Author's Note: Time for a change! It's about time these Hobbits got around to visit their old friends instead of just talking about it. Don't have any personal comments on this part really, I'm quite pleased with it and hopefully it's a little something different. However as far as the series goes, I'm thinking of changing the title. I've never really liked the "Each Passing Year" title and I'm thinking of changing it to "The Tale of Years". What do you guys think, should I keep it or should I change it?
Disclaimer: Characters and places property of JRR Tolkien.
"When are you going to give up?" Pippin asked with a sigh as Merry came close to being thrown from Snow White's back for the fifth time that day. "You have made no progress in three years, you will never tame that horse."
Merry frowned and jumped down on the ground out of his own free will. Snow White calmed down as soon as her rider was off her back and seemed to be looking at him with eyes saying that she decided whether or not anyone could ride on her, not him. She was just as stubborn as her master, if not more.
"Don't say that I've made no progress" Merry said to Pippin. "Before she would be as mad with no rider on her back. And I have ridden her once before, it can be done!"
"It's madness" Pippin said. "All you will succeed in doing is giving your wife a heart attack, you know how she worries when you try to ride this pony!"
"Yes I know" Merry said and lifted the saddle off Snow White's back. "But don't you agree that it is foolish to give up?"
"I don't" Pippin said and grabbed the saddle and reins as Merry put the halter on Snow White and led her toward the paddock.
Merry released the mare and closed the gate. His eyes drew to the southeast and stared off into the distance. It was cold out, only March, yet there was a warmth in his heart when he thought of the land in the southeast. Pippin came up to him after he'd left the saddle and reins to a stable boy and followed his cousin's glance.
"If you're looking for the sun your glance is too far to the east" he said.
"That would depend on which sun one is looking for."
Pippin grabbed Merry by the arm and led him toward the hall. It seemed as if every year around this time Merry's longing for Rohan became worse. It was now only a few days to the date on which the battle of the Pelennor Fields had stood and even though Pippin didn't know it, that was the reason for Merry's behaviour. He still felt the thickness of the black shadow come over him on that date, but he always managed to repress it. Though he could never keep the memories from haunting him, and he longed to be with those who had experienced it too.
They went inside the hall and Pippin asked for tea and sandwiches to be brought to them in the sitting room. He led his cousin down the halls to the sitting room which was only used by Merry, Pippin, their wives and children. Most rooms in Brandy Hall belonged to everyone, but one corridor was the Master's private. In the sitting room the fire was burning and Diamond and Estella were there with the children, trying their best to politely ignore each other. Though nearly five years had passed, the two had still not been able to forgive and forget what had been said and done at Crickhollow.
Pippin pushed Merry down in an armchair and slumped down in the chair next to it, rubbing his cold hands warm. Though there was no snow this winter the temperature was below zero and they had been outdoors for over an hour. No matter how much Diamond nagged at him he always seemed to forget to wear his gloves when he went outside.
Pippin glanced at the women and children gathered in the room, his and Merry's family. Diamond was helping Éowyn with her sowing, Merry's oldest daughter was making a quilt for her bed, or at least trying to. Théodoc was quietly reading next to his sister, the only person he seemed to feel completely comfortable with. On the other end of the room Faramir and Aramac were quarrelling over the rules in the game they were playing, and next to them Cordy and Lucky were bickering over a blanket. The youngest, thirteen month-old Lúthien, was being rocked to sleep by Estella. There were seven children present, Merry had said there would never be eight though he hadn't said anything to Estella about it. He had made up his mind but he knew she would argue with him about it, so he kept making sure she drank the tea he made her each morning and kept his mouth silent over what was in it. As long as she didn't know that she was drinking tea which would prevent her from conceiving, he knew everything would be fine.
Pippin decided that his hands were warm enough and began rubbing his feet instead. He looked up at his cousin who stared into space and seemed unaware that his feet and hands were red with the cold. Pippin sighed.
"Merry!"
"What?" Merry said, slowly returning to reality.
"Look at your feet! Your hands!"
Merry looked down on them and shrugged his shoulders. Estella and Éowyn glanced over at him and Éowyn put her sowing down and rose to her feet. She grabbed a blanket and walked over to her father, wrapping it around him.
"You're cold" she said.
"Thank you" Merry mumbled, seemingly without even noticing the blanket.
"Here, let me" Pippin said and began rubbing Merry's feet, annoyed with his cousin. Whether or not he longed for Rohan and Ithilien he ought to take better care of himself. The last thing they needed was for him to get sick at this time of the year.
"I wish winter would be over" Diamond complained. "Having to constantly worry about Pippin and Faramir getting frostbitten is taking its toll."
"Just you wait until summer, then you'll be worrying about us falling out of trees" Pippin grinned, in a slightly better mood.
"How I wish you would at least not teach the boy to climb those horrid things" Diamond complained. "It's bad enough having you up in them all the time!"
"But mother!" Faramir complained. "Father says it's not dangerous, as long as you don't fall from them!"
Diamond angrily glared at Pippin who only laughed.
"I've always wished to climb a tree" Éowyn said and sat back down with Diamond.
"You certainly will not!" Estella and Merry said in unison.
"You could fall out and get hurt!" Merry added, waking from his daydreams.
"See? Now there's a lad with at least some sense in his head!" Diamond said and nodded towards Merry.
"Some, but not a lot" Pippin grinned.
"You sure became talkative all of a sudden!" Merry said with a glare at Pippin. "I can rub my own feet, thank you."
"As you wish, oh sensible one!" Pippin said jokingly and bowed before hopping back up on his own chair.
"You behave or I'll eat all of your sandwiches" Merry said and began rubbing his aching feet. "Speaking of which, I'm hungry! When will they get here with our food?"
"If you're hungry you can get it yourself" Cordy said, mocking what his mother always said to his father.
"Estella watch what you say around the children" Merry said and jokingly gave her an angry glare.
