Author's Note: I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get online, I know I said October and even though it's still that month I had intended for the next part to be up in early October… However, the reality of work and college hit me, I simply haven't found the time to code it… Initially I liked this chapter, while I was planning it out in my head, now that it's finished I dislike it. I'll give you my thoughts on why after the actual chapter…
Disclaimer: The characters from The Lord of the Rings belong to JRR Tolkien, as do all references to any events or places created by him. A slight bit of inspiration has also been taken from Jean M Auel's The Mammoth Hunters.
"I don't think this will work, Merry!" Pippin said and tried his best to hold the angry and unruly mare still.
"It had better!" Merry said. "She has to know who is boss! All she needs is a firm hand and a good rider in her saddle!"
"Maybe you should send her back?" Pippin nervously suggested.
"Forget that idea. Now hold her still."
Pippin bit his lip nervously as Merry mounted the irritated mare, who tried pretty much every trick in the book to get rid of her rider. She couldn't throw him off thanks to Pippin's firm grip of her reins, but there wasn't a doubt in Pippin's mind that if the pony got half a chance Merry would be lying on the ground.
A small group of Hobbits, including Fatty and young Éowyn, had gathered to observe Merry and the mare, and they all gasped as Merry for a second seemed to be falling from the saddle. But then he gained control again and sat as securely in the saddle as he could. Pippin held the reins firmly and glared at the pony.
"This will never work!" he complained.
"She has got to learn to accept a rider!" Merry said, being just as stubborn as the mare. "Would you hand me the reins, Pip?"
"I am not giving the reins to you, Meriadoc" Pippin said. "All she's gonna do is throw you off, you'll never be able to control her."
"Master, are you sure this is safe?" a nervous bystander asked.
"Safe? It's not as dangerous as many other things, if that's what you mean" Merry replied, annoyed with the general opinion that the pony was impossible.
Pippin did as he said he would and held on to the reins, and Merry didn't ask him for them. He held on to the mare's mane and hoped she would at least accept him in her saddle but she continued to put up a fight.
"Merry…" Pippin said after a while.
"Yes. You're right" Merry said and dismounted the angry beast. "This won't do at all, it won't work. We should take her to Crickhollow and try again there, where there aren't so many people around!"
"Father can I come?" Éowyn, now nearly eight, asked.
"No darling, I don't want you or your brothers anywhere near" Merry said. "Once I hold the reins myself and try to ride for real she might act up for a while. I wouldn't want you hurt if she starts to kick in every direction!"
"I don't want you hurt!" Pippin said. "You are not riding this pony today, Meriadoc Brandybuck! Not while she's this wild! Not while I'm alive and able to stop it!"
Merry sighed. The mare seemed impossible, she had been this way when they had first fetched her in Bree and hadn't improved since. Barliman Butterbur had been more than happy to see the pony go, and Merry left a few silver pennies poorer having felt the need to pay for the damage the mare had caused in Butterbur's stables. It had taken himself and Pippin two days to bring her back to Buckland, for she put up a good fight even though she was only led by another horse, not ridden herself. Merry and Pippin had been very confounded over why Strider had sent Merry such an animal, and when they had made sure that they hadn't served him bad ale or wine or food, and that the general hospitality had been satisfactory they stood with no other option than to write and ask. The answer had come quickly from a shocked Aragorn, who told them that he had ordered his men to send one of the best ponies they had to Merry. Instead they had sent him the pony known as Tricky, who always put up a fight and had not carried a rider for more than ten minutes in the past three years. Aragorn had thought about sending her to Rohan and have the good horsemen there take a look at her, but now the pony was in Buckland. He had told Merry to send Tricky back and have a finer pony sent to him instead, but Merry declined. He had decided to shape the mare up, he knew that if he could do that she would be perfect for breeding for she had mearas in her blood, a few generations back.
"This lass has got to shape up" Merry said and took the reins from Pippin. The mare had calmed somewhat when nobody was trying to sit up on her back, but she was still stirring. "I cannot have her acting this way, she is a danger to not only my children but to every Hobbit around her. Last week she bit Folco Boffin when he was feeding her! We can't have one of our ponies acting that way!"
"She is of even greater danger to you" Pippin said. "Nobody else would even consider riding her."
"I have made up my mind Pip, I shall ride her one day and I shall use her for breeding. I am not going to give up."
Pippin sighed deeply. He knew there was no use trying to talk any sense into Merry, he would do as he wished anyway. He always did. All Pippin could do was keep an eye on things, and that he intended on doing. He more or less lived at Brandy Hall these days, he arrived early each morning to have second breakfast and didn't leave until after dinner. Not only did that give him the chance to keep an eye on his cousin and the troublesome pony, but it gave him a chance to be where Merry was.
"I do agree with you though Pip" Merry said. "Enough riding for one day. Not that I would call what just happened riding, but I have a better idea. Next time I'm going to just let her run round me on a line for hours until she tires."
"You may have to set aside an entire day for that" Pippin said. "And don't tell Estella, she'll be mad."
"Nobody's going to tell her I sat in the saddle today either" Merry said. "Is that clear?" he asked the bystanders. "I want no one upsetting her!"
"Then don't ride" Fatty Bolger suggested.
"Oh be quiet Fatty" Merry said. "What else am I to use the mare for? She has got to learn to accept a rider!"
"I could think of other uses for her" Pippin said and glared at the pony, and if looks could kill the mare would be on his dinner table that evening.
"I'm with Pippin, don't ride her" Fatty said and sighed. "Though I won't tell Estella. She doesn't need to be scared half to death."
"She just doesn't trust me enough yet" Merry said.
"Who, the mare or Estella?" Pippin asked in jest.
"The mare" Merry said.
"Well let's take her back to her stall now" Pippin said.
"Why can't she be in the pastures with the other ponies?" Éowyn asked.
"We've been through this dear," Fatty said, "she kicks the other ponies. And bites them too, the little monster!"
