Don'cha Love Me?
Episode VII
Naruto shook his head in surprise from the bushes from which he, Kakashi, Konohamaru and Jiraiya all watched the couple.
"So she's not his secret admirer?" He said. "And I was so sure! Now I've lost out on a lot of Ramen!"
"And now we wont get good grades!" Konohamaru pouted.
"Oh don't be so sure." Kakashi said, a grin in his eyes–er I mean eye.
Naruto saw Anko shrug. "No big deal. I mean I already know who she is." She said.
Naruto punched his fist into the air, "Excellent! I have to get over there and have her tell me so I can bet Iruka-sensei before she tells him!"
Naruto tried to leap out but Kakashi caught him. "Stay put!" Kakashi whispered.
"Gah! Konohamaru, go!" Naruto cried, "The ramen depends on it!"
"Aye boss!" Konohamaru made a dash for it, but Jiraiya stopped him.
"Will you cut it out? You're supposed to be asleep anyway, it's way past your bed time."
"Aww! Lemme up!" Naruto cried.
"No, I don't think I will." Kakashi said.
"But my ramen!" Naruto moaned.
Anko smirked, "Your secret admirer? Yeah, I know exactly who she is."
"So tell me!" Iruka cried.
"What's in it for me?" Anko asked.
"You just said you'd help." Iruka pointed out.
"Yeah, but now I'm thinking I want some money or something."
Iruka sighed, reached into his pocket and gave her some money. "How's that?"
"Gonna have to do better than a fiver." Anko said.
"Okay, how's this?" Iruka asked, handing her another.
"Y'know I did have to cover the bill at the restaurant after you ran off." Anko said.
Iruka could have swore he heard Kakashi faintly say "No she didn't, she made me cover the bill!"
Iruka just threw her the whole wallet, "Take it! Take it all! Now tell me who my secret admirer is!"
"I already did, didn't I?" Anko asked.
"No." Iruka said.
"Oh but I'm sure I did." Anko grinned. "Maybe you can refresh my memory."
"I gave you all my money." Iruka said.
"Oh fine." Anko shook her head. "Well first thing's first, the woman in question, what have you done to find her out so far?"
Iruka scowled, "You're supposed to tell me!"
"I am. But I want to know why you couldn't figure it out yourself." Anko shrugged.
"Okay, fine. First Naruto said it was Kurenai–"
"Why?" Anko blinked.
"Because he's a dope. And she's hot." Iruka said.
"Hey!" Naruto shouted.
At least Iruka thought he did, but actually Naruto should be making good time towards the sand village now so it couldn't be.
"We thought it'd be as easy as matching her hand writing with the letter, so Naruto went to great lengths to obtain Kurenai's signature."
"And was that the correct handwriting?" Anko smirked.
"Of course not. But you already know, since you know who she is. And you can tell me . . . any time now."
"Yeah sure." Anko's smirk didn't decrease at all. "But tell me what you did next."
"Well next we thought it'd be Shizune, so Naruto had me go out with her . . . after hucking cats at her."
"Yeah, she mentioned that. Said it scared the life out of her." Anko pointed out.
"Yeah well it wasn't my idea. Anyway turns out she wasn't interested, and she left with Kakashi."
"And why did Kakashi get involved?" Anko asked.
"Because Naruto asked him too, he said he was bored." Iruka shrugged.
"So a top Jounin, an elite ninja with three students under his belt just signed on with you because he was bored?" Anko laughed.
"Well he did get a girl friend out of it." Iruka pointed out, still a little annoyed that Kakashi had won Shizune away with PEZ.
"I see. So then what?"
"Well we suspected the Hokage."
Anko's eye twitched, "You're ambitious . . . and sick, she's like fifty!"
"She only looks thirty." Iruka defended himself halfheartedly. "Anyway Konohamaru got involved and I almost died. Then Kakashi suggested you, and Jiraiya got involved, didn't help much though."
"Ungrateful brat!" Iruka was certain he heard Jiraiya shout, but that was impossible.
Anko shook her head, "I'm almost afraid to ask who your next guess is."
"So don't." Iruka suggested. "Just tell me the truth."
Anko shrugged. "Okay. Truth is I am your secret admirer, Iruka-kun. I've wanted you for ages, but I never had the means to tell you."
"Means?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't have a strategy, a plan of any kind . . . aside from getting a really big stick, hitting you on the head and dragging you back home with me. That was a joke, don't look so frightened!" Anko cried, waving her hands rapidly.
"Oh good!" Iruka sighed, "I thought you seriously were my admirer!"
"No, that part's serious, the whole stick thing, that's the joke." Anko clarified.
Iruka sighed. Well sure Anko wasn't so bad, if he knew nothing about her he'd definitely have asked her out.
But she was scary, evil, and probably homicidal. Well no, remove the "probably" from that sentence, it was a fact.
"Okay. So why did you suddenly decide to make your move?" Iruka asked.
"Well I aint getting any younger, you think I want to end up like the Hokage? Some fifty year old woman with no man in her life who has to make herself look like she's still in her late twenties because she's that vain?"
"Maybe we shouldn't say bad things about the most powerful ninja in the village?" Iruka suggested.
