As Close as Family

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Summary : see chapter 1

Ratings/Warnings: see Chapter 1

Thanks to Rae Artemis : see Chapter 2

Chapter 3 – Thinking back

I woke with a start. 'Hey, I thought that was my trick,' said Sam, seeing me sit up abruptly.

'She's not here?'

'Not yet.'

'What time is it?'

Sam fumbled for his watch which he had taken off earlier when he grabbed a shower and had laid next to the laptop. 'Umm. Just after one.'

'You should sleep, Sam. I'll wait.' I rose and moved to sit by the window. He nodded but there was an odd look in his eyes. He moved to lie down.

All was quiet for ten minutes and I sat looking, no staring, out of the window, until Sam broke the silence, 'Dean when you go, don't just go off wandering. The diner and back, you won't find her by just walking round the town. I know I can't make you stay and wait here but I need to know where you are, that you're safe.' His eyes were bright and piercing in the light from the bedside lamp. I swallowed and nodded. 'Unless you want me to come too?' I shook my head and grabbed my jacket. 'Got your cell?'

'Yeah, don't worry.'

'Sure.'

I walked down deserted streets to the diner. This town really was the back of beyond. There was no-one around so it wasn't really a surprise to find the diner dark when I got there. I stood there, looking at the building, empty of the knowledge of what to do now. I'd got no idea how to find her. I walked slowly back to the motel. Only the one dim light was on in our room so I knew she hadn't arrived and I wandered over to the car. I got in, put the key in the ignition so I could turn on the music.

We kept Suzi with us as we travelled for the rest of that year. In that time, she gradually came out of her shell. Over time the bruises went and she gradually changed from a silent waif to an increasingly confident chatterbox who would argue the odds with almost anyone. She and Sammy argued over everything from when they got up in the morning to when they were sent to bed and regularly had to be separated, particularly once Dad decided that she needed to learn some self-defence. She'd been picked on by some other kids at one of the motels we were staying at when she and Sammy were outside while I was sorting something for them to eat. By the time I had gone out to check on them, she was bruised, indignant and refusing to ever go and play outside unless I was there. I could see the worry in her eyes, concerned that it could happen again. Dad decided she should know how to take care of herself. Once started on the defence training, she had taken to it like the proverbial duck to water. It hadn't taken long for her to be able to take on Sammy. Sammy didn't like fighting, so while he knew what to do, he was a lazy fighter and looked for the easy way out, never putting his heart into it. At least he didn't until the first time Suzi trounced him. After that he focussed a whole hell of a lot more and more than once, Dad and I had to pull the two of them apart as what would start out as practise moves or sparring would turn into an all-out battle with no holds barred.

They were fighting for attention. I knew that. My attention - I never did understand that. Were it Dad's attention, I could understand it but whilst Suzi always listened and followed Dad's instructions to the letter, she never actively sought him out. As for Sam, he'd learnt early on not to waste time waiting for Dad to notice something good, mind you, he also knew Dad would see the bad soon enough. Not that it would have done either of them any good. Dad hadn't changed, he still trained us when he had the time and left instructions for when he didn't, went off on hunts when he heard news of something and left me to look after them and try to keep them from killing each other. They fought for my attention, my approval but what I didn't know how to convey was that they both had it all. I would have done anything for either of them. Sammy, my brother entrusted to my care as a baby, had always been at the forefront of my priorities, my first and only consideration for the last eight years, and Suzi, retrieved from an altar, how could I not want to protect her from that?

In the end, I think that was why Dad decided to leave her. Having her and Sammy in the same room had eventually reached nightmare proportions, one of us always had to be there to keep them apart. And one of us meant me. There was no way I could go on hunts with Dad and leave them; they'd have murdered one another before we got back. So it was that we left her with an acquaintance of Pastor Jim's, who was able to find her a family to take her in. It was the best thing; it kept her safe and should have allowed her the normal life Sammy never got the chance to have until he went to Stanford. The best part was the couple she went to stay with Jason and his wife, Max, knew. They knew about her past and about what we did. They had experience of it but lived on the edge of it, they offered support to people like Dad and Caleb. After they took in Suzi, they even let us stay from time to time. They were good people.

Suddenly I caught sight of more lights going on in our motel room. I'd forgotten about Sammy. Looking at my watch, I realised I'd been sat in the car for at least three-quarters of an hour. There was still no sign of Suzi.

Author's Note: Reviews gratefully received - please do let me know what you think.