Author's Note: I didn't plan on posting this part so soon, but I'm starting to get piled up with finished, unposted chapters… This part is probably a little less stand-alone than the previous ones, even though they haven't been all-together stand alone either. But this part follows up what Pippin felt in the last chapter about Merry moving away. I wrote this while I was tired and have a headache, so I don't know if it ended up very good at all, but bear with me. The next part is a bit better. When that part will be up I don't know, it doesn't seem like a lot of people read this series, so I'm not in much of a hurry posting new chapters, but sometime next week I should assume! Anyhoo, I've talked too much, on with chapter five and the year 1433!
Disclaimer: Same as always, you know what Tolkien owns and I don't! Namely everything!
"What in the world!" Pippin exclaimed and nearly dropped the plate he was holding. He quickly set it down at the table next to him and stared at the scene before him.
"Hello Pip" Merry said with a sly smile.
Pippin couldn't believe his eyes. The front door had been flung open, nearly startling him to death, and in walked Merry, Estella and Rosie. Estella had one arm around Merry's shoulders and the other around Rosie's, and from the pained look on her face and the cry coming from her lips it was clear to see what was going on. Pippin hurried over and took over Rosie's job of supporting Estella, who seemed to have been freed from her pain at the moment. Merry let go of her and Pippin led her toward the table.
"Estella are you all right?" Pippin asked worriedly.
"Yes" she said with a faint smile.
"Well then. Then I hope you don't mind me telling you how idiotic you all are!" The last part came out more as yelling than speaking. "What possessed you to go out riding when you felt your time had come, Estella? It's the most foolish thing I've ever heard of, and you," he said to Merry, "you should have more sense in your skull than this! Don't you care for your wife? I cannot believe this! And you, Rose Gamgee, I would have expected a little more sense on your behalf! There is no excuse for this madness!"
"I'm fine, Pippin" Estella said, not the least bit bothered by his anger, and sunk down on a chair. "And so is the baby."
"Oh don't you go telling me that you're fine" Pippin snarled. "What I saw just now is not fine! You should be at Brandy Hall, lying in a bed, not stopping by for a visit!"
"We have come to deliver the baby" Merry said. "And you can yell at me later Pip, I need to put Stybba into the stables."
"You ought to put yourself in there, for that is where you belong" Pippin said. "Now get out of here Merry before I feel the need to knock some sense into you with a cane!"
Merry obediently left, and Pippin turned his anger to Rosie and Estella while taking Estella's wet coat off.
"And in this rain… You are out of your minds, all of you! Come to deliver the baby here? Well I don't have much choice other than to let you stay, do I? But you should have thought of this a lot sooner, your life and the baby's is at stake here Estella Brandybuck! Getting yourself cold and wet while you're having a baby… And what would you have done if the baby had come on the way over here? A cart is hardly the ideal place for a child to come into the world, especially not in such weather!"
"You would have to let us stay no matter what, for this is Merry's as much as it is yours" Estella said dryly. "I do not remember him leaving Crickhollow entirely to you! In fact, if this baby is a lad he will get to inherit Merry's half of this very hole when he is older."
"And you thought it would be a good idea to deliver the child here then? Stupid I would rather call it!"
"Don't argue with me Pippin, please" Estella said, changing tactics and looking at him with pleading eyes. Those eyes had never failed to work on him before. "I have a long, hard day in front of me and I don't want your anger hanging over my head!"
"I am only concerned for your safety, Estella" Pippin said with more warmth in his voice. "And how Merry can not be is beyond me!"
"Oh he's worried enough" Estella said. "But he knew it wasn't such a big deal. It only took us about an hour to get here!"
"An hour! Estella, my word! And in this rain no less! Rose Gamgee, what is your excuse for being part of all this?"
Rose looked at Pippin with stern eyes that showed that she was no more happy about it than he was. She ignored Pippin's comment and walked up to Estella.
"Would you please help me get her on her feet?" she said to Pippin. "It is better if she could lean on you than on me!"
"I don't need to lean on anyone" Estella said stubbornly and rose to her feet with as much dignity as she could muster at the moment.
"Right. When your next contraction comes feel free to show me!"
"Okay, fine" Estella said and put her arm around Pippin's neck for support.
"Out of all the foolish ideas…" Pippin angrily muttered. "I shall give Merry a piece of my mind when he comes back inside, believe me I shall!"
"Will you let it go?" Estella asked. "Nothing bad has happened."
"Still, you do not take your birthing wife on a nice little one-hour trip in the rain!" Pippin said. "It just ain't right, as Sam would have said. And that is what Sam will say when he learns about this Rose!"
"Don't talk so much Pippin, you are only wasting our time, just help me find her a room" Rose said.
"Why on earth did you even decide to come here?" Pippin asked, not prepared to let the matter go. "Brandy Hall still has beds, doesn't it?"
"It was my choice, my decision" Estella said calmly. "I wanted to have the baby here Pippin, not at Brandy Hall."
"Why? Because it was conceived here shortly before you left last summer? That's a stupid reason!"
"Actually I like to believe that he or she was conceived on Midsummer's Eve, at Brandy Hall" Estella said with a smile and put her free hand on her belly.
"Spare me the when and where and hows of yours and Merry's intimate relationship" Pippin said. "And if it suits you to make a baby at the Hall you should be content with birthing it there as well. This whole idea is just too stupid!"
"Oh Pippin please don't be mad any longer…" Estella begged. "Having the baby at the Hall just makes me nervous! There are so many people everywhere, so many who have claimed they want to be there when I have the baby, most of them I don't even know! And even if Rosie would be able to keep them all away from my room I would still get nervous knowing they were all waiting for the birth to be over and count every minute… Here at Crickhollow I feel more at home and relaxed, it is just Hobbits that I love and nobody clocking me! Except for maybe the anxious father, and of course you Pippin!"
