Author's Note: I'm very proud of myself for having been able to keep my goal of posting one chapter each week, but now life and college has come in-between. I don't have the time to write enough to keep ahead of my schedule and right now I barely even have the time to code a chapter each week. Next week I'll most likely post another chapter but after that I'm afraid it might be a while, depending on how things go at school.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JRR Tolkien except for the characters I made up myself.
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"Good work, Faramir!" Pippin praised his son. "You have well earned mushrooms and some wine tonight!"
"Thank you sir!" Faramir said and grinned.
Pippin grinned back. He could see it in his son, it was already happening. Faramir was falling in love with the soil and with farming. Pippin had given him an acre to farm all on his own and Faramir had taken the task very seriously and soon found that he enjoyed it. Pippin enjoyed it too, it warmed his heart to see. He looked forward to doing the farming together with his son in the upcoming years, he had longed for many years to be able to work together with Faramir once he got old enough. Faramir was twenty now.
"Tell me something Father" Faramir said in a superior tone and walked up to Pippin. "Why is it that I have sowed an entire acre on my own and you have only done half your work? I believe we both had an acre each this morning."
Pippin laughed.
"Because, young lad, while you've been out here all day I spent all morning talking to all those young couples who are getting married this June. This year seems to be a popular year to get married in!"
"Why are some Hobbits in such a rush to be married?" Faramir said condescendingly. "I want to be all on my own for a long time before I settle down!"
"Son, you have no control over that" Pippin said with a smile. "Don't just stand there, these fields need to be sowed too! Let me tell you something Faramir, when it comes to marriage either one of two things will decide the time for you. Either it will be your heart, once you fall in love you won't care about being free or on your own or how old you are. And love, let me tell you, does not take into consideration what you want to be doing with your life at that point. It steps in and takes over and all you can do is obey."
"It sounds horrible" Faramir said and began helping his father with the sowing.
"Not at all" Pippin objected. "Quite the opposite… Once you've felt it you don't know how to live without it. It's an intoxicating feeling. But if you don't fall in love I'll be stepping in. Sooner or later you have to marry and carry on our bloodline, it is my duty to arrange a marriage for you if you don't take care of that matter yourself."
"I'll tell you what, sir" Faramir said. "I never plan on falling in love. But as long as I get to play and be free for many years I will not object to you arranging a marriage for me later. So when I'm forty you can go ahead and arrange for me and Éowyn to be married, which we both know is what you want. But until then I wish to be free as the bird."
"I'll agree to arranging you a marriage with Éowyn when you're forty, if neither of you are married, and not before then. If she is married by then and you're not, I will find you someone else. But I can promise you Faramir, it is not up to you whether or not you will fall in love before that time. You could be married by the time you're thirty!"
"I hope not" Faramir said. "I honestly never plan on falling in love."
"Fortunately love does not care what you plan on" Pippin said.
Faramir shrugged his shoulders. What did love matter? He had accepted years ago that he would marry Éowyn when he got older, and he knew he could do a lot worse than her. She was beautiful and clever and apparently a great cook. Plus they were friends and would get along. Falling in love would be wasting his time. He would end up married no matter what, falling in love would only mean he would have his freedom taken away sooner.
He glanced at his father and thought that the subject of love must be one of the few things they disagreed on. He knew his father was in love with his mother and that he was happy, but Faramir couldn't imagine anyone being happy without being free. All those stories he had heard of his father's doings before marriage, how he had ridden off to different places on a whim or gone to parties whenever he chose to and just had a lot of fun, Faramir couldn't understand how Pippin had so easily given that up to be married. Faramir didn't do half the things his father had done but still he was unwilling to give it up. Marriage was a cage he would be happy to escape for as long as he could. Twenty more years he had to be free, then he and Éowyn would be settling down and starting a family. Just the thought of it made Faramir cringe. Lots of babies tying him to his home was the last thing that he needed or wanted.
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Pippin walked alone across the lands of Tuckborough one early June night, humming to himself and keeping his hands in his pockets. The sky was getting darker, a star had appeared on the firmament. It was one of those nights when Pippin felt lonely.
After the first two months after Merry's departure he had fallen into a routine where he did the same things every day and kept his mind occupied. It helped him keep his mind off how lonely he was. Sometimes a few days could go by when it didn't bother him that Merry was away, some days it even felt good to have time to himself. But other days he felt very lonely and longed for his best friend so much that he could scream. This was one of those nights. He tried to get away as much as he could when he felt like that, to hide it from Diamond and to not bring her down as well. She of course knew what was going on but let him believe he managed to hide it from her.
Pippin looked up at the lonely star in the sky and felt an odd connection with it. The star was all alone up there, the other stars were gone. The sky was vast around the star and it seemed to shine much paler than stars would normally because the sky was so big around it. Pippin felt the same way. Still the star offered comfort to him. He knew Merry could see that star too. In a way that made the star less lonesome, for it linked two parted friends together. And Pippin was not as lonely when he knew the same star and the same sky was watching over Merry.
"Is it dusk where you are now?" he sang, the same song he had been singing since autumn. "Is your sky the same as mine? Time has passed I wonder how, and how the sun still seems to shine." He kicked a rock with his foot and muttered to himself. "Not even a full year has passed. You wont' be back until December, at the very soonest. That's more than six months away from now. Time goes by too slowly…"
It just felt like far too long a time. Sometimes Pippin toyed with the idea of riding to Rohan and visit, just for a month or two. But it was a stupid idea, and Diamond would be furious if he decided to do something like that. He was best off staying where he was.
"So I guess you're wondering how things are…" he said, talking to Merry as if he was walking right beside him as Pippin was used to him doing. "Here at the Smials things are great. Faramir and I have sowed the last acres together, we'll get a good harvest if this fine weather holds. I stopped by Brandy Hall yesterday and things were good with the farming there too. Aramac and Cordy had done a lot of work! Théo seems to have gotten misplaced with the blacksmith, he's spent more time fixing up old tools than working out in the fields. But they are all doing good. Lucky's health is good! He hasn't been ill for three months now! Yet every time it rains and there's a rainbow he runs off to find the end of it. It's driving Estella crazy. The lasses are fine too! Lúthien has improved a lot, she's now almost back to normal! Éowyn spends a lot of time with her, and that's good. Of course, Lúthie is getting older now and the age difference between them is getting less significant. Éowyn takes some time every day to play with Lúthien, other than that she's mostly with her ponies. She's jumping every fence she can find with Aestas, it's scaring me to be honest! She might fall off and get hurt!"
Then he stopped and shook his head to clear it. What was wrong with him? Why was he talking out loud to someone who was miles away? Not even an Elf would be able to hear at that kind of a distance! Sometimes he thought he was going mad. Usually it got worse when he had been fine for a while.
"Pip, old fool…" he said with a sigh. "You need to get your head together. Merry's far away, and it is not a problem for you. You just get lonely sometimes, that's all…"
Lonely he was indeed. But it was easier than it had been the year he had met Estella. That year he had had nothing except for visits to Bag End every now and then. Now he had a wife, a child and large parts of the Shire to keep an eye on. From that aspect it was much easier this time around. But it worried him that he and Merry were apart for this long so soon after their big fight and uncertain years. Pippin never wanted to be unsure of what kind of friendship they had again, he was scared to death that Merry would return and once again say they had grown apart. Pippin could not go through that again.
"We are under the same sky" Pippin said out loud. "But it's still a very long time until we'll breathe the same air. When we do, I pray we will still be walking the same path. Oh gosh, I'm getting sentimental!"
He walked slowly across the meadows as the sky got darker and the lonesome star was accompanied by a second one. A smile appeared on his face.
"We are one, you and I… Like those stars in the sky, we shall also be two together when these long months ahead are over. I miss being part of Merry and Pippin. It will be so grand to be part of that again…"
He rested his eyes on the horizon. It was actually nice being out walking on his own. Getting to talk to no one about his feelings and his thoughts helped, since Merry wasn't there to listen. He always felt a little lighter at heart when he returned home, though the loneliness was hard.
Suddenly he could see a figure on a pony riding towards him. Even though it was getting dark it only took him a second to identify the rider.
"What are you doing riding at this hour?" he asked Éowyn when she halted Aestas next to him. "And without a saddle?"
"Uncle Pippin, you know I only ride with a saddle when mother can find out about it" Éowyn said and patted Aestas' neck. "If you know your pony well enough you can ride perfectly fine bareback. Father always says that."
"You should be riding side-saddled bareback" Pippin said. "Why are you not at Brandy Hall, young lady? I hope you're not riding out to meet some secret lad, or your father is going to kill me when he gets back!"
"You know me better than that" Éowyn said. "Lads, who needs them?"
"Hopefully Diamond" Pippin said. "Or at least one lad, namely me. Now tell me, why are you out riding at this hour?"
"Actually I was looking for you."
"Me? Has something happened?" Pippin asked.
"No don't worry, nothing's wrong… I just felt lonely that's all. And I like seeing you, it feels like you can speak to me for my father and sort of be his stand-in…"
"That makes me happy to hear" Pippin said and smiled. "I like being your stand-in father. You're my daughter too, you know."
