Regrets

Chapter Four

A/N: From now on, I'm writing this story with Chloe (Rinoa/Masuki/Yuna) so yay for that. Go review her stuff. Especially her original fiction.

Please be honest when reviewing this chapter, and give us constructive criticism if you can. We weren't sure whether some bits made sense so if you don't understand anything, just ask.

Suze wasn't as angry as I expected her to be. Not that she was pleased to find me standing outside. Far from it, actually. I'm not stupid; I'm fully aware of how much Suze hates me, so how could she be pleased to see me? But that was it really; just the pure loathing that was so clear in her eyes. She didn't shout or anything, she was more confused than angry.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking genuinely baffled. "Are you… spying on me?"

Suze's voice was low, just above a whisper, and her eyes were wide and full of the fear that I thought had vanished ages ago. Fear of me. I almost laughed. What could I do to her, Susannah Simon, who I have come to love more than anything? Maybe I've hurt her in the past but that's a mistake that won't be repeated. As if I could do it again! Look where it got me last time. I mean, guilt doesn't affect me all that often but after what I did to Suze, it was almost unbearable. No one but Suze could make me feel like that. So Suze had nothing to be scared about.

"I wouldn't call it spying," I replied, not bothering to keep my own voice down. Eva had dematerialized and everyone else was still at dinner. We had the corridor to ourselves.

I leant against a stone pillar. The same one, I noticed, that I had backed Suze up against just a few weeks ago. It was hard to believe that I'd thought my problems back then were bad. They were nothing compared to this. Back then I was convinced that I'd have Suze, but now, even though I was still trying, I couldn't see it happening.

Suze folded her arms and gave me a sarcastic look. I could tell that the confident way she was acting was put on. She was dying to get away from me. This conversation was just a good excuse to tell me to get lost. When did things get this bad?

"Oh, so what would you call listening in on my conversations like that then?" she asked. "What were you even doing it for?"

Before I could even open my mouth to say God knows what, Suze spoke again:

"You know what? Forget it. I really don't want to know. Just leave me alone in the future."

Then she started to walk back outside. I couldn't leave it at that, so I caught up with her and grabbed her arm to stop her. Suze flashed me a look of annoyance but this was the first proper chance I've had to talk to her since all this began. I wasn't going to let her get away.

Suze tried to pull away but I tightened my grip around her wrist.

"Suze, when are you going to stop ignoring me?" I asked as she tried to pull away again, her look of fear becoming clear in her face. But I wasn't going to give in to it.

"Let go of me, Paul," she said.

"Not until you listen to me. You have to understand that I really am sorry for hurting you."

It wasn't a lie. I really was sorry, but you could tell that Suze didn't believe me. Why should she? I'd done so much to her and back then I hadn't even cared. Now things were different but Suze obviously didn't think so.

"Yeah, right," she said and twisted her arm, trying to get away. "Just let go of my arm."

I tightened my grip. "I'm serious," I said.

She ignored me. "I'm running out of patience," she growled and paused. I didn't react at all. Suddenly, her hand swung towards me. I caught it and pushed her back up against the wall then, unable to resist, I smirked. Her eyes widened, her fear increasing.

"Now listen to me," I commanded. She wasn't the only one running out of patience. "I said I'm sorry. What more can I do?"

"How about leave me alone?" she asked, trying to sound fierce, but her voice cracked.

Oh, Suze, I wish it were that easy.

"Suze…" I sighed. "If you insist on pushing people away, then you'll end up being even more unhappy."

"What do you know about how I feel? You don't know anything about me, Paul." But I did know about her. That was part of the problem.

"No, they don't know anything about you, Suze. Those friends of yoursWhat do they know about anything? They can't help you," I leaned in closer to her. "I can though."

She was angry, I could tell. And I could also tell that she knew I was right.

"Paul, let go of me now, or, I swear, you'll be sorry." She was just ignoring the truth. She wasn't going to listen to me.

As she struggled, I said, "I'll be sorry? You're the one who's going to be sorry if you don't listen to me-"

"Oh my God! What are you doing?" squealed a voice. I turned around, irritated, and saw Cee Cee Webb and Adam McTavish – Suze's friends. Adam pulled Suze away from me and Cee Cee shrieked, "Were you threatening her?"

"I'm fine," Suze muttered, glaring at me.

Looking angry, Adam said, "What were you doing to her?"

I gave him a cold stare.

"It's none of your business," I snarled at him.

"I think we have a right to know if you're threatening our friend," countered Cee Cee.

"It's alright," Suze said. "Paul was just about to go."

"I don't think so." I glowered at her.

"Haven't you done enough damage already?" asked Cee Cee.

Adam looked confused, "Huh?"

Suze just stared at Cee Cee in disbelief. She didn't know that I'd told her what had happened.

"You've already broken her heart, Paul. It's what you wanted, isn't it? So why can't you just leave her alone?"

"Huh?" Adam said again, completely oblivious to what we were talking about.

I looked at him briefly then turned back to Cee Cee and said, "This is between Suze and me. Stay out of it."

"If you didn't want me to be involved then you shouldn't have said anything, Paul."

I lost my temper. I turned to Suze, enraged, and spat, "Suze, for God's sake, I'm trying to help you! Can you see what I'm getting at? What good is this nosy bitch and-"

Pain suddenly exploded in my face and I stumbled backwards. Had Adam just punched me? Adam McTavish? (A/N: Tee hee! Sorry, we couldn't resist. :p) I got really pissed then. What right did he have to punch me? I straightened up and strode up to him, absolutely furious. I was just about to retaliate when I heard Sister Ernestine's infuriated voice scream, "Mr. McTavish! Get yourself to Father Dominic's office this instant!"

Adam scowled at her and muttered, "Stupid broad," before doing as she instructed.

I glared at Cee Cee and Suze and then stormed off.

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