"You should have come up with this idea sooner!" Pippin said. "You should have taken a day with good weather and ridden over here, not leaving after the birth has already started and on a rainy day at that!"
"It was the only way!" Estella said. "I told Merry's mother about my wishes, and she told me that the baby should be born at the Hall. She would never have let me come here to give birth, and neither would the rest of them. They feel Merry's first child born into his mastership should be born at Brandy Hall."
"They have my full support and agreement" Pippin said.
"Pippin please, this is important to me! Oh!"
Her grip around Pippin's shoulder tightened and she closed her eyes while waiting for the pain to go away. Pippin stared at Rosie with panic in his eyes, not knowing what to do, but Rosie seemed to be angry and didn't offer him any help whatsoever. All she did was cast a glance at the clock on the wall and see for how long the contraction lasted.
Once the pain went away Estella's grip on Pippin loosened and she opened her eyes again, laughing timidly. At the moment she didn't seem as cocky and sure of herself as she had earlier, but she was looking so vulnerable that Pippin couldn't take the opportunity to tell her off some more. She still held a special spot in his heart and he didn't wish to make this trial in front of her anymore difficult than it was already going to be.
"Now then, are we done chatting?" Rosie said and put her hands on her hips. "If so, could we please find you a room Estella? Unless you're planning on having the baby out here in the hallway, standing like that with your arm around your husband's cousin!"
"A room!" Pippin nervously said, not liking the picture Rose painted. "Most definitely a room! Just find her any room, Rosie!"
"Our old bedroom" Estella said. "Take me there."
"Yours and Merry's?"
"Do you know of any other bedroom I have had here, Pippin?" Estella asked, slightly annoyed. "If not, then please help me get to the bedroom you do know of."
"Is that really… appropriate?" Pippin asked.
"Merry would throw a fit if he knew I was having the baby in our old room, in our old bed" Estella admitted. "But I want to have it there! Merry doesn't have to know until it's all over!"
"Let's take you there then" Rose decided. "It's not your bedroom anymore, it should be fine. And you Pippin will keep your mouth shut and not tell Merry."
The trio slowly made their way to the room which had been Merry's and Estella's less than a year earlier, and Estella was laid down on the bed with the help of Pippin and Rose. Not until she was lying comfortably did Estella let go of Pippin's shoulder.
"All I wanted for today was to smoke my pipe and have a nice dinner" Pippin complained as Estella gripped his shoulder again when another contraction came. "How did I end up in here, supporting Merry's birthing wife?"
"My sympathies are not with you at the moment" Rosie said, showing her usual motherly concern for Estella again now that she had gotten into bed. "Run along now and keep that cousin of yours away" she said once Estella let go of Pippin again.
"I'll be happy to" Pippin said and hurriedly backed out of Estella's reach, afraid of being further delayed.
"And let Diamond know that we might be in need of her assistance!"
"Sure. Consider it done!"
With that Pippin hurried off, happy to have been given an assignment. Find Diamond, and tell her what was going on. Hopefully she would see things the way he did, and not agree with what seemed to be the common opinion, that Estella being moved to Crickhollow was a good idea. Not that it mattered much now anyway, they wouldn't be able to move her back to Brandy Hall, but it annoyed Pippin that nobody seemed to realise how folly it was to bring a lass who was having a baby to a different location on a cold cart on a rainy day. He would be sure to let Merry know exactly what he thought of this whole happening as soon as he got his hands on him.
A little while later Pippin found Merry hanging up his wet cape to dry, and did not spare him of anything he had argued with Rosie and Estella over. Merry didn't seem to take any of it in though, much to Pippin's anger.
"Don't you care about what happens to her?" he finally asked when nothing else seemed to have taken any affect.
"Of course I do!" Merry said. "But I understand her, Pip! We haven't quite gotten used to all the life at Brandy Hall yet, and birthing a baby is a hard thing for a lass to do! I want her to be where she feels comfortable, all those people at the Hall will only upset her!"
"Not nearly as much as it will upset you when she and the baby come down with the flue" Pippin said. "Didn't you ever think of that?"
"Leave me alone, Pip" Merry said. "If you're only going to yell at me then I'd rather sit somewhere alone instead of being in your company!"
He looked out the window, avoiding Pippin's eyes. Pippin stared at him in confusion for a few seconds, not understanding what was going on with his cousin.
"Don't tell me…" he said. "Are you actually nervous? Worried? I thought a simple thing like the lass you love giving birth to your child was nowhere near enough to make you nervous! If I remember it correctly you don't see it as something to be bothered by!"
"Be quiet" Merry snarled and marched off to his study, followed by Pippin who wasn't prepared to let it go.
"Admit that you think this whole idea was foolish!" he said. "You know it as well as I do, just admit it!"
"I do not regret taking her here!"
"No? Well you ought to! Anybody with their mind straight would! And if you don't then what is making you so uncomfortable?"
"Will you give it a rest?" Merry said. "Look Pippin, coming here was Estella's wish and so I let her have her way. We are already here now, no matter how much you yell it's not going to change anything!"
"That line may have worked on aunt Esmeralda when you were young and did something you weren't supposed to" Pippin said and crossed his arms. "But it won't work on me. You're the one who always talks about responsibilities, well you have neglected yours!"
"Which one of us has the most knowledge in medicine?" Merry asked. "You or me? If I believed she was being put in mortal danger I would have forced her to stay at Brandy Hall."
"You should have done that anyway" Pippin said. "So highly irresponsible of you! What kind of a role model are you to your children, really? Or to the Hobbits who look up to you because you are Meriadoc the Magnificent?"
"Oh would you let it go, it's not that big a deal! Now for the last time, stop bothering me about this or leave! I mean it, Pippin!"