He grabbed Aestas' reins and began leading the pony and rider back to Brandy Hall.
"I know" Éowyn said.
"My firstborn you are! The daughter I never had."
"Yes thank you, I know" Éowyn said. "I remember when I was little and did something I wasn't supposed to, you told me off more times than father did! You spent as much time raising me as you did raising Faramir!"
"Merry is way too soft with you" Pippin said. "Someone had to keep you under tabs! You could wrap him around your little finger in a heartbeat and the strange thing is you never even made him notice it! He thinks he's given you a strict upbringing, yet all you had to do is look at him and he forgave you everything."
"But what good did that do me when you gave me the telling-off anyway?" Éowyn asked with a smile.
"My fatherly duty" Pippin said.
They were silent for a while as Pippin continued to lead pony and rider home. Pippin was almost scared to look at her, it was unbelievable that the baby he had been so terrified of when she was born had grown into this beautiful lass with her own mind, heart and will. He still saw her as a little girl walking after Merry in the fields at Crickhollow. She still walked after Merry a lot but not in the way she had when she was little. It was no wonder that Merry had been unable to resist her charm, the little lass with her curls everywhere and with her dress dirty trying to set her feet down in his footprints had been adorable. Éowyn was adorable still, but in a different way.
Pippin thought of what he and Faramir had discussed a while ago. Everyone knew that unless Faramir or Éowyn fell in love with someone else, marriage would be arranged between the two. It had been decided from the day Faramir was born and though it was rarely spoken of everybody knew about it. Pippin had promised not to arrange marriage until Faramir was forty, Éowyn would be forty-one. The only thing that made Pippin believe she would still be unmarried by that time was that she showed no interest in lads or love, all she cared about were her ponies. She and Faramir both seemed to think love was uninteresting and nothing they wanted to find. Their fathers hoped each day that they would find it with each other. Pippin knew Éowyn had firmly decided that until she could find a lad who lived up to her father she would not get married at all. She was her father's daughter and always had been. Now she was lonely in his absence.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" he asked her as they reached the Brandywine Bridge.
"Every day" Éowyn said. "But not like you! I think it's a lot easier for me than it is for you, uncle Pippin."
"Don't you worry about me, sweetie" Pippin said. "I'm fine."
"So why did I find you out walking on the meadows?"
"What?" Pippin exclaimed. "I do that even when I'm fine!"
"No you don't" Éowyn said. "Everybody knows you only go walk on the meadows when you're lonely for Father."
"Well I'm glad I can have some privacy" Pippin said with a glare at her.
"Nothing's private around here."
"Perhaps not" Pippin said and wondered if people also knew he talked to himself when he was out on his walks.
"Won't you come inside when we reach the Hall and join us by the fireside?" Éowyn asked. "We would all appreciate it."
"Why not?" Pippin said. "I haven't been around much during the sowing, it would be nice to have a quiet evening by the fireside and perhaps a chat with your mother. How is she?"
"The same" Éowyn said with a shrug to the shoulder. "It's you I'm worried about."
"Don't be worried" Pippin said. "I'll admit it feels like the sun is more distant this year, but I'm not as dependant on your father as people think. I don't need Merry."
"I don't like it when you lie."
Pippin didn't reply. Sometimes it got on his nerves that people expected him to be sad and lonesome and constantly missing Merry. Even though he missed his cousin terribly days could go by without Pippin thinking about it. He hated when people thought he could only function fully through Merry. He was his own Hobbit, he still aimed to prove that. The only problem was that he needed Merry. How was he to prove that he didn't need Merry when he did need him? It was all very confusing.
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Later that evening, when the three youngest children were in bed and the three oldest were getting ready to go to sleep too, Pippin sat down with Estella in the sitting room. They had not spoken much during Merry's absence, and not much the summer before either, after Estella had read Merry's papers.
"How are you holding up?" Pippin asked her now and sipped his tea.
"It's difficult" Estella said. "But I'm used to it. It's not the first time he's left our six children with me and gone off."
"I… wasn't talking about that" Pippin said. "Does he write you?"
"Yes" Estella said.
"What does he say?"
"Not what he usually would" Estella admitted after some hesitation and looked down into her cup, ashamed to meet Pippin's eyes. "He's very businesslike. His letters are not like the ones I used to get, where he would at least say he misses me!"
"You and I both know what you did so let's not waste time bringing it up for discussion again" Pippin said. "But you do realise that it's the reason why his letters sound like that?"
"I know" Estella said and began to cry. "But Pippin he never gives me a chance! How can I make it up to him when he doesn't want me to?"
"You can't make it up to him. He has to get over it and begin to trust you again, all you can do is give him no reason to distrust you. He will grow to trust you again. You just have to be patient and accept that it won't happen over night."
"But we can't live like this" Estella said. "We can't distrust one another."
"You can't change it, only time can" Pippin said.
"He should not have left before we could work this out."
"It's hard for him to get time apart from you in the Shire. And time apart is what he needs right now."
"It worries me sick that he's off in some strange land serving a king who goes to war every so often!" Estella said.
"Rohan hasn't been to war for decades" Pippin said.
"I worry that he won't return, that something will happen to him. And that things will be left unsaid between us."
"Nothing is going to happen to him. Do you think I would have let him go there without me if I thought something might happen?"
"I hate that I can't put my worries into words when I write him" Estella said. "I feel like I have to be as formal as he is."
"Merry's doing a lot of thinking" Pippin said. "Don't expect him to change his style of letters. He won't try to make things better over correspondence."
"How will I then know that things are getting better?"
"I don't know. You put yourself in this position, don't come crying to me about it. Dry those tears before the children see you!"
"I should have known better than talking to you about it" Estella said and rose from her chair while drying her tears. "You are always on his side!"
"Would you have expected anything else in a case like this?"
"I don't know, perhaps I would have expected a little sympathy from someone I share a past with."
"The past is what got you into this mess in the first place" Pippin said. "And that was my past you pried in too!"
"Just forget I said anything" Estella said. "I'll have to pay for this mistake for the rest of my life I take it."
"Just leave our past alone" Pippin said. "And let Merry be mad at you. You've deserved it." "Maybe you ought to leave."
"Maybe so" Pippin said and rose. "Things really have changed over the years, Estella… When last Merry was alone in Rohan I fell in love with you. This time around…" He shrugged his shoulders. "How did so much happen over the years?"
"How can so much change in just one?" Estella said.
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Pippin stretched out in the grass with a hat tipped over his head to shade the sun and a grass straw in his mouth. After a hard day's work he felt he'd earned a little lying about time. Today was a good day, the sun was shining above him and everything felt good.
They were in the middle of planning the Midsummer party. Pippin would be conducting three weddings that day and then there was going to be a big party in the evening. They had spent the morning planning what food they were going to have and Pippin had worked up such an appetite he'd had to sneak into the kitchen and liberate it of some meat.
The party was going to be great. They had decided on a spot for it, they were going to set up a big tent and they were going to make room for sixty Hobbits to have dinner outside. A band was going to play and they were going to play games with the children until midnight. Pippin planned on challenging Faramir in the good old find-the-apple-in-the-bucket game. They always had a lot of fun playing games together.
Midsummer was only a week away so they would be very busy until that day. It almost made Pippin feel a little guilty that he was stretched out in the grass instead of helping out with the preparations, but he felt he'd done enough for one day.
He began whistling a happy tune to himself and let the bright shining sun warm him. On days like today it was really grand being a Hobbit. He could easily fall asleep, he let his mind wander while he whistled to himself and waved his right foot in pace with the tune. He soon found himself humming one of his father's old favorites. It was odd that so many years had passed since his father would sing his favourite songs out on the field while forcing Pippin to do his share of the farming. Now Pippin had spent the first part of summer singing songs out in the fields and getting Faramir to work and learn to love farming.
Pippin awoke from his daydreams with a start when something landed on his chest. He lifted the hat and stared at the bag, then looked further up and saw Diamond standing above him with her hands on her hips and a firm look on her face.
"Hi darling" he said with his most apologetic smile.
"If you're going to sneak away from your work and just lie around in the grass doing nothing… And if you're going to steal from the kitchen…" she began in a firm voice but then softened her voice and smiled mischievously. "Then you could at least do it properly and steal some mushrooms to bring out with you."
Pippin grabbed the bag and stuck his hand in it, fishing out a fistful of mushrooms. He grinned and looked up at his wife.
"Diamond Took, you are a splendid partner in crime!"
"There are enough mushrooms in there to last you for at least fifteen minutes or so" she said. "But try to not eat them all at once, that way it might last longer."
She sat down on top of him, straddling him, and helped herself to a few mushrooms out of the bag. Pippin raised an eyebrow.
"Now if you're going to be eating too I'll have to eat them all at once, to make sure I get as many as possible!"
"I promise I won't eat anymore" Diamond said and smiled at him.
"How did you know I was out here?"
"Food was missing from the kitchen and I could hear your whistles a hundred yards away! It wasn't difficult to add one thing to the other!"
