Author's Note: So far so good, it's Friday and another chapter is up! Today I finished my 260th page for this fanfic (boy do I need to get a life!) so I've got a few more chapters waiting on my harddrive as well. As promised, Merry and Pippin will finally put their friendship to the test in this chapter. No more setting it aside for other plotlines =) Do or die! My last chapter got both positive and not so positive reviews, perhaps I'm not ready for that kind of writing yet. In either case I'd like to thank both those who were positive to the chapter and those who were negative! All reviews are helpful! I said last week that I wouldn't do any experimental pieces for a while, but I kinda' lied a bit. This has a segment which is me experimenting with the concept of Song Fics. The format itself has never been for me, but I used a song, actually two songs, in the text. Instead of writing the lyrics down and weaving thoughts and comments around them I turned the lyrics into the characters' thoughts. More or less. Some re-writes, some of my own stuff involved. Anyway, aside from that there's nothing experimental about this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy!
Zebra Wallpaper – thank you for your review! I'm really glad you like the series, I hope you'll continue to like it! Your review was quite helpful, thank you! I promise I haven't given up completely on the experimental pieces…
Disclaimer: The characters, places and events from "the Lord of the Rings" belong to JRR Tolkien. The two songs I used lyrics from were "Endless Night" (lyricist Julie Taymor) and "You have to Be". I'm not sure who wrote that song, can it really be ABBA? In any case, these songs belong to their writers and not to me, though I use them without profit.
"Careful with that brat of an animal!" Pippin said and chewed a straw of hay as he watched Merry ride Snowmane. "He has his mother's temper!"
"And I have my mother's stubborness" Merry replied with resolute. "He is not impossible, only difficult!"
"Look who's talking" Pippin muttered.
Merry had been riding Snowmane for about a month, but it was a tricky pony to master. It took Merry's full attention to keep him under control, and the pony seemed to be determined not to let his master win. It was a constant battle and had been all summer, some days Snowmane behaved and some he was like a wild animal. Mostly it seemed to be the latter.
On this particular day Snowmane was even worse than usual. His ears were as far back as they could be and his eyes were open wide. He was in a very bad mood, and did everything he could to give Merry trouble. Pippin chewed nervously on his straw, not liking what he saw one little bit. Snow White had been very troublesome until she was taken to Tom Bombadill, Snowmane seemed to have that same difficulty in him.
"It's not going too well at all" Éowyn commented.
Pippin nodded in agreement. They were both leaned against the fence and both were concerned. Luckily they could see that Merry was rounding up and getting ready to dismount and get the unruly pony back into the stables.
Éowyn, who would be sixteen a month, was a very skilled horsewoman, but she didn't long to try and ride Snowmane. It had once been her dream, but now that she saw how he acted she would rather keep to her own pony, Aestas. She wondered what her father planned on doing with his unruly pony, and brushed a curly strain of hair from her face as she watched him ride. She had tied her hair up in a ponytail and hid it under a hat but it still seemed to manage to get everywhere. Her features had only grown more fair over the years, even though people had said she was the spitting image of her mother when she was young, now it seemed hard to tell which parent she looked like. She seemed to have gotten the best from them both, but beauty did not concern her. She wasn't interested in lads anyway, she had yet to find one who could measure up to her father and until she did she would stick to her ponies.
Pippin frowned as Snowmane began to stir again. He could see that it demanded Merry's full attention to keep the pony under control. Why wouldn't his cousin just give up and keep the pony to drive the cart? Why was it so important that his new riding pony would descend from Stybba? Everyone had been right, Snow White would not be a good pony to use for breeding. If it were up to Pippin they would simply find a better mare and breed her with Stybba, and that would be the end of the problem. But Merry was indeed stubborn.
Snowmane calmed down and Merry patted his neck with a grin. When Snowmane felt his rider relax he flew up on his back legs and whinnied, throwing Merry off his back as he did. Snowmane then set off in a gallop around the paddock, leaving his thrown rider on the ground.
"Merry!" Pippin cried.
"Father!" Éowyn cried at the same time, and without thinking hurried into the paddock to stop Snowmane before he accidentally ran Merry over.
Pippin called his cousin's name again and followed Éowyn into the paddock. Merry was lying still on his back, with his right arm under him, most likely broken. He seemed to be unconscious, the fall had been heavy. Pippin reached him and kneeled beside him, and tried to shake him awake. He had no luck.
Meanwhile Éowyn managed to get a hold of Snowmane's reins and with all her might got the pony to a halt. Snowmane was still stirring but at least he wasn't kicking or biting. Éowyn could feel safe enough holding him.
"Is Father all right?" she asked Pippin.
"He's unconscious" Pippin said. "We have to get him to the Hall! Quickly! Call for aid!"
Pippin cursed the fact that they were out by Crickhollow and not Brandy Hall. Merry preferred training ponies at the Crickhollow paddock, since it was more quiet and secluded. Pippin had found him and Éowyn here this morning by chance, and he was thankful that he had. Someone had to stay with Merry while waiting for help. Pippin didn't dare to move him alone.
Resolutely Éowyn swung herself up in Snowmane's saddle, not caring that he had just hurt her father badly. She knew she needed to get to Brandy Hall as soon as possible and Snowmane was the only saddled pony. Aestas was out in the pastures, it would take an unnecessary time to fetch him. She drove Snowmane to a gallop and for some reason the pony didn't object. Perhaps he felt bad for having thrown his master.
Pippin watched her gallop off toward Brandy Hall and was reminded of when Merry had ridden Snow White to get to Estella. Éowyn was her father's daughter, there was no question about that. And either by her will or some other she managed to control the unruly beast.
Turning his attention back to Merry Pippin placed a hand on his forehead and shuddered when he felt how cold it was. Merry's condition after the battle at Pelennor still haunted him in his nightmares, Merry's cold forehead was a reminder of that battle and its aftermath. He hoped Éowyn would hurry, and that there would be a good medic at Brandy Hall other than Merry.
"I don't understand this" the old medic Marmadas said. "He ought to be burning with fever, fever is in his body, yet he is cold. I have never seen anything like it."
"I have" Pippin said. "But what caused it this time, I don't know."
"Has the Master had this condition before?" Marmadas asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Once, a long time ago" Pippin said.
"What brought it on then?"
"I… I don't know."
"Will he get better?" Estella asked, holding Merry's icy left hand in hers.