Pippin saw in his eyes that he meant it, and decided to give it a rest for the moment. He did not wish to be sent away by Merry, he preferred keeping his mouth shut for the time being. He knew he would have plenty of opportunity to tell Merry how foolish this whole thing was until the baby was born.
"Oh goodness…" Estella sighed. "I had forgotten how painful this is…"
"You're doing fine" Diamond assured her and gave her some water to drink. "How much longer do you think it will be, Rose?"
"We've been here for a few hours now" Rose said. "I should assume it will be a couple of hours more. You're doing progress."
"I'd better be" Estella sighed. "I certainly do not wish for that husband of mine to have to give us a hand!"
"Don't worry, dear" Rosie said. Then she sighed. "If only the lads knew what we go through to put children into the world they wouldn't be so eager to keep making them."
"I don't know about that" Estella said with a blush. "It is always me as much as Merry. Children aren't on my mind on those occasions anyway."
"They are for me" Diamond said, blushing as well. "I'm hoping to have a second child soon. Faramir will be three this fall, and it seems like it's time now."
Diamond had secretly been wondering when she would have her second child. She still didn't know that she was barren, the only ones who knew were Merry, Pippin and her two sisters, since Pippin thought it was better that way. It was confusing to her that nothing had happened on the child front, especially during this winter when Pippin had looked to her for physical comfort almost every night to help numb his loneliness. Whenever she spoke to Pippin about it however, he only mumbled that she shouldn't worry about it and then quickly found another topic for conversation. It didn't make sense to her, especially since she'd already had one child so she knew she was able to have them. She had said that to Pippin once as well, to which he had nearly choked on the apple he was eating. Diamond didn't understand why he reacted that way, but she knew by now that it was better to let it be. He would turn to her sooner or later, there was no use in trying to rush him. She was used to waiting.
"Look at you two blushing" Rose said. "One would think you were both newlywed lasses, not mothers a few years into marriage!"
"Mothers indeed" Estella said. "Soon to one more child."
"I wish it would happen for me sometime soon as well" Diamond said again and sighed. "It seems it has been so long now since Faramir's birth…"
"Diamond please, you're still so young!" Estella said. "I was your age the first time I met Merry! Well, I had of course met him before, but never for more than a few minutes at a time, I barely knew him. You on the other hand are married and have a son, you've got all the time in the world to have more children. I was 44 when Éowyn was born, you my dear are only 38. You are years ahead of me already."
"But once your first child had been born you had your second within a year. And now you're having your third. For me it has been almost three years!"
"Don't spend your time worrying about that" Rosie said harshly. "Be thankful instead that you've got the time to spend on Faramir, and that you don't have to give birth to another child once a year!"
"Rosie…" Estella said with a frown. "What are you saying?"
"Never mind, I'm sorry" Rose said and quickly rose to find something to occupy her hands with. "I didn't mean anything."
"Yes you did" Estella said. "Are you pregnant again?"
"I will have another child this October, if I've counted right" Rosie admitted with a sigh. "And Hamfast who is barely even a year old!"
"That is hard, I know" Estella said. "It's better to have at least two years between each child's birth."
"I wouldn't mind having more than two years" Rosie mumbled. "I've barely weaned one before the next one arrives."
"Children are blessings, Rose" Diamond said and bit her lip. "If I were you I would only be thankful! They're worth all of their trouble!"
Rose didn't reply, but it was obvious that she didn't see it quite that way. She was already the mother of seven children, she was beginning to feel that it was enough. She found she barely had time for all of them, and with an eighth one on the way she would have even less time. And all her births were beginning to take their toll, it was getting harder for her. But she didn't want to complain in front of Estella who was having a child at that very moment, and she definitely didn't want to complain in front of Diamond, who only had one child and seemed to have problems having a second.
"Won't you tell me what's bothering you Merry?" Pippin asked, noticing that his cousin had been reading the same page of his book for the past fifteen minutes. "You know you can't hide it from me… Is it Estella?"
Merry sighed and put his book away. It was no use trying to read, he couldn't even recall what book he had been reading for the past ninety minutes. He rose from his seat and began to pace back and forth, knowing that Estella was always irritated when he did that, but since she wasn't in the room it didn't matter. Usually it didn't matter to him even if she was in the room, but right now he felt like he was doing something wrong when he did something he knew annoyed Estella. Pippin eyed him with suspicious eyes and rose from his seat by Merry's desk.
"Merry?"
"It's nothing" Merry said.
"Don't tell me it's nothing… I know when it's nothing and when it's not, and this time it is definitely not! Look, it is okay to be nervous when you're having a child, it's only natural. I'm nervous, why shouldn't you be?"
"Pippin it's not that…" Merry said. "Or maybe it is. I don't know."
"Talk to me."
"I can't talk to you about this" Merry said.
At that comment Pippin lost his cool and gave Merry a slap on the cheek which shocked Merry much more than it shocked Pippin. It had been a long day for Pippin, and too many things had happened that he felt shouldn't. This last comment from Merry had just been too much for him to handle.
"Don't you say that to me, Meriadoc Brandybuck!" he said with fury. "Don't you come and tell me that there are things you cannot talk to me about, because such things don't exist! Am I not your best friend? Do we not trust each other with our lives? You have already taken your family and your belongings and moved away from me, and now you're going to take our ability to turn to each other with everything as well? Well you be damned if that is the case, don't you ever say to me that there are things you cannot talk to me about! Saying that is like a mockery of our friendship and I will have none of it!"
"Pippin…" Merry said, rubbing his check in shock. The harsh words had hurt far more than the slap, but it would take him a long time to get over his cousin slapping him.
"I will not have you turn your back on our closeness" Pippin said. "With everything I have lost already how can you let me lose that as well?"
"Lose it? But Pippin--"
"And don't talk condescending to me!"
"I'm not!"