Estella shushed him, nodding to the nearly sleeping baby in her arms. Lúthien was as stubborn as could be, and when she didn't want to sleep it was very hard to get her to do so. It had taken Estella nearly an hour to get her this sleepy, she didn't want her woken up again.
When Lúthien was finally asleep Estella quietly left the room to put her down in her crib. When she returned the others were feasting on sandwiches and tea. She cast a glance at Merry, who sported a bran new bruise on his left arm.
"You've been riding that demonic pony again, haven't you?" she asked.
Merry looked up. He didn't want to lie to her but he also didn't want to make her mad. Not right now. The bruise had indeed come from Snow White but letting Estella know so wouldn't help anyone, least of all her.
"We were actually thinking about going out riding this afternoon" Pippin said to save his cousin. "Stybba and Foxie could use a good leg stretcher."
"Can I come?" Éowyn asked.
"Yes" Pippin said.
"No" Merry said at the same time.
Éowyn looked from one to the other, unsure of what to believe. Her father rarely turned her down, and if Pippin said she could she couldn't see why her father would want her not to come with them.
"We need to speak of some important things" Merry said excusingly. "Some other time."
Éowyn nodded, but couldn't help feeling grumpy. She wasn't used to not getting her way with her father, and she knew she could ride out with them and be silent as the sun while they talked of their important matter. But there was no use in arguing with him when he was like this. There was never any use at all arguing with him this time of year.
Pippin looked out over the lands and drew his cape around him. It was far too cold for his liking yet no snow would fall. No rain either for that matter, this winter had had very little downfall. It seemed like this winter would never end. He had celebrated his fiftieth birthday earlier that year and even though there had been no snow it had still been too cold for them to celebrate it outside. More than seventy Hobbits had instead filled up the dining hall in the Great Smials, creating such a mess that it took them three whole days to clean it up. Pippin made up his mind then and there to celebrate his birthday in the summer next time, and Diamond had given her full support to the idea. She had been completely exhausted by the whole event and in the end Pippin felt it had been more troublesome than fun to turn fifty.
Next to him rode Merry in silence. His eyes kept ending up pointed to the southeast, almost as if by some will other than his own. It was now near April and the black shadow had passed for now, but the depressed feeling he carried inside didn't fade as easily. Merry longed for Rohan and Ithilien, he longed for his king and his lady. More so he longed for his youth which he felt had passed. He would be 58 this summer, a relatively young age for a Hobbit, but it was more the feeling of being young which was missing in him rather than only having a few decades behind him.
Merry was beginning to feel less alive. When he had travelled with the fellowship he had been as alive as could be, but now he felt as if he was walking around, breathing, eating, drinking, but not living. Life seemed stale. And he couldn't help but wonder what had happened with all the years. He looked at the six children at Brandy Hall and couldn't believe that he had fathered them all. Sometimes when he played with his children he would feel younger at heart, but it would only last for a short while. Merry longed to be out on the road again, to put his Elven cape on again, to fill his backpack with the things he by now knew he was going to need. He longed to ride on paths which weren't as familiar to him as the back of his hand, to see places so much bigger than the Shire and to meet other people than just Hobbits.
Pippin knew what was going on, though he never spoke about it. He was afraid that if he put words to the thoughts he would ignite the resting flame in Merry and cause his cousin to finally make the decision and go on the road. And Pippin didn't want that to happen. As much as he longed for Gondor and Rohan and the people he knew and loved, he didn't want to leave the Shire just yet. His only child was too precious to him and he didn't want to miss as much as a week out of his life, let alone a year. But he knew that if Merry left he would leave with him.
They reached the Great Smials and dismounted their ponies. Pippin fished out some sugar from his pocket and gave to Fox, then turned to Merry and broke the silence.
"Thank you for helping me exercise Raven."
"You're welcome" Merry said. "Raven used to be mine, it's the least I can do."
"What's bothering you?" Pippin decided to ask.
"Nothing" Merry mumbled and led the pony to the stables. They both knew that was a lie, but they also both knew that Pippin didn't want to talk about it and why.
They went inside and sat down by the fireplace with Diamond, Estella and the children. Merry lifted up Lúthien in his lap and gently rocked her back and forth. Éowyn crept up to him, and Théodoc followed his sister as usual. Soon all seven children were gathered around Merry and Pippin and begging for a story.
"Don't bother your uncle Merry" Diamond said to Faramir, who was begging more than the others. "He's cold and tired, let him get some rest."
"No, that's all right…" Merry said. "But only one story."
"Tell us about Bilbo Baggins' trolls!" Aramac said.
"Tell us about when you scoured the Shire!" Faramir suggested and glared at his second cousin for daring to suggest something else.
"No, I want to hear about Frodo Baggins!" came a third suggestion.
"When the wolves crossed the Brandywine!"
"The scouring of the Shire!"
"Tell us about Rohan" Éowyn suggested.
Pippin stared at her in shock, knowing very well how melancholy Merry would be at the end of the day if he began to talk about the land he longed to see. Merry was looking at her with surprised eyes too, the look on his face made the other children quiet down.
"Please?" Éowyn said and swallowed nervously.
"Rohan…" Merry said, suddenly miles away in his eyes. "Rohan, it is a land in the southeast, south of Isengard where Saruman the White once ruled. A very prosperous land it is, ruled by the noble and mighty king Éomer."
"Éowyn's brother!" Éowyn said.
"That's right. When I came to Rohan, the king was Théoden. A just and reasonable king, a good king, a father for his people. But his mind had been infected by the deceiving Grima Wormtongue, spy of Saruman the White. It would have ended with disaster had it not been for Gandalf the White, mightiest of all wizards."
"Théoden was Éomer's father" Théodoc stated.
"He was his uncle" Merry said. "Théoden's only child, a son named Théodred, was slain in the War of the Ring, before I came to Rohan. Théoden himself was slain in the war, but before he died he named Éomer the new king of Rohan. It was a crown Éomer accepted with sadness over his loss. His uncle and king had in truth been a noble man. Éomer rules Rohan in Théoden's memory and he is a just and good king."