Pippin took up the tune he'd been humming but this time sang the lyrics to it as well. Diamond stole his hat and placed it on her own head. Pippin finished his song halfway through to eat some more mushrooms.
"If someone was to walk by, this would look really strange" he pointed out.
"Pippin!" she cried and blushed.
"Oh I'm sorry" he teased. "I forgot people always straddle one another for no reason whatsoever."
"How's this for a reason?" Diamond asked with a mischievous grin and began to tickle his sides.
Pippin, who was helplessly ticklish, tried to squirm away from her and avoid her tickling fingers but had little luck. Finally he got a hold of her hands and managed to roll them over so that she was suddenly underneath him.
"Because this looks so much better if anyone was to walk by" Diamond said, laughing hard.
"Think of what they'll say" Pippin teased with a grin. "'That Diamond Took, not a bit of shame is in her body'!"
"Pip!" Diamond complained. "Get off me before somebody does catch us!"
Pippin laughed and sat up. He offered her a hand to get her sitting as well, and she took it, only to start tickling him again as soon as she was sitting up.
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"Sam?" Pippin said and waved his hand before Sam's eyes without getting a reaction. "Samwise? Sammy?"
"He's been like that since this morning" Rose said.
"What's happened?" Pippin asked her.
Rose didn't answer. She hurried off to tend to some task. Pippin shook his head in confusion and snapped his fingers before Sam's eyes. Frodo had come to the Smials earlier in the day and asked Pippin to come to Bag End, but nobody had told him what was wrong with Sam. He couldn't figure out what good he would be able to do if he didn't know the problem.
"Come now Samwise…" he said. "Talk to Mister Pippin! What's happened?"
Finally Sam reacted. He looked up at Pippin.
"Elanor is getting married!"
"Oh that's wonderful!" Pippin said and hugged Sam. "I was afraid something horrible had happened! You must be so happy!"
"Happy?" Sam echoed in disbelief. "Wonderful? I'm losing my oldest daughter and you think I should be happy?"
"You're not losing her" Pippin said. "What you're getting is another son!"
"Like that's something I need!"
"Now Sam, you knew this would happen sooner or later!"
"Couldn't it have happened later? She's only thirty! We need her around here!"
"But she needs to live her own life" Pippin said. "You cannot expect her to stay here all her life and take care of her siblings! She has dreams of her own, things she wants to do, you cannot chain her to Bag End forever."
"But she's not even 33…"
"Sam why did you tell her suitor yes if you don't want her to marry yet?"
"He came up to me at the market, in public! I didn't know what else to say!"
"Mostly, fathers use the word 'no' when they don't want a lad to marry their daughter. And if I were you I would have told him off for coming to you at the market instead of in your office or somewhere else less public. Who is your future son-in-law anyway?"
"You don't know him" Sam said. "Fastred Greenholm. On the Far Downs. I didn't even know he was courting my daughter!"
"Most lads in Hobbiton have wanted to" Pippin said. "Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Elanor is the fairest lass in this part of the Shire. What does she say of all this?"
"She wants to marry him! I think she's making a mistake!"
"Well it's too late now" Pippin said firmly. "Why didn't you think of that before you told Fastred Greenholm that he could marry your daughter? You can't go back on your word now! All you can do is accept that within a year Elanor will be married and living with her new husband."
"She's my little girl, Pippin" Sam complained. "Wasn't she a baby just last week? What has happened, where did the years go?"
"Elanor has not been a little girl for years" Pippin said. "She grew up. And she wants to start her own life."
"They want to be married before harvest" Sam said gloomily. "All I have is a month or two! This came as such a shock! Rose is mad at me for telling Fastred yes, she feels they should wait until they're at least both thirty-three! I agree with her. Elanor is too young to be bound to a home and a herd of children!"
"How is that any different from her life now?" Pippin had to ask. "She's the oldest, and she's a lass! She's a mother for her youngest siblings, more than Rosie is. You accepted the situation Sam, you have to deal with that now. She'll be married before the end of summer and the best you can do for her is to be happy for her."
Sam sighed deeply.
"It will be so empty without her! We all depend on her! Her sisters will really miss her, and her brothers too! Not to mention her mother and father! I don't know how Rosie will manage the household without her!"
"She won't be far away" Pippin objected. "Now get a grip Samwise, you're going to turn her engagement into a sad event! It's supposed to be a happy time for her! Where is she, I'm going to go congratulate her."
"Whose side are you on really?" Sam had to ask.
"Being on your side won't do anybody any good" Pippin said. "And someone has to be happy for Elanor! Pull yourself together now and stop acting like a child. You would lose her to some lad sooner or later anyway, if she feels she doesn't want to wait then don't make her wait."
Sam sighed and hated how he knew Pippin was right. Elanor couldn't stay at home forever, as much as he wanted her to. He only wished he knew anything about the lad he had just promised his daughter to.
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Even Sam had to admit that the wedding turned out to be a nice occasion. It was held a week before harvest, underneath the party tree where Sam and Rose had gotten married thirty-one years ago. Elanor seemed happy, Fastred appeared to be a good lad and Sam found himself accepting the situation. Rose quickly became sentimental and wouldn't stop talking of her own wedding and all the dreams she had had for the future.
Pippin kept out of the way most of the night, feeling a little out of place at the party. He, Diamond and Faramir were the only Tooks, and the only ones from Buckland were Merry's wife, children and brother-in-law. The rest of the guests were Greenholms, Gamgees, Cottons and a few other families who were all gardeners or small-scale farmers. Pippin felt strange among them, his own life had always been quite different even though he was one of few Tooks who worked in someone else's service at times.
Once dinner was over and the real party began Pippin tried to get a hold of Sam, but with little luck. Everyone seemed to want to congratulate him or introduce themselves to him or in any other way try to get to know him a bit better. Being friends with the mayor was not something to frown upon. Pippin gave up and tried to find Diamond instead, but she had disappeared somewhere. He ended up retreating to the table where they kept the ale and the wine and slowly worked on emptying his tankard while he watched what was going on around him.
The newlyweds weren't given much time alone, people were fussing about them constantly. Pippin decided to wait a while before he went up to congratulate them, he didn't want them to get too swamped. Even though he had to agree that Elanor might be a little young to get married, something Pippin only thought because he had known her since her birth, she seemed quite content and the groom seemed to be unable to believe his good fortune to get to marry Elanor the Fair. As a favor to Sam Pippin had found out as much as he could about Fastred of Greenholm and he seemed to be a good and competent lad. He was not yet thirty but he had his own small Hobbit hole where he and Elanor would live from now on. They wouldn't have to live at the already too crowded Bag End or with Fastred's parents.
Elanor's siblings seemed to be having a good time at the wedding. Frodo was competing with another lad for Éowyn's attention to win a dance with her, Pippin grinned when she with a laugh discarded them both and asked Merry Gamgee to dance with her instead. Young Pippin was entertaining Bilbo and Robin, as well as some of Rose's nieces and nephews while young Rose kept a watchful eye on them. She was the oldest daughter at home now, all of Elanor's responsibilities had become Rose's now.
The older Rose had gone inside Bag End together with Estella, too emotional to be among people at the moment. Pippin had seen them leave and tried to spot Diamond with them but they had been alone. Wherever Diamond was, she was not inside.
Pippin's eyes fell on Daisy and Goldilocks. The two sisters, who were now eighteen and twenty, had turned into quite the flirts. Neither possessed their oldest sister's beauty, but they had more charms and spread their laughter around them wherever they went. Goldie's hair was not as blonde as it had been when it had given her her name, it had gotten darker over the years, but it still shone like gold in certain lights and was fairer than most of her siblings'. Daisy did not have the same beautiful hair but she had an intoxicating smile which she used as her weapon when competing with her sister. The two liked to playfully compete for lads' attention and neither of them ever spent a party sitting by the benches, they were always out dancing.
The last of the Gamgee children, Primrose, was sitting next to Elanor, completely in awe of her beautiful sister who was now a married lass who was going to have a home of her own. To Primsy that was so adult, she was incredibly impressed by the whole event. She kept saying that she wished she would one day get to be married and have a dress like Elanor's and a great party. And Elanor constantly assured her that she would be married some day, but her dress would probably be nicer and her party grander.
Pippin saw Merry's children as well, all of them seeming to have a good time. Éowyn was still dancing with Merry, applauded by her sister who was having more fun watching lads run after Éowyn than joining in the games the other children were playing. Théo was feasting on some cake together with Fatty at a nearby table, both of them more interested in food than fun and games. Quite typical, it seemed to Pippin.
Cordy and Lucky, both uninterested in lasses and dancing, were singing songs together by another table. They were too young to be drinking ale but they waved their glasses of juice around in the same manner they had seen their father and Pippin do several times when they sang their drinking songs. No doubt they would be singing and dancing on the tables of the inn within ten years.