"Maybe none of it matters to you, but it sure does to me!" Pippin could feel the tears burning in his eyes. "Maybe it has been easy for you, but it hasn't to me! You left, you moved away, and I was left behind to try and manage without you! Do you think this year has been easy for me? Because I can tell you now, it has not! I struggle every day to feel like myself again, but it's no use, I cannot do it alone, and here you stroll in out of nowhere and refuse to let me help you when you're troubled. How you can refuse to let me be there for you, how can you say to me that there are things you cannot speak to me about!"
"Calm down Peregrin" Merry said firmly. "What is going on? Why do you react this way without even giving me the chance of telling you why I cannot speak with you about this?"
"Sometimes it seems like you don't care" Pippin said, tears falling down his cheeks.
"Care about what?"
"I guess it's different for you. If you had only known what it is like to lose, well, for you it would be losing me! You have never been in that position the way that I have. You were not the one who found your best friend stumbling down the streets, falling deeper and deeper into shadow, slipping away from you with every breath! You do not know what that is like! You cannot know what I felt when I saw you in that state, when I sat by your bedside forced to realise what life would be without you! You cannot know it because I never knew it myself before that moment, I could never have imagined how painful it would be! You have been here forever, all my life, and I do admit that I didn't realise how special our friendship was until you nearly died!"
"Easy Pippin, it's okay" Merry said, trying to soothe his cousin.
"No it is not okay!" Pippin said, letting out all of the anguish he had felt since Merry had left Crickhollow. "It is not okay, if only you knew, if only you had been in that situation. I wish that you never will be, for I have never experienced anything so horrid in my whole life and I do not wish the same pain on you! I didn't know until then just how much you meant to me because you had been there forever! To me you and our friendship was as much a natural part of my life as the grass on the ground or the clouds in the sky! And then I lost you, and I got to feel what it was like for everybody else, those who do not have a bond like ours. And I knew that I was only half without you. We are one, you and I, we are two halves of the same Hobbit. Take away one and where does that leave the other? I cannot be myself if you aren't there with me."
"Pippin I know!"
"When I found you again I finally felt like my true self again. But you were sick, so very ill, and you were going to die. Strider saved you, and he saved me too in the process! Since that time I've known that I'm not whole without you. Maybe I would have been if I had never known you, but I can't help but think that you and I were meant to be friends. And that there is no way for me to be real without you."
"Well then what are you so upset about?" Merry asked. "I also believe that we were supposed to be friends. What does it then matter if we live on different places or if not everything is said between us?"
"It matters a lot" Pippin said. "Don't you see? I cannot be who I always have been, not without you. With you living at the Hall all that is left for me here is half of what I was. And it is not enough!"
"There is a difference between us" Merry said. "You can't remember anything else than us being friends, but I am eight years older and I can. When you were born Frodo Baggins was my best friend, and he continued to be for years. I remember what it was like to not be part of Merry and Pippin, to just be Merry, and I guess I just got the chance of establishing who I was before we became the friends we are today. Like you said we are two halves of one whole, but you don't see that we can function without each other. I lost you too, don't forget that Pippin. I was left behind when Gandalf took you on Shadowfaxe and rode off and I missed you more than I can say. But I learned from that experience, I was reminded of something I already knew deep inside. That we do not need to be stuck together all the time, we can accomplish great things even when we're apart. And if you think that means that I don't love you then you're a bigger fool of a Took than even Gandalf knew! All it means is that even when we're apart we're together in our hearts, and we can go on with our lives. Don't think that I do not miss you, that this year has been any easier on me than it has on you, and don't think that I do not care about you like I always have. I just learned that we can make it on our own, that doesn't mean that I wish for us to be parted, for unlike you I had already known what it is like to just be me, on my own, when we parted during the War."
"So you're saying you already knew what I then found out?"
"Never let it be said that I didn't know how fortunate I was, or how special our bond was before I lost you. It is for your own good that I can't speak with you about what's bothering me. You trust my judgement, don't you?"
"I do. But I need to know that nothing has changed."
"Nothing has changed."
"Then tell me what is bothering you, Merry!"
Merry sighed.
"It has to do with Diamond and the night Faramir was born" he said. "Believe me when I say that you do not wish for me to talk about it with you." He put his hands on Pippin's shoulders. "And yes, I worry about Estella."
Pippin didn't know what to say. His anger seemed to have vanished and all that was left was a feeling of emptiness. He had blown off steam he wasn't aware that he had, and now that it was all out in the open he felt lonely again. He slowly leaned in against Merry and accepted the comfort he was offered.
"I'm sorry that I hit you…"
"Pippin talks" Diamond said with a giggle. "Every single time. He always asks me if he's told me how beautiful he finds me! Each time it as if he has forgotten that he has ever asked, it's rather endearing actually."
"For us it is the other way around" Estella said. "Merry's silent, I talk. The only time he says anything is when he asks me to be quiet please. It's almost as if I disturb him."
"I'm not even sure Pippin would know if I spoke" Diamond said. "Frankly I'm not entirely sure he even knows that he talks!"
"I think the both of you should talk less at the moment" Rosie said. "Such things are not suitable to talk about when a child is about to be born!"
"Oh Rosie" Estella sighed. "The child is not here yet, and even if it were he or she wouldn't know what we were speaking about anyway."
"Still" Rose said. "It ain't fitting."
"It is the reason I'm lying here right now" Estella pointed out, teasing her friend. "Come to think of it it's a very appropriate subject of conversation!"
"Shush now" Rosie said. "Indeed that's what got you into this situation, and it's caused you enough worries for one day. Find something else to talk about."
"You seem to have a negative opinion of what husbands and wives to behind close doors" Estella pointed out. "And I know you think lads wouldn't be so eager in the matter if they were the ones who had to have the children. But I think you're wrong."
"We shouldn't discuss such things" Rose said.
"Oh nonsense. I won't have you thinking that Merry is the only one to blame, I know what childbirth is like and yet it hasn't stopped me."
