to the beginning of the song.
As the baker hummed over to his shop holding his usual tray of bread and rolls, Shuichi danced after him.
"HEYg! gMordning, mouser! Ooao! Breads!"
"If you feel that you must continue to disturb me with your annoying presence, you could at least be kind enough to REMOVE that stupid blob of candy crap BEFORE speaking to me?" shouted the baker in response to Shuichi's horrid grammar.
"Sorry, mousier. It was just so super yummy!" squeaked the teen as he removed the strawberry hard candy from his mouth.
"How much do I have to pay you to GO AWAY!" Squalled the now angry baker. "I don't care HOW 'YUMMY' THE CANDY WAS, OR IS! GET LOST! LITERALLY!"
And this was a perfect and expected way for Shuichi's morning visit to the baker to preside. Now, on to the other ridiculing townspeople. Let the riot begin.
Skipping across the town square, Shuichi caught the eye of everyone there, but especially Tatsuha, the local hunk. He strutted around as if he owned the town and everyone living it, and according to the womenfolk, they wouldn't care if he did. Every girl wanted to be with him, and every man wanted to be him. Every man except for Shuichi that is. He could care less about the hairy, shallow, and stuck up punk.
Continuing on his merry way past Tatsuha, Shuichi skipped into the local confectionary shop.
"Good morning, Shuichi! Nice to see you in one piece!" said the confectioner with a smile.
"Oo! Hi! I just came to pick up some more of these great strawberry candies you make!" Chirped Shuichi as he ran over to the spot where the candy was kept.
"If you like them all that much, have this for free. Take them home and enjoy them, young lad." Replied the confectioner with a large grin, as he handed Shuichi 3 or 4 pounds of the candy.
"REALLY!"
"Yes, really. Now run along home so that I don't go permanently deaf."
As he ran back through the village, Shuichi failed to watch where he was going and promptly tripped over Tatsuha, who was promptly pleased with himself. Being as fit as he was, Tatsuha sprang back to life, and being as arrogant as he was, didn't offer to help Shuichi up.
When Shuichi had finally reclaimed his scattered brains, he stayed around just long enough to hear a bit of Tatsuha's conversation with his midget minion, Ryuichi.
"That boy WILL be mine, Ryuichi. You'll see. I'm perfect, his body is perfect, so why shouldn't I deserve him?" laughed Tatsuha with an evil grin upon his already evil face.
"I never said you didn't deserve him, but…Look at him. He's the inventor's son. He's probably a lunatic as well…" replied Ryuichi slowly. Eeewww…you're bi? That's freaky.
"That can be remedied, my stupid Ryuichi. That can be remedied."
"What the heck is wrong with you? Can't you even help a person up? Or at least watch where you're going? Jerk." As were the first words that came out of Shuichi's mouth once he had picked himself off of the ground.
"I believe YOU were the one that ran into ME, my precious Shuichi." Was the slick reply from Tatsuha.
"Since when do you have to right to call me that, moron?" Came the menacing words from Shuichi, just as he realized something was NOT right. "WAIT A MINUTE! WHERE'S MY CANDY, JERK OFF!"
"Now, now. You shouldn't be filling your head with so much sugar and candy. Especially when you could, and should, be filling your head with thoughts of me. (Insert evil smile here) I'm sweet enough, aren't I?" Soothed Tatsuha as he held the bag of strawberry sweets just out of poor, short Shuichi's reach.
"TATSUHA! You're positively A BIG MEANIE! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY CANDY!" Shuichi screamed at full volume, causing Tatsuha and Ryuichi, who had been hiding, to cover their ears rather quickly. This resulted in Tatsuha dropping the candy, Shuichi grabbing it, and then Shuichi running off into the distance laughing like a drunken maniac.
'DAD! I'm HOME!"
"SHU! BIG-A-NEWS!" Shouted K in response to his son's enthusiastic call.
"What did you do this time, father dearest? Please don't tell me you've about blown up or destroyed the interior of the house and we have to move again…" Shuichi moaned, remembering the past seven moves and hopefully looking up at the so far still standing house.
"Now, now, come, come. I haven't badly damaged one of our living residences for at least a week now! Have more faith, Shu."