Pippin looked back over at Elanor and spotted Aramac coming up to the table to congratulate the newlyweds. Then he turned to Primrose and asked her for a dance. Pippin couldn't help but smile at the sight of the two dancing together, and for the millionth time was struck by how fast the years went by. When did Aramac turn eighteen? Seems it was only a short while ago Faramir had had his eighteenth birthday and he was three years older than Aramac. And Primrose was sixteen now, and beginning to turn into a young lady. Pippin watched them dance, and saw that Éowyn was now dancing with Frodo. Faramir however was not among the dancing couples, Pippin suddenly realised he hadn't seen him in quite a while either. Now both his wife and his son was missing. Good thing he didn't have to find them tonight before he could go to bed, they were going to sleep at Bag End so they could all just head off to bed whenever they felt like it.
Then suddenly Pippin spotted Faramir. He couldn't keep back a surprised laughter. His son was standing underneath a tree, barely visible yet Pippin knew it was him, together with some lass he was kissing. Pippin shook his head with a grin. So Faramir was not interested in love, huh? Pippin just hoped he wouldn't go falling in love with a Cotton or a Greenholm, the Thain could not be married to someone from the lower classes. For Faramir's own sake Pippin hoped he would fall for someone closer to his own social rank.
Pippin decided to try to get a moment's conversation with Sam again and headed off in the direction he had last seen him. As he passed the dancing couples the tune changed from a slow tune to a faster tune, the tune of a dance which most people knew but few could dance properly. Pippin had never quite managed, it was a complicated dance with several twists and turns and all kinds of moves. He could see that "his" four dancing youngsters seemed to take it as a challenge where Aramac and Primrose tried to beat Frodo and Éowyn. He could hear them laugh as they tried to keep up with the rhythm and to do more and better moves than the other couple.'
"Mayor Samwise!" Pippin said as he finally managed to get an arm around Sam's shoulders and pull him aside for a moment. "Are you having any fun, or are these people trying to suffocate you?"
"I'm trying not to get too emotional, it's enough that one of Elanor's parents does!" Sam said and smiled. "You know Pip, even though I'm beginning to accept it it's still hard to see my baby girl married…"
"If it's any comfort, from the looks of it my Faramir might be the next one" Pippin said jokingly and laughed. "He's found himself some lass and a tree to kiss under."
"Oh dear!" Sam said. "I hope he's not getting himself involved with anybody here, he's too high up on the social rank!"
"No, relax, he's just having himself a fling" Pippin said. "He won't see this lass again for a long time, he won't go falling in love with her. I can't wait until I can rub his nose in him having a fling though tomorrow! He's been saying he's never going to fall in love and now lasses are a waste of time. Though I wouldn't want him to go falling in love just yet. If you think Elanor is too young, what wouldn't you say Faramir is?"
"All our babies are too young" Sam said.
"I hope they know to enjoy their youth" Pippin said and nodded toward the four youngsters still trying to beat each other at the dance. "See Frodo and Primrose, and their Brandybuck dance partners? That's what being young should be like. Fun and games with your friends and family. Not a care in the world other than where you will get your next laugh from."
Sam smiled. The dance finally ended and the four laughing youngsters were exhausted. Frodo and Aramac debated over which pair was the winner while Éowyn held her side that was sore from dancing and laughing and Primrose tried to pin the strains of hair that had fallen loose during the dance. The foursome made their way to a table with refreshments and continued to laugh and jest with each other.
"It's a good wedding" Pippin said to Sam.
"I'm glad" Sam said. "Elanor deserves the best. I hope she will be happy now."
"She will be" Pippin said. "She's a smart lass. She knows what she's doing. As for my child on the other hand… Wait, I think I see Diamond. I've been looking for her for ages! We'll continue this later." He patted Sam on the back. "Have a good night, friend!"
He hurried off to reach Diamond before she disappeared again. He caught up with her just as she moved a large piece of cake over on a plate. She sighed when he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
"You always know when I'm getting myself something to eat…" she complained and handed him the plate. "Here."
"Why thank you!" Pippin said and happily began eating the large slice.
"Don't mention it" Diamond said and cut herself a new piece. "Are you having fun, dear?"
"I'm a wallflower."
"Don't expect me to do anything about that" Diamond said. "All I want is to eat some cake, have some ale and have some pleasant conversations."
"Dimesy, you're getting old."
"Now don't force me to tickle you" Diamond said with a glare.
"If you tickle me then I will toss you in the water barrel" Pippin said with a grin.
"Where's Merry when you need him?" Diamond asked with a sigh.
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The following afternoon Pippin, Diamond and Faramir rode back to the Smials. It was a beautiful August day that turned into a beautiful August night when Pippin took a stroll with Faramir to inspect the crops.
"They're doing fine" he said and inspected the grain. "It's been a very good summer. Not too much rain but not too little. Not too hot and not too cold. Even better than last year!"
"You were right" Faramir said. "I do have it in my blood. Farming, I mean. A year ago I would have scoffed at the thought."
"Sometimes you can be sure of how you feel about something and then you learn you were wrong" Pippin said. "What's her name? The lass you were kissing last night at the party."
"I think it was Linda" Faramir said. "I can't remember…"
"No?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't have much ale to drink and you seemed to be with her an awful long time."
"I didn't even know we were watched" Faramir said with a raised eyebrow.
"A piece of advice, hiding under a tree never works very well. Go behind a tent or around the corner of a house. So you like her?"
"I guess" Faramir said and shrugged his shoulder.
"I can't help but find it amusing" Pippin grinned. "After all that talk about how you would never fall in love!"
"Sir, I'm not in love" Faramir objected. "She's not the first lass I've kissed and she certainly won't be the last! What does love have to do with it?"
"Back up here!" Pippin said. "You do that a lot? Steal kisses at parties?"
"Pretty much" Faramir said.
"I am sad to hear it. Let me tell you what love has to do with it" Pippin said, upset with the news of his son's pastimes. "You don't know what she is feeling! When you take a lass with you to some secluded spot to kiss her you are leading her on!"
"Leading her on to what? Father, it's only a game!"
"A game?"
"Yes! Didn't you ever dance a few dances with a lass and then kiss her without it meaning anything?"
"Does the lass in question know that it doesn't mean anything?" Pippin asked.
"I don't know" Faramir said.
"Faramir Took" Pippin said. "I cannot believe you! Have you no respect at all for love or other people's feelings? I will not have my son charming lasses and making them believe they stand a chance with him and only think of it as a game!"
"But sir…" Faramir protested. "Lots of lads do it! I don't mean any harm by it! I like kissing pretty lasses, and it is best done under a tree, or behind the corner if that suits you better. But I don't want to court her just because I want to kiss her!"
"You shouldn't toy with someone's emotions that way" Pippin said.
"I don't try to hurt anyone" Faramir said. "Sir all these girls can't be thinking that it's something serious!"
"All these girls?" Pippin echoed. "How many are 'all these girls'?"
"I don't know" Faramir said. "Six, seven? I don't keep count. But look at Daisy and Goldie, they flirt with lads all the time and no harm comes of it."
"But when was the last time you saw them kissing someone?" Pippin asked. "They flirt, they don't toy with people. I am disappointed in you Faramir."
"But Father, surely you've done the same thing!" Faramir objected. "Don't tell me you've only ever kissed mother!"
"Of course I've kissed other lasses. And yes, I've kissed lasses at parties after having danced with them and then nothing more came of it. But I never let it become a habit. I might have done it five times over ten years! Not six or seven by the time I was twenty-one!"
"It's just innocent kissing!"
"Maybe for you, but not always for her! I don't want you doing it again, not this often at least! How do you expect any lass to ever take your feelings seriously if you play around all the time? What happens when you don't want it to be over when the night is, and she discards you because she doesn't believe you?"
"Love again" Faramir sighed. "Haven't I told you, I am not going to fall in love!"
"You don't know that."
"I do know that! I don't want to fall in love, I don't understand love. I know you think love will come along and change my life, but I can't see it happening. I'm going to have an arranged marriage, I've known that forever."
"Faramir" Pippin said and gave his son his most serious look. "Nothing has been decided concerning you and Éowyn. You are both free to marry whomever you choose. Don't allow yourself to miss out on something great in life because you think you're already as good as betrothed to her! All Merry and I want is for you to be happy. True, we wish you will be with each other, but we're both willing to accept other lasses or lads as well…"
"You don't understand" Faramir said. "It's like with Fatty Bolger. I don't long for love or wish for love. Love doesn't matter to me. Whether I marry Éowyn or someone else, it doesn't matter. But I do expect it to be Éowyn, because I know that would please you and Uncle Merry."
"Then how about showing her some respect?" Pippin said. "One day you will be married, how do you think your wife will feel knowing that you've kissed every lass in the Shire? Even if you're not married out of love it still wounds the pride to know something like that."
"I'm sorry then" Faramir sighed. "I didn't realise it would be such big a deal."
"It might not be for you now" Pippin said. "But if you keep it up, there might come a day when it's a huge deal. Look, have fun, dance, flirt… Just don't kiss everyone."
"I won't" Faramir promised.
"One day," Pippin said, "you'll know what a real kiss is."
He walked off to inspect the next acre. Faramir remained where he stood for a moment, puzzled by the last comment.