"He took a bad fall, Madam Estella" Marmadas answered. "His right arm is nearly broken, his back was hurt and he hit the back of his head pretty hard against the ground. I can only hope he is not bleeding in his skull, for if he is there is nothing I can do for him."
"Oh goodness…" Estella said and began to cry.
"I don't know how serious his back injury is either" Marmadas continued. "If he's in really bad luck, he won't be able to walk."
Pippin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. So that was how serious it was. Merry could die. Opening his eyes he looked at his cousin, so pale and so cold. So much like when the Black Shadow had taken him. But there was no Black Shadow anymore.
"What can we do?" he asked.
"Wait and see" Marmadas said. "Keep him warm. Keep him cool. I don't know which. He needs a more skilled medic than I. But I shall do all I can, hopefully he is not bleeding on the inside. Hopefully his back is not too damaged."
Estella swallowed hard.
"When will he wake up?"
"I cannot say" Marmadas sighed. "It could be minutes. It could be hours. Days and weeks even. I don't know."
"Or he never wakes at all" Pippin stated.
"Quiet, Peregrin" Estella said with an angry glare.
"What shall I tell the rest?" Marmadas asked.
"Only that the Master is ill" Pippin said. "And do not speak to the children. I will do that. Poor Théodoc has to know he might become Master of Buckland soon, at his fifteenth birthday. A negligible age for such a task…"
"Do you think that will happen?" Estella asked with fear in her eyes.
"I can only pray it won't."
Days passed. Merry did not wake up from his deep sleep, he got only colder day by day. There was nothing that could warm him, even fever. If Pippin didn't know better he would have sworn it was the Shadow. The truth was that the Shadow was part of his condition, when he had hurt his arm in the fall his old injury had woken again. It didn't matter however that Pippin didn't know this, there was nothing he could have done even if he did know.
Sam came from Hobbiton as soon as word came, and he, Estella and Pippin took turns in sitting by Merry's side. Éowyn was there as well, as often as Estella would allow her, and the other children came once a day to visit their father.
Snowmane was gone. Pippin had made sure the pony was put down for good, he didn't want it around after what had happened. Snowmane was dangerous, and Pippin made sure he would never hurt Merry again. He didn't care if Merry would be furious that his precious pony was gone, as long as Merry woke up that was all that mattered.
When he sat by Merry's bedside he sometimes lost track of now and then. The past, when Merry had been at the Houses of Healing, and the present blended together in his mind and it was sometimes hard for Pippin to tell where he was and what was going on. He could be convinced that there was a War going on in one minute, to remember that the War had been over since way back the next. His mind and his heart were in turmoil and the longer Merry laid in his coma the worse things got for Pippin.
What scared him the most was that Merry would die without the two getting a chance to sort out their problems. Pippin begged to at least get the chance to say that he was sorry for things that had been and vowed that if Merry woke up again he would talk to him as soon as possible about how things had been between them. They had to get their situation sorted out, they could not go on the way they had. Now there was a possibility they never would get the chance, and it terrified Pippin more than he could put into words.
He made sure to take as good care of Merry as he possibly could. He even managed to get some soup down his cousin's throat, along with some water. Sitting by his side he told him all kinds of things, talked about old memories and told old stories. He sometimes talked of how scared he was that Merry wouldn't wake up, but most of the time he refused to talk about it. It was frightening enough without putting it into words.
He wondered what would happen if Merry were to die. Théodoc would suddenly become the Master, Pippin knew he was not yet ready. Théo knew that too, and was horrified of the thought. Éowyn would be inconsolable if she lost her father, she was already sadder than Pippin had ever seen her before and no matter what she wouldn't smile. But out of all the children Pippin felt most sad for Lúthien. She was only six years old and far too young to lose her father. All the children were, but Lúthien especially.
"See that is why you have to wake up" he said one afternoon. "For their sake! If not for mine, or Estella's, or Buckland's…"
There was a soft knock on the door and Estella entered. Pippin reluctantly rose and left his seat for her. It was her turn to watch over Merry now, and as little as Pippin wanted to admit it he was weary and needed some time to sleep. As he stepped out into the hall he also realised how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten a good meal in days, it was about time for one now.
Lúthien was sitting on a stool with a teddybear, having waited for her uncle. Now that she saw him she ran up to him and took his hand.
"Uncle Pippin…" she said. "Will Father wake up today?"
"I do not know" Pippin said and wished he had brighter news to give the child.
"Maybe if I wished it…" Lúthien said.
Pippin gave her a hug. It was Lúthien's standard reply when she wanted something she might not get. He had heard it often, but not in serious situations like this.
"You run along now" he said. "Go to the kitchen and tell them to get some food ready for me! I'm starved."
Lúthien ran off to do as she was told and Pippin wished even harder that Merry would wake up. He hoped that Lúthien wishing it would work.
Suddenly he realised that the hall was quiet, the chatter usually heard coming from different halls and rooms was gone. It had ended abruptly. There were a few other Hobbits beside himself in the hallway, among others Aramac and Cordy, and all eyes were turned toward the direction Pippin was faced.
A tall, slim figure with blonde hair came walking down the hall, knowing by some instinct where to go. The figure was crouched to walk through the Hobbit-sized halls, but one could see that it was with a proud posture that the person normally walked. The fair face was timeless, it didn't seem neither young nor old. The eyes didn't seem to notice the Hobbits in the hall, they were focused with finding the right way to Merry's bedroom.
For a moment Pippin's jaw dropped, but then a hint of a smile showed up on his face. Of course. With a bow he pointed the newly arrived to the room where Merry lay and saw the figure enter without a word. Sam came hurrying down the hall, and stopped when he reached Pippin. He too was surprised.
"And not as much as a hullo" he said.
"Sometimes there are more important things to worry about" Pippin said. "Times such as these… who has time for hullo?"
Inside Merry's room Estella looked up when the blonde figure entered. Shocked and without knowing what to say she rose to her feet and backed away, allowing the stranger to sit where Estella had just been sitting. A slim, cool hand was placed on Merry's forehead and another equally slim hand began feeding him with the soup Pippin had left behind. To Estella's astonishment Merry's mouth opened slightly and he swallowed the soup.
"Who…" she began, but didn't finish the question.
The blonde stranger paid her no heed. Estella couldn't help but wonder who this stranger was. The door opened and Pippin stood in the doorway with a slight smile on his face. Estella turned to him and looked at him with bewildered eyes.
"It will be all right Estella" he said with full confidence. "Do not be alarmed."