Pippin couldn't take his eyes off his cousin while he talked about Rohan and the royal family. It was clear that Merry was back in Rohan as it had been twenty years before, and his cousin's tone was bittersweet. One could almost see the people he described, so loving and thorough were the portraits.
"Éowyn… Her hair is golden like the sun. It is not curly as ours is, it falls down her back without a single curl in it. Long it is, below her waist last time I saw her. Her face is both soft and hard at the same time…"
Estella frowned as he went on describing this woman, and couldn't help feeling jealous. The tone of his voice and the loving picture he painted were a bit too loving for her liking. When he had finished describing the lady Éowyn he went silent and continued to stare off into space, his eyes pointed to the southeast. Estella sighed and with a strike of pain in her heart realised that he would not be able to carry this longing around for much longer. She had hoped he would be able to control it for at least another four or five years, until Lúthien was older, but now she had to admit to herself that the time had come.
Later that evening, after she had put Lúthien, Lucky and Cordy to sleep she found him alone in Pippin's study, looking at maps over the land he longed for. She took a deep breath, braced herself and closed the door behind her. Merry didn't look up. She walked over to him and cast a glance at the maps.
"So this is Rohan?" she asked.
"Yes…" he mumbled and stroked the map lovingly.
"You long to go there" she said.
"Yes…"
She took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"I think you should."
He looked up at her.
"I've got my responsibilities here. The Hall, Buckland, Crickhollow… We have little Lúthie, she's only a year old."
"She will still be here when you return."
"She's not walking yet" Merry said. "She's not talking. I don't want to miss out on that."
"You will have plenty of chances to hear her talk and see her walk."
"Don't say that" Merry said and returned his eyes to the map. "The first time is special."
"She won't know you weren't there for that!"
"But I will know. Please Estella, you know as well as I do that I can't leave yet…"
"But when? Say that you can leave once Lúthie is three… What's to say we won't have a seventh child by then?"
"You're getting too old to be birthing babies" Merry said.
"And when all our children are old enough, there will be other things keeping you from going" Estella said, ignoring his comment. "You know as well as I do that there will never be a good time for you to leave the Shire."
Merry swallowed.
"Don't say that."
"You're Master of Buckland now. You're a father. The days when you could just up and leave are gone." She put her hands on his shoulders and gently began to rub them. "And yet we both know that you have to go, sooner or later. Your eye is always in the southeast these days, your wandering foot is itching… And since now is as good a time as any, you should go."
"Not until Lúthien is walking and talking."
"Go" Estella said. "You won't be able to leave until May, she might be walking and talking by then. All of her siblings have walked before their first birthday, she can't be far away now. I don't understand your longing for strange places, but I can see in your face that it is there, and that it is demanding. You're saddened by it, I know you are."
"March is a difficult month" Merry said.
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter, it just is."
"March or no… you were like this in February too. And in January. And I think it is safe to say that you will be in April as well. Write to the king, let him know you're coming."
"Do you really want me to go?"
"No" she said with a sigh. "I don't want you to go. I want you to be here with me, I don't wish t be parted for a week, no less a year! But it's not about what I want…"
"Yes it is" Merry said. "A hobbit belongs in the Shire. I belong in the Shire."
"Maybe you did once, but now you belong in more than one place. This yearning inside of you will not easen until your eyes look upon that land again."
Merry sat up straight and turned his head to look at her.
"Come with me!"
"What?"
"Come with me! Come with me to Rohan! See those lands for yourself, meet Éomer, meet Éowyn! Come!"
"I couldn't possibly!" Estella said and backed away.
"Of course you can!"
"What about the children?"
"They will come as well!"
"Most definitely not!" Estella spat out. "Lucky's health is weak, you know it is, and Lúthien, she's only a yearling!"
"We will leave in the summer, the weather won't be a problem for Lucky's health, or for Lúthien! Fresh air will only do them good! And think of all the things they'll get to see, think of how much they'll learn!"
Estella shook her head.
"No. I won't let the children leave. You might not belong only in the Shire, but they do! And I will not risk one of them falling in love with a foreign land just like you have."
Merry sighed and looked at his map once again.
"Someday I'll see Rohan again… Someday, but not now."
With the early dusk had come a freezing rain, the first in months. The rain was as cold as ice and fell with a fury as if the world was as tired of the grey winter as the Hobbits. The weather prevented Merry and Estella from returning to Brandy Hall since they didn't want to risk Lucky catching a cold.
When Estella left the study to check on the sleeping children, Merry returned to the sitting room and the warm fireplace where Diamond and Éowyn were sowing and Faramir was reading aloud from a storybook to Théodoc and Aramac. Pippin rose from his chair when Merry entered and put his pipe aside.
"So when do we leave?" he asked.
The two looked at each other for a minute. Pippin knew better than Merry himself that after this afternoon he would long even more to leave, and he had guessed by the look on Estella's face that she knew it too and would speak with Merry about it. Pippin knew that Merry would leave sometime soon, he had known for a few hours now, and he also knew that he would go with his cousin.
"May" Merry finally said. "I shall write Éomer tomorrow."
"That gives us only a little more than a month to prepare…" Pippin said and glanced over at his son. "But if you say May then May it is."
"You don't have to go" Merry said even though they both knew it was a lie.
"Yes I do" Pippin said. "And I shall write Aragorn, let him know that I'm coming."
Merry nodded. Nothing more needed to be said now. He would tell Estella later that the decision had been made, and Pippin would tell Diamond about their plans. And then they would start to prepare for their journey. A smile crept up on his face. He was going to see Rohan and Éowyn again, in a few months time he would be sitting in Meduseld together with the people he had longer for so. Finally he was beginning to feel like he was coming alive.
"What's wrong?" Pippin asked a few weeks later, riding up to Merry at Brandy Hall. His cousin was standing there with Stybba, looking concerned. "Has something happened?"
"No…" Merry said. "It's just Stybba."
"What about Stybba?"