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In late October Pippin finally got enough time on his hands to be able to visit Bag End for a weekend. He had not set foot in Hobbiton since Elanor's wedding, September 22nd had been celebrated at the Smials this year. He was happy to be back in Frodo and Bilbo's old home and once again sit by the fire with the Gaffer's old brew and some sponge cake. It was bittersweet being there, it reminded him of all the times he had spent at Bag End when last Merry was in Rohan on his own.
Sam was sitting next to him, but nobody else was there. Pippin and Sam appreciated the time to themselves, they both needed to talk. They hadn't talked in a long time.
"How is Elanor doing?" Pippin asked.
"Not pregnant yet" Sam said. "That's a great relief. Hopefully she doesn't take after her mother in that way…"
"Fastred seems to be making a good husband."
"He does" Sam said. "She seems to be happy. And I'm happy for her."
"I know."
"Though it's very empty here without her. Out of all the children I think her leaving the nest will be the most difficult. We've come to depend on her over the years, Rosie and I. Now she's gone and she's left such a huge void behind her."
"Yes, sometimes the biggest spot in a room can be taken up by the person who is missing" Pippin said.
"Strange how one can feel lonely in a house with eleven people living in it" Sam said and sipped his ale.
"That's what they do to us" Pippin smiled. "Make us depend on them more than we know. The children are those who turn our holes into homes. But some day they all have to leave and make homes of their own. Luckily my baby will be making his home at the Smials."
"Frodo will stay here" Sam said. "Bag End is his when I pass. I was going to leave it to him, Merry and Pippin, seeing how that would be appropriate considering who they are named after and all… But then I realised that when they have children it might be problematic with the inheritance. Therefore Bag End goes to Frodo, the oldest."
"As I only have one child Faramir will inherit my half of Crickhollow as well. He and Aramac will be sharing it. Faramir probably won't live there though, he has the Smials, he will be living there even after he's married."
"You're lucky you won't have to see any of your kids move out" Sam said.
"You really miss her, don't you?" Pippin said with a smile.
"Every single day! I miss her saying 'good morning' in the mornings, I miss seeing her help out around the house and being able to trust her with things!"
"I bet she misses you too."
"I'm not so sure about that. Did Diamond ever miss her family when she married you? I know Rose didn't."
"Rose's family practically live next door!" Pippin pointed out. "Elanor lives in the Far Downs now, she doesn't see you every day."
"That's true" Sam admitted.
"Does she ever come to visit?"
"She didn't even come for September 22nd, remember" Sam said. "She's too busy getting her new home into shape."
"She'll show up here soon" Pippin said.
"How about you?" Sam said. "How about your missing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Merry won't be back for at least another three months. He's been gone for over a year. How are you holding up?"
"To be honest…" Pippin said. "I'm fine. Honestly, I am. Half the time I don't think about it. I don't let myself think about it perhaps."
"What about when you do think about it?"
Pippin was quiet for a while and Sam began to regret having asked. Then Pippin took a deep breath and answered the question.
"Sam I think I'm losing my mind."
"No you're not."
"Yes I think I am. Whenever I think about how much I miss him… It's just insane, Sam! I act like a madman!"
"What do you do that's so bad?" Sam asked. "So you miss Merry, what's so strange about that? The strange thing would be if you didn't react."
"I talk to myself" Pippin said. "I talk to Merry actually. I have actual conversations with him where I tell him things that have happened and things that I feel!"
"You are used to doing that" Sam said. "Of course you'll still be talking to him about all those things."
"But I not only talk to him… He talks to me! It scares me Sam, but sometimes when I talk to him I can hear him answer! And I know it's crazy but it is so real! Sometimes I have to turn around and see for myself that he hasn't returned and is talking to me in person!"
Sam pondered that but didn't say anything. Pippin eyed him for a minute and then groaned loudly and smacked his forehead.
"I am going out of my mind! Otherwise you would have said differently!"
"No" Sam said, only half meaning it.
"I honestly hear him answer me, Sam! What is happening to me?"
"You miss him a lot" Sam said.
"I've missed him a lot before but I haven't heard his voice just because of it!"
"There must be something more to it then" Sam said.
"Like me going crazy?"
"Seems to me that you're hearing his voice because you need it" Sam said. "It's a comfort or a reassurance. Though why you need it so badly I don't know."
"Do you think that's the reason?" Pippin asked.
"Well… Do you think that could be the reason? Is anything different this time from how it was last time he was away without you?"
"Yes, but only for the better. I have Dimesy now, and Faramir! I had neither when he was gone last. I was all alone at Crickhollow and it drove me near crazy. If I wasn't talking to him and hearing him answer then, why would I be now?"
"I don't know" Sam said.
Pippin downed his ale and slammed the tankard down on a small table. Not only was he going insane but now he had also told Sam about it. Wonderful.
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Pippin took his refuge to the meadows one late December night, on the anniversary of the Fellowship setting out from Rivendell. He walked slowly through the lands with his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sky and whatever stars might be shining this particular night. He also ignored how cold the night was. He should be shivering from the cold but he didn't realise it at the moment. His head was filled with thoughts.
A few months had passed since he told Sam that he sometimes heard Merry speak to him. During those months nothing had changed, Pippin still heard Merry's voice when he spoke to him. And event though Pippin knew it was all in his head sometimes it felt so real that he had to turn his head and look to see if Merry hadn't actually returned. As of late he tried not to, it felt better to pretend that Merry was there than to look over his shoulder and see for himself that he was all alone.
Was it possible for someone to lose their mind out of missing and longing for someone whom they knew was going to return? Pippin was beginning to wonder. He had always believed that sorrow might cause one to lose their senses, but only the sorrow of knowing that someone you loved would never be with you again, not the sorrow of missing someone who was returning.
"I'm really losing my mind" he sighed and sunk to the ground, clasping his arms around his knees and leaning his cheek against them. "You will return, I know you will. You're probably on your way right this very moment! Camped somewhere between me and Rohan. Me and Éowyn. You said you would be back in early 1452, we're almost there now! Will I still be out of my mind when you're back?" He quickly continued talking so that Merry's voice in his head wouldn't get the chance to say something. "Perhaps I'm worried that you won't return! It's all Estella's fault, she put those thoughts into my head, that something might happen to you and prevent you from coming home. That's why I hear your voice, don't you think?"
But he knew that wasn't true. He had been hearing Merry talking to him before Estella had told him she worried that something might happen to Merry. The fear of Merry dying before his return could not be the reason why Pippin heard him. Pippin knew that Merry would return safe and sound, there was no danger out on the roads that would threaten him, there was no reason to believe that he would be harmed in any way. Though one thing was correct about Pippin's statement. It was the fear of losing Merry that made him hear him. Sam had said that Pippin probably heard his cousin because he needed comfort or reassurance.
Pippin needed both comfort and reassurance in one matter. He was terrified that when Merry returned he would not be his best friend anymore, that something would have happened between them during their year apart. Pippin had trusted their friendship to be so strong that it could get through anything, but he had been proven otherwise. Now that they were back to how they once had been Pippin didn't dare to believe that nothing would be able to tear them apart again. He had to be realistic and realise that if they had broken from each other in the past they might do it again sometime in the future.
"Please don't grow in all kinds of directions while you're away" he said in a small voice. "I need you to be my best friend when you return. I have been waiting for you for over a year now, don't reward me by discarding my friendship. Don't cast it aside, please! I'm begging you…"
He could hear Merry's voice telling him that no matter what, they would not grow apart again. But Pippin didn't listen. He knew he was only hearing Merry saying what Pippin wanted to hear him say. Pippin had learned a long time ago that no matter how desperately you wanted some things to be a certain way they sometimes just couldn't be.
"I miss you, you know…" he said. "Won't you come back real soon? We've been apart far too long. Think of everything that you've missed! Elanor's married Merry, and you missed it! Shame on you for not being here, Sam could have used your support! I've had some problems with Faramir this fall, with how he treats lasses, you weren't here for me at that time. And your children have been driving their mother crazy, you know it's really not fair to leave them all to her and just take off like that. Cordy, Lucky and Lúthie do nothing but quarrel with each other, and with Aramac. Éowyn and Théo mostly keep out of the way and try to avoid getting drawn in. Honestly, they're a handful, they're six handfuls and you're letting Estella take care of all the issues with them." He sighed. "Speaking of Estella and issues… When you get back home, just fix things with her. Nobody's gaining from your issues you know, and you can't stay mad at her forever. She made a mistake, try to see past it and move on. Sure you feel you cannot trust her, I feel like I cannot trust her, but won't you at least try to forgive her for as much as you can forgive her and allow you and your children to be happy again? You can still be happy even if you don't trust her completely, you know." He sighed deeply and gazed up at the stars. "You had better hurry home real quick cousin dearest, before I lose my mind completely! I can't go on talking to myself like this…"
He rose and brushed his clothes free of the dead grass and old leaves that had stuck to them. Sitting on the cold ground in the middle of winter was not such a good idea, he had a feeling he would regret it.
He looked up at the sky again and saw that there were several stars out tonight. Winter seemed so cold even without snow this year, and the sky was dark in spite of the stars. This winter was as dark and cold as the previous had been. It did indeed seem as if the sun was more distant this year, and the stars were too.