Sam showed up next to Pippin and didn't seem quite as sure that things would be fine. With a deep frown he then left, obviously not very happy with the situation. Pippin remained in the doorway for a while however, and with him present Estella dared to go to the other side of the bed and sit down there. She was intimidated by this stranger, who seemed to have taken over the role as watcher from now on. Estella knew she wouldn't dare to ask the guest to leave.
Eventually Pippin left, to Estella's dismay. She spent the following hours in silence, not daring to speak, and tried to look mostly at Merry. But it was difficult, her eyes drew to the stranger like magnets, she wanted to know who it was.
She knew she wasn't needed in the room. Merry was being well taken care of, yet Estella didn't want to leave. She wanted to keep an eye on this stranger, even though Pippin didn't seem the least bit bothered by the situation. He had left to have dinner and get some sleep, full of confidence that his cousin was in good hands.
Estella eventually drifted off to sleep too, rocked to sleep by the stranger's songs. When she woke up it was already light out, and she was angry with herself for having slept so long. The stranger hadn't slept at all, didn't seem to have moved an inch. It made Estella feel like she had done something very wrong in sleeping. She had let her guard down while the stranger hadn't.
Merry however was stirring. Estella quickly sat straight and stared at him, when she was sure he was about to wake up she ran out in the hallway and told the nearest Hobbit to go get the Thain. The Master was waking up.
She returned to Merry's bedside just in time for him to open his eyes. She could see that he was groggy, and appeared to be in pain. He turned his head from side to side and his eyes fell on Estella. She smiled at him and was just about to speak when his head turned again and he saw the blonde stranger. A smile appeared on his face.
"I know your face…" he said with wonder and reached his left hand up towards his friend. "Éowyn… Éowyn…"
The lady Éowyn rewarded him with her warmest smile and took his left hand in hers, lifting it up to her cheek. With her right hand she caressed his cheek as he caressed hers. The two looked into each other's eyes and seemed unaware that there was anyone else present.
Estella was sure that if she tried to speak her voice would fail her. So this was Éowyn. This was the White Lady. She should have known.
After a few minutes Pippin came through the door, and he grinned widely when he saw that Merry was awake. He hurried up to the bed and kneeled next to Éowyn. Merry finally took his eyes off Éowyn and looked at Pippin. He gave him a slight smile of recognition and then his eyes were on Éowyn again.
"You're here…" he said. "I cannot believe that you are here…"
"Of course I'm here" she said.
"How..?"
"I didn't know what had happened" she said. "Or what was wrong. All I knew was that I could feel the Shadow in my left arm. And since nothing was wrong with Faramir or me I knew it was you. I rode Windyfaxe, Shadowfaxe's third foal, and was here within a few days. How I found my way I do not know. I'm glad I was not too late."
"Éowyn…"
It was clear to Estella that she was witnessing the reunion of two dear friends. Somehow she couldn't mind, even though Merry seemed oblivious to her presence and only had eyes for another lass. This was his Éowyn.
Estella could see the ring on his right hand glimmer as it reflected the candlelight. It was the by far prettiest ring she had ever seen, made from white gold in the shape of three horses. In the middle was an amethyst, the finest Estella had ever seen. It was the only ring she had ever seen Merry wear, and he wore it always. It had been a gift from Éowyn a long time ago, it had belonged to the Lady when she was younger. It had been in her family's possession for generations, now it was on Merry's finger. It had always been a sore spot for Estella that he wouldn't wear a wedding band but he would wear Éowyn's ring.
Eventually Merry was left to himself to get some sleep, though he claimed he had had enough already. Pippin was assigned to show Éowyn to her room and Estella needed to get some more sleep of her own. As they stepped out into the hallway the six Brandybuck children waited for them. They stared at the tall stranger who stared back at them. For sixteen years Éowyn had longed to meet Merry's children, now they were right before her eyes. Young Éowyn took a step forward.
"Are you the White Lady?" she asked.
The lady smiled and kneeled to look at her namesake. The lass had Merry's eyes, but the rest of her features seemed to be neither the mother's or the father's from what Éowyn could tell. It was a very beautiful child who indeed had what Merry called apple cheeks. Éowyn didn't notice that tears were falling down her cheeks, with a happy laugh she reached out her hand and pulled back some of the long curls of hair from the teenager's face. It was hard to believe that this was Merry's daughter. Éowyn felt an instant love for the child, and was overwhelmed by looking at her Hobbit namesake. She was unable to say a word.
Young Éowyn didn't know what to say either. She too was overwhelmed with meeting the woman she had been named after. All of her life she had heard of the Lady Éowyn and her father had described her as the most wonderful woman he had ever encountered. Now this woman was looking at her, and young Éowyn knew instantly that all that her father had said had been true. For this woman had come to the Shire in spite of the law to be with her father when he was ill. All the way from Ithilien she had traveled only for Merry. Such a person won young Éowyn's heart instantly.
"My lady…" Pippin said. "I should get you to your room now." When no answer came he bowed. "Forgive me, I should have introduced you properly. Éowyn daughter of Éomund, White Lady and Princess of Ithilien and Shieldmaiden of Rohan, this is Éowyn daughter of Meriadoc, of the Shire. Known as Éowyn the Fair."
Young Éowyn blushed when he said the last part. But Pippin could see in her eyes that were so much like Merry's that above all she was impressed by all the titles her namesake had. Pippin had introduced her as properly as he'd known to.
"And this is Théodoc son of Meriadoc, heir to the Mastership of Buckland" Pippin continued and formally introduced the children in chronological order. Éowyn didn't say anything, but with her eyes recognised each child as Pippin introduced he or she. She had heard so much about them, it was strange seeing them in front of her. And yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"Your recovery is going well, dear cousin" Pippin said in the evening two days later. "It warms my heart to see."
"I feel a lot better" Merry said and slowly exercised his right wrist.
"It's great to see you up and about again" Pippin said with a smile.
"I am so tired of that bed" Merry said. "Apparently one can get too much rest! Luckily I had company most of the time."
"Yes, we were actually worried that you wouldn't get enough time to yourself."
Pippin went over to the window that had been letting fresh air into Merry's convalescence room and closed it. It was a warm enough August night but Pippin didn't want to risk Merry catching a cold in the draft.
"We were mighty worried for a while" he told his cousin. "For a while there it seemed like you would never wake up."
"I can't remember what I dreamed, if I did dream" Merry said. "It is strange…"
"Perhaps not. You were unconscious after all."
