Thanks so much to my 4 reviewers! YAY! 4! …I sound like a lunatic.

SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll, Naru-Rin, Bluie Twilight Star, and Aeris. THANKYOU.

Times infinity. Plus 9. Divided by Ed.

Okay, enough with that. About this chapter, my muse decided to play hide-and-go-seek. Do you know HOW HARD it was for me to write this without it! O'Muse… I miss you!

x.F1SHCAKE

"What the hell are you talking about?" As he spoke a piece of chicken flew out of his mouth. The man sitting opposite of him made a face. It was totally nauseating.

The two were sitting in the corner of the small café in the moving train, at opposite sides of the table. The restaurant was almost completely empty, with only a cozy couple sitting 2 tables away.

"Fullmetal," he began, trying his best to ignore the sordid manners of the latter. "Finish eating, then we'll talk." The boy complied, stabbing bits of lettuce with his fork.

For the next 30 minutes, Roy Mustang had to endure the appalling dining habits of Edward Elric. The man stared in disgust. "How come you don't eat like that in front of other people?"

Edward Elric paused in the middle of forking a baby tomato into his mouth. "That's exactly why; it's because no one else is here. I don't feel obligated to 'mind my manners' in front of just you. And that guy over there," he continued, pointing at the couple sitting tables away, "is, like, eating her face; they won't mind me," he explained, before returning his attention to the tomato. "Why aren't you eating?" He pointed at his superior's half-eaten plate.

"I can't find my appetite." He clutched his stomach.

"You mean you lost it?"

"Yeah."

A few minutes passed until… "There. All finished," Edward announced, letting his fork clatter loudly to the table. "Aren't you going to eat yours, Mustang?"

"I told you, I lost my appetite (watching you). Don't touch it," he said, swatting Edward's fork away from his plate. "You're done, Fullmetal." He called over the waitress (who giggled uncontrollably when he accidentally touched her hand in the process of taking the check from her) and paid. "We'll be staying in here, if that's alright," Roy told her. She nodded feverishly and walked away.

"So," Edward said, scratching his head. "What the hell are you saying?" Edward continued the conversation from where they'd left off. "We have an entire week before the school starts, but we still left today? Why?"

"Not an entire week, Fullmetal. Only 5 days until the school begins, leaving 4 days to prepare. The place we're going to may…" he paused, searching for the right words. "…confuse you. It'll take some time for you to adjust to it."

"Why's the military sending me anyway?" Edward had been wondering this since he had found out about the mission two days ago. "If this mission's so important that I could get a promotion, wouldn't they want someone more reliable than a teenager?"

"That's just it," the man said.

"Oh? Enlighten me, because that makes no sense, Colonel Shit." Edward leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. "At least try to make me understand."

"Are you sure you want to know?" (Edward nodded.) "Well, they wanted someone who could fit in with the students there. You're going as a thirteen year old."

Edward's eye twitched, and he pursed his lips tightly together, fighting the sudden impulse to yell something about not being a shrimpy little runt-like midget. "Then why couldn't Al come?"

"When you're already shorter than the average thirteen year old(1), to bring a suit of armor as an object of comparison would just attract more attention to the little boy standing next to it." Roy Mustang couldn't help but chuckle at his own joke.

Edward snapped. "STOP LAUGHING AT THE LITTLE PERSON! THE SMALL RUNT! THE MIDGET BOY!"

The boy a few tables away stopped 'eating his girlfriend's face' to stare at the source of the commotion; the girl followed his gaze. Their jaws dropped when they realized it had been a kid, standing on his chair, shouting at the top of his lungs. How could such a little boy make such noise?

That did it. Roy burst out laughing, fell to the floor, rolling around, clutching his sides. Who knew that Edward could be such a riot?

Edward sat down, gawking at the Colonel. He'd never seen him laugh before. He'd seen Roy smirk, yes… smile evilly, yes… chuckle at Edward's stupidity, yes… but laugh, never. Edward paused. Wait a second— 'Roy'? Since when did he call Mustang by his first name? Edward furrowed his eyebrows. It was strange, saying it: 'Roy'. It sounded nice, actually. Maybe he should call him 'Roy' from now on.

"Roy," he said, testing the name out.

"Yes?"

Edward jumped. The man had recovered by this time and was sitting across the table again.

"Nothing," Edward said, rather alarmed at how quickly Roy had recovered. As crazy as it sounded, he felt a little embarrassed that Roy had heard him. "Anyways, you said you'd fill me in on the details about this WartHog place."

"Hogwarts is a school for special people," he began, wondering how to phrase it. "The principles of Equivalent Exchange are completely ignored at this school. They call it 'magic'. Their school is one of witchcraft and wizardry, and they live in hiding from the dominant race of non-magic people. The females of this hidden community are called 'witches' and the males are 'wizards'. Familiarize yourself with these words, and prepare for some severe culture shock. To them, Alchemy is also a form of magic which deals a little with Science."

Edward made a face. "I find that insulting," he announced.

"The objective is to protect a certain boy from some escaped criminal. He is notorious within their community for murdering 13 people with one curse. The school requested, if possible, two 'guards' who were skilled with combat skills as well as Alchemy. One should be young, who could blend in with the students, and the other should be older, who could pose as the teacher a new Alchemy class. There will also be other guards with the same objective. You are not to allow anyone to know of your purpose there, although you may share of your background, excluding that… incident with human-you-know-what. If anyone finds out about your limbs, you must lie. That's an order." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "It will, however, be publicized of our arrival from a different country with 'magical' backgrounds, so you may share of your experience with Amestris. Oh, and… Fullmetal?" He paused, gazing at the boy through half-closed eyelids. "Don't cause a commotion about your (lack of) height."

The latter clenched his fists. "Okay… Roy."

The man blinked, though otherwise indifferent to the use of 'Roy'. "Our stop is coming up soon. Get your bags, as well as mine while you're down there. Oh, before we get off…" He shoved his hand into his pocket, rummaging around until he found two rings. He handed one to Edward. "It rids us of language barriers," he said, providing no further explanation. "Hurry up; we need to find the inn we're staying at. A place called The Leaky Cauldron, I think."

By the time Edward had gotten the bags off the train, Roy had received written directions from a young woman.

"Let me see them," Edward said, snatching the small paper away from the older man. His eyes widened, and if this were an anime, you'd see a little vein popping up through his hair. "This," he huffed, turning to glare at Roy, "is not a map to the Leaky Cauldron."

"More precisely, it's her phone number, Fullmetal. She said she wasn't sure where it was, but she had something for me anyway." He shrugged, somehow keeping the smug smirk on his face the entire time. "She just gave it to me."

"If this is all you can do," Edward snarled, "how the hell do you think we're going to get to the damn inn, Colonel Shit?"

The Colonel narrowed his eyes. "You should check both sides of the paper before jumping to conclusions, Fullmetal."

Edward flipped the paper over. He stared at the paper, then at the Colonel. "You said she wasn't sure where it was!"

"She wasn't sure," Roy snapped. "She drew a map of where she thought it was, all the same. She is also a witch, though not from these areas." The man turned around and began walking in quick, brisk steps. The younger boy had to follow in lengthy strides to keep up with the man.

"That doesn't change the fact that she gave you her number," he muttered under his breath. He had no idea why he was peeved at the Colonel for accepting a stranger's number like that. It was hardly abnormal behavior for that damn womanizer.

Edward shook his head vehemently. Snap out of it!

-+-dfkldfk(:

AH, I'm sorry it's so short. Like I said, I had a major case of writer's block (still do) and I have no idea how I came up with this chapter in the first place. Amazing— 5 pages with Verdana, size 9 on Microsoft Word.

I'm so happy—I got 4 reviews and 5 alerts for that first chapter! And I'm hoping I get similar results… Actually, more than that. PLEASE. PLEASEEEE.

(1) AND IT'S TRUE. I'm the height of an average 13 year old, and he's approximately 2 cm shorter than me, with a rough hand-calculated conversion from the US customary units to the metric. Ahhhh, that doesn't matter—I like short boys, they're so kawaii!