But it would be over soon. Merry would return before spring and things would be as they should once more. Pippin prayed it would be so. If Merry returned uninterested in their friendship or different in some way, things would be difficult once more. They had already gone through that pain, Pippin knew Merry had suffered a lot too, neither of them needed to feel that way again. Though sometimes there was nothing they could do, there had been nothing for them to do when last they were growing apart.
Pippin had regretted more with each passing day that he let Merry go alone. If only he had gone with him, he would have been able to know for sure that Merry was his best friend forever. He might not have seen him more than once a month but that was far more often than not seeing him at all for over fifteen months. He could have seen him fifteen times during the months he had been all alone in the Shire.
Part of Pippin knew that he shouldn't worry so much. Merry probably missed him just as much as he missed Merry, after all, Merry was the one who had given them their friendship back. He had ultimately fought the final battle and conquered their final obstacles. Had Merry not raced to catch up to him when Pippin left Gondor four years back, they might still not be best friends today. Pippin was far from sure that he would have taken those last, important steps. Merry had, and there was every reason in the world to believe that Merry wanted their friendship as much as Pippin did. But just to assure himself Pippin had to speak out loud the words that had been said between them almost five years ago.
"Merry. You know, you are my best friend in the world."
"And you're mine too" Pippin knew Merry was answering.
"And it will always be like that, right?" Pippin said. "The two of us, Pippin and Merry… Best friends forever!"
"Yes" he could hear Merry answer. "Forever."
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Thanks for reading! A whole chapter without Merry, hopefully the Pippin fans liked it =) Next chapter will hopefully be able to explain why Merry got so mad at Estella. I'd love reviews, good or constructive! See you next week =)
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JRR Tolkien except for the characters I made up myself.
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"Good work, Faramir!" Pippin praised his son. "You have well earned mushrooms and some wine tonight!"
"Thank you sir!" Faramir said and grinned.
Pippin grinned back. He could see it in his son, it was already happening. Faramir was falling in love with the soil and with farming. Pippin had given him an acre to farm all on his own and Faramir had taken the task very seriously and soon found that he enjoyed it. Pippin enjoyed it too, it warmed his heart to see. He looked forward to doing the farming together with his son in the upcoming years, he had longed for many years to be able to work together with Faramir once he got old enough. Faramir was twenty now.
"Tell me something Father" Faramir said in a superior tone and walked up to Pippin. "Why is it that I have sowed an entire acre on my own and you have only done half your work? I believe we both had an acre each this morning."
Pippin laughed.
"Because, young lad, while you've been out here all day I spent all morning talking to all those young couples who are getting married this June. This year seems to be a popular year to get married in!"
"Why are some Hobbits in such a rush to be married?" Faramir said condescendingly. "I want to be all on my own for a long time before I settle down!"
"Son, you have no control over that" Pippin said with a smile. "Don't just stand there, these fields need to be sowed too! Let me tell you something Faramir, when it comes to marriage either one of two things will decide the time for you. Either it will be your heart, once you fall in love you won't care about being free or on your own or how old you are. And love, let me tell you, does not take into consideration what you want to be doing with your life at that point. It steps in and takes over and all you can do is obey."
"It sounds horrible" Faramir said and began helping his father with the sowing.
"Not at all" Pippin objected. "Quite the opposite… Once you've felt it you don't know how to live without it. It's an intoxicating feeling. But if you don't fall in love I'll be stepping in. Sooner or later you have to marry and carry on our bloodline, it is my duty to arrange a marriage for you if you don't take care of that matter yourself."
"I'll tell you what, sir" Faramir said. "I never plan on falling in love. But as long as I get to play and be free for many years I will not object to you arranging a marriage for me later. So when I'm forty you can go ahead and arrange for me and Éowyn to be married, which we both know is what you want. But until then I wish to be free as the bird."
"I'll agree to arranging you a marriage with Éowyn when you're forty, if neither of you are married, and not before then. If she is married by then and you're not, I will find you someone else. But I can promise you Faramir, it is not up to you whether or not you will fall in love before that time. You could be married by the time you're thirty!"
"I hope not" Faramir said. "I honestly never plan on falling in love."
"Fortunately love does not care what you plan on" Pippin said.
Faramir shrugged his shoulders. What did love matter? He had accepted years ago that he would marry Éowyn when he got older, and he knew he could do a lot worse than her. She was beautiful and clever and apparently a great cook. Plus they were friends and would get along. Falling in love would be wasting his time. He would end up married no matter what, falling in love would only mean he would have his freedom taken away sooner.
He glanced at his father and thought that the subject of love must be one of the few things they disagreed on. He knew his father was in love with his mother and that he was happy, but Faramir couldn't imagine anyone being happy without being free. All those stories he had heard of his father's doings before marriage, how he had ridden off to different places on a whim or gone to parties whenever he chose to and just had a lot of fun, Faramir couldn't understand how Pippin had so easily given that up to be married. Faramir didn't do half the things his father had done but still he was unwilling to give it up. Marriage was a cage he would be happy to escape for as long as he could. Twenty more years he had to be free, then he and Éowyn would be settling down and starting a family. Just the thought of it made Faramir cringe. Lots of babies tying him to his home was the last thing that he needed or wanted.
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Pippin walked alone across the lands of Tuckborough one early June night, humming to himself and keeping his hands in his pockets. The sky was getting darker, a star had appeared on the firmament. It was one of those nights when Pippin felt lonely.
After the first two months after Merry's departure he had fallen into a routine where he did the same things every day and kept his mind occupied. It helped him keep his mind off how lonely he was. Sometimes a few days could go by when it didn't bother him that Merry was away, some days it even felt good to have time to himself. But other days he felt very lonely and longed for his best friend so much that he could scream. This was one of those nights. He tried to get away as much as he could when he felt like that, to hide it from Diamond and to not bring her down as well. She of course knew what was going on but let him believe he managed to hide it from her.
Pippin looked up at the lonely star in the sky and felt an odd connection with it. The star was all alone up there, the other stars were gone. The sky was vast around the star and it seemed to shine much paler than stars would normally because the sky was so big around it. Pippin felt the same way. Still the star offered comfort to him. He knew Merry could see that star too. In a way that made the star less lonesome, for it linked two parted friends together. And Pippin was not as lonely when he knew the same star and the same sky was watching over Merry.
"Is it dusk where you are now?" he sang, the same song he had been singing since autumn. "Is your sky the same as mine? Time has passed I wonder how, and how the sun still seems to shine." He kicked a rock with his foot and muttered to himself. "Not even a full year has passed. You wont' be back until December, at the very soonest. That's more than six months away from now. Time goes by too slowly…"
It just felt like far too long a time. Sometimes Pippin toyed with the idea of riding to Rohan and visit, just for a month or two. But it was a stupid idea, and Diamond would be furious if he decided to do something like that. He was best off staying where he was.
"So I guess you're wondering how things are…" he said, talking to Merry as if he was walking right beside him as Pippin was used to him doing. "Here at the Smials things are great. Faramir and I have sowed the last acres together, we'll get a good harvest if this fine weather holds. I stopped by Brandy Hall yesterday and things were good with the farming there too. Aramac and Cordy had done a lot of work! Théo seems to have gotten misplaced with the blacksmith, he's spent more time fixing up old tools than working out in the fields. But they are all doing good. Lucky's health is good! He hasn't been ill for three months now! Yet every time it rains and there's a rainbow he runs off to find the end of it. It's driving Estella crazy. The lasses are fine too! Lúthien has improved a lot, she's now almost back to normal! Éowyn spends a lot of time with her, and that's good. Of course, Lúthie is getting older now and the age difference between them is getting less significant. Éowyn takes some time every day to play with Lúthien, other than that she's mostly with her ponies. She's jumping every fence she can find with Aestas, it's scaring me to be honest! She might fall off and get hurt!"
Then he stopped and shook his head to clear it. What was wrong with him? Why was he talking out loud to someone who was miles away? Not even an Elf would be able to hear at that kind of a distance! Sometimes he thought he was going mad. Usually it got worse when he had been fine for a while.
"Pip, old fool…" he said with a sigh. "You need to get your head together. Merry's far away, and it is not a problem for you. You just get lonely sometimes, that's all…"
Lonely he was indeed. But it was easier than it had been the year he had met Estella. That year he had had nothing except for visits to Bag End every now and then. Now he had a wife, a child and large parts of the Shire to keep an eye on. From that aspect it was much easier this time around. But it worried him that he and Merry were apart for this long so soon after their big fight and uncertain years. Pippin never wanted to be unsure of what kind of friendship they had again, he was scared to death that Merry would return and once again say they had grown apart. Pippin could not go through that again.
"We are under the same sky" Pippin said out loud. "But it's still a very long time until we'll breathe the same air. When we do, I pray we will still be walking the same path. Oh gosh, I'm getting sentimental!"
He walked slowly across the meadows as the sky got darker and the lonesome star was accompanied by a second one. A smile appeared on his face.
