DISCLAIMER: The song Iris does not belong to me, it belongs to the Goo-Goo Dolls and the respective writers/producers, etc... Peter Pan belongs to J.M. Barrie, etc. and I only own Jackie Iris Blue Hernandez.
We Believe
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
I'm wandering the streets of London, scavenging in garbage bins, looking for anything to remind me that I am all alone in this world. Clothes, a bit of food, a picture. A memory I can't find. I would go home, but I cannot. For there is no such existing place. The place I live is out on the cold streets. I used to be happy. I used to be carefree. I used to know how to cry. I used to know how to love. Everyone that passes me tells their bubbly, innocent, unsuspecting child clinging to their hand that I am just a broken beggar. Not true. I used to have a home. Then I went to Neverland. Damn that Peter Pan, casting me out. Telling me I needed to be with real people because he could not possibly love me. A faulty, sad, lonely little boy.
And all I can taste is this
moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
I loved it there, it was beautiful. Everything I had ever dreamed of. It was new and green to me. He'd fished me out of my comfortable home, promising me I'd never have to grow up. An escape from the reality of the world. I met the lost boys, I was one of them, they liked me, I liked them. No matter if I was a girl, I was tomboy enough. We fought pirates together, all of us, hunted together, ate together, slept in the same room together, befriended Indians together. Spoke with the mermaids together. We all understood each other. Then one day everything slipped through my hands. I confessed it to him, my love. He told me he did not know how to love, told me I would be better off in the real world. Away from him. He dropped me on my old doorstep. By then my parents did not remember me. They turned me away. I tried to go back to the Neverland, but I couldn't. I'd been banished in a way.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Whenever I hear the name Peter now, I glance up, hoping to see him standing there in front of me. He never is. The person looks at me, sometimes with sympathy, but usually with hatred and contempt. They ignore me, kick my sleeping form in the side, jolting me awake from my sidewalk remembrances. What is love? I do not know the word anymore. He killed everything left in me. Everything. My spirit, my heart, my soul. All that's left is this hopeless shell. My eyes are sunken in, my skin leathery from the conditions of weather, my hair tangled and ratted. Matted to my head from days, months of cold rain, snow, and spit. Curses fly, insults, they strike like knives, and I am left there. Wanting, waiting. Cold and huddled around myself. My brain no longer wanders. It has been bullied into hardening, hardening so all I care about is sheer survival. A bit of food here, a coin or two there. Everything has a consequence, that old saying burned into my scull.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the
moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
I sometimes wonder what will become of me. Part of me wants to prosper and triumph, to show them all, to prove I'm more than a dirty street urchin. Just to spite them, spite them all. The other part wishes I would just die. For whatever reason, the latter seems to become more apparent every minute. I'd tried to do it myself, tried bleeding myself dry with whatever sharp object I could find. It never worked. Like I was enchanted, protected. Park benches are mainly where I live, in my ragged clothes and depleting old memory. Empty shell indeed. Sometimes it's a cardboard box, other times a hard bench, occasionally a doorstep warmed from the fire roaring deep within it, keeping the happy families inside safe and loved. What is love? I can't tell you.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
"Jackie Iris Blue Hernandez." My name. Who said my name? No one knows my name anymore. It can't be. Who would know me? A boy. Short in stature, long brown hair, green eyes. Neverland clothes. Not Peter. I look up. Nibs, I remember him. I can't find my voice. I turn my head to the side, silently questioning him. It can't be Nibs. Nibs is in Neverland. With Peter. And Tootles, and Slightly, and Curly, and the Twins. I'm choking out his name now. "N-ibs." Barely a whisper. Why is he here? How is he here? This is not possible. That is not Nibs coming to sit next to me on this bench. It's my imagination playing games with me again. But I'd lost my imagination when I returned. He had to be real. He just had to be real, or I'm going to go insane.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
He's hugging me. He must be real. Images do not hug. Memories do not hug. Remembrances do not hug. My inability to think is hindering, and he's talking really low, slowly, and I'm being lifted off the ground. My voice, my voice, I need my voice. "Peter is sorry. So sorry. Come with me, you have to come back. He needs you, I need you, the boys need you, the whole of Neverland needs you. We've been in total confusion since you left. Everything is out of control, the mermaids are siding with Hook, everyone is in danger. Peter will only sit there for hours, on his bed, crying. He does nothing. You must come back with me. Please." He is begging me. I suddenly find my voice. "Nibs, no. Peter hates me, I hate me, everybody hates me, and nobody needs me. I can't love, I can't fight, I can't...do...anything..." "You have to. For me. I... I'll die if you don't come back with me. I will. I'll die. Neverland will die. We need you." He's practically crying. He's not going to take no for an answer.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
We're soon soaring through the air, through the night sky. Darkness has crept up on me and fallen long ago. We're hurtling through the air and I am breathless, speechless. Thoughtless. Did... did he really mean that? They needed me? Why. We're landing and he's still hanging onto me tightly, like I'll vanish if he puts me down. I've forgotten how beautiful it was here. Green. Just like I remembered. We reach the home under the ground and warmness overcomes me. I can feel it. I belong here. I'm home. I've found the place I need to be. I am home.
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
And they know who I am.
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(A/N: There you go. I know it's a bit random, and I respect the fact that not everyone will like this, from the view of an imaginary character. But I am satisfied with it.)