"Alright, Dad, I'm sorry. Show me what you've done so far…but warn me if it's going to be dangerous or fire breathing. My hair got scorched the last time you showed me an 'invention' of yours, remember?" Was the apprehensive reply of the young teen.
As Shuichi followed K into the cellar/lab area of the small cottage, he noticed scorch marks along the walls. Upon entering, he saw the new 'invention' sitting up in a stand. It looked like it was made of metal, it was shiny, and it had a little round thing that had a sticky note attached that said, 'TRIGGER. DO NOT TOUCH WITHOUT PREPERATION'. Shuichi decided to stand farther away this time. Bad idea.
Being so triumphantly caught up in his brilliance, K failed to realize that his beloved son was right in the firing path of his new…uh…'invention'.
"3…2…1!" squealed K as the object shot a fiery blast straight at Shuichi, who screamed and dodged just in time.
"HOLY POCKYSTICKS! YOU TRYIN TO KILL ME OLD MAN!" Screamed the frightened boy who had probably just wet himself.
"OH! I'm so sorry Shu, but it WORKS! WE'RE GONNA BE RICH, BOY!" K said gleefully as he almost completely ignored his cowering son.
"So…you're going to take it to the inventor's fair tomorrow?" Asked Shuichi while he was literally shaking in his boots.
"Hitch up Nanashi, (A/N: The name of their horse. It means 'Without name', and it's an inside joke) boy, I'm off to the fair!" were the only words K shouted before he ran out the door laughing maniacally while holding his new invention, which he had decided to call…the "GUN".
Running out the door to the stables, Shuichi had a feeling of ill will, but he decided to ignore it. On his way back to house so that he could change his clothes, he reassured himself. His father was a strong man. He would come home perfectly safe, loony as ever, just like always. Or so he thought.
"Nanashi, you baka, where in all of Tokyo have you taken us, dang it?" whispered K to his horse.
They had been riding in circles for at least a half an hour and K was more than worried, until they came to a crossroad.
"Nanashi, let's go this way. I know it looks dark and spooky, but what an adventure. I'd be a pansy if I went down the light and happy-looking path!" Chuckled K, who was happy at finally being un-lost.
The only reply to this was the stubborn horse getting upset and trying to go the other way. Down the now dubbed, 'Pansy Path' by K.
"Nanashi! You dumb horse! Would you listen to me? I'm the master here!"
The horse reluctantly agreed to listen to his owner, but as they moved down the dark path, the howling of wolves was heard in the distance.
"Oh, crud! Nanashi! Where have you taken us!"
Nanashi's thoughts: "You're the baka that wanted to come this way, mind you, not me."
"Holy crap, now what've we done, Nanashi! Run like the wind, boy!" screamed K in a little girly voice.
Now, Nanashi was in a panic too, and took this command the wrong way entirely. Instead of running back to the crossroads, he plunged forward like a bull with gas.
"NO! BAD HORSE!" K squealed in his little girl voice.
The horse paid no attention and went speeding forward as the wolves started the chase. At first it looked as if they were going to outrun the beasts, but all too quickly, reinforcements arrived in the form of another pack.
"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Screamed the man, who was now trying to fire the GUN at the pursuers, but all of a sudden, the dang thing wouldn't work. "CRAP! THE FAMILY BUSINESS'LL BE IN SHU'S HANDS! THE WORLD WILL END! NOOO! I'M TOO MANLY AND PRETTY TO DIE THIS YOUNG!"
All the screaming from K, and the howling from the wolves had scared Nanashi so bad that he threw the screaming baka off of himself and ran for the crossroads.
"YOU STUPID HORSE! GET BACK HERE!" screamed the man as he went flying through the air.
Deciding not to cry over spilled milk, K grabbed his old invention, the one that had scorched Shuichi's hair, and his newest one and ran for his life. In a couple of minutes, he found a pair of large steely gates and tried his best to open them before the wolves could get a chance to sharpen their claws on his flesh. He finally succeeded, and threw himself inside and kicked the gate shut, chuckling to himself. That had been too close and now it was time for revenge. He quickly grabbed his old invention, the "GRENADE", and tossed it at the unsuspecting creatures. Boom badda bang, and you have some scorched doggies and a K-sized crater in the ground.
Deciding to focus on accommodations for the evening, K walked up to the castle that the gates had been guarding.