"But it's such a fine day! She doesn't want to be inside!"
"Who does?" Merry asked and with a sigh saw Estella in the corner of his eye hurry from one task to another. "If only she would ever take it easy…"
"She never has and never will, that wife of yours" Pippin said. "Come now Merry… Let's put this lass back into her stall."
"No, Éowyn is right" Merry said. "It is far too fine a day for any beast to be indoors! I have an idea."
"Let's hear it then."
"I will break this mare down, Pippin!" Merry said. "I will have her accept me as her rider! And from on I am going to spend more time with her."
"More time?" Pippin scoffed. "You have enough to do without setting aside time to be with a troublesome pony. If I were you I would take a ride on Stybba and bring Éowyn with you, or maybe try and get Théo into a saddle!"
"I did not say I was going to spend more time with her than I already do" Merry said. "I am going to spend time differently with her. I am not going to try and ride her, I am going to try and befriend her."
"It's a waste of time" Pippin sighed.
"I agree with Pippin" Fatty said. "Forget about this Merry, you will never break this mare! She has gotten it into her head that she is going to be troublesome!"
"Father ride with me instead" Éowyn begged. "I wish to go riding, it's such a fine day for that! We can gallop!"
"You, my dear, should be helping your mother with her chores instead of helping me with mine" Merry said, trying hard to hide his pride over her wanting to be with him. "Théo and Aramac can help me out. I am not going out riding anyway, at least not now. You ought to go see if your mother needs a hand."
"Oh father…" Éowyn sighed, but she didn't object.
"Help her with Cordy" Merry said.
"But you always say you want me to be a fine horsewoman. I wish--"
"Éowyn, will you please go find your mother and help her out?" Merry interrupted her. "I know she could use a helping hand."
Éowyn sighed and obediently walked off to find her mother, who had gone back inside. Helping her mother out was not nearly as much fun as following her father around, she would much rather help him out with the mare then help her mother with Cordy. She could think of nothing better than to be out riding with her father, and it had seemed for a moment as if that was going to happen. But instead she had been sent inside. Life was not fair.
Merry watched her go and then handed the reins to Pippin and took the saddle of his mare. He had made up his mind as to what to do with her and he was going to start right this moment. He had some things waiting for him inside that needed to be taken care of, but he could do that in the evening after Pippin had left. Speaking of Pippin, he wondered if he should send his cousin inside to keep an eye on Estella and make sure that she would take it easy.
Finally the mare was wearing nothing but the halter Merry had put on her, and by now she was a lot calmer than she had been a little while ago. But still Pippin was the only one who dared to stand within three yards from her now that she didn't have any reins to help keep her under control, just the rope Merry had tied to the halter.
"You're going to let her out in the pastures?" one Hobbit nervously asked, having his own favourite pony in the pastures at the moment.
"No" Merry said. "I intend on getting to know her a bit better. She and I are going to take a walk."
"Splendid idea" Pippin said. "But it would be much nicer if the pony stayed here."
"Pippin, would you do me a favor?" Merry asked, ignoring his comment. "Would you go inside and make sure Estella takes it easy? I'm worried about her. I don't know how many times I've told her to but she just won't listen…"
Pippin hurried off inside and Merry started walking. He led the mare down the road and took off to the East, out of what felt like old habit. He had not walked far before Pippin came running up to him.
"Merry!" he said, out of breath.
Merry stopped and looked at his cousin in surprise.
"Pippin! I thought you were going to keep an eye on Estella!"
"Fatty's keeping an eye on Estella" Pippin said. "I got us food! Stolen from the kitchen!"
Merry laughed as Pippin proudly held up his backpack and changed his plans for the day. Instead of just a short walk they would stay out for a long time, just walking along the road like old times. Just him and Pippin, it sounded great.
"Very well then" he said. "Come along, master Peregrin. Let us show this lass that Hobbits can walk on their own two feet and don't need ponies to ride on!"
They continued down the road and sang happily together, and the Hobbits who saw them pass smiled. It was always a pleasant sight, the two walking and singing some old song they had learned in foreign lands. The two sang at the top of their lungs, as if competing over who could sing the loudest, singing the same short song Gandalf had taught Pippin over and over.
Tall ships and tall kings
Three times three
What brought they from the foundered land
Over the flowing sea?
Seven stars and seven stones
And one white tree
The mare seemed to be shaking her head at them, or maybe just at their choice of song, causing Pippin to burst out laughing.
"You know you're quite nice when you're not trying to bite people or throw them off your back" he said to her.
"There's good in her, I tell you" Merry said.
"If only she'd show it more often."
Merry nodded. The mare sure didn't like to show her kind side, if she indeed had one as Merry claimed.
"I still think you should send her back" Pippin said. "It's a lost cause. She's too much of a hazard. Even if she does allow you to ride on her back she's probably not good for breeding with this temper of hers!"
"I don't think she's led an easy life, Pippin" Merry mused. "Those who disregard orders from their king and send a troubled horse as a gift instead of a grand acting pony, those people are not unlikely to treat an animal badly. At least I would not put it past them. I intend to show her that I will not treat her badly, and maybe then she'll begin to trust me."
"It will take more than a little kindness to cure her" Pippin said.
"Then I will show her a lot of kindness."
Pippin looked at the mare and sighed. He didn't put much faith in this pony, he wished Merry would send her back and accept the much finer pony offered to him by Aragorn. Tricky had well earner her name, but Merry had instantly renamed her Snow White after her colour, saying that Tricky was an awful name for a pony and that it would only remind them further of her bad behavior. Unknown to him the Hobbits at Brandy Hall called her Ice Queen, for she did indeed seem to be made more of ice than snow.
But at the moment Snow White was on good behavior. She walked nicely along with the two Hobbits who had gone back to singing, and seemed to enjoy the walk. Merry and Pippin left the main road and began to follow a path through the woods, to get some shade from the trees. It was a hot June day and under the trees the temperature was perfect.