"We are one, you and I… Like those stars in the sky, we shall also be two together when these long months ahead are over. I miss being part of Merry and Pippin. It will be so grand to be part of that again…"
He rested his eyes on the horizon. It was actually nice being out walking on his own. Getting to talk to no one about his feelings and his thoughts helped, since Merry wasn't there to listen. He always felt a little lighter at heart when he returned home, though the loneliness was hard.
Suddenly he could see a figure on a pony riding towards him. Even though it was getting dark it only took him a second to identify the rider.
"What are you doing riding at this hour?" he asked Éowyn when she halted Aestas next to him. "And without a saddle?"
"Uncle Pippin, you know I only ride with a saddle when mother can find out about it" Éowyn said and patted Aestas' neck. "If you know your pony well enough you can ride perfectly fine bareback. Father always says that."
"You should be riding side-saddled bareback" Pippin said. "Why are you not at Brandy Hall, young lady? I hope you're not riding out to meet some secret lad, or your father is going to kill me when he gets back!"
"You know me better than that" Éowyn said. "Lads, who needs them?"
"Hopefully Diamond" Pippin said. "Or at least one lad, namely me. Now tell me, why are you out riding at this hour?"
"Actually I was looking for you."
"Me? Has something happened?" Pippin asked.
"No don't worry, nothing's wrong… I just felt lonely that's all. And I like seeing you, it feels like you can speak to me for my father and sort of be his stand-in…"
"That makes me happy to hear" Pippin said and smiled. "I like being your stand-in father. You're my daughter too, you know."
He grabbed Aestas' reins and began leading the pony and rider back to Brandy Hall.
"I know" Éowyn said.
"My firstborn you are! The daughter I never had."
"Yes thank you, I know" Éowyn said. "I remember when I was little and did something I wasn't supposed to, you told me off more times than father did! You spent as much time raising me as you did raising Faramir!"
"Merry is way too soft with you" Pippin said. "Someone had to keep you under tabs! You could wrap him around your little finger in a heartbeat and the strange thing is you never even made him notice it! He thinks he's given you a strict upbringing, yet all you had to do is look at him and he forgave you everything."
"But what good did that do me when you gave me the telling-off anyway?" Éowyn asked with a smile.
"My fatherly duty" Pippin said.
They were silent for a while as Pippin continued to lead pony and rider home. Pippin was almost scared to look at her, it was unbelievable that the baby he had been so terrified of when she was born had grown into this beautiful lass with her own mind, heart and will. He still saw her as a little girl walking after Merry in the fields at Crickhollow. She still walked after Merry a lot but not in the way she had when she was little. It was no wonder that Merry had been unable to resist her charm, the little lass with her curls everywhere and with her dress dirty trying to set her feet down in his footprints had been adorable. Éowyn was adorable still, but in a different way.
Pippin thought of what he and Faramir had discussed a while ago. Everyone knew that unless Faramir or Éowyn fell in love with someone else, marriage would be arranged between the two. It had been decided from the day Faramir was born and though it was rarely spoken of everybody knew about it. Pippin had promised not to arrange marriage until Faramir was forty, Éowyn would be forty-one. The only thing that made Pippin believe she would still be unmarried by that time was that she showed no interest in lads or love, all she cared about were her ponies. She and Faramir both seemed to think love was uninteresting and nothing they wanted to find. Their fathers hoped each day that they would find it with each other. Pippin knew Éowyn had firmly decided that until she could find a lad who lived up to her father she would not get married at all. She was her father's daughter and always had been. Now she was lonely in his absence.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" he asked her as they reached the Brandywine Bridge.
"Every day" Éowyn said. "But not like you! I think it's a lot easier for me than it is for you, uncle Pippin."
"Don't you worry about me, sweetie" Pippin said. "I'm fine."
"So why did I find you out walking on the meadows?"
"What?" Pippin exclaimed. "I do that even when I'm fine!"
"No you don't" Éowyn said. "Everybody knows you only go walk on the meadows when you're lonely for Father."
"Well I'm glad I can have some privacy" Pippin said with a glare at her.
"Nothing's private around here."
"Perhaps not" Pippin said and wondered if people also knew he talked to himself when he was out on his walks.
"Won't you come inside when we reach the Hall and join us by the fireside?" Éowyn asked. "We would all appreciate it."
"Why not?" Pippin said. "I haven't been around much during the sowing, it would be nice to have a quiet evening by the fireside and perhaps a chat with your mother. How is she?"
"The same" Éowyn said with a shrug to the shoulder. "It's you I'm worried about."
"Don't be worried" Pippin said. "I'll admit it feels like the sun is more distant this year, but I'm not as dependant on your father as people think. I don't need Merry."
"I don't like it when you lie."
Pippin didn't reply. Sometimes it got on his nerves that people expected him to be sad and lonesome and constantly missing Merry. Even though he missed his cousin terribly days could go by without Pippin thinking about it. He hated when people thought he could only function fully through Merry. He was his own Hobbit, he still aimed to prove that. The only problem was that he needed Merry. How was he to prove that he didn't need Merry when he did need him? It was all very confusing.
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Later that evening, when the three youngest children were in bed and the three oldest were getting ready to go to sleep too, Pippin sat down with Estella in the sitting room. They had not spoken much during Merry's absence, and not much the summer before either, after Estella had read Merry's papers.
"How are you holding up?" Pippin asked her now and sipped his tea.
"It's difficult" Estella said. "But I'm used to it. It's not the first time he's left our six children with me and gone off."
"I… wasn't talking about that" Pippin said. "Does he write you?"
"Yes" Estella said.
"What does he say?"
"Not what he usually would" Estella admitted after some hesitation and looked down into her cup, ashamed to meet Pippin's eyes. "He's very businesslike. His letters are not like the ones I used to get, where he would at least say he misses me!"
"You and I both know what you did so let's not waste time bringing it up for discussion again" Pippin said. "But you do realise that it's the reason why his letters sound like that?"
"I know" Estella said and began to cry. "But Pippin he never gives me a chance! How can I make it up to him when he doesn't want me to?"
"You can't make it up to him. He has to get over it and begin to trust you again, all you can do is give him no reason to distrust you. He will grow to trust you again. You just have to be patient and accept that it won't happen over night."
"But we can't live like this" Estella said. "We can't distrust one another."
"You can't change it, only time can" Pippin said.
"He should not have left before we could work this out."
"It's hard for him to get time apart from you in the Shire. And time apart is what he needs right now."
"It worries me sick that he's off in some strange land serving a king who goes to war every so often!" Estella said.
"Rohan hasn't been to war for decades" Pippin said.
"I worry that he won't return, that something will happen to him. And that things will be left unsaid between us."
"Nothing is going to happen to him. Do you think I would have let him go there without me if I thought something might happen?"
"I hate that I can't put my worries into words when I write him" Estella said. "I feel like I have to be as formal as he is."
"Merry's doing a lot of thinking" Pippin said. "Don't expect him to change his style of letters. He won't try to make things better over correspondence."
"How will I then know that things are getting better?"
"I don't know. You put yourself in this position, don't come crying to me about it. Dry those tears before the children see you!"
"I should have known better than talking to you about it" Estella said and rose from her chair while drying her tears. "You are always on his side!"
"Would you have expected anything else in a case like this?"
"I don't know, perhaps I would have expected a little sympathy from someone I share a past with."
"The past is what got you into this mess in the first place" Pippin said. "And that was my past you pried in too!"
"Just forget I said anything" Estella said. "I'll have to pay for this mistake for the rest of my life I take it."
"Just leave our past alone" Pippin said. "And let Merry be mad at you. You've deserved it." "Maybe you ought to leave."
"Maybe so" Pippin said and rose. "Things really have changed over the years, Estella… When last Merry was alone in Rohan I fell in love with you. This time around…" He shrugged his shoulders. "How did so much happen over the years?"
"How can so much change in just one?" Estella said.
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Pippin stretched out in the grass with a hat tipped over his head to shade the sun and a grass straw in his mouth. After a hard day's work he felt he'd earned a little lying about time. Today was a good day, the sun was shining above him and everything felt good.
They were in the middle of planning the Midsummer party. Pippin would be conducting three weddings that day and then there was going to be a big party in the evening. They had spent the morning planning what food they were going to have and Pippin had worked up such an appetite he'd had to sneak into the kitchen and liberate it of some meat.
The party was going to be great. They had decided on a spot for it, they were going to set up a big tent and they were going to make room for sixty Hobbits to have dinner outside. A band was going to play and they were going to play games with the children until midnight. Pippin planned on challenging Faramir in the good old find-the-apple-in-the-bucket game. They always had a lot of fun playing games together.
Midsummer was only a week away so they would be very busy until that day. It almost made Pippin feel a little guilty that he was stretched out in the grass instead of helping out with the preparations, but he felt he'd done enough for one day.
He began whistling a happy tune to himself and let the bright shining sun warm him. On days like today it was really grand being a Hobbit. He could easily fall asleep, he let his mind wander while he whistled to himself and waved his right foot in pace with the tune. He soon found himself humming one of his father's old favorites. It was odd that so many years had passed since his father would sing his favourite songs out on the field while forcing Pippin to do his share of the farming. Now Pippin had spent the first part of summer singing songs out in the fields and getting Faramir to work and learn to love farming.