"He is old" Merry said with a sigh. "Even for a mearas… He's more than twenty years old Pip, I don't think he can make the journey."
"Oh…" Pippin said, not knowing what else to say. He dismounted Fox and gave his pony a pat on the neck. Fox was no youngster either, but he was not too old to make the long journey, and Pippin was thankful for that. He knew how much it had to upset his cousin that his favourite pony might not be able to take him to Rohan.
"The time has come for Stybba to retire, I fear" Merry said. "But I would have wished for him to see his home land once more before that. Though I fear if I bring him with me now he will never be able to return to the Shire."
"Then ride Raven" Pippin suggested. "He's older too, of course, but he's still young enough to carry you there and back again."
"Yes…" Merry said with a deep sigh and patted Stybba's neck. "But I would have wished for it to be Stybba. I was planning on Raven carrying our extra luggage."
"We'll find another pony for that" Pippin said. "Ride Raven… It will be just like the old days, you and me, Raven and Fox…"
"So it must be" Merry said. "And Stybba will stay here…"
With a deep sigh he let his old friend out in the pastures and then helped Pippin get the saddle and reins off Fox. As they then walked toward the hall Merry began going over the things he had planned for them to bring. Pippin only listened with half an ear, he already knew very well what to bring and what to leave. His mind was with what he would have to leave behind, his wife and son. He couldn't look forward to the journey as much as Merry, he felt like he would miss out on too much while he was gone.
Diamond had been very upset when she had been told of their plans to leave. She had known that there was no use in arguing with him, but she hadn't been able to keep her thoughts to herself. She felt like he was once again putting Merry before her and their child, and Pippin didn't argue with her on that. Having Merry gone would make him so incredibly lonely, if he went with him the longing he would have for Diamond and Faramir would at least be made easier by all the things he would see and do. So he had chosen one out of two evils as he saw it, hoping he had made the right decision. He had tried to explain it all to Faramir, but his son had seemed incredibly unbothered by the whole thing. It was almost as if he didn't believe his father would actually leave. Pippin wondered how much he would grow during their year apart and wished Diamond would let him take Faramir with him. But he knew it would be a lost cause, she would never let him go.
"I received a letter from Éowyn today!" Merry said, suddenly getting Pippin's full attention again.
"You did? What did she say?"
Merry grinned.
"Read it yourself and find out, there are no secrets in it! She is looking forward to our arrival and she and Faramir will travel to Edoras to greet us!"
"It's going to be nice to see them again" Pippin said.
"Only nice?"
"You know what I mean…"
"I've been making plans for our stay," Merry continued, "and I thought we would stay in Edoras for three months, then the same amount of months in Minas Tirith and lastly spend three more months with Faramir and Éowyn at Ithilien."
"Nine months…" Pippin said. "That's a long time."
"Compared to all the years that have passed?" Merry asked. "If you wish to go back sooner then that is up to you!"
"No, I'll stay as long as you'll stay" Pippin quickly said, not wanting to anger Merry. "But we won't be back home for a year…"
"The time will fly by, you'll see" Merry said happily. "It will seem like we're there for nine weeks!"
"I hope you're right" Pippin said.
Pippin rubbed his aching temples and moaned. It was late in the evening and he was exhausted, but he could not rest yet for a while. There was so much to take care of before he could leave and not enough time to do it in.
He had decided to leave his oldest sister Pearl's husband in charge while he was gone. Bingo Boffin was trustworthy and just and Pippin knew he would do a good job, but he still felt a bit uneasy unloading his responsibilities onto someone else. Merry was going to leave his duties to Fatty Bolger, under strict supervision by Estella, since Merry didn't have any siblings, and Pippin hadn't had the heart to point out that Fatty might have many good qualities but he was not fit to run Buckland. Though deep down Merry had realised that too and asked Sam to keep an eye on things as well, just to make sure Fatty didn't do anything crazy.
The door opened and Diamond came in. She walked up to Pippin and began to massage his tight shoulders, Pippin tilted his head back and enjoyed the break. She had always been good at massaging but most of the time her hands were too busy with something else. It had been months since they had last rubbed his shoulders.
"It's seven o'clock" she said. "Faramir will be getting to bed soon. I thought you might want to tuck him in, since…"
"Since I won't be able to for a year" Pippin finished the sentence.
Diamond sighed.
"It's not that I don't want you to travel and see your friends again Pippin… It's just that I want you here with us. No matter how selfish that may sound."
"I will be back" Pippin said. "It won't be long before I'm climbing the trees in the orchard at Crickhollow again and singing my foreign songs by the fireplace. And when I return I'll no doubt know a lot more songs to sing!"
"I'm happy with just the ones you sing now…"
Pippin nodded slightly. There wasn't much to say really. He felt like a quitter, like he was running out on his family. He knew his place was here, with them, but at the same time it was wherever Merry was. It was complicated. His deep friendship with Merry had been established long before he even dreamed of ever having a wife, much less a child. He had never thought of such things back then, in his mind he and Merry would stay bachelors forever, always young, always playing their games. He couldn't help but consider himself a bit stupid for never realising that life goes on and sooner or later the day would come for them to start their own families.
Diamond rubbed his shoulders in silence. She was heartbroken by his decision to go away, and she tried her best not to let it show, but sometimes she couldn't keep it in. She hated how he would go anywhere if only Merry went and wished that he could stay in the Shire for her and Faramir. But she also knew that Pippin too had places and people he longed to see, only his longing wasn't as strong as Merry's. Deep down she knew that if he didn't get to travel and see them again he would grow miserable, and even though she was sad to see him go she was glad that he left before he became like Merry was now. She didn't want to see Pippin depressed like that, unable to be content in the Shire. It was better that he left and got it out of his system before it brought his usually cheerful spirits down.
"I will miss you" she said softly and ran her hands through his curly hair.
"Yes… I will miss you too. You and the baby."
Diamond giggled.
"He's hardly a baby anymore" she said. "He's nine years old now."
"He grows so fast" Pippin said. "I just hope he won't grow too much while I'm gone."
"He'll be as tall as his father when you return" Diamond said.
Pippin laughed.
"If he is then I will have a panic attack!"
Diamond leaned down her head and kissed him gently. Pippin turned in his chair and wrapped his arms around her.
"I know you feel like I'm choosing Merry over you and Faramir" he said. "But it's not like that."
"I know it's not" Diamond said softly.
"I could never choose…"
"I know you couldn't." She forced a smile. "We've had you for fifteen years, it's time we shared you with those humans of yours."
"Hopefully it will not only be humans" Pippin said with a smile. "We'll see Gimli again, the Dwarf. And hopefully Legolas, the Elf…"
"You long to leave more than you let on even to yourself" Diamond said. "It will be all right, Pip. Go see your friends and come back to us with their faces in fresh memory. Faramir and I will get by, even though we'll miss you."
"When I come back I will teach Faramir how to hunt" Pippin said. "He'll be nearly eleven then… He and I can go out riding together, and hunt to get dinner. Sleep under the stars, and I can tell him about all the times we went out hiking, Merry, Frodo and I, and old Bilbo Baggins…"
"He will like that" Diamond said. "But before you do that you'd best stay home for a while, and let me care for you."
"I promise" Pippin said with a smile.
"Now go tuck Faramir in" Diamond said. "You can tuck me in later!"
Pippin grinned at her and left to say goodnight to his son. She had been right, he did long to travel even more than he let on to himself. The only problem was he had so much holding him in the Shire. But she seemed to understand, and that was important to him. It would make his departure a lot easier, and it would help him think of her with a smile while he was gone instead of with sadness and guilt.
The sun was shining bright in the sky as if wishing them a good journey, and in the trees the birds were twittering. Pippin was caught by their cheerful singing and the excitement of the upcoming journey, even though the parting was going to be tough he couldn't keep a smile from his face. There were still a few minutes to go before he had to say his goodbyes, he might as well enjoy them instead of moping.
He was standing at the saddling area by Brandy Hall with Diamond and Faramir, making the final adjustments to his packing and whistling along with the birds. Faramir was holding Fox's reins in silence, finally realising the seriousness of what was going on. Just like Pippin usually did, he hadn't thought much about what was going to happen until the events were at hand. He had just shrugged his shoulders when Pippin had said he was going to travel and not taken the information in until now. Seeing his father getting ready to leave and his mother never taking her eyes of Pippin made him suddenly realise that his father was really going to go away and not return for a year. It seemed like an eternity.
A few yards away Aramac was holding Raven, quietly stroking the pony's soft muzzle. The six Brandybuck siblings were unusually quiet, not even little Lúthien was making any sound. Éowyn was staring firmly to the northwest, almost as if defying her father's long for the southeast. She was devastated that he would leave, she was her father's daughter in every way and had followed in his tracks all of her life. Now he was going away and she couldn't follow, and that thought nearly drove her crazy. She couldn't imagine not getting to see her father anytime she wished, she missed him terribly already and she was angry with him for leaving. She felt left behind and unwanted, and she feared that something would happen to him so that he could never return.
Finally she broke her stare and her eyes met with Faramir's. They looked at each other for a few seconds in understanding, though neither of them would know how to put their feelings into words. Their fathers were going away to see their namesakes, the Éowyn and Faramir who were married. Both children knew that their fathers hoped they would get married one day too, but neither of them could grasp that idea. They were too young, it was incomprehensible to them that they would one day marry and have their own families.
Merry came out of the stables leading Snow White, who seemed content with carrying the extra packs on her back. Merry had tamed her enough to accept anything on her back – except for a rider. But the sight of the white pony did not make the occasion easier for Estella. She hated that pony, she felt it was dangerous, and she didn't want Merry to bring it with him when he went on a long and possibly dangerous journey.
"Merry!" she gasped. "You are not taking that pony with you?"
"She can carry our packs" Merry said calmly. "She won't cause us any trouble unless we try to ride on her."
"Which I am certain you will" Estella said.
"I will be riding Raven" Merry promised. "Travelling offers little chance to try to break in an unruly pony. I cannot be thrown from the back of Snow White and break my leg during the journey, you know I've got more sense in me than that!"
"I hope so" Estella said and sighed.
Merry gave Snow White's reins to Éowyn who silently held the pony while Merry and Pippin put their last packs on her back. They had brought enough food to last them to Isengard and back, wise from previous experiences. They knew that anything could happen and that it was better to have too much food than too little. Estella had complained that they were taking more food than she and the children would eat the entire time they were gone, to which Merry had only laughed and stolen the apple she had been eating.
When Pippin had all of his things loaded on Snow White or his own back, he turned to his family with a faint smile. He had said goodbye to his sisters the day before and he and Merry had spent a few days at Bag End saying goodbye to Sam earlier in the week. Sam had sent letters and well wishes with them and complained that he couldn't go as well, but Rosie was expecting again. Pippin was glad that they had said goodbye to Sam already, he wouldn't want his friend to be there to see them off. It would only feel wrong to ride out without him.
He kneeled down in front of Faramir and ran his hand through the boy's curls. He smiled at his son and tried to memorise every line of the face he knew so well but would not see for many months to come.
"You be good now while I'm gone…" he said and gently stroke the lad's cheek. "Don't give your mother any trouble! Stay out of those trees, you hear?"
Faramir nodded.
"I will make sure he does" Diamond said with a sad smile.
"Make sure you do all your chores…" Pippin continued. "But also find time for a good nap or a good time! And…" He smiled. "And I love you, son. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too, father" Faramir said and hugged Pippin tightly.
When released from the hug Pippin rose and looked at Diamond with tears in his eyes though a smile on his lips. Diamond was far from smiling, a single tear falling down her cheek even though she tried her best not to cry in front of the child.