"Not to mention that he knows what it's like" Diamond pointed out. "He hasn't felt it himself of course, but he has seen and heard! It's odd that he knows what it's about better than my Pippin does, yet Pippin is ten times more nervous when it comes to reproduction. You should see him every time I talk about wanting a second child, he looks as if I suggested we should adopt a goblin or something!"
"He's got more sense in his skull than Merry" Rose said.
"Don't say that" Estella said, feeling another contraction coming. "I won't have you speak badly of him!"
"You'll have to forgive me Estella, but I always did see the Brandybucks as queer folks, your Merry being no exception no matter what you or Sam say. If only I had known I'd be helping several little Brandybucks into this world!"
"How much longer, Rosie?" Diamond asked.
"We're getting closer. It shouldn't be long now! An hour, maybe two!"
"I hope it will be soon now" Diamond sighed.
An hour passed. Merry's study was dark, the clouds darkened the sun outside and there were no candles lit in the room. The darkness seemed to fit the mood, both Merry and Pippin felt strange. Neither one of them had ever felt this way before, it was as if their friendship had been put on trial, and things might be different once it was over.
Merry was curled up on the couch in his study, staring blankly into space and thinking about Estella. Pippin was slumped in the chair by Merry's desk, playing with a pencil and not knowing what to think or feel. He had never felt this way around Merry before, it was as if something had gone lost, but Pippin didn't have the strength to find out what or grieve that it was gone. The only answer that was in his head was that the innocence of their friendship had died when he had slapped Merry over the cheek.
"Hey" Merry said suddenly, lifting his head. "I just realised something!"
"What?"
"Rosie has no idea where we are! She won't know where to find us when the baby's born, maybe the child's been born already and I don't know about it!"
"I'll go see" Pippin offered and rose from his seat. "I know where Estella is, I'll tell Rose or Diamond where they can find us."
"Thank you" Merry whispered and let his head fall back down again.
Pippin took the opportunity to go check on Faramir, who was doing just fine, still sleeping after supper. He knew Diamond would get mad at him for letting the lad sleep for so long, since he would have trouble sleeping that night, but he didn't care. It was better to have Faramir asleep now so that the adults could focus on their problems.
When he came near Merry and Estella's old bedroom he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Estella screaming. Chills went down the back of his spine, he had never heard anybody scream like that before. Bewildered he stood like frozen until the scream had died out, and then he hurried over to the door and knocked on it. Diamond opened it and stepped outside, closing the door behind her and looking annoyed.
"This had better be important" she growled.
"We're, we're in Merry's study" Pippin managed to get out. "So you know where to find us. Later."
"Okay" Diamond said, and eyed his shocked face, wondering what was going on this time. "What?"
"Estella, she…" Pippin gulped. "Is she okay?"
"She's having a baby" Diamond pointed out and rolled her eyes. With that she went back into the bedroom and Pippin hurried back to the study.
"How are things going?" Merry asked when he returned.
"It sounds horrible" Pippin said, and stopped in front of Merry. "Diamond said everything was fine. But gosh, it just sounded so…"
"Yeah I know" Merry said and sat up. He glanced over at Pippin and chuckled. "Your face is really pale. One might think you had seen a ghost!"
"Ghosts I can handle" Pippin said and sat down next to Merry. "But that which I just heard, I don't know…"
"Scary, isn't it?" Merry said. Then he sighed. "Maybe you can guess now what's been bothering me."
"But you've seen it before" Pippin said.
"Yes, with lasses I didn't know all that well. And that was different. As scary as it was, my job was to be the medical. I could distance myself. But when it happened with Diamond… You know I love her, she's your wife and like a sister to me. When I assisted her I couldn't distance myself like I always do because I care far too much about her. I don't think it ever became real to me until then. And it never became real to me that the lasses we love could die like that until then! I am petrified that Estella will die at childbirth!"
"I know you are" Pippin said. "So am I. But you remember what you said to me, don't you? You made me swear never to regret having fathered Faramir, and I never have! Like you said to me that night, children are worth death."
"Faramir was your first child" Merry said. "I already have two, both of them amazing and one of them my heir. Why do I need a third?"
"Will you love this child any less because he or she won't be your heir and you already have both a son and a daughter?"
"Of course not!"
"Exactly." Pippin said gently. "So you can't say that it is any different than it was with Faramir."
"But it is. Before I could say to myself that I don't have a child yet, or I don't have a son yet. Now I have a son and a daughter, I won't have to continue fathering children out of hope to have one of each."
"You still can't reason like that" Pippin said. "Every child is special. Look at Sam's litter, do you think he could say that he should have kept from Rosie after Frodo was born? Do you think he would say that even if little Rosie's birth had cost his wife her life?"
"No" Merry admitted after a few seconds of silence. "No, I don't."
"Then set your worries aside" Pippin said. "Diamond didn't seem worried about Estella, she did however seem angry with me for interrupting! So far everything is going well, and you know as well as I do that when that baby is handed to you you will forget that you even worried in the first place."
"I hope so" Merry said. "Pippin maybe I just see the bad things, maybe it's because I only see the births where the mother's life is at risk, but I'm just too aware now of the danger I put Estella in."
"Let me ask you something private…" Pippin said. "When you… initiate intimacy with her… does she resist?"
"Of course not" Merry snorted, offended by the mere suggestion. "If she did I would let her be! You know that!"
"Then it seems to me that you're not putting her in danger on your own and against her will or better judgement, she is fully aware of what she's doing and she chooses to do it. She's had babies before, she knows what its about, but she chooses to take the risk because she feels that it's worth it. Stop blaming yourself for her choices."
Merry sighed again and leaned his head on Pippin's shoulder. A smile formed on Pippin's lips, and he put his arm around Merry. Whatever had been missing earlier seemed to have returned, whatever test they had stood before they seemed to have passed it. They were together, and Pippin felt complete. He doubted he would ever be able to see his own ability to live life to the fullest without Merry, but his cousin was right about one thing. Their friendship would stand the test of time, and could survive distance as well as fights. Amazing that all it would take to wipe away all of his doubts was Merry's cheek leaned against his shoulder!
The door opened and Diamond entered, smiling at the sight of the two Hobbits on the couch, who appeared to be hiding from all lights in the dark study. She had seldom seen them together since Merry had moved, and she had missed the sight.
"Look at you two…" she said. "What a sight for soar eyes! I'd say this is the second best sight I've seen today!"
Merry looked at her without lifting his head from Pippin's shoulder. It felt too comforting and reassuring for him to want to lift his head just yet.
"Is it over?"
"Indeed Master Meriadoc" Diamond said. "And a fine child it is too, that has entered the world on this day."
"How's Estella?"
"This I have to tell Rosie" Diamond said with a laugh. "That Meriadoc the Magnificent asked for his wife's condition before even wanting to know if he has had a boy or a girl. It will please her much to hear."
"Well which is it?" Pippin asked. "Lad or lass?"
"First things first. To answer your question Merry, Estella is doing fine. A little tired, and feeling a little like a horse carriage has run her over, but that will pass. And the baby is doing fine as well, in case you're interested."
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Merry asked.
"You have had a son, and a handsome little one he is!"
"Did you hear that?" Pippin grinned. "Lift your head you fool and let me see you smile! A son! I couldn't think of anything more suiting than that!"
"Except for a lass maybe" Diamond teased.
"If Estella is right and the baby was conceived on the night you became Master of Buckland," Pippin said, ignoring the blushing faces of Merry and Diamond, "then what could be more fitting than the baby being a son?"
"Whatever you say, Pippin" Diamond said. "But perhaps you should quiet down for the time being and allow the father of said child to go see the mother and son? You will have plenty of time to muse over the difference between having lads and lasses."
"Certainly!" Pippin said and flew to his feet, managing to knock Merry's cheek in the sudden movement. "Oh my, I'm sorry Merry!" he exclaimed. "I seem to be only hurting you today!"
"It's all right" Merry said and rose, rubbing his cheek. "Just see it as having given both my cheeks a mark so that they can still look the same!"
"What are you on about now?" Diamond asked.
"Nothing" came the answer in unison.
"Well come with me, Merry."
Both Merry and Pippin followed her down the halls. When Diamond stopped Merry realised where they were.
"This is our bedroom!" he exclaimed.
"You have very sharp eyes, Merry," Pippin jested, "one might even take you for an Elf!"
"Estella's in here?"
"It was her wish. And she knew how to get her way…" Diamond said with a smile. "Now don't stand here and look like you've swallowed a watermelon, go inside!"
Merry seemed unsure for a moment, but then went inside the room. Pippin put his arm around Diamond's waist and pulled her closer with a grin. He was in an incredibly good mood all of a sudden and wanted to share it with her, knowing that she was happy too over what had just happened.
"A son, huh?" he said. "I would have expected a daughter! Don't let Merry's odd behaviour fool you, he is both proud and happy!"
"I know" Diamond said.
"Can you believe this, Dimesy? Who would have thought when we woke up this morning that Merry's son would be born here before the day was over?"
"Certainly not me" Diamond said.
"Me neither. Merry a father of three… Unbelievable!"
"Hopefully you will soon be a father of two" Diamond said. "You sure have had a lot of opportunities to become one during this winter, as often as we have been together… I'm surprised I haven't gotten pregnant sooner! I hope we won't have to wait much longer, seeing Estella's new boy only makes my longing stronger!"
Pippin laughed and kissed the top of her head.
"My, my, you rarely speak this openly of such matters. Usually the mere mention of a bed makes you blush!"
"I hope you don't mind that I hope our second child will be a daughter" Diamond said, not paying attention to what he was saying. "It's just that we have a son already, and… I would very much like a daughter!"
Pippin's smile faded somewhat. It hurt him to hear her speak of having a second child, and recently she had been doing so much more often. There were times when he wondered if it was just cruel to let her hope for a second child, but he had made his decision and he would stick to it. As cruel as hope might be it would be nothing compared to having to look her into the eye and tell her that she would never have a second child. And Pippin refused to believe that hope was a foolish thing, no matter what Gandalf, or other wise men for that matter, had said. Hope had proven to be of high importance during the War, and Pippin was a firm believer that even if hope didn't make your dreams come true it would at least get you through the fight.
"I will leave you now" Rose said and placed a kiss on Estella's forehead. "Is there any room available for me to get some rest?"
"Just ask Diamond, she'll be more than happy to help you!" Merry said. "And thank you Rose, for everything!"
Rose nodded and left the room. Merry gently stroke a strain of hair from Estella's sweaty forehead and kissed her cheek. He had curled up next to her on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders, admiring the baby in her arms. Estella was tired, but smiling. The baby was finally here, and like Pippin she felt like it was fitting that it had been a son. The first child born to her husband since he became Buckland's master.
She wondered what they would say at Brandy Hall. She wondered what the reactions had been when they found out that herself, Merry and Rose were gone, but she assumed that her mother-in-law had come through for them. It wouldn't be hard for anyone to guess that they had headed for Crickhollow, but nobody had come to bring them back to Brandy Hall or even check if they were indeed there. Esmeralda must have understood how important this was for Estella and decided to let them be.
She was thankful to Merry and Rosie for having agreed to bring her here, even though Rosie had been very angry over the whole thing. But Merry had understood her right away, even though he had worried. Merry, her Merry, he had known what she was feeling and he had let her have her way. She loved him more than she could express in words, and the feeling overwhelmed her and she started to cry.