Pippin awoke from his daydreams with a start when something landed on his chest. He lifted the hat and stared at the bag, then looked further up and saw Diamond standing above him with her hands on her hips and a firm look on her face.
"Hi darling" he said with his most apologetic smile.
"If you're going to sneak away from your work and just lie around in the grass doing nothing… And if you're going to steal from the kitchen…" she began in a firm voice but then softened her voice and smiled mischievously. "Then you could at least do it properly and steal some mushrooms to bring out with you."
Pippin grabbed the bag and stuck his hand in it, fishing out a fistful of mushrooms. He grinned and looked up at his wife.
"Diamond Took, you are a splendid partner in crime!"
"There are enough mushrooms in there to last you for at least fifteen minutes or so" she said. "But try to not eat them all at once, that way it might last longer."
She sat down on top of him, straddling him, and helped herself to a few mushrooms out of the bag. Pippin raised an eyebrow.
"Now if you're going to be eating too I'll have to eat them all at once, to make sure I get as many as possible!"
"I promise I won't eat anymore" Diamond said and smiled at him.
"How did you know I was out here?"
"Food was missing from the kitchen and I could hear your whistles a hundred yards away! It wasn't difficult to add one thing to the other!"
Pippin took up the tune he'd been humming but this time sang the lyrics to it as well. Diamond stole his hat and placed it on her own head. Pippin finished his song halfway through to eat some more mushrooms.
"If someone was to walk by, this would look really strange" he pointed out.
"Pippin!" she cried and blushed.
"Oh I'm sorry" he teased. "I forgot people always straddle one another for no reason whatsoever."
"How's this for a reason?" Diamond asked with a mischievous grin and began to tickle his sides.
Pippin, who was helplessly ticklish, tried to squirm away from her and avoid her tickling fingers but had little luck. Finally he got a hold of her hands and managed to roll them over so that she was suddenly underneath him.
"Because this looks so much better if anyone was to walk by" Diamond said, laughing hard.
"Think of what they'll say" Pippin teased with a grin. "'That Diamond Took, not a bit of shame is in her body'!"
"Pip!" Diamond complained. "Get off me before somebody does catch us!"
Pippin laughed and sat up. He offered her a hand to get her sitting as well, and she took it, only to start tickling him again as soon as she was sitting up.
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"Sam?" Pippin said and waved his hand before Sam's eyes without getting a reaction. "Samwise? Sammy?"
"He's been like that since this morning" Rose said.
"What's happened?" Pippin asked her.
Rose didn't answer. She hurried off to tend to some task. Pippin shook his head in confusion and snapped his fingers before Sam's eyes. Frodo had come to the Smials earlier in the day and asked Pippin to come to Bag End, but nobody had told him what was wrong with Sam. He couldn't figure out what good he would be able to do if he didn't know the problem.
"Come now Samwise…" he said. "Talk to Mister Pippin! What's happened?"
Finally Sam reacted. He looked up at Pippin.
"Elanor is getting married!"
"Oh that's wonderful!" Pippin said and hugged Sam. "I was afraid something horrible had happened! You must be so happy!"
"Happy?" Sam echoed in disbelief. "Wonderful? I'm losing my oldest daughter and you think I should be happy?"
"You're not losing her" Pippin said. "What you're getting is another son!"
"Like that's something I need!"
"Now Sam, you knew this would happen sooner or later!"
"Couldn't it have happened later? She's only thirty! We need her around here!"
"But she needs to live her own life" Pippin said. "You cannot expect her to stay here all her life and take care of her siblings! She has dreams of her own, things she wants to do, you cannot chain her to Bag End forever."
"But she's not even 33…"
"Sam why did you tell her suitor yes if you don't want her to marry yet?"
"He came up to me at the market, in public! I didn't know what else to say!"
"Mostly, fathers use the word 'no' when they don't want a lad to marry their daughter. And if I were you I would have told him off for coming to you at the market instead of in your office or somewhere else less public. Who is your future son-in-law anyway?"
"You don't know him" Sam said. "Fastred Greenholm. On the Far Downs. I didn't even know he was courting my daughter!"
"Most lads in Hobbiton have wanted to" Pippin said. "Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Elanor is the fairest lass in this part of the Shire. What does she say of all this?"
"She wants to marry him! I think she's making a mistake!"
"Well it's too late now" Pippin said firmly. "Why didn't you think of that before you told Fastred Greenholm that he could marry your daughter? You can't go back on your word now! All you can do is accept that within a year Elanor will be married and living with her new husband."
"She's my little girl, Pippin" Sam complained. "Wasn't she a baby just last week? What has happened, where did the years go?"
"Elanor has not been a little girl for years" Pippin said. "She grew up. And she wants to start her own life."
"They want to be married before harvest" Sam said gloomily. "All I have is a month or two! This came as such a shock! Rose is mad at me for telling Fastred yes, she feels they should wait until they're at least both thirty-three! I agree with her. Elanor is too young to be bound to a home and a herd of children!"
"How is that any different from her life now?" Pippin had to ask. "She's the oldest, and she's a lass! She's a mother for her youngest siblings, more than Rosie is. You accepted the situation Sam, you have to deal with that now. She'll be married before the end of summer and the best you can do for her is to be happy for her."
Sam sighed deeply.
"It will be so empty without her! We all depend on her! Her sisters will really miss her, and her brothers too! Not to mention her mother and father! I don't know how Rosie will manage the household without her!"
"She won't be far away" Pippin objected. "Now get a grip Samwise, you're going to turn her engagement into a sad event! It's supposed to be a happy time for her! Where is she, I'm going to go congratulate her."
"Whose side are you on really?" Sam had to ask.
"Being on your side won't do anybody any good" Pippin said. "And someone has to be happy for Elanor! Pull yourself together now and stop acting like a child. You would lose her to some lad sooner or later anyway, if she feels she doesn't want to wait then don't make her wait."
Sam sighed and hated how he knew Pippin was right. Elanor couldn't stay at home forever, as much as he wanted her to. He only wished he knew anything about the lad he had just promised his daughter to.
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Even Sam had to admit that the wedding turned out to be a nice occasion. It was held a week before harvest, underneath the party tree where Sam and Rose had gotten married thirty-one years ago. Elanor seemed happy, Fastred appeared to be a good lad and Sam found himself accepting the situation. Rose quickly became sentimental and wouldn't stop talking of her own wedding and all the dreams she had had for the future.
Pippin kept out of the way most of the night, feeling a little out of place at the party. He, Diamond and Faramir were the only Tooks, and the only ones from Buckland were Merry's wife, children and brother-in-law. The rest of the guests were Greenholms, Gamgees, Cottons and a few other families who were all gardeners or small-scale farmers. Pippin felt strange among them, his own life had always been quite different even though he was one of few Tooks who worked in someone else's service at times.
Once dinner was over and the real party began Pippin tried to get a hold of Sam, but with little luck. Everyone seemed to want to congratulate him or introduce themselves to him or in any other way try to get to know him a bit better. Being friends with the mayor was not something to frown upon. Pippin gave up and tried to find Diamond instead, but she had disappeared somewhere. He ended up retreating to the table where they kept the ale and the wine and slowly worked on emptying his tankard while he watched what was going on around him.
The newlyweds weren't given much time alone, people were fussing about them constantly. Pippin decided to wait a while before he went up to congratulate them, he didn't want them to get too swamped. Even though he had to agree that Elanor might be a little young to get married, something Pippin only thought because he had known her since her birth, she seemed quite content and the groom seemed to be unable to believe his good fortune to get to marry Elanor the Fair. As a favor to Sam Pippin had found out as much as he could about Fastred of Greenholm and he seemed to be a good and competent lad. He was not yet thirty but he had his own small Hobbit hole where he and Elanor would live from now on. They wouldn't have to live at the already too crowded Bag End or with Fastred's parents.
Elanor's siblings seemed to be having a good time at the wedding. Frodo was competing with another lad for Éowyn's attention to win a dance with her, Pippin grinned when she with a laugh discarded them both and asked Merry Gamgee to dance with her instead. Young Pippin was entertaining Bilbo and Robin, as well as some of Rose's nieces and nephews while young Rose kept a watchful eye on them. She was the oldest daughter at home now, all of Elanor's responsibilities had become Rose's now.
The older Rose had gone inside Bag End together with Estella, too emotional to be among people at the moment. Pippin had seen them leave and tried to spot Diamond with them but they had been alone. Wherever Diamond was, she was not inside.
Pippin's eyes fell on Daisy and Goldilocks. The two sisters, who were now eighteen and twenty, had turned into quite the flirts. Neither possessed their oldest sister's beauty, but they had more charms and spread their laughter around them wherever they went. Goldie's hair was not as blonde as it had been when it had given her her name, it had gotten darker over the years, but it still shone like gold in certain lights and was fairer than most of her siblings'. Daisy did not have the same beautiful hