Authors Note: See, as promised, a quicker update. I've written parts of several chapters now, so the updates should be coming thick and fast now. I'll also be publishing sneak peaks of upcoming chapters on my livejournal (see my profile for the link) for those of you who enjoy spoilers.
Flashbacks and Connor!Angst approaching... Lots more Angel in the next chapter, I promise.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: DESTRUCTION
"Holtz?" Conner was startled. He had expected a huge, ferocious demon, a senior partner, not…
"Hello Son," the former vampire hunter said in his husky, oh-so-English tone. "How are you?"
Connor was incredulous. "How am I?" He blinked. "What's going on? Why are you here?"
The old man shook his head, disappointed. "You are so full of questions, Stephen. You didn't use to be."
"I've changed," he answered simply.
"In some ways, yes you have," Holtz replied. "But not for the better. You disappoint me, Stephen."
"Stop calling me that. My name is Connor."
The older man's lip curled. "Ah yes. The name given to you by your demon of a father. I see you have embraced that side of your nature fully and forgotten all I taught you."
"I haven't forgotten it," Connor replied. "It just isn't who I am."
"I had hoped that would not be the case. I had hoped that the accident of your birth could be overcome, that you would prove yourself a warrior against evil instead of for it."
Connor was beginning to feel agitated. He now knew that what Holtz said was nothing but lies, but a part of him couldn't help but feel guilty for disappointing him. "I am fighting evil."
"Are you?" This seemed to amuse Holtz. "Bedding the woman who had begun to raise you, almost as her own child, was fighting evil?" He sneered. "Destroying the only chance this world had of peace was fighting evil?" His voice remained calm and soft, even though his words dripped with venom.
"I…" Connor had no defense, nothing to say to those accusations. They were true. They haunted him still. He couldn't excuse what he had done with Cordelia, but Jasmine perhaps was another matter.
"She was a demon."
"As are your parents. As are you," was the reply. "And the fact that Angelus is a demon, that he killed many hundreds of innocent people, including my family, has done nothing to spur you into removing him from this earth. And yet, you could kill Jasmine? A demon, yes, but one that had brought peace and harmony to this Godforsaken earth."
"She was killing people…" his resolve was wavering. "She… she took away everyone's freedom of choice."
"But not yours, eh Stephen?" The old man moved closer, his voice becoming softer and yet more menacing. "You still had a choice. You chose to plunge the earth back in to darkness. Why do you think that was?"
"I…"
"Because you are the seed of darkness? Born only to cause death and pain and to destroy lives?" Holtz was close enough now to whisper in his ear. "That's the real reason you are known as 'The Destroyer'."
Rage built up inside him, rising like bile in his throat. Involuntarily, Connor's hands balled into fists and his side.
Holtz knew what was brewing inside him. "And now you would raise your hand to your own father?"
"You are not my father," the boy spat from between clenched teeth.
Holtz shook his head. "No. And I thank God for that fact every day. You are an abomination. You should never have been born."
Xander shoved the rocket launcher into the hands of the nearest Slayer and picked up the bleeding girl at his feet. Grabbing her sword, Dawn ran ahead of him, clearing a path through the battle.
When they got in sight of the hotel doors, they spotted a dozen or so demons trying to break through the magical barrier Willow had erected at the front door.
"Around the back?" Xander asked, hefting the dead weight of the slayer in his arms into a slightly more manageable position.
"No time," Dawn replied, reaching into her satchel.
Withdrawing a grenade, she smiled wickedly at Xander. "Knew these would come in handy."
Pulling the pin, she lobbed it at the demons. One loud explosion later and their path was clear.
"Let's go," she said, leading him inside.
The dragon swooped, low enough for Buffy to count each and every scale on its hideous head. She ducked just in time to escape its deadly talons and it swooped upwards again, towards the slayers positioned on the roof-top across the street. Buffy turned just in time to see another of the girls picked up in the monster's clutches.
'No!'
Somewhere in the back of her mind, it registered that the girl's name was Katie. Short for Katriana. She was French-American and had been raised in Paris. She had been with them since they arrived in Europe and, because she was Dawn's age and befriended her sister, Buffy had actually taken the time to get to know her.