"If you cry then I will too" Pippin said with a laugh and pulled her close for a hug. He blew softly into her ear and then whispered into it. "It will be all right… A year goes by fast. Before you know it I will be back, teasing you and bugging you."
"You're a liar" she replied. "A year is an eternity to be parted from someone you love. And you never bug me."
"Now you're the liar" Pippin said with a soft chuckle. "I love you Dimesy… You'll be in my heart, and that is a safe place to be. Don't waste your time on tears… Your eyes are too pretty to have tears in them, promise me you'll keep them dry."
"I don't make promises I can't keep" she said.
They exchanged 'I love you's and kissed goodbye. Pippin then grabbed his hat and sat up on his pony. Faramir was still holding the reins and Pippin let him hold them for a while longer. Merry was still saying his goodbyes and though Pippin could have waited on the ground he knew it would be better if he sat on his pony. That way Merry would be quicker in getting up in the saddle so they could leave, if there was one thing Pippin hated it was outstretched goodbyes.
Merry had said a more proper goodbye to the children and Estella the night before, but there were still a lot of 'I'll miss you's that seemed to want to be said. Especially Éowyn seemed reluctant to let her father go, she had handed Snow White's reins over to Pippin after he sat up and wrapped her arms around Merry's waist, looking at him as if wanting to force him with her eyes to stay. Lúthien, who was in Merry's arms, also got a few jealous glances from her older sister, who had not appreciated getting a baby sister the year before. She had never minded her brothers, but a sister felt like a rival and she had hoped she'd never have sisters.
"Don't you grow up too fast now, you hear?" Merry said softly to Lúthien.
"Pippin's waiting for you love, let me take her" Estella said and gently lifted their youngest child over to her own arms.
Merry gently released himself from Éowyn's grasp and put his arms around Estella. Estella handed Lúthien over to Éowyn who had no choice but to accept the child as her parents said a last goodbye to each other. She couldn't hear what they were whispering and soon she found herself busy trying to get Lúthien to let go of the strain of her hair she had started tugging on. Her sister really was nothing but trouble.
"Go now" Estella finally said and gave Merry a gentle push. "The longer you stray, the harder it will be. And you two need to make the most out of whatever sunlight you've got!"
Merry pulled her close again and kissed her goodbye, then he let her go and ran his hand through Éowyn's now freed hair before he mounted his pony. He took one last look at his family and then turned to Pippin.
"What do you say, fellowship member? Shall we ride?"
"Let's" Pippin said.
They grabbed their reins and slowly, almost reluctantly began to ride down the path toward the main gate of Buckland. A noise made Merry stop and turn his head and with a confused look on his face Pippin did the same. Merry heard the noise again, then turned his head and with a smile signalled to Raven to start walking again. Pippin rode up next to him.
"What was that about?" he asked.
"Didn't you hear? Lúthien spoke!"
"Did she?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "For the very first time?"
"For the very first time" Merry confirmed with a grin. "She said 'dada'!"
When Merry felt they had ridden a safe enough distance he turned Raven in a wide bow so that they were suddenly riding in a different direction. Pippin once again rode up next to him with a confused and this time slightly annoyed look on his face.
"Excuse me, but isn't Rohan in the other direction?"
"Indeed it is" Merry agreed.
"And is it not true that we are riding in the wrong direction if where we wish to go is the main gate?"
"True" Merry said. "But we aren't going to the main gate. Hand me Snowy White's reins, wouldn't you?"
"Gladly" Pippin said and suspiciously handed the long line tied to Snow White's halter to Merry. "Now why are we not going to the main gate?"
"I have something that I wish to do on the way, regarding Snowy."
"And it's in this direction?"
"You're a clever one, aren't you?" Merry said with some sarcasm in his voice.
"Well I would appreciate it if I was informed of the detours planned!" Pippin said, slightly irritated.
"I think I've figured out the problem with Snowy" Merry said. "She's forgotten how to be a horse! She has forgotten that if we're to have any use at all of her as a riding animal then we have to be able to ride her. So I decided to take her to one who could most certainly remind her of how to be a pony and how such a beast should act."
"Who?"
"We're going to see Tom Bombadil. And old Fatty Lumpkin"
"We are?" Pippin said, suddenly grinning. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? And why didn't you just say so before we left, it would have saved us this detour!"
"You know how Estella feels regarding this pony… And she's scared of the Old Forest! She's filled with the same ludicrous ideas as Fatty, she would throw a fit if she knew I was going there. She considers it the greatest miracle of all that I survived the Old Forest, silly lass. So that's why we're taking this little detour, I don't want her to know that we're going there."
"But don't you think someone's going to see us ride in there?"
"Probably not, the Brandybucks don't go down there anymore. When we didn't return for so long after riding into the forest, Fatty started saying that we must have died in the Old Forest. And so the old ghost stories were given new life and these days the silly Hobbits are terrified of the woods. Cowards, the lot of them."
Pippin laughed.
"Come now, Master Meriadoc! I seem to remember that there was a lot of truth to those old ghost stories! If it weren't for old Tom, we'd be a tree's dinner! Or even worse…" He trembled when he thought of the barrow-wights.
"Nothing like that is going to happen this time, I assure you" Merry promised. "You will leave the woods looking back on your stay there as one of the safest you've had."
"Safest stay in that forest?" Pippin said, his eyebrow touching the sky. "Any stay that doesn't involve being eaten by a tree or a grave will be considered my safest stay there, and that doesn't give a big cheer for safety…"
"Now, now, let's not be grumpy…" Merry said and took a deep breath. "Can you feel that air, Thain Peregrin?"
Pippin took a deep breath as well.
"Yes I feel it."
"That is the last Shire air you will breathe for a while, my friend" Merry said as they reached the gates that led to the Old Forest. He jumped off Raven and handed Snow White's rope over to Pippin. "Because before long, you and I shall breathe the fresh air of the open road again… Feel the wonderful scents of Rivendell, the thick, foresty smell of Fangorn with any luck and the crispy, clear air of Rohan and Gondor."