"I do remember feeling the faint scent of Éowyn's perfume…" Merry said with a smile. "I remember that the darkness turned to light. I got through the darkness and reached the surface. And there was she…"
"Her arrival made a huge difference" Pippin agreed. "Sam is furious that she is here, you know. He says it's against the law and that's the end of that."
"Is that why he went back to Bag End so soon?"
"I think so. He and I had kind of an argument about it… I said that it was nothing to be upset about, sometimes there are things more important than laws and we owed your quick recovery to Éowyn. Sam said there was no way of knowing that, and either way you're fine now so she should be on her way. He doesn't feel you can make exceptions to the law for anyone. Make one exception, you'll soon make two. And then three, four, five, and before you know it you make exceptions for everyone. I still think it's good that she is here though, whatever Samwise says."
"I hate that law" Merry said. "Why should our friends be prohibited from visiting us in our homes? It's silly."
"Silly or no, it's for our protection."
Merry nodded and continued to exercise his wrist. It was still painful and so was his back, but at least he hadn't broken anything.
"Merry…" Pippin said nervously. It was time for the talk he had sworn they would have if Merry woke up.
"Yes?"
"What's really going on? With you and me, I mean!"
"What, right now?"
"Nothing has been the same since we came back home from our last journey. It's like you don't want to be around me."
"Don't be foolish."
"You never come to the Smials" Pippin said, unable to stop now that he had begun. "It is always I who come to you. And when I do you don't have time for me. When was the last time we really talked, Meriadoc? When was the last time we shared confidences? We used to be as one, always around each other, always together. Now we're apart and I don't know what the reason for that is!"
"Do we have to talk about this?" Merry asked with a sigh.
"We do" Pippin said. "For I cannot keep this up. I cannot keep wondering. I can feel you're slipping away from me, I don't even know the reason why!"
"Have you learned nothing in life, Pip?" Merry asked. "Sometimes things change. Relationships change. Sometimes there are no reasons for what happens."
"So we're just falling apart for no reason? You think we've grown apart, but the truth is the only one who's parted in any way is you!"
"Oh is it?" Merry said. "I remember quite clearly hearing you say that you hadn't missed me for weeks!"
Pippin didn't know how to reply to that. Mostly because he was terrified that Merry was right. It was easier to believe that Merry was drifting away, it was much harder to believe that Pippin himself was as responsible for their situation as Merry was.
"I don't believe that we can grow apart" he said. "We've been friends since I was a baby, Merry! A lifetime of friendship does not just end for no reason."
"A lifetime of friendship might have fulfilled its purpose" Merry retorted. "For goodness sake, there has been nothing new in our friendship for at least twenty years, maybe we both need a break in order to grow! Does it have to be the end of the world if we don't talk as much for a little while?"
"No! But how can you call four years 'a little while'?" Pippin replied. "It's as if you no longer care about me!"
"That accusation is your own" Merry said.
"But what is it based on? Since you were thrown from that pony I have been worried sick! I've waked by your side, watched over you, fed and bathed you! I put everything else aside, knowing that if you died I could not go on! Do you care? Have you as much as acknowledged it? No! You haven't. You haven't even spoken to me in two days!"
"You will still be here a week from now" Merry angrily said. "Éowyn will not! Can you blame me for wanting to spend my time with her now? She was there for me too, she traveled all the way from Ithilien without having been called. She too fed me and looked after me. She was the one who brought me back! Should I ignore her and instead hang around you?"
"Don't you be so sure that I will still be here" Pippin said and folded his arms across his chest. "Don't take me for granted."
"Where are you going to go then? Nowhere but the Smials. And I can find you there. Don't be foolish, Peregrin."
But Pippin was angry now. All of his frustration over the past four years, all of his sorrow and worry, all of it was clashing together now and had to be expressed. He was more jealous than he could say of Éowyn, who got all of Merry's attention and time. Merry was taking him for granted and Pippin would not allow it. He would not allow the treatment it resulted in, the idea that Pippin would be there always so Merry could come by whenever it suited him. Pippin was tired of being the only giver in their friendship.
Merry on the other hand was shocked and hurt by Pippin's accusations. His sometimes so timid cousin had turned into someone Merry didn't recognize and he didn't know what he was after. Surely Pippin knew how much Éowyn meant to him, and how precious the time he had with her was. Could he not wait at least a few days? He was being selfish and infantile and Merry felt like no matter what he said it would be the wrong thing.
"If we've grown apart as you say we have, what makes you think you can see me whenever? Why would we spend time together if we've grown apart? Why would I sit by your sickbed and fear in every moment that you might be dying?"
"Growing apart is one thing, ending the friendship is another" Merry said.
"No, they're both exactly the same" Pippin objected. "For we are not friends if we've grown apart. We're just two people who once were friends but now are nothing."
"What do you want me to do, Pip?" Merry asked. "I don't know what you want!"
"I want my best friend back!"
"Well here I am!"
"Yes, there you are. In this moment at least. In five minutes time you'll be with Éowyn again and I won't see you for another two days. You keep setting me aside."
"What does this have to do with Éowyn?"
"Nothing has ever been able to challenge our friendship!" Pippin said. "From the moment I was old enough to understand that not every friendship was like ours, you and I have been best friends. And nobody was ever able to come between us. Frodo couldn't compete with it, even though he was your best friend before I was. Nobody in the fellowship stood a chance, not even Éowyn could take my place in your heart. We both married and fathered children, yet nothing changed in our friendship. No one and nothing could challenge what we meant to one another. It was something so strong, something so pure and so right. Now it's just gone, and you give me no reasons why! You can call our situation whatever you wish, but in truth it is only a prolonged goodbye, isn't it? Six years ago you would have been with me every minute even if Éowyn was here!"
"It is not about Éowyn" Merry said.
"Perhaps it is" Pippin said. "For you seem to choose her above me. Is that so, Meriadoc? If you were to choose, would your choice be her?"
Merry stared at Pippin, unable to reply. He couldn't believe what his cousin had just said. Such an ultimatum was beyond what he could grasp.
"If were to leave for Gondor with Éowyn and never return to the Shire, and you knew of this, who would you spend the last days with? Me or her? Would you set me aside for her or would you love me enough still to believe that we are best friends?"
There was a long pause. Merry didn't know what to say or do. Pippin was both angry and sad, and tears began to fall down his cheeks as Merry said nothing.
"Well I guess that's my answer."