Inane thoughts, unimportant now as she watched the girl flop about like a rag doll for a moment before being dropped, almost like an afterthought, into the midst of the battle below. Buffy felt the tears burning in her eyes. Too many slayers had fallen this day. Too many young lives snuffed out.
As the dragon made its return trip towards her, Buffy steadied herself with her scythe, ready to meet the beast head-on. Before it could reach her, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Without turning, she knew who's it was.
'This one's mine, Goldilocks,' he told her, that old swagger of his prominent in his voice. 'Scaly bitch killed me. Only fair I repay the compliment.'
Before she could answer, Spike stepped forward, sideswiped the dragon as it made a pass, and plunged his axe into the scaly neck. Using his weapon like a grappling hook, he swung himself with graceful agility onto the beast's back.
'Spike!'
Vamping out, Spike smiled with gleeful ferocity. 'Just you and me now, you over-grown iguana.'
Angel looked around the chamber he now found himself in. It was identical to the one he had just left. With one noticeable difference.
"Cordy!" he called out. "Connor!"
He looked down at the sword still clenched in his fist. Good, he was still armed, he thought. He hated it when he lost his weapon every time he went through a portal.
He sniffed the air to try and locate the others, but to no effect. It was as though they had completely disappeared.
As he made his way towards the back of the chamber, looking for a way out, he sensed someone watching him from behind. Slowly, he turned around.
"Handsome man. Come to save me?"
Connor felt as though someone was strangling him. The grief, the pain and the anger was a bitter pill in his throat. All of the old feelings, the feelings of loss and bitterness began to return, washing away the sense of peace he had managed to find in the past year.
"You were born to bring about a new world," he barely heard Holtz tell him. "Instead, you only brought about its utter destruction."
It was becoming all too vivid for him. His memories of that time, when he was still so angry and confused, raging against his father and his mission. Connor had always felt like an outsider, had desperately sought something, anything that would make him feel like he belonged. He had thought he'd found it in Jasmine. But that too was nothing but a lie.
He had gone to Cordelia as she lay, comatose in a cathedral. It should have been the most peaceful place in the world, but to Connor, the world was falling in around him.
"I wanted to see you again. I had to, to know that you're still here... with me. I'm sorry I haven't…" He paused as he sat down beside her on the altar. "It's started, Cordy. The new beginning. Just wish you'd wake up and see it. Just what you wanted."
Doubts had begun to cloud his mind. Had all this been what Cordy had wanted? Or were Angel and the others right? Had it all just been a trick?
"I mean..." He stood up and began to pace around as his doubts overwhelmed him. "It is what you wanted, right? Why you came to me? You know...what this was all about? Protecting our baby - Jasmine - so she can...be, and make this world the... the kind of place you wanted."
No, he told himself. Angel and the others were wrong. They had to be. This was what she had wanted…
"And it is better. Not harsh and cruel - the way that Angel likes it so he has a reason to fight."
The anger was rising again in him. Angel was what made his world harsh and cruel. He was what destroyed Connor's every chance at happiness.
"'Cause you know that's what he's about, him and the others. Finding reasons to fight. Like that's what gives their lives any meaning. The only damn thing!"
He punched through a lectern, smashing it to bits.
"I'm not like them. I just..." He turned back to Cordelia, tired and defeated. "I want to stop. Stop fighting. I just want to rest. God, I want to rest. But I can't."
Tears sprang up in his eyes. He had wanted so badly to stop fighting, to just let Jasmine's love fill him and make him whole. But…
"It's not working, Cordy. I tried. I tried to believe. I wanted it. Went along with the... the flow. Jasmine, she's...she's bringing peace to everyone, purging all of their hate and anger. But not me."
He chuckled bitterly before the rage took over once more.
"Not me! I know she's a lie. Jasmine. My whole life's been built on them. I just... I guess I thought this one was better than the others."
Connor's whole body seemed to shake as the memory filled him. Bile rose in his throat again and he felt the sting of his tears on his cheeks. He looked up, but Holtz was no longer there.
As he wiped the dampness from his face, a new presence filled the chamber.
"It wasn't working out for you, Connor," the voice asked. "So you just killed me?"
To Be Continued...