It was hot and I had abandoned any semblance of a long sleeve shirt and donned an old t-shirt that boasted "Baltimore Police Depatment" and its emblem. I hadn't worn it in a while, probably about a year, at least. Ben was walking ahead of me in shorts and a t-shirt, though somehow, I think he wasn't as affected by the heat as I was. He had grown up in the heat of a Baltimore summer, as had I, but since I had moved up to New York I had become accustomed to slightly cooler temperatures and the ninety-something-degree weather was not something I was enjoying at the moment.

"So how'd it go with Olivet?" Olivia asked.

I shrugged. "He didn't talk at all. Not that I really expected him to. She wants to see him again next Monday, first thing in the morning. She said it's normal for him to have nightmares and the like. She's going to try some exercises to make him talk, but I'm not letting my hopes get too high."

"You know, she's really good. I'd say probably the best person that can help Ben right now."

"So, I'm not the best person for him right now?"

"John, that's not what I said, and you know it. She's the best professional that'll be able to help him."

I didn't respond; I knew she was right, which made it somewhat difficult to come up with some wise ass remark. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I shouldn't have said that. I knew you weren't doubting me, I just..."

"You're tired and it's hot. Don't worry about it."

"How can you be so forgiving?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal."

"No, I mean in general. These past few weeks have been... crazy, to put it simply, and anything I do you just brush off, no matter how much of a jerk I'm being. How do you do that?" Up ahead, Ben had leaned over to look at something on the ground, giving us time to catch up.

She shrugged. "Like you said, the last few weeks have been crazy. You don't need an argument with a friend on your mind."

I knew she wasn't telling the whole truth, but that was because she didn't know herself. It was programmed into her, just like being such a good detective, or caring person. And I loved her for it. "I've been meaning to ask, would you mind coming shopping with me and Ben? He's outgrown some of his pants and I... well, I figured you'd be the best person to ask. Somehow, I can't see Fin shopping for clothes, at any time, even for himself."

She laughed. "Neither can I. I have off tomorrow, if you want to go then."

I nodded. "Sounds like a date."

"I'll come over your place around ten-thirty?"

"If I can wake Ben up. He sleeps late most mornings because he's up at some inane hour of the night, or rather, morning and has trouble falling back to sleep."

"It sounds like he's turning into one of us. Nightmares, trouble falling asleep, sleeping late whenever we can."

"Not exactly what I was hoping he'd turn into. A veteran cop at age ten. Has to be a record." I shook my head. "He's never gonna be a cop."

"You can't just say that."

"I can say it, doesn't mean it'll happen, but I can sure as hell try." I watched him as he watched some older boys playing baseball. "I don't want him turning out like us, Liv," I said softly. "I don't want him to turn into a cynical lifer." I paused. "I want him to be safe."

"He will be, as long as you're by his side, supporting his decisions."

I looked at her. "What about when I die?"

She looked at me, sadness in her eyes. "He'll deal with that when it comes. And hopefully, you'll have taught him enough so that he can move through it and be his own man, make his own decisions."

"I just don't want him turning into us."

"We're not that bad, are we?" she joked lightly and smiled a bit. "You'll do fine and he'll be a fine man, just like you. Don't worry about it."

I shook my head, disbelieving that I was a fine man. As I focused again on Ben, I realized why Elliot always took it so personally with every case involving a child. We all took those cases rough, but I had never known what it was like to have to go home and look at your sleeping kid and want to protect him from everything horrible in this world. To look at a precious piece of life, something that was your own flesh and blood, and want to shield them from the horrors you saw day in and day out.

Life was precious. As were children.

As was Ben.