"Now, now…" Merry said gently and kissed one of the tears falling down her cheeks. "What is the matter, love?"
"Nothing" Estella sobbed.
"Don't cry…"
"I'm not sad" she assured him, even though she knew she sounded like she was. "Actually it's the opposite! I just…"
Merry chuckled and kissed another tear falling down her cheek. He understood what she meant and was amused by her apparent shame over her reaction. To him it was nothing to be ashamed about, but he knew she would act a bit strange during the following days. She always did after having a child. He kissed yet another tear on her cheek and chuckled into her hair. She made an effort to pull herself together, with moderate success.
"Oh Merry…"
"I know" Merry said. "I understand. And I love you too."
"I'm so silly" she said, wiping her tears with her upper arm to the best of her ability, feeling ashamed over her emotional outburst. "I have nothing to cry about!"
"It's okay" Merry assured her.
She looked at him with adoring eyes, making Merry almost a bit uncomfortable. Then she noticed his red cheeks and adoration turned to concern.
"What has happened to you?" she asked.
"Pippin" Merry said with a chuckle. "He may not have used a cane, but he did knock some sense into me. Twice!"
Estella shook her head.
"You and Pippin… Even if I live for a hundred years more I will never fully understand the two of you."
"I'm not even sure we do" Merry said. Then he turned his attention to the baby. "What do you want to name him?"
"I haven't thought of it" she said. "I knew you would have a name already."
"I have gotten to name two of our children already. Now it's your turn."
"Give them the names you want, after your friends" Estella said. "I know that's what you want to do."
"You mean you haven't given any thought to names at all?" Merry asked.
"I did have a girl's name on my mind… But as it turns out I will have to save it for later. So you go ahead, pick out a name."
"I'm actually not sure" Merry said. "I've known for a long time that I wanted my first daughter to be named after Éowyn and my first son to be named after Théoden. But I never thought as far as a third child!"
"Do you want us to think of a name together?" Estella asked. "My intuition tells me that you do have a name you want to give the baby, no matter what you're telling me now."
"There are many people whom I would gladly name him after" Merry said. "If it doesn't bother you to have eight more sons I would be happy to have one son named after each member of the fellowship!"
"Slow down!" Estella said. "No thank you, I am perfectly happy with settling for however many children we might be given without aiming for another eight sons before I end my days as a birthing mother."
"So I figured" Merry said with a laugh.
"And besides, Sam has already named his sons Frodo, Merry and Pippin! We couldn't have children of our own carrying those names, it would be too similar."
"I was actually thinking of naming him after Pip" Merry said. "Peredoc. That's not what Sam named his boy."
"Yet he would never be called anything else than Pippin" Estella pointed out. "No, I'm going to have to say no to that name. We can't have three Pippin in the family, no matter how fond you are of your cousin."
"You're right" Merry said. "But I do wish you weren't. Always having a little Pippin around me, I would much like that!"
"If I were you I'd look more to the friends you don't see all the time" Estella suggested. "Just like you named Théodoc after your king. Someone who isn't here, whom you can have with you by naming your son after him. That is what I think."
"I think you should name him" Merry said. "We already have an Éowyn and a Théodoc, that's enough with the foreign names. You name him after your father!"
"That I wish not to do" Estella said. "And I do not wish to name him after my brother, your friend, either. I have known all along that if the baby was a lad you would name him after one of your friends, and so you shall."
"Very well then. If you're sure that's what you want. Do you have any objections to naming him after king Éomer?" Merry asked.
"Éomac? You already have one child with a name like that, wouldn't Éowyn and Éomac seem a little too similar when there are so many others whom you would like to name him by? What about someone from your fellowship?"
"Aramac" Merry said after a pause to think. "After Aragorn."
"Aragorn… Aragorn. I don't think I know that name! But Aramac it is, if that's what you wish. Aramac Brandybuck."
"Then we have just named him after our king" Merry told her. "Aragorn, whom you've probably heard of as Strider, is none other than king Elessar!"
"You never cease to surprise me" Estella said. "Now you're friends with our king as well? Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised!"
"I prefer to think of him as Strider" Merry said. "And he and I travelled long together. To me he is not a king, ranger or warrior, to me he is a brother. I hope you will one day get to meet him, him and Legolas and Gimli, the only members of our fellowship who still walk around on Middle-Earth that you haven't met."
"Sure…" Estella said, not really interested in meeting them but not wanting to hurt his feelings. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed contently. "I am so tired…"
"Then go to sleep. Here, let me take Aramac… and you can just drift off to sleep…"
Gently he took the baby from Estella, who seemed to fall asleep almost instantly. As quietly as he could he left their bedroom and found to his surprise that Pippin and Diamond were still standing right outside.
"Why hello there…" he said quietly. "What are you two still doing here?"
"Come to think of it, we're not sure" Pippin said with a chuckle. "Is that the baby? Oh, let me see!"
"No, this isn't the baby" Merry teased. "We just borrowed this one. Here, have a look… Quite handsome, isn't he?"
"He looks more like you than Théo does" Pippin said, admiring the new baby. "What's his name?"
"Aramac" Merry said. "After Aragorn."
"Only kings and ladies are good enough to give name to your children" Pippin laughed. "I like the name… Your Da will throw a fit though!"
"Just let him. And I'll have you know that I had a whole other name in mind for him at first, but Estella told me no. She said that two Pippin were more than enough, a third would only create confusion."
Pippin gave Merry his brightest smile and the sight warmed Merry's heart. Even though the child had been named after someone else he wanted Pippin to know that his first choice had been after Pippin. And the smile on Pippin's face told him how much it was appreciated.
Seeing how fond Pippin already seemed to be of the new-born child Merry felt sad in the middle of his joy. It was not right that Pippin would never have a child of his own again, and it pained Merry that he was to blame. But there was nothing he could do about it now, other than sharing his own children with Pippin, which he was happy to do. As close as he and Pippin were, it would be a shame if his children didn't come to love their cousin almost as a father.