"It's just air, Merry" Pippin said gently as his cousin unlocked the gates. "Air is the same wherever you go."
"You out of all people ought to know better than that" Merry said with a glare.
They both fell silent as they rode into the woods. Pippin felt the same chill of fear go down his spine as when he'd last entered these woods, and suddenly the idea of seeing Tom Bombadil didn't seem as wonderful. He could live happily the rest of his life without seeing old Tom, having to ride through these woods once more didn't seem like a price he was willing to pay. Sauron's shadow that had darkened so many woods had left the world, but the Old Forest was powered by another evil. It was the trees themselves who were the harmful spirits here.
"Merry" Pippin whispered after a couple of hours. "How much further?"
"Why are you whispering?" Merry asked in a normal tone of voice. "There's nothing to be afraid of here. You remember old Tom's verse, don't you? If anything bad should happen, we call it. We're going to call it anyway."
They kept on riding and Pippin wished Merry would decide it was time to call for Tom soon. He was hungry, cold and scared and he found himself longing for Frodo and Sam who had been there the last time they'd passed through this forest. Pippin believed in strength in numbers and right now he felt himself and Merry were dangerously outnumbered.
Finally Merry decided that they had gotten deep enough into the forest. He halted Raven and sat silently for a minute, gathering his thoughts and remembering their last journey though this forest. He wondered if they were far from Old Willow. Pippin wished he would just hurry up and call for Tom. He was almost about to do so himself when Merry softly spoke.
Three days later the gatekeeper in Bree noted in his book that masters Brandybuck and Took had come from the Shire to stay at the inn. He had recognised Merry, not from the night he had arrived with the other three Hobbits twenty years before but from the numerous trips Merry and a few other Brandybucks had taken to buy and sell goods. Master Took was to the best of his knowledge an unknown face to him. The two Hobbits had passed through the gates, heading for the inn, Pippin riding Fox and Merry riding Snow White.
Pippin greedily drank from the creek while Merry was busy filling up their water bags. It was a very hot day in early June and Pippin felt like he was going to burn up. Merry seemed less concerned with the heat, though he too was very thirsty. They let the ponies water and then sat down to view the maps and see where they were at the time being.
They were getting close to Rohan now, in only a few days they would be across the border. Their journey had been delayed a few times, once by Pippin spraining his wrist and another by Fox stepping on a sharp rock causing him to halt. Pippin now rode Raven and they had moved some of the packs over to their riding ponies to easen things for Fox.
"The summer sun is going to shine hot this year" Pippin predicted and gazed at the birds flying over the small lake just a short distance away. He sang a little tune.
In the days when summer is the brightestWe walk around and sing to all we meet
Hello, hello, hello
"Do you remember that hottest of all hot summers when our sons came into the world?" he then asked his cousin.
"Remember it? How could I ever forget?" Merry grinned. "First we nearly sweated to death during summer, then winter came and nearly froze us to death."
"And on the day Faramir was born there was that great thunderstorm" Pippin said. "And just a few weeks later when Théodoc came into the world snow was falling."
"Indeed a strange year" Merry said and nodded thoughtfully. "Let us hope it won't be another one of those years… We will probably get into trouble for not being in our offices during such troublesome times!"
"Well knights and esquires of great kings must also tend to their masters during such horrible years" Pippin said in as snotty tone of voice as he could muster.
Merry laughed.
"Yes, indeed they must."
"What do you say we stay here for a while and have lunch under the shade of these trees?" Pippin suggested.
"I would love to, but we are so near now, only a few more days… I wish to keep going!"
"You may not need to stop for lunch, but I do" Pippin said. "And since we are so close, what will a couple of more hours matter?"
"You're right" Merry said with a smile. "Though I don't know about you, but eating is not the first thing on my mind right now."
"Let me guess, you're thinking of tall people with blond hair and a love for riding around on horses day in and day out?"
"No" Merry said and grinned. "I'm thinking of taking a bath!"
That sounded like a great idea to Pippin and before long they were in the water, letting weeks of road dirt, sweat and fatigue wash off them. As the Brandybucks had always mastered boats, Merry had learned to swim when he was young, and when Pippin got older he had been taught the fine art by his older cousin. He was glad that he knew how to swim, he couldn't imagine being afraid of water like Sam was. Had he been afraid of water he wouldn't have gotten such a refreshing swim now when he really needed it.
When they finally got back up on the shore they laid out their capes and stretched out to let the sun dry them, nearly drifting off to sleep while they dried. Then Pippin had finally waited too long for food and began searching for something to eat in the surroundings. The trees probably provided homes for lots of animals and they tried to hunt as often as they could to save their food packs. While he searched for something to hunt, Merry washed some of their clothes in the lake, hoping to make them at least a little less smelly. Estella would go crazy if she knew how dirty his clothes were, but when you were on the road it didn't seem to matter.
Pippin returned with two rabbits and they sat down together to prepare- and cook them. It was a pleasant meal, and when it was finally over they had taken a three hour break from their journey. Merry quickly whistled for the ponies and they continued to travel.
Éowyn looked nervously at her image in the mirror and then cast a glance at the calendar. She had expected the halflings to arrive two weeks ago, she hoped nothing had happened to them. She knew that travels seldom took the time they were planned to, and that the two little ones were in no great rush so they would probably take it easy. But she couldn't help but worry that something might have happened. She was growing restless waiting around at Edoras for the halflings to arrive, though she knew she would have been more restless in Ithilien.
She put down the brush she had been working on her long blond hair with and took a deep breath. She didn't want to admit it to herself but she was nervous. She hadn't seen Holdwine since he'd helped her bring her son into the world, sixteen years had passed since he'd returned to the Shire. And Peregrin had she not seen since the War, she had barely ever spoken to him though she knew all about him from Holdwine.
She sighed. This was silly. She was actually nervous to see the halfling again! Not a day had passed that she hadn't thought of him, the bond that had formed between them was as strong as it was strange. Yet now she was nervous to see him, nervous because…
"Oh…" she mumbled, as the realisation hit her.