"Good old Shire" Pippin said and took a deep breath of air. "Could we ask for any better place to live?"
"I think not" Merry said. "But the Shire is not the only place dear to my heart."
"You long for the East, don't you?" Pippin said.
"Yes. Southeast. Gondor, Rohan…"
"You're more Took than I am" Pippin sighed.
"Don't you long for those lands?"
"It is wonderful to have seen them" Pippin said. "But truth be told I long more for the people than for the places. I just don't see Gondor and Rohan the way you do, all I see there is death and war."
"That's not what I see. I see beautiful lands, green slopes and plains, flowers and trees, wonderful cities… And I see the people that I love."
"It's gotten worse, hasn't it? This longing of yours… Ever since Strider visited you've been glancing to the southeast."
"I've longed for another journey for a long time now" Merry said. "I have not been to Rohan or Gondor since before I was even engaged to Estella! It seems like forever! But I do admit that seeing Strider again made my longing worse. What I wouldn't give to see Éowyn's dear face again, to dine with her and Éomer…"
"What's keeping you?"
"I can't go now" Merry said. "And I don't wish to go by myself. You do not want to come yet, do you?"
"I do want to see Faramir again, and Strider, and everyone else…" Pippin said. "But I've got my own Faramir here who I can't bare to be parted with! And a wife whom I would miss dearly if I were parted from her."
"I would miss Estella and the children" Merry said with a sigh. "Miss them dearly… I have not been parted from Éowyn a single day since her birth!"
"Yes you have, during the flu!"
"I've never been parted from her for as long as I would be if I went to Rohan. I cannot go there just for a visit, if I were to go I would stay away for at least six months. Six months in Rohan that is, then there's the journey back and forth."
"I can't be parted from my wife and son for that long" Pippin said. "Faramir's the only child I have! I would miss so many things!"
Merry laughed.
"Pippin, he's not an infant. There won't be any first crawls or first steps or first words for you to miss!"
"How about the first time he catches a fish?" Pippin asked. "He's seven now, it's time for him to start learning things like that. What about the first time he kills a prey? Or the first time he writes his own name?"
"Then he can write you a letter when you're in Gondor."
"I'm sorry, Merry…" Pippin said with a sigh. "But I cannot leave him or Dimesy for up to ten months, just so you can have a companion on your journey! If you decide to travel I will miss you more than words can say, but I can't leave my son."
"I know" Merry mumbled.
"When Faramir is older I will follow you…" Pippin smiled and looked to the southeast. "Maybe Faramir can follow us too!"
"I will not have my children or yours take such a journey until they're 33 and have come of age" Merry said firmly.
"I was not that old when we left the Shire."
"Yes I know, and looking back I wish I had held you back. Look at the dangers we encountered!"
"There are no such dangers anymore" Pippin pointed out. "And any child of yours or mine can handle whatever smaller dangers they'll meet on the way."
"I don't want them to even know such dangers exist" Merry said. "When they've come of age I cannot forbid them to go, but before they do I shall do my best to keep them at home."
Pippin laughed.
"My dear Merry… You lose that control over your children long before they turn 33. Look at your favourite cousin! Nothing my father or mother, or you for that matter, could have said would have kept me in the Shire when we left."
"That was different Pippin, we left for Frodo" Merry said. "We left for our friend who needed us."
"Merry think of what it has to be like to be your son or daughter, or mine! Or Sam's! Think of what it must be like to be the son or daughter of the three Hobbits who left the Shire and saved the world! They've all been weaned on stories of our adventures."
"They hardly know anything" Merry pointed out.
"They know enough! They know that we have experienced some incredible things. Sooner or later they'll want to see those lands that we speak so fondly of! They'll want to experience their own adventures!"
"You're still the biggest Took, Pip" Merry laughed. "You talk of our children as if they were humans. They are Hobbits, Hobbits who belong in the Shire, who love the Shire! Hobbits who don't like adventures or long for foreign lands."
"Yet our Hobbits. Our children. My dearest Meriadoc, do you really think none of the adventurousness in you has been passed on to your children? Have you not seen the light in Éowyn's eyes when you tell her adventure stories? Have you not noticed how they admire you? They want to be like their father, you have filled their hearts with longing for some distant land filled with tall and noble people! And the same quality in you that made you leave your home to journey into the unknown is also in them!"
"No more stories then. I don't want them to leave home and find adventure. I don't want them in danger!"
"Why deny them what you've gotten?" Pippin asked. "Can you name one experience we went through that wasn't greatly rewarded? I can only name one myself, there is nothing in this world that can make up for what happened to you after Pellenor Fields, no reward that can feel like it was worth seeing you fall under the black shadow. But aside from that is there any danger we've stood before that hasn't rewarded us greatly?"
"Rewards…" Merry said. "But think of all the things we live with. Haven't you ever closed your eyes at night and seen the last struggle of Boromir? Felt the smell of the Uruk-hai? Heard Frodo scream as Gandalf falls into shadow? Rewards and gifts, but we pay a high price for them and I will not have my little ones pay any such prices!"
"I guess it's not up to me to tell you how to raise your children, or what to let them do or not" Pippin said. "But I do ask that you give them the chance to find out what they're truly capable of. Perhaps you are right, perhaps they won't even long to leave the Shire. But if they do, don't stand in their way."
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An hour passed. They walked mostly in silence, every now and then humming an old tune. The desire to sing out loud seemed to have faded, there was a serenity in the woods that they didn't wish to disturb. Snow White was on her best behavior still, seeming to enjoy the promenade as much as her master. They walked through the woods and listened to the singing birds, the only sound heard except for the mare's hooves walking on the ground. The two Hobbits made no sound as they passed through the woods.
"One day I plan on going back to the Old Forrest" Pippin said. "Just to find out it… if we can handle it better."