Guess I should go ahead and do the prelude for the movie, eh? I know it's a bit too late, but oh well. It has to be said and there's no other way for me to work it in to the story.
It was a dark and stormy night, when the old hag crept up the stairs to the castle of 16-year-old Yuki Eiri, the most handsome, and cold, prince in all the land. She had been traveling for days, and asked of him shelter, with compensation equaling a beautiful gerbera daisy.
Disgusted with her appearance, he turned her away, calling her a disgrace to the female sex. She replied that true beauty was on the inside, not the outside. He snorted and physically threw her out the door. In seconds, her haggard and ugly appearance faded away, causing the prince's jaw to drop. She turned out to be a dazzling enchantress that placed a curse upon the castle, him, and all of his servants.
She said that if he did not find someone to love and be loved by before his 23 birthday, then he would remain in the curse forever. Having said that, she transformed the prince into a horrid-looking beast. And turned his servants into things that represented their personalities, just as she had with their master. And that, as they say, is that.
"Hello? Is anyone in here?" asked K quietly as he crept through the dark castle. A slight rustling was heard up high, but K regarded it as bats, and therefore completely ignored it. Bad idea. But that will come into play later.
Noticing a candlestick wrapped in a black, feather boa, he moved toward it, picked it up, and continued on his self-guided tour.
"HEY! Put me down, jerk! You'll stain the feathers!" shrieked someone nearby.
"Hello? Who's there?" Were the only words K could muster.
"I'm right here, you dolt." Said the candlestick with sarcasm, as he wonked K on the head with his boa.
"AHHHHHHHHHH! HOLY FRICKIN CRAP!"
From high up in the rafters, a voice cackled softly. "Oh, how I love my security…"
"Put me down NOW please, mousier. I've tried to be nice." Replied the candlestick calmly.
"OH MY! IT"S A MAN! A HUMAN! OH NO! MASTER'S GONNA KILL US, TOHMA-SAN!" shrieked a clock from under a table somewhere.
"Oh calm down, Sakano. Eiri-san won't be TOO mad…especially if he doesn't find out…" said Tohma in a quiet voice.
"Won't find out, will I? You were always the baka, Tohma. Go ahead. Offer him tea. Just see what happens." Cooed the voice as it descended from its high perch.
"Are you sure To-o—hma?" said Sakano in a shaky voice.
"Sure I'm sure. Would you like some tea, mousier?" Tohma asked the twitching K.
"Uhhh…Ok…" was the only response.
Entering a fire-lit room, Tohma quickly ran off to find Judy, the head teapot, and her son, Michael the teacup. Sakano just peered around nervously, just hoping against hope that the master wouldn't come down.
K could've sworn he'd heard a flap of wings, but again he figured it was just bats…That bright idea was cleared up as soon as Judy and Michael arrived with the tea.
"What the hell is this?" said the voice softly as it picked up K by his collar with a sharpened claw.
"I'm SO SORRY! IT WAS ALL HIM, I SWEAR UPON ALL THAT IS HOLY! DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE!" screeched Sakano as he dove back under his table.
"Now listen, Eiri-san…he needed a place to stay for the night…and I thought…" Tohma trailed off.
"Well you sure as hell thought wrong you stupid candle. NO humans are allowed in this castle unless they're here as PRISONERS! NOT GUESTS! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, LOSE THE DAMN FEATHERS!" screamed the now identified Yuki Eiri.
"Please…um…mousier…uh…Sir, I lost my horse in the woods, and I just needed a place to stay until morning…" queried K but he was cut off by a vehement hiss from Yuki.
"Don't know what to call me, eh? What's wrong? Never seen a demon before? Or have you never seen a fanged human with wings?" replied Yuki through gritted teeth. "Just for that comment, you can stay in the dungeon and rot for all I care."
"Now Eiri-san, please! Just calm down and…" Tohma tried to counter this, but decided not to when Yuki shot him the infamous 'Death Glare'.
"You won't be leaving anytime soon, so get used to it here." snarled Yuki as he threw K into a cell, leaving him alone in the dungeon. "Anyone of you bring him food or water, and it'll be you in that cell, understood!" shouted the demon at his cowering servants.
"Yes, sir!" they all replied with extreme quickness.
"Good." Was the only audible word heard as the demon flew back to his perch in the rafters.