Just a little suggestion.
Anko shook her head, "My life's half over."
"You're twenty four, you're not old, you're two years younger than me!" Iruka cried.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. A ninja's life expectancy is extremely short if they're not the best, and I've got to kill Orochimaru even if it costs me that short little life, so my life expectancy is even shorter." Anko shrugged. "Besides, you're really old, I mean twenty six? I was sort of expecting you to hook up with somebody else sooner or later, so I figured I'd better make my move quick!
"So after the Chuunin exams I found out the Jiraiya was in town, I sought him out and asked him to write some love poems for me. That's why you didn't recognize the handwriting."
"And that's why they were all about sex." Iruka sighed, a little disappointed.
"Well . . . yeah . . . but I approved each one before we left 'em for you to find."
"That's pretty clever." Iruka admitted.
"Isn't it though? But when it became evident that you didn't notice my name spelled in the first letter of each paragraph," Anko scoffed and Iruka groaned, was it really that easy? "I decided to call Kakashi in to help you out. That's why he agreed to help Naruto throw Shizune off you. Unfortunately he was too late to stop you from going out with the old hag–"
"Can we not talk about the fifth that way?" Iruka asked. "I honestly do value my life."
"She doesn't mind me calling her that . . . as long as she doesn't know that I do. Anyway I told him to throw my name in there, see how you reacted. You didn't . . . jerk. And then after tonight . . . well I'm just not so sure I really want to be with you anymore."
Iruka frowned, "Aww now that's too bad. Well . . . see you at work tomorrow!" He said, waved and left.
Anko punched him in the shoulder, "Hey! You're supposed to say 'no, stop, I cant live without you!' or something!"
"Oh. No . . . stop . . . I cant live without you." Iruka yawned.
"Well . . . okay then. But try to be more enthusiastic."
Iruka shrugged, and then smiled.
Anko wasn't half bad. Not even a quarter bad.
Well she was about ten percent pure evil, but maybe that'd make her more exciting.
Naruto scratched his head, "So wait a second!" He said," Anko is Iruka-sensei's secret admirer? And you two were in on it?"
"There's been a pool going on, all of us Jounin are betting on who Anko likes, almost everyone else thought it would either be myself, or Kurenai. Naturally after she came to me with this idea and I made a hefty bet in the pool. If he sleeps with her within the next six months I'll be rich." Kakashi said.
"I never knew you were driven by material wealth, sensei!" Naruto accused.
"Hmm? Oh I'm not. It's just kind of a nice bonus since Gai also bet that if he could guess correctly and I couldn't I'd have to wear an outfit just like his." Kakashi said.
Jiraiya chuckled, "Kakashi here is giving me some of his winnings."
"What about me?" Naruto said, "Don't I get anything?"
"Yeah. All that Ramen you wagered against Iruka that it'd be Anko." Jiraiya said. "And we're expecting some of it too."
"All right!" Konohamaru cried.
"I am a bit peckish." Kakashi said.
"All right! Ramen, Iruka-sensei's treat!" Naruto cried.
"So?" She asked.
Iruka blinked, "Eh?"
"Love is a two way street, are you satisfied or do you want to take a swing at the next girl that Naruto says might be 'the one'?" Anko asked.
Iruka shrugged, and smiled. "Well here's a question. How often will I bleed?" Iruka asked.
"How often would you like to?" Anko asked eagerly, then caught herself and said, "Uh, I'm not into that kind of thing. Yeah . . . only when I'm fighting . . . or really bored . . . or just . . . y'know, killing time. But never with you, I swear!"
Iruka shrugged, and said "We can try it out." He decided. He wanted to say something a bit more romantic, but in the end what else was there to say? He'd give Anko a try. After all, she'd been okay on their date, he'd been the real problem.
She leaned forward, and Iruka realized he was supposed to kiss her. He reached out and put an arm around her waist and pulled her in close, their lips were millimeters away and then . . .
Naruto leapt out of the bushes, accompanied by the rest of the coalition, "Yes! Iruka sensei you owe me big! You owe me so many bowls of ramen!"
Iruka couldn't argue with that, but he wanted to. Still he couldn't kiss Anko with all these people watching him so he let her go.
She looked annoyed, "You jerks, I was like this close to getting kissed, you ruined it!"
"Uh-oh!" Naruto gulped.
"You're all going to die!" Anko cried viciously, looked back to Iruka with a sweet smile and said, "Right back, just a second!" Then, with a kunai in each hand she charged after the three ninja, and the ninja hopeful watching them from the bushes.
Though half the men in the audience could have taken her down the lot of them still decided to run. Iruka smirked. Yeah, Anko wasn't too bad at all.
But he should probably stop her before she murdered Naruto, so he joined in the chase.
Old people sitting in the park near the duck pond in the middle of the night for some reason nod in satisfaction. "Now that she's got a man maybe she'll stop stealing our bread crumbs." One of them says, and the others nod their agreement.
The End!
And that's the end. If you don't like it . . . well who needs you? I do not offer refunds so the past ten minutes of your life are now officially wasted. Thanks to those who reviewed, and to those who didn't but read anyway. C'ya!