She turned around so that she wouldn't have to face the mirror. The mirror, reflecting a woman different from the one Holdwine had last met. She was very well-preserved and looked ten years younger than her actual years, but she was indeed older. Perhaps not as much on the outside as on the inside. She had changed over the sixteen years that had passed, of course she had. And he had too. They were not the same people they were when they said their last goodbyes. Were they?
And that was what scared her. She was scared that they might have grown apart. And she knew that it would break her heart if they found themselves being strangers to one another now, in her mind she had always thought of the two of them as friends forever but maybe that wasn't true. She hoped he hadn't changed too much and she hoped she hadn't changed too much.
"Oh don't be silly" she told herself. "Of course you've changed, but that doesn't have to mean you won't be friends! Aragorn saw the halflings just a few years ago and he said it was just like old times…" She sighed. "Old times… Except now the halflings are all fathers. And with high offices in their society. They have responsibilities weighing heavy on their shoulders now."
"What responsibility can be heavier than the ones they carried when first you met them?" Faramir's voice asked.
Éowyn spun around and raised her hand to her mouth, her cheeks flaming red with shame. She didn't know what embarrassed her more, having been caught talking to herself like this or the things she had said.
"I didn't hear you come in!" she said meekly.
"Don't worry Éowyn, I won't tell anyone that you were talking aloud to yourself" Faramir said gently. "But I'm glad I walked in on you. You must get your crazy ideas out of your head, their responsibilities are no greater now than they were before, they're just of a different kind. Are you worried Master Holdwine will have changed too much?"
Éowyn nodded and let her hand fall. She glanced quickly in the mirror, then looked away. She didn't know what to say.
"Haven't you had contact with him by letter all these years?" Faramir asked and stepped closer to her.
"The written word tells what you want to" Éowyn said. "He knows what I want to hear… That he's still the same that he once was, that there's still a bond between us." She looked at her husband. "I'm just worried that too much time has passed, that we've grown apart! They say that love grows at a distance or it dies, isn't it the same with friendship? I'm terrified of finding out that our friendship died long ago because we grew apart, only we don't know it yet!"
There. She'd said it. She'd told him her fears. Now she knew that he would either confirm them or deny them, that was the great thing about Faramir. He never gave a halfway answer, and he always knew why he gave the answer that he gave. He could always explain exactly what he thought and how he'd come to that conclusion.
"Your fears are justified" he said. "Time changes everything they say. Then some things always stay the same… I have loved you all along that has not changed. But a friendship that has been forced to be kept on a distance might have broken apart with time." He put a hand on her shoulder. "But I can assure you, there are friendships that last. Think of what you have been through with Holdwine." He gently kissed her and pushed the corners of her mouth up with his fingers to make her smile. "You will soon know whether your fears are justified. Word just came that the halflings are in the city and will be here within short."
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Éowyn asked and hurried past him to the door.
"Éowyn!"
She stopped and turned at his voice.
"Come now… There's no need to rush. I hope your fears won't come true, but if they are, then at least you will know."
"If we have grown apart then I would rather have never known about it" Éowyn said. "Even if that meant never seeing him again."
The wind blew as usual, her long hair was everywhere. The knot in her stomach was intense, she almost wished she could sit down instead of stand. Her arm was under Faramir's, her brother was on his way. She could feel every beat of her heart, almost hear her pulse.
Then suddenly a voice announced the arrivals of masters Holdwine and Peregrin. The two halflings came riding up toward the stairs on which Faramir and Éowyn stood and dismounted their beasts. Servants rushed up to them and took care of their tired animals. Holdwine looked up and his eyes met Éowyn's.
She held her breath. Then without giving her an answer to the question she hadn't asked, he fell on his knee with Pippin and bowed deeply before her, Faramir and Éomer king who had just stepped out on the stairs.
"Welcome!" Éomer's voice said behind her, as the three humans bowed before the halflings in return. "You have journeyed long and far, and you are weary. But finally you have arrived, and you shall be our guests. Even you, Master Holdwine, can put your esquire services aside for a few days and just be our guest."
"And Elessar king will be pleased to see the return of his favourite knight" Faramir said with a smile to Pippin. "It warms my heart to see the two of you again, you are most welcome. Friends from old and far, it is wonderful to see you again. I join with the king in greeting you." He glanced at his wife. "But the lady, will she not speak?"
Holdwine raised his head and looked at Éowyn. Their eyes met and this time he rose instead of kneeled. Next to him his comrade rose but Éowyn didn't notice. She didn't know if she could speak, she didn't trust her own voice, yet she wanted to tell Holdwine how welcome he was and how she had missed him.
They eyed each other for what was only a few seconds but felt like an eternity. Holdwine looked upon the lady he had longed to see for so long, gazed at her hair which was just as golden as he remembered, looked at her face which in his eyes had so little touch of aging, looked into the eyes which mirrored a soul so similar to his own. Éowyn in turn looked at the halfling, shorter than she remembered him to be, his hair as curly as it ever was, his clothes not the Rohan attire she was used to seeing him in but the Shire clothes he had travelled in. She recognised the scar above his eye, wondered what scars he had gotten since their last meeting, and then her eyes found their way back to his.
Then Holdwine slowly walked up the steps separating him from her. Peregrin remained where he had stood, most of all wanting to greet Faramir, but realising that he was witnessing the reunion of two people who were once as one soul but were now unsure of what they were. He remained standing where he had bowed.
Holdwine stopped on the step below where Éowyn was standing, looking even smaller now that he was a step lower than her. Instinctively she kneeled down so that their faces were closer and for the longest time he looked into her eyes in a way that almost made her uncomfortable. It was as if he was reading everything that she was now in her eyes and evaluating that compared to who she had been before.
And then his hand reached out and landed on her cheek, and his whole face lit up in a smile. She smiled back at him. Then he softly spoke the words which made the huge weight of worry lift from her shoulders and her heart so light it could fly;
"You're still you."
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