"Better?"
"Now that we've met Treebeard."
"Fool. What will you do if the tree that's about to devour you does not care that you know Fangorn?"
"I'll call for Tom Bombadill!" Pippin grinned. "I still haven't forgotten his verse! Don't tell me you have, Merry!"
"And you claim I am the adventurous one…"
They drifted back to silence, not feeling much need for conversation. They didn't need to speak, it was enough just to be in each other's company. Merry loosened his grip on Snow White's rope some more and let the mare walk a few paces behind them if she chose. Pippin's stomach began to growl and with a laugh Merry told him to wait another while before they ate. They should get out of the woods first.
"Then let us go back to the road!" Pippin said. "My stomach is telling me that it's already thirty minutes past a meal time! And it's going to take us at least another twenty to find our way back to the road."
"Very well then" Merry said and held Snow White on a shorter leash. "You lead the way Pip, and we shall follow."
Pippin had been right in his guess, almost precisely twenty minutes later the two reached the road. Much to Pippin's dismay, Merry did not see this as a good enough excuse to stop and find out what was in Pippin's backpack.
"Show some patience, Peregrin" he laughed. "There's a small meadow a short while ahead where we can stop to eat. We're not in such a hurry that we have to have our meal sitting by the wayside!"
"It was good enough for us during our journey" Pippin objected.
"Only when we couldn't find a better spot" Merry said. "And I don't think that happened more than twice! Come now, don't give me that pouty look! Five more minutes and we'll sit down on the meadow and eat! And Snow White can graze for a while, she too deserves to have something to eat before we turn back home."
"Fine then" Pippin said and his stomach growled again. "But if we find any mushrooms in the lunch pack then they are mine!"
Merry grinned and walked down the road. Pippin hurried up next to him and felt like five minutes were ten too many for his hungry stomach. Time always seemed so much slower when one was hungry.
Suddenly they both turned at the sound of an approaching rider. For a second their hearts filled with fear, the sound of galloping hooves on the road always did, but then they realised that it was a pony and not a horse that was coming. Merry lifted his hand to shadow the sun from his eyes and squinted.
"It looks like Fatty!" he said. "What in the world has gotten into him, he rides as if there was some foe behind him!"
"Maybe he just senses a meal" Pippin said, not very fond of the idea of having to share their meal with Merry's brother-in-law.
"Merry!" Fatty cried as he came closer and saw that it was them.
"Slow down!" Pippin said. "Why are you riding like that, causing yourself to lose your breath? Do you have fire in your heals?"
"Merry!" Fatty said again and halted his pony right in front of Snow White, making her jump nervously.
"You're scaring the mare!" Pippin angrily exclaimed.
"Merry, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Fatty said and dismounted.
"What's the rush?" Merry asked. "You've ridden your pony halt!"
"I have?" Fatty asked, and looked at his pony.
"Yes, he's limping."
"Oh dear!" Fatty shook his head. "But never mind that now, the important thing is that I found you. I've been trying to find you for nearly an hour!"
"Has something happened?"
"It's Estella!"
"Estella!"
Merry's face went pale.
"Yes" Fatty nodded. "Estella."
"What about my Estella?"
"It has begun for her. Her labour!"
"The baby?"
"But the baby's not due for another month" Pippin said.
"Tell that to the baby! It started a little over an hour ago and right before I left to find you her water broke!"
"Oh no…" Merry said. "This can't be happening! I must get back to Brandy Hall, now! Fatty give me your pony!"
Fatty obediently handed the reins to Merry, who left Snow White's to Pippin. He quickly mounted and turned the pony around, driving it to a gallop. He only got three steps down the road before the pony nearly fell over and stopped, nearly tossing Merry out of the saddle with the sudden halt.
"The hoof!" Pippin exclaimed. "He really is halt! You can't ride him in a gallop Merry, he won't be able to carry you all the way back to Brandy Hall."
"But I must get back there now!" Merry said. "I cannot wait, halt or no, he's going to have to carry me! There is no other way!"
"Can't you at least trot?" Pippin suggested. "He won't be of any use to you if he comes to a dead stop half an hour from Brandy Hall and is ruined in the process!"
Merry bit his lip with a grim look on his face. Then he jumped down from the pony's back and went back to Snow White, letting Fatty take the pony he'd dismounted. He looked at his troublesome beast with grim eyes.
"You're going to have to carry me then" he said to the mare.
"No!" Pippin said. "Over my dead body, no! You cannot ride her, not even with a saddle and reins could you ride her!"
"I am just going to have to" Merry said.
"Merry it is no use!" Fatty said to his brother-in-law. "The longer you stand here the longer it will take you before your own two feet have carried you back to the Hall. You've got no time to waste, just go!"
"That will take too long" Merry said. "We're two hours from the Hall by foot, it might be too late by the time I get back!"
"Don't say that" Fatty said.
"Snow White is going to have to take me" Merry said.
"No, I forbid it!" Pippin said. "What good is it to anyone if she throws you off her back and you break your neck? What good is it to Estella if we have to bring her word of your death? Getting there late is better than not getting there at all."
"If I get there too late it will be the same as not getting there at all" Merry said. "I have to get to the Hall, my wife needs me Pippin!"
"She needs you alive!"
"I have to get to her, I have to get to her now! I cannot walk, it will take too long, I must be by her side!"
"I do not care! I will not have you risk your life! You cannot ride her with reins and saddle, much less with just a rope tied to a halter!"
"Pippin help me" Merry said and glared at his cousin with tears in his eyes. "Help me. I am begging you."
"I must be out of my mind" Pippin sighed, caving in and holding Snow White still for Merry to try and mount.
"What are you doing?" Fatty asked. "Merry no! Pippin, stop him!"
But even though that was what he wanted to do, Pippin didn't stop his cousin. He watched Merry mount Snow White, who objected at once, with a grim look on his face. He knew it was not worth arguing over, Merry would have his way eventually anyway, and Pippin couldn't say no when he begged him for help.
"You'll only going to kill yourself!" Fatty cried. "Do I need to lose a brother today, when I already have a sister terribly ill?"
"She needs me" Merry said, with a calmness in his voice that scared Fatty more than anything else. He had never seen Merry with that look in his eyes before and that too frightened Fatty more than he could say.
"I just hope Snow White doesn't kill you" Pippin said angrily, trying his best to keep the unruly mare still.
"She needs you alive" Fatty said to Merry. "Don't do this, don't kill yourself! Don't do this to my sister!"
"She needs me" Merry said again. "I cannot stay here, I have to get back to Brandy Hall as soon as I can."
"What will you be able to do?" Fatty angrily asked, getting desperate. "She is your wife, they will never let you see her anyway! Not until it's all over! Even if you do get there within the hour you will still only be waiting around, unable to see her!"
"Sometimes just knowing that the one you love is there helps more than anything else" Pippin mumbled, more to himself than to Fatty.
"You're going to die, if you ride bareback with no reins on that animal you surely will! Snow White is going to throw you off and you will break your neck!" Fatty cried.
"No she won't!" Merry said grimly and grabbed the reins from Pippin. "Now you listen to me, I am in charge here" he said to the mare who tried her best to get rid of him. "You must take me back to the Hall. I have to be there, I have to, and you are my only chance of getting there on time, do you understand me?"
"That won't work" Fatty said. "She's a pony, she won't understand." He had heard that Elves could speak with animals, but no matter how many Elves Merry knew he was still only a Hobbit and unable to speak with animals.
"I will make her understand" Merry said angrily. "Enough of this nonsense, I have never hurt you and I never will, not so long as you do as I say. But if you keep me from getting to my wife now then I shall make sure you are never seen again other than on my dinner table! Take me back, I command you!"
He added something in Elvish, and Fatty closed his eyes. He didn't want to see when Snow White finally managed to throw Merry from her back, the day was awful enough as it was. Fatty was sure that nothing Merry said, in whatever language he might say it, would do any good, whether or not he had learned the words from an Elf. But then he heard the sound of galloping hooves and opened his eyes just in time to see Merry storm past him on his wild pony.
"It will never end well" he said. "Pippin how could you let him?"
"Let him… it was not about letting him" Pippin said, sounding calmer than he felt. "And to be honest I think he's scared her enough by his own fear to be able to control her."
The two looked after Merry as he disappeared in a cloud of dust. Fatty sighed heavily and wondered what evil things would have happened before this day reached its end. Pippin just stood there in silence for a long time, shaken to his core by Merry's reaction to the news of Estella and her baby.
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
Pippin had been right in guessing that Snow White had been scared enough to obey her master. The turn of events had come so sudden and he had been so desperate that she had only wanted to flee, and if he wanted to be on her back as she did so then she wouldn't object any further. She was storming in the direction Merry wanted to go and he let her run as fast as she could, still wishing he was riding Stybba who would have carried him much faster but thankful that there was at least one animal able to take him back home.
His mind was filled with one thing only, Estella, his Estella. Estella who was expecting their fifth child in July, a child who would be born to the year a month after Comradoc. Estella who was always busy outside, running from one chore to another no matter what Merry or anyone else told her about taking it easy. Estella who always looked at him with such loving eyes, looked at him like nobody else did, and whom Merry looked at like he looked at no one else. Estella who seemed to understand his mind better than he thought anyone but Pippin or possibly Éowyn ever could. Estella who had been his life partner for twelve years. Estella who was in labour with a child who should not be born yet for another month.
Merry came storming up to Brandy Hall more than an hour sooner than he would have on foot, to the shock of everyone who saw him. The condition of his wife was known all around the Hall, it had caused a mixture of panic and fear with those who had been present when her labour had begun, and it had spread like fire when Fatty Bolger and three others had rode out in different directions to find the Master. But it was unclear what shocked and scared the Hobbits present for Merry's return the most. The sight of their always so calm and secure Master storming in bareback on a horse, leaping from its back before it had even come to a full halt and rushed inside without bothering to see if anyone took the rope that had served as reins, or the sight of him coming riding bareback on Snow White with nothing but a rope tied to the halter to keep the animal under control. One of the Hobbits present was so shocked that he grabbed the rope and led the exhausted animal inside the stall, not realising until Snow White was properly taken care of and fed that he had just cared for the pony that everyone feared.
Merry stormed inside the Hall, scaring everyone present almost as much as he had scared those who were outside and had watched him arrive.
"You there!" he said to one of them. "Estella! Where is she?"
"She's in the room with the blue curtains down the hall from the nursery" came the stunned answer. "But Master you can't go there!" the voice added as Merry hurried off to the room.
Merry couldn't care less whether or not he could go there, go there he would. He hurried to the room and stormed inside, once again scaring everybody present. He stopped dead in his tracks as he found Estella in the middle of a contraction, surrounded by her mother and his, and probably five or six other lasses.
"Estella!" he cried.
"Master Merry!" one of the lasses exclaimed.
"Merry get out" his mother said, as calm as if she'd expected him to come running in. "Wait in the hallway."
"Estella!"
"Out!"
Merry turned and slammed the door shut. Then as he finally paused his fear turned to anger. What could have brought this on other than Estella's refusal to relax and take it easy? She was not as young as she had once been and she had to take it easy during her pregnancy, for her own sake and the child's, Merry had told her so over and over again. But she had not listened, she had continued to run back and forth between outdoor chores and indoor ones, working just as hard as when she was not eight months pregnant. And now she was having the baby a month early, giving birth to a child that stood very little chance of surviving. Premature children did so seldom that it was practically unheard of.
Angrily he marched off toward the nursery, where he found his four children, all looking worried and scared. In the middle of all the commotion nobody had remembered them, and they had seen and heard more than they normally would have gotten to before they had fled to the nursery. Éowyn was rocking Cordy in her arms and Théo clung to her arm. Aramac sat leaned against the wall with his arms around his knees, nervously biting his lip. They all looked up when their father came storming in, and they got a surprised look in return. They could see that he was angry, and it seemed to scare the lads but not Éowyn.
"Mother is not in any danger" she told her brother with a relieved smile. "For father is angry. He is never angry with her if she is gravely ill."
"Why are you angry?" Théo asked.
"It's between me and your mother" Merry mumbled.
"Is mother going to die?" Aramac asked with tears in his eyes.
"Don't ask such daft questions!" Merry snarled, not wanting to answer it since he knew there was a chance she might. "Are you all okay?"
"We're scared" Aramac said.
"Don't be" Merry said and marched over to the window and looked out. He couldn't see Snow White anywhere, but most likely she had run to the woods. But what did it matter anyway, he had more important things to think about.
"You came back" Éowyn said.
"Uncle Fatty found me."
"You came back…" Éowyn said again.
The door opened and Esmeralda stood there, hastily wrapped in a robe to keep the children from seeing the blood that was on her clothes. Merry turned and looked at her, and she shook her head at the anger she saw in his eyes.
"Merry" she said. "A word."
Merry went out in the hall with her and walked a few meters away from the door so that the children wouldn't be able to overhear anything.
"How is she?"
"In labour" Esmeralda said.
"Too soon. It's too soon."
"She will be having this baby within a few hours, too soon or not" Esmeralda said. "There's nothing that can change that now. She's had contractions for more than two hours. Her water has broken."
"Fatty mentioned that."
"So it was Fatty that found you."
"Mother I need to see her."
"You can't" Esmeralda said. "You know you can't."
"But I shall" Merry said.
"Go back to the nursery, get yourself a drink on the way, and calm down! Don't look so angry, go calm your children!"
"No" Merry said. "I am going to see my wife."
"You can't."
"Oh yes I can, and I will!" Merry said.
"You lads may decide about most things, but a delivery room is a lasses to decide over" Esmeralda said firmly. "And you will not see her. You will only frighten her and make her think that something is wrong."
"Something's wrong?" Merry echoed. "Something is wrong! And I demand to see her, as Master of Buckland and of this home I order it! And get rid of those lasses in there, how many does it take to deliver a child? Pick one out that you like better than the others and send the rest off to do something better with their time."
Angrily he strode off toward Estella's birthing room and went inside. Esmeralda sighed and walked up to the room as well, where Merry had just commanded everyone who wasn't currently having a baby to leave the room. She wished she could stop him but she knew that she couldn't, and she could only hope he wouldn't say anything unnecessary.
"Merry…" Estella whispered when they were alone. "You came! Oh Merry!"
"When are you going to start to listen?" Merry angrily asked and walked over to her side. "When, tell me when Estella!"
"I…" Estella said, and looked at him with confusion. She didn't know what to say, she had expected any reaction but this angry one.
"How many times have I not told you?" Merry went on. "How many? I have said, over and over again, that you must take it easy and not exhaust yourself! For your own sake and for the baby's. But you haven't listened!"
"Merry, I--"
"This is because of you" Merry said and sat down in a chair next to her bedside. "Had you only done as I've said you would not be here right now, having a baby that will probably be dead by morning! How could you not listen, how could you be so careless?"
"Don't be mad" Estella whispered.
"I will be mad! I have every right to be. This is my child! My child whose life you have been so reckless with!"
"Don't say anything else" Estella said and shook her head, fighting back her tears. "You will regret it."
"You are the one who should be in regret" Merry said. "If you wish to jeopardize your own health that is bad enough, for anything that happens to you happens to me as well! But it is not up to you to jeopardize the baby! The baby is mine as much as yours, not to mention that the baby is his or her own!"
Estella broke from his eyes and a tear fell down her cheek. She had longed for him so much when her labour had begun, knowing that if he could only be with her, if she could only see him for a second she would feel better. And he had come. But not with comfort or assurance, with blame and anger.
"How could you risk the baby like that? Didn't I tell you that no good would come of you never resting? I told you that something like this might happen if you didn't take it easy! But you chose not to listen and now here you are! I hope you know that a child born this prematurely stands very little chance of surviving."
"I didn't mean for this to happen!" Estella whispered.
"You have to think!" Merry said. "I told you, time and again! You're not as young as you were when Éowyn was born, you are 52 years old now and must take it easy! How could you have such little respect for the baby inside of you?"
"Why are you saying these things to me?" Estella asked. "This could have waited, couldn't it? Do you need to make this any more horrid than it already is?"
"If you think it's horrid now then wait until you know what it's like when a child dies" Merry said, having seen dead children enough to know what a horrible thing that was for a parent. "Then you can talk about it being horrid."
"What has gotten into you? This isn't my Merry talking!"
"Maybe it isn't. But you don't listen to the Merry you think of as yours so then you shall listen to this Merry instead. Everybody in Buckland and the Marish respects my opinion and authority, you only laugh at it! I will have no more of it, look where that has brought us!"
"I do respect your opinion."
"If that were true you would have listened and taken it easy. You would not have laughed and told me that I was worrying too much, or get back to your chores as soon as I turned my back! You would have rested!"
"Do you think this is easy for me?" Estella said, no longer fighting her tears. "Do you not think it pains me?"
"Do you think I do not feel any pain?" Merry asked. "I will soon know what it feels like to lose a child, the most horrible thing any parent can experience! And all because of you!"
"No…" Estella said and shook her head.
"Yes, Estella. Yes! We both have to suffer for how little respect you have shown me, me and the baby! And the baby will suffer most of all, never even getting a chance of survival!"
"Merry please don't say anything else, not if you love me" Estella said. "I don't understand, why must you say all of this to me now?"
Then she cried out from pain and closed her eyes. She couldn't bare to look at him, she was heartbroken by his cold words and embarrassed that her husband saw her in this condition. Merry didn't seem to be the least bit bothered or moved by the pain she was in, he rose from his chair and told her to open her eyes. She obediently did and looked into his, begging him for forgiveness.
"Why do I say this to you now?" he said. "Because I want you to know that this wouldn't have happened had you followed my advice or even done as I begged! I want you to know, every minute that you spend giving birth to this child, that our baby is not likely to live. That your child never got a fair chance in this world because you didn't respect him or her enough to care for yourself while carrying the baby inside. And I want you to be aware that the baby might die, my son or daughter as well as yours, and it would never have had to happen if you had been more careful. Our little one is not at all likely to live… I just want you to know that."
With that he turned and left the room. Estella's mother and one of the other lasses went back inside, but Esmeralda looked at her son and his grim face.
"Whatever you said to her…" she said. "I hope you think it was worth it. I hope you didn't make it any worse."
"All I said to her is what I needed to say" Merry answered. "It is time that she learned to respect me."
"She does. She loves you."
"And because I love her she thinks she doesn't have to listen to me, she thinks she can do whatever she pleases and I will not care. But it is time she learned that I demand respect from her as she demands it from me. I am just sorry that she had to learn the lesson at the cost of our innocent child!"
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
Merry spent the following hours in the nursery with the children. Pippin and Fatty arrived an hour and a half after Merry and joined him in the nursery, trying to keep up a calm façade in front of the worried children. Merry didn't say much, he was still angry and seemed to be having a lot on his mind. He absent-mindedly carved a figurine out of a piece of wood as he thought things over, and left the care of the children to the other two.
Pippin made an effort to try and tell the children a story, but soon found he couldn't think of any stories other than those he knew Merry didn't want them to hear. He gave up trying and sang the children songs instead, and had at least Théo and Aramac for an audience. Éowyn had put her youngest brother to bed with the help of her uncle and had sat down to work on her sowing. Fatty sat by the window and looked out, wishing he could be somewhere else.
"Do you think it will be much longer?" Pippin asked Merry after a long while.
"Haven't got a clue…"
"Either way I guess it will all be over too soon" Pippin mumbled, thinking of the child that wouldn't live.
Merry didn't answer, he just carved his figuring with a little more force. It was anyone's guess what his motif was, but in his current state of mind it wouldn't surprise Pippin if he was carving a little orc.
"Fatty you must think I'm some kind of pig…" Merry eventually said.
"Huh?" Fatty said, being brought back to reality from wherever his mind had been.
"For doing this to your sister… No more than four months after she's had Cordy I go and get her in a delicate condition again. She shouldn't have to be in there now, she wouldn't be if I hadn't done this to her."
"What do I know about married life?" Fatty said. "I can't say whether or not you should have kept yourself from her. All I ask of you now, if you allow me to ask, is that you won't let this happen again for at least a few more months, give her some time to rest."
"Currently I don't think there's any chance of it happening for a long time" Pippin said and glanced at Merry. "Not if this mood is going to last…"
"But don't be cold to her, Merry" Fatty said. "You know I love you both, I don't want to see either one of you hurt… I can see that you are angry with her. But she needs you now, and you must promise me that you'll show her warmth and not this cold!"
Merry took a pause in his carving and seemed to ponder Fatty's words for a while before he went back to his figurine. A while later he hastily put it aside and left the room, much to everybody's surprise. He stormed down the hall and went inside Estella's room without bothering to knock.
"Mother I need a word with you!" he said.
"Not now Merry" Esmeralda said.
"What is with everyone, why do people have a problem with listening to what I say? I need a word with you now!"
"Go" Estella's mother said to Esmeralda. "We can handle this, for now."
"This had better be very important!" Esmeralda said to her son when she shoved him out the room and closed the door. "I am getting mighty tired of your superior attitude! And what exactly did you tell that poor lass, she hasn't stopped crying since you saw her!"
"Never mind that" Merry said. "Mother I need you to help me now, so that we can keep this baby alive!"
"Alive? Darling, I don't think this child will live much longer than for you to hold him…"
"I have to try" Merry said. "I couldn't possibly give up on my child, not while there's still something that can be done! I shall do everything that I can and you are going to help me. As soon as the baby is born and cleaned up, he is going to be wrapped up in a blanket and then we are somehow going to tie up that blanket to Estella."
"What?"
"It has got to work! If the baby is kept close to her he or she will get warmth from her, get to hear her heartbeat, get to be comforted at any time! The baby needs to save strength, mother! If he or she is right by Estella's chest all the time it won't have to cry when it wants to feed, or when the nappies need to be changed. Estella will be able to tell."
"I don't think it will do any good" Esmeralda said. "You must realise that your child will not live Meriadoc."
"I won't give up on this baby, not without doing anything that I can. Help me mother, what have you got to lose?"
Merry's mother sighed and gave in.
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
The baby was born two hours later, and it wasn't brought to Merry after having been cleaned up. Instead Esmeralda did as she had been instructed and made sure that the baby was safe in Estella's arms. She put little faith to Merry's idea but it wouldn't harm the baby to try and she wanted to help her grandchild in whatever way she could.
When Merry was let in to see the child he and Estella were left alone, and Estella looked at him with fear in her eyes. She was scared of what he was going to say, she needed his support now and not his anger.
"Is it all over now?" she asked and started to cry again. "I've never heard a baby sound like that… So little, so frail! The weakest cry I have ever heard!"
Merry sat down next to her, holding a pouch in his hand.
"As long as the baby breathes, I won't give up hope" he said.
"What about us?" she asked. "Is that over?"
"Over?"
"Will you love me again?" she asked. "Will you ever be able to look at me and have that love in your eyes that I depend on?"
"Don't talk like that" Merry said gently. "Hush…"
"I need to know" she said. "Is it all over? I love you my darling, but will you love me when our child is dead and it is because of me?"
