As soon as Fin and I returned to the squad room, Cragen opened his door. "John," he called, and beckoned with a finger. Again, I left Fin in charge of my nephew. Cragen waited by his door for me, closing it once I had entered. He gestured towards a seat, but my legs wouldn't allow me to walk the extra step to sit down. "I can't let you work this one, John. I put Benson and Stabler on instead."

I nodded. There was no use in protesting, and I didn't really want the case anyway. Don't get me wrong, I wanted justice for my brother, would kill to get it, but I also had to think of my nephew and his well being. Mine be damned, as long as he was taken care of. I was the only one left to do that.

"And I want you to take some time off."

I nodded again. What was I supposed to do? Sit at my desk and let my nephew see what we did for living? Over my dead body.

"What's his name?" His voice was suddenly much softer than usual and I was aware that he was looking past me to where Fin was sitting with my nephew.

"Ben." My voice didn't sound normal, but I dismissed it. Cragen nodded a bit. I looked out to Ben as well, then quickly back to Cragen. "I think I'll take a week."

He nodded again. "As much time as you need. Listen, John..."

I met his eyes and he stopped talking, knowing that I'd tell him if I needed anything. Nodding once more, he sighed and sat down at his desk. I left.

For a moment, standing right outside the Captain's door, I watched Fin try to engage Ben in a game, conversation, anything. It struck me how funny my partner looked beside my nephew and I nearly smiled.

Nearly.

Before the realization that my nephew was now in my care; his parents, my brother... dead. I sort of stumbled back then, leaning against Cragen's door frame. Fin looked up at that point. Something other than the fact that I was not standing on my own must have alerted him that I wasn't doing so well, because he was quickly by my side. "Hey, man. Easy does it. Why don't you sit down." He walked beside me the twenty feet or so to my desk and made sure I sat down before letting Ben loose on me. But Ben only stood by my elbow, studying my face which must have been pale. "You wanna drink or somethin'?"

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. I knew he was looking at me, could feel his eyes studying me, making sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid. To answer what I knew to be a questioning look, I said, "Cap took me off. Don't worry about it."

"What about your nephew?"

I shrugged. "I've gotta take care of him. Where else is he gonna go?"

I listened as he walked back to his seat, and the creak as he sat down. "You takin' some time?"

"Yeah. A week. For now."

Unlike Cragen, he didn't offer to be available day or night. But it wasn't because he didn't care... it's just because that's the way we worked. We knew that the other would call, and if not, if they were being stubborn, we knew to go over to their apartment and pester them until they give it up. Hey, don't look at me like that, like it's wrong not to say something. Like I said, it's how we worked.

"You hungry, Ben?" I asked abruptly.

He looked at me and for a moment I was unnerved by his green eyes staring unblinkingly at me. Then, it passed as he nodded slightly.

"Besnon and Stabler are gonna hafta talk with him, you know that, right?" Fin warned.

"Just tell 'em we went to the diner."

When Ben and I returned to the office, Stabler and my partner were gone. Benson was sitting at her desk. She turned around as I hung up my jacket. "Hey," she said. "How's he doin'?"

I looked down at Ben as I sat at my desk. "Still won't talk."

"I'll take him upstairs, see if maybe he'll talk or something. I gotta know what he saw, if anything."

I nodded. "I know." I turned to Ben, who was standing next to me, watching us talk. "Go with my friend Olivia. She's going to talk to you, okay?" He made no move or sound of acknowledgement. Benson got up and knelt in front of him.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, so maybe we can find something else to talk about? How's that sound?" She smiled and I thanked whatever god there might be that Olivia Benson was so good with kids. She took Ben's hand and led him upstairs. I leaned back in my chair and watched them leave, then sighed, one question going through my head.

Why?