Acting on an impulse he offered the baby for Pippin to hold, even though he didn't wish to let the little one out of his arms. But Pippin's happiness over getting to hold the child somehow felt better to Merry than holding Aramac himself. Indeed he would share his children with Pippin, and together they would raise them and Faramir as siblings.
Three days later Merry and Estella returned to Brandy Hall with their new-born baby. The initial attention from dozens of Hobbits proved to be a little too much for the baby, who screamed at the top of his lungs until Esmeralda managed to get Merry and Estella to the nursery and firmly shut out everyone who wasn't part of the immediate family.
"I was planning on scolding you" she said with her hands on her hips. "But now I find that I can't!"
A smile formed on her lips as she couldn't resist the sight of her son and daughter-in-law with her new grandson in Estella's arms, admired by his proud parents. She shared a glance with Saradoc, who had also planned on giving especially Merry a piece of his mind, and she could tell that he too was having problems arousing the anger he'd felt earlier.
"How are Éowyn and Théo?" Merry asked, not taking his eyes off the baby.
"Just fine" Esmeralda said. "Although very surprised that their parents just left them like that. You two really should have--"
"I thought you said you weren't going to be mad at us" Merry gently interrupted her. "Where are they?"
"I sent Marmadoc to fetch them" Saradoc said. "Now let us have a look at this new little one!" He walked up to them and looked over Estella's shoulder at the child. "He's more likeable now that he's not screaming!"
"Oh, you can't blame him for that" Estella said lovingly. "Imagine the shock of suddenly being in a room filled with noisy people wanting to take a look at you!"
"You can only blame yourselves for that" Saradoc said. "You created quite the commotion when you left like that! It's the first time I've heard anything negative about you, Meriadoc."
"They will forget it soon enough" Merry said, knowing very well that they probably never would. "And we're back now, at any rate."
The door opened and Marmadoc entered with Éowyn and Théodoc, and left again with a bow. Éowyn rushed over to Merry and clung to his leg, and Merry lifted her up so that she could have a better look at her new brother. Théodoc remained by the door, seemingly too shy to go up and see the new sibling.
Estella walked over to a chair and gently sat down, urging Théo to come over and have a look. Merry put Éowyn down and placed his hands on his wife's shoulders, gazing proudly at his youngest son. Éowyn came over immediately and examined her brother carefully. Théodoc remained by the door until finally Esmeralda lifted him up and carried him over. The boy was a little too shy for his own good, she hoped he would grow out of it soon.
"Where did he come from?" Éowyn asked. "When did he come?"
"He came from Crickhollow, just like you did" Merry said.
"And from Brandy Hall" Estella said with a knowing glance at her husband. "He came three days ago, in the evening."
"How impolite of him!" Éowyn said. "To come while you were away! He ought to have waited until you were back here!"
"Don't hold it against him" Merry smiled. "I think he wanted to come to Crickhollow, just like you and Théo."
"But Brandy Hall is where we live now" Éowyn objected.
"But we will always have a home at Crickhollow too."
"What's his name?" Théo asked, finally taking a look at his younger brother.
"Aramac" Merry said. "After Aragorn, the king of our lands."
"Aramac" Saradoc said and frowned. "Even for Buckland that name sounds a bit queer."
"It's perfect" Merry objected. "How can it be queer when the king of Buckland carries the name?"
"Don't argue over the name" Esmeralda said. "People will soon forget that it's not a Hobbit name, and it sounds more like a Hobbit's name than what you and Peregrin have named your little ones in the past."
"Yes, Faramir certainly out-queers any name you've given a child" Saradoc said. "Paladin really threw a fit when Pippin announced the name."
"Faramir is a noble man" Merry said. "The name means faithful jewel, and faithful indeed Faramir of Gondor is."
"Yes, yes, yes" Saradoc said, bored by the talk of people he knew nothing about. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I shall go find some of our finest wine to celebrate young Aramac's arrival. If you'll excuse me…"
Saradoc left, and the baby yawned big. He seemed to be getting tired again, and with a second yawn he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Éowyn frowned and shook her head at the baby who didn't act as she thought it should.
"It is very impolite to fall asleep in front of company!" she said.
"It's not company, dear" Estella said. "It's family. And he is so little, you see, he hasn't learned yet what one should and should not do."
"Indeed he hasn't" Éowyn said.
"He will" Merry assured her. "He will grow up to be just as polite as you are, love. Especially with your help."
Éowyn nodded and leaned in a bit closer to have a better look at the baby. It was odd to her that this wrinkly little thing could be her brother, he didn't seem the least bit like Théodoc whose skin seemed to fit perfectly and who didn't fall asleep like this without as much as a warning.
Estella rose and gently put the baby down in the crib which hadn't been used for any of her children yet. It was the same crib in which Merry had slept as an infant, and in which Théodoc's children would one day come to sleep. But Aramac was the first one of their own children to sleep in it, and somehow it seemed suiting. Their first child born to them after their move to Brandy Hall, the first child since Merry became Master of Buckland, being the first of their children to sleep in the old family crib.
Merry put his arms around her waist from behind and placed a kiss on her cheek. He seemed to be thinking the same thing as her, and together they watched their little boy sleep. With a sting of sadness it occurred to Estella that Aramac was home, right where he belonged. Unlike Éowyn and Théodoc he didn't seem to belong at Crickhollow, things had changed and their lives had moved on. Aramac was part of their future at Brandy Hall, not of their past at Crickhollow, and at that moment Estella knew that when and if she had her fourth child she would be having it at Brandy Hall, where it belonged.
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Please leave a review and let me know what you think! As those who know their appendix know, next chapter (1434) will include Pippin becoming the Thain, and as I said it ought to be up sometime next week!