"Este--"
"No it is because of me! You said so yourself, the baby is going to die and it is all because of me. How can you love me now? How can you look at me like you've looked at me before, knowing that we only have four children when there should have been five, and it is all my fault!"
Merry grabbed her chin and pulled her closer for a long, hard kiss. Then he looked into her surprised eyes and dried some of her tears with his thumbs.
"Estella don't say anything else. I meant what I said to you before, if you had taken it easier none of this would have happened. But fall out of love with you? Where did you get an idea like that?"
"How could you possibly love me after this? After I killed our child!"
"You didn't kill the baby intentionally" Merry said. "It was your stupidity and stubbornness. I have promised to love you come rain, come shine, in good times and in bad, to love what's good in you and what is bad. You kissed my best friend but I love you still. You brought this on our child but I do love you still. If you were to kill one of our children intentionally I would never be able to love you anymore, but I cannot fall out of love with you because you made a mistake, however horrible that mistake turned out to be."
"So you still love me? You're still mine?"
"I always will be. Until death parts us, and then once again when death reunites us. I am yours and you are mine, come rain, come shine."
"Merry mine…" she whispered.
"But I do ask that you from now on do as I say. I don't ask much of you, but I do ask that you obey me when I tell you what to do to keep your health."
"I promise" Estella whispered. "I promise, love! Don't you want to see the baby now, Merry mine?"
"I'm… not sure. It frightens me" Merry admitted. "Once I lay my eyes on that child I will be filled with that unconditional love… That love feels like a curse when the child will not live!"
"I thought you hadn't given up hope."
"There will always be hope. But truth be told… I don't think this child of ours will live long enough to be given a name."
Estella closed her eyes and wished she could make the pain inside go away. When she woke up this morning she had been just fine, carrying her fifth child in the eight month. Now she was lying there with that child in her arms, born a month too early and not likely to live to the day the birth was meant to occur. She opened her eyes again and saw Merry opening the pouch in his hand, and a lovely scent filled the room as he lifted some dried herbs from the pouch.
"Athelas" he said. "Aragorn left this for me when last he visited… It is dry now, it works better when it's fresh, but it's better than nothing."
"It looks like kingsfoil!"
"This saved my life once" Merry said. "Without it I had been wandering in the shadow world… It is my hope that it will save my child!"
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
One week later the baby was still alive, and seeming to grow. Whether it was the athelas or the constant care of Estella that was saving the little one was unclear, but the important thing was that the fifth child of Meriadoc and Estella was alive to be given its name a week after the premature birth.
In a small ceremony held inside the master bedroom, with the child in mother in bed, the baby was given its name. The only ones present were the parents, grandparents and Peregrin and Fredegar. Merry gave the child its name and then handed the little one back to the mother, adding a prayer that the child would continue to grow and thrive.
Lucimac was the name given to the child, a boy, but Lucky was the name he would be known by during the rest of his life. And with each passing day Lucky Brandybuck grew stronger, and when the time came for the celebration of Bilbo and Frodo's birthdays the baby was strong enough to come to Bag End with his family. And the stories of Master Meriadoc's ability to heal spread, adding further to the stories that were to become myths and legends among the Hobbits. Merry knew not even half of what was said about him, and if he'd known he would most likely only have found it awkward. Most of the stories that went around weren't even true, and those who had some truth to them had been turned into something much bigger than it originally had been.
But for as long as he lived in the Shire, Merry would come across the story of how he had stormed up to Brandy Hall on the beast that couldn't be tamed, riding faster than the wind people said, to be by his wife's side. Snow White had not improved after the incident, she still refused to let anybody ride on her back, and people said that the Master had used magic to ride the unruly pony back to Brandy Hall. And as the years went on, people began to say that he had passed his magic on to Lucky.
Some last thoughts: As I said, I don't care much for this chapter. For one, as you've surely noticed it's extremely over-dramatic. Overkill seems to be the appropriate word… Sure, it seemed good enough in my head when I mapped out the basics of the chapter, but once written down it just seemed over the top. Second, it feels like Pippin isn't getting to do much of anything in the past couple of chapters, and sadly he'll have to wait another two chapters before he really does anything. This chapter and the following two will focus mainly on Merry.
As for the children thing… I know some of you think that they do nothing but have kids, but… Well, in my experience that's what happens when there are no methods of birth control. I want the story to be realistic and the realistic thing is that several children will be born into a loving marriage where there's no birth control and both parties are fertile. However I promise that they won't have even half as many as Sam and Rosie, in fact I've written the chapter that comes after the birth of their last child.
Also in response to people thinking it's too "dull" or "repetitive", I agree with you. That is however how life is, the years all seem alike and only a few of them have life altering events. Since each chapter only deals with a few months of each year I can't really dig any deeper into all happenings either, I don't want the chapters to drag on for ever and ever. However I don't try to write the chapters repetitive, it's just that I've only got specific plans for about half of them and the other half I just let my imagination flow as I write. And in writing those chapters I'm bound to what I know will come in the next chapters so I can't include anything too dramatic…
Anyway, I want you all who have come this far in the story to know that I greatly appreciate your feedback and that you take the time to even read my story! Please don't take any of my comments now to mean that you can't point out flaws in my story or my writing, how am I supposed to improve if nobody points out to me what I do wrong? I want honest feedback, whether it be good or bad. I figure there must be something good about the story if you've come this far… And yet there's always room to improve!
I'm gonna put a sock in it now, and let you write your review, which I hope you will do! Feedback is what I live for as a writer =) Hopefully I will have the next chapter up within a few weeks, and I promise, there will be no babies born in that one! At least not for the Brandybucks, but you know how those Gamgees are… ;)
Oh and btw… That song Merry and Pippin sang… I know it's both odd and out of context, but that was the whole point of it, them singing something completely irrelevant. The carefree nature of the Hobbits…