The room was quiet now that Pippin had left. Merry was breathing heavily, still trying to grasp what had just happened. Pippin had given him an ultimatum and then left. It was too difficult to understand. Nobody had ever given him an ultimatum like that before. How could anyone choose between two people they loved? But still Merry knew that six years ago he would have chosen Pippin without a second's hesitation. For he could not truly live without Peregrin. Or perhaps he could.
The door opened slowly and Éowyn entered. She didn't come to this room often, she mostly stayed in her guest room. It was the only room built for someone as tall as she was. Her presence eased Merry's aching heart and wounded pride, just by entering the room she made him feel a lot better. Much better than he'd ever thought he could when the unthinkable had just happened. He and Pippin had ended.
"Holdwine?" Éowyn said. "Is everything all right?"
Merry remembered what people had been saying in the Shire ever since the War. They said that he and Pippin shared one mind and could tell what the other was thinking and feeling. If one was in distress or need the other knew and answered the call. There hadn't been truth to that, they had simply known each other so well that they could tell what the other thought and felt. It was natural to them, it had been that way since Pippin was a teenager. There had been nothing supernatural about it.
Then there was Éowyn. She had come to the Shire from Ithilien without anybody sending for her. She had known in her heart that Merry was sick and she had come. The bond that had been established between them at the Pelennor fields was that strong, when the Shadow had crept back into Merry's body Éowyn had felt it too, miles away. And she had come. Now she was there, when his heart was sad and he needed comfort. Nobody had sent for her now either but she had known. What he had with Éowyn was eerily close to what people said he and Pippin shared. He was not alone. He had her.
Pippin was alone under the stars. He had ridden off to his and Merry's favorite spot, the one that overlooked the Brandywine and was so beautiful during sunrise and sunset. His pony was grazing nearby, Pippin didn't care if it ran off or not. There was no sunset tonight, the sky was already dark and filled with stars.
He sat alone on a log and was blind to the beauty of the land around him. Nothing was beautiful right now. The world was so vast, and he was indeed alone. Small and alone. That which he had never thought possible had just happened. He had lost Merry. There were stars in the sky but he didn't see them. He wasn't sure he ever would see them again. The world was a dark and unfriendly place, his light in the world had gone out.
So this was the end. He had never expected it would feel this way. He could not be angry with Merry even though he wanted to. His best friend had cut the bonds and left him out in the cold. But before Pippin could be angry he had to get through the aching loneliness.
Words from a song came into his head, an old song Merry had written about the dark days before the Pelennor battle. It took him a while to remember the tune, Merry hadn't sung it in years.
"When will the dawning break," he sang, "oh Endless Night. Lonely I dream of the day."
He quieted. He couldn't do it. He couldn't sing alone. Especially not one of Merry's tunes. What was he to do now? Ever had Merry been by his side, guiding his path. Now he was on his own, and he couldn't find the way. He flew to his feet and looked up at the sky as if he was talking to it instead of Merry.
"You promised you'd be there, all days and all times, whenever I needed you!" he cried. "You said no distance would be too great, you would come to me when I called. You would be there. But now you're not. You left, you deserted me, you broke your promise! Where are you now? I need you, but where are you now?" Tears started falling down his cheeks. "I have lost the fight."
He took a few steps and clenched his fists. If only he were able to say these words to Merry. But what was to say his cousin would care? The words needed to be said, and whatever being was around to listen, even if it were just the night, would have to hear them.
"You promised you'd be there… You swore it! If I can't count on you then who am I to count on? How can I make it through this pain when the one person who completely understands me will not listen or help?"
He sunk down on his knees, not feeling how wet and cold the grass was from the rain earlier in the day. He didn't care. What did it matter if he came down with the flu, such a thing was a trivial matter. Everything was trivial.
As far back as he could remember he had always had one thing to count on. Other friends had come and gone, his father and grandparents had died, his sisters thought he was queer, Estella had loved and left. But there had always been Merry. No matter what happened in the world they had had each other, even when they were parted. Now nothing was certain anymore.
He had never felt so sorry for himself before in his life. Pippin rarely did feel sorry for himself, he would always try to see the bright things, the silver lining. Now he wallowed in his pain and self-pity, every disappointment he had ever felt in his life seemed to culminate in this moment.
"I feel like I stand before a great abyss" he said into the night. "With nobody there to hold me back. And you would not care if I were to fall. Every part of me is screaming that this is wrong. But it was your choice, and I will have to live with it."
Deep down he knew that it was not all Merry's fault. But he couldn't accept his own part in their breaking, it was impossible to claim responsibility for what had happened. At least he could not do it yet. And he wanted to make himself be angry at Merry, hate Merry, for perhaps if he hated his cousin the break would be easier.
"I shall always think of this week as the week you died" he said. "For the Merry I spoke with today is not the Merry I grew up with. Nobody is going to shield me anymore from the harshness of the world. I will have to do that myself. Nobody will give me strength when I need it, comfort when I need it… Dimesy will try, of course, but you and I both know she cannot. She cannot be the shield you've always been Meriadoc. Nobody can replace you. I thought nobody could replace me in your eyes, but someone has. All lights have gone out now."
He could hardly breathe through the intense pain he felt. He could barely see, barely hear. It had been such a shock that Merry had chosen Éowyn and he couldn't recover from it just yet. The one thing that had always been true in his life was his friendship with Merry and now it was no more. That knowledge hurt more than anything had ever hurt before.
"It cannot be gone" he moaned. "It has to still be, it has to! How can you just desert me like this? I am nothing without you."
From the moment Merry had first said that they had grown apart a word had been in Pippin's mind. If was the word, and it had gnawed at his spirit for four years. If Merry and he weren't friends, what were they then? If Merry was no longer in his life what was he to do? What if he had spent all these years being Merry's friend and it was all for nothing in the end?
"Who is going to be the one to feel all of my anxieties and give me comfort?" he wondered in the night. "Why am I forced to start living life on my own?"
Suddenly he rose to his feet, furious with himself. What was he doing? Why was he there on the ground, feeling sorry for himself and trying to be mad at Merry? This was not the way to get through this. He had to be strong. He had to prove to himself, Merry and the world that he could be fine on his own. He could stand on his own two feet and not lose balance, he could live a good and happy life. What did he need Merry for anyway? He would show him! He was all by himself, and he tried to tell himself that it felt good. He didn't need to care for Merry anymore, didn't have to devote time to him and be there for him. He didn't have to go to Gondor just because Merry wanted to. He was his own Hobbit and he could stand on his own. He didn't need Merry. His cousin would see. They all would see.
He got back up on his horse and rode toward the Great Smials. He would not return to Brandy Hall. He was on his own, and that was good. He was all alone under the stars.
Two days later Estella found Merry in their bedroom. He was in the middle of changing into warmer riding clothes. Estella just stared at him for a moment.
"Merry…" she said. "You're not going out riding, are you?"
"Éowyn, young Éowyn and I are going out" he said.
"But what about your health, you need your rest!"
"My health is fine dear" he said and placed a kiss on her cheek as he hurried past her to get his Elf cape. "A little fresh air will do me good."
"But out riding… After what happened with Snowmane!"
"I won't be riding per se" he told her. "I'm riding with the Lady on her horse."
"Like a child?" she said in disbelief.
"It his how we always ride" he stated and shrugged his shoulders.
"You on a horse with the Lady?" Estella said. She was far from comfortable with it.
"Indeed" Merry said. "Why, is there a problem?"
"Your health is the problem" Estella said.
"Nonsense. There's something else."
"Fine" Estella said. "I don't like you riding with Éowyn."
"Why not?"
"Because it is inappropriate! To share a horse with another lass!"
"It's just a horse" Merry said. "And don't tell me that you're jealous."
"I just think you ought to be spending a little less time with her and a little less time with your family."
Merry groaned. Not Estella too. Why did everyone seem to have a problem with him spending time with Éowyn? It had already cost him Peregrin, he did not want a fight with Estella about it too. He was torn between the people he loved and was beginning to feel like he was ripping in the seams.
"You have a wife and six children who have all worried about you so" Estella went on. "Is it too much to ask that you spend a little time with us too?"
"I didn't know your worry came with requirements" Merry said. "Éowyn is only here for a short while. I don't know when I will see her again. I need to be with her."
"But why?"
"She is such an important part of my past!" Merry said.
"A past which you will tell me nothing of!" Estella said. "Sometimes I wonder if you ever did anything you are actually proud of, as you don't want me to know any of it! Why is Éowyn that important? Is she more important now than your wife? Call me jealous or egoistic Meriadoc, but I love you and would much like to have you to myself!"
"You don't understand what it's like between Éowyn and me" Merry said and looked at Estella with battling emotions in his eyes. "It's as if no one does. As if people have forgotten all that we meant to each other, and still do."
"Well it would help if you'd tell me what you two did together" Estella said and firmly crossed her arms. This time she was not going to let him off the hook.
"I shouldn't have to. Don't you know real, true friendship when you see it? Can't you see that I love her so much that I'd die for her in a heartbeat, but I am not in love with her?"
"What happened, Meriadoc?" Estella said even more firmly.
"I'll tell you what happened" Merry snarled. "She came through for me. She supported me, she was there for me in a way that nobody has ever been, before or after! She kept me going, she gave me all that I didn't know I desperately needed. And I will always love her for it. She is the one friend I cannot do without, in some ways I need her more than I've needed Pippin through the years, even though I so rarely see her."
"She did all of this for you? And what did you do in return?"
"I gave her my all" Merry said. "I did exactly what I just said I would do. Died for her in a heartbeat."
"Friend of a wizard" Estella snarled. "Talking in riddles you are! I want the truth! You cannot keep having secrets that you will not share, I am your wife! I deserve to know! I share your life, so share it with me!"
"No matter what you say I will not tell you more than I choose" Merry said, getting more and more worried that she too would give him an ultimatum. "And no matter what you say I will not let Éowyn go. Do not ask me to choose. You do not want to put everything in jeopardy like that!"
"What are you saying?" Estella said, suddenly sounding so small. "Would you choose her over me?"
"If I had to, yes" Merry said honestly. He had chosen her over Pippin, he would choose her over Estella. But he didn't want to choose. He shouldn't have to.
"So you do love her more than me!"
"I need her more than I need you. That's just the way it is. We are eternally bound together, by love but also by a much stronger force. Understand Estella, if I say goodbye to Éowyn for good I say goodbye to my soul. What she and I have gone through together no one can understand."
"Well you had best tell me" Estella said, now stubborn again but with a tear falling down her cheek. "I will not have you say you would throw away what I thought was true love for another lass and not tell me why."
"I have told you why!" Merry cried.
"No, you have given me cloaked words! You're trying so hard to keep something from me but I am telling you that you can't! Not if I am to be your life partner!"
"Nobody ever said being my life partner was going to be easy" Merry said. "You knew when you married me that I had secrets I would never share. If you choose to go back on your vows to me because suddenly those secrets present a problem to you, then by all means do. For then you are not the Estella Bolger I married. Do you want to know what she and I did together? Do you want to hear about death, pain, war, anguish, darkness, fear? Do you wish to hear what it is like to stand face to face to an evil so great it has never been challenged? Can you not understand the love that it takes to cast yourself into great evil and death for someone?"
"That love scares me."
"I would not have married Éowyn even if I were a human or she a Hobbit. Does that satisfy you? She is my sister in arms."
"And that is all?"
"She is my best friend" Merry said. "Do you not understand? You have always accepted that I've been so close to Pippin and I'm not in love with him, why can't you accept that I'm close to a lady without being in love with her?"
"What's so special about her anyways?" Estella asked.
"Everything. There's nobody like her, anywhere at all. No other lass has her courage, her stout heart, her kindness… So fragile yet so strong, in one minute she can be the perfect lady of the court, the next she can be a shieldmaiden fighting for what she loves. We were both left behind while other went to fight our battles for us, and neither of us accepted it. She is special in every way." He shook his head in frustration, unable to tell her exactly how he felt. "All my life I have taken care of people. Always, ever since I was little. I was raised to be responsible and protective, and ever since Peregrin Took took his first small steps in the nursery at the Great Smials I have protected and looked after him. I watched after Frodo even though I was younger than him. When we left the Shire I was the leader of the Hobbits, I looked after the others and felt responsible for them. Even after we met Strider I still looked after the others. My eye was always on Pippin and Frodo, watching their steps and protecting them. Nobody has ever looked after me, Estella. Save for Éowyn. She let me ride with her and she cared for me. She made sure I had everything I needed, she forsook her own comfort for mine, she protected me and looked after me, she truly cared for me. Nobody has ever done that for me before, and not since either!"
"I look after you" Estella said meekly.
"You do not. I look after you, it has always been that way. Éowyn looks after me, and Éowyn alone. Do not ever tell me that there is nothing special about the White Lady of Rohan."
Angrily he grabbed one of his rucksacks and began filling it. Estella looked nervously at him. She didn't like where this was going.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I am taking Éowyn with me to Crickhollow. Perhaps there I can escape all these accusations. All I want is to spend time with her while I can!"
"Merry I'm sorry" Estella said. "Please don't go!"
"I'll see you in a few days" Merry said and strode past her out the door.
Merry sat in silence by the fire in his favorite Crickhollow sitting room, trying to come to terms with what was going on in his life. Somehow everything had gone wrong since that day when he had been thrown from Snowmane's back. Everyone he loved seemed to be turning against him, the only ones who weren't fighting with him were his two Éowyn. He desperately needed this refuge to Crickhollow, where no judgmental eyes would be on him and no accusations would come flying at him when he least expected them to. He could not recover at Brandy Hall where everyone seemed to be mad at him and all that went wrong seemed to be his fault.
What hurt the most was Peregrin. Estella and he would be fine in the end, that much he knew. Deep down he didn't blame her for being jealous, if she had a close friendship with a lad and wouldn't tell him of their past together he would be jealous too. But Éowyn was a human, and a married such, even if he wanted to Merry wouldn't be able to have a romance with her. And he had never seen Éowyn as a romantic figure in his life. She was above that. Just as love was something more than friendship, his feelings for Éowyn were something more than love.
But Pippin was another matter. While Estella and he would work things out and come to an understanding once Éowyn had left, it didn't seem possible with Pippin. Merry had never thought it possible that there would be any problem too big for him and Pippin to work past. But what had he known? Pippin seemed to be angry over everything, over Éowyn, over Merry's illness, over them growing apart. He seemed to think that Merry was to blame for everything that wasn't going right. And he obviously couldn't take them not being as close as they once were. Pippin only seemed to see it in black and white, either their friendship was all or nothing. He couldn't accept an in-between, so he had chosen nothing when all was not an option.
Merry could not get over the conversation they had had the last time they saw each other. He would have thought that Pippin out of all people would understand why he needed to be with Éowyn, but he had been wrong. Merry had thought that he was the one who had changed if anyone had, but now he saw that it was Pippin. The understanding and forgiving side of Pippin was gone. What Merry didn't realise was that it was the gap between them that had brought on this change in his cousin.
Éowyn entered and pulled a scarf around her. She sat down on a cushion on the floor next to Merry and looked at him for a while. She was deeply sorry for what he was going through, it hadn't escaped her that at least the problems with Estella were because of her.
"I am so sorry" she said.
"For what?" Merry asked.
"For you being here now. Having to escape your own family to get some peace. It's because of me, I've understood that much."
"It is Estella's problem and she has to deal with it on her own" Merry said. "I will not sacrifice true friendship for her when there's no need to."
"It would have been better if I hadn't come, none of this would have happened."
"My Lady, don't say that" Merry said. "I might have died had you not shown up. You brought me back. And oh I've missed you so. I will always be torn between two worlds and I am so grateful for this chance of having both you and my Shire life at once. It will never happen again." He sighed deeply. "I just can't believe that Pippin said goodbye… It was not because of you! It couldn't possibly be! He has always known how much you mean to me, it's not news to him! Why do I have to justify my friendship with you in the eyes of others?"
Éowyn placed her hand on his.
"There will always be those who don't understand" she said. "I cannot fully understand the friendship that you share, shared, with Peregrin. It is hard to understand when you haven't experienced it yourself."
"I just feel so lost and so lonely" Merry said. "When you're here it's fine, I feel good. But whom will I turn to later? Pippin's lost to me now… and I don't think he's coming back. I cannot turn to Sam, he would only end up caught in the middle of everything! I can't talk to Estella either. Life has just changed in a monumental way, it will take me a while to adjust…"
"What happened with you and Peregrin, pray?"
"We grew apart" Merry said with a sigh. "He couldn't accept it."
"I wish there was something I could do…" Éowyn said.
"Can you change the past?" Merry said with a jesting smile. "That's all that will work now… If only Pip would understand. If only Estella would. Why are they threatened by you, my lady? Especially Estella, your place in my life was already established when she and I fell in love. What could she possibly think has changed over all these years? Why can't they see what you mean to me? And that I need you…"
"You are loved by many, and it is a gift that can also come as a curse. They want more from you than you can give, for you give it to many. Perhaps it would have been for the best if we never got to know each other further after the War."
"It was out of our hands" Merry said. "Our bond was made what it is today when the ringwraith was slain. All that happened after that was out of our hands. And I do not regret one moment of it. For if I never knew you, I would have been but half as real."
Éowyn nodded. She understood what he was saying. She knew it was true. She also knew there was nothing she could do for him now, but that didn't mean that she was ready to give up. She could see that he was not recovering as well as he should, because his heart was ill from sorrow. And she was furious with Estella and Pippin who had brought that sorrow upon him.
The next day Pippin came to Brandy Hall to bring his son back to the Smials. Faramir had been staying there for a few days now, but Diamond wanted him back home and had more or less had to force Pippin to go. He had planned on getting his son and then leaving faster than quick, but then he remembered that he would not let it show how hurt he was. Luckily he didn't have to put on an act in front of Merry, he quickly found out that his cousin was not there.
He agreed to stay for lunch and they were in the middle of their meal when Éowyn came back from Crickhollow to gather her things. Neither Pippin nor Estella looked at her, both too ashamed and intimidated to meet her eyes. Éowyn on the other hand got angry when she saw them, and thought of how sad she knew that Merry was.
"Do you have nothing to say to Merry?" she asked. "Are there no messages you wish me to give him?"
The children all shared looks and wished they could be somewhere else. They were not unaware of the arguments between the adults and they were very uncomfortable with the situation. All seven wished they could be somewhere else right now.
"You could tell Merry to come back home" Estella said finally. "Tell him to stop acting silly and come back where he belongs."
"You two should be ashamed of yourselves" Éowyn said. "All you care about are yourselves. You do not care what he is feeling. You do not care that his recovery is threatened by your behavior. His body cannot recover while his mind is not in peace. Instead of love and support you give him burdens of guilt and anger and resentment. You both complain that he is not standing by your sides, yet where are you now? Not by his side when he needs you!"
"I know not to be where I'm not wanted" Pippin mumbled.
"Perhaps you're wrong, Peregrin Took" Éowyn said. "Perhaps it is time for you to prove your friendship to him by not giving up on him. You're both leaving him to face his recovery alone. I must leave in two days time, to go back to Gondor and face the king and whatever punishment he will give me for coming here. When I leave, Holdwine will be on his own. You think about that."
With those words Éowyn left Brandy Hall for good. She would never return, and would never long to. She saw nothing of the beauty of the Shire while she was there, in her heart she would always hate the place. Holdwine had always been so merry in Gondor and Rohan, even during the War. When she saw him in the Shire he was sad and broken. The Shire would always mean sadness and narrow-mindedness for Éowyn of Ithilien.
It was a cold and foggy day when Éowyn had to leave the Shire. She was going to travel to Bree, where Faramir who would arrive earlier in the same day would meet her up. Together they would travel back to Minas Tirith.
Éowyn said goodbye to her young namesake by Crickhollow that morning, and gave her a special assignment to look after her father and make him smile. Young Éowyn was sad that she didn't get to come along to Bree, but Estella had said blankly no. Merry had not argued with her on it, he didn't have the strength right now.
They were four who left the Shire together that morning. Éowyn rode her horse and Merry sat in front of her, like he always did. He would borrow a pony from Barliman in Bree, or perhaps buy one, so that he could get back to Buckland. With them rode also Pippin and Faramir Took. Pippin wanted his son to meet the man he was named for, and Diamond hadn't objected to the idea. They were a very sombre party who rode out, one could cut the tension with a knife. Merry and Pippin weren't on speaking terms and Pippin didn't enjoy Éowyn's company one bit. Faramir was unsure of how to act in the very unusual situation and said nothing.
It was late at night when they arrived in Bree. All four were freezing and longed to sit down by a warm fireplace and have a hot meal. Barliman Butterbur told them when they arrived at the Pony that the Lord Faramir had arrived just an hour earlier, and showed them to his room.
Éowyn and Faramir greeted each other with a warm hug and a kiss. Young Faramir stared at his older namesake with disbelief. He had never seen anyone so tall before in his life, he couldn't remember Aragorn very well and this man seemed both intimidating and friendly at the same time. Most of all he wanted to hide behind his father but he knew he couldn't.
When Faramir had greeted his wife he turned his attention to Merry, who bowed deeply.
"Good evening, Master Holdwine" Faramir said. "I am pleased to see that you're up and about again."
"Thanks to the Lady I had a speedy recovery from my illness" Merry said. "I welcome you to Bree, Lord Faramir."
"May the Shadow never haunt you again" Faramir said and bowed. "And Master Peregrin, long years have past since our last meeting."
Pippin felt like hugging Faramir. It was the first friendly face he had seen in ages, it seemed. But he knew that a hug would be most inappropriate, instead he bowed deeply.
"My Lord…"
"And who is this?" Faramir said and looked at the younger Took.
"This is someone I would like you to meet" Pippin said. He turned to his son. "Bow deeply, my son. Meet Faramir son of Denethor, prince and steward of Ithilien, brother of Boromir the Brave."
"My lord…" young Faramir said and bowed deeply. "It is a great honor to meet you. I am Faramir Took son of Peregrin I, heir to The Took and Thain of the Shire, and named after Faramir the Noble of Gondor."
"Then the honor is mine" Faramir said. "I should have known you were the Thain's son, you're the spitting image of him!"
"Your manners are excellent, you know how to greet a noble man" Éowyn said. There was warmth in her words when she spoke them to young Faramir, but the look that followed to Pippin was anything but warm.
"Come now" Faramir said. "If I know Hobbits, and I think I do, you must all be starved. I trust my Lady could use something to eat as well. I have ordered dinner to be sent up to the adjoined room. Shall we?"
After dinner that night Faramir and Éowyn both retired to got to sleep. They had a long journey ahead of them in the morning. Pippin and young Faramir headed to bed as well, but Merry decided to go outside for a walk.
He was freezing in the cold autumn night. Luckily his Elf cape helped keep him relatively warm and it also shielded him from any unfriendly eyes. He didn't feel safe walking around in Bree at night, especially not now when he had been under the Shadow recently. He couldn't forget his first encounter with the nazgûl in Bree. Had he not had his Elf cape he would not have gone outside.
His spirits were lower than usual on this night. In the morning Éowyn would leave and he would be left behind. He had to go home to Brandy Hall and work out his problems with his wife, he had to try to make her see why he had set others aside for Éowyn's sake during a week. A week was far too short a time to spend with good friends from the past.
Tomorrow he would have to ride back together with Pippin and young Faramir. He didn't look forward to the journey. It was strange being around Pippin, neither of them knew how to act. Part of Merry wanted to reach out to his cousin and try to work out their problems but most of him wanted to be as far from Pippin as he could. The Hobbit with him in Bree was not the Hobbit Merry had loved most of his life.
It was strange that he no longer knew Pippin but he still knew Éowyn, in spite of all their years apart. Perhaps he had been too close to Pip to see the change in him. Now that he had taken a step back he could see his cousin in a new light. But when he had left to go on his walk he had seen Pippin talking in a low voice with Faramir as they got into bed. In that moment Pippin had seemed so much like the innocent young Hobbit who had always come to Merry in the past. It was hard letting go of who his cousin had once been.
He knew he had to go back to the inn now, or he would be more asleep than awake next morning when he bid farewell to Éowyn and Faramir. It didn't pain him as much anymore to part from her so soon, he was certain that they would remain friends no matter what happened. He might be the only person outdoors in Bree this night but he knew he was not alone.
Gosh, I remember saying in the beginning that this series was not going to be drama or anguish… Apparently I don't know myself all that well =) As usual I would love any comments or suggestions. Did I handle the argument well, Pippin's loneliness well, Merry and Éowyn's friendship well? I'm eager to know! When I wrote this chapter I had so many thougths in my head that I wanted to include but there wasn't room for half of it even so I had to pick bits and pieces. Did it seem jumpy? Please let me know, I've had a lot of different emotions concerning this chapter and would much like any comments whether they be good or bad =)
Next week won't be as dramatic. But Merry and Pippin are no more, so I can't guarantee you that it will be free from drama! And speaking of drama, hopefully before next week I'll have finished my 5th ficlet for "Keeping the Watch". I've been neglecting those stories lately… Okay, I'll stop babbling! Thank you for reading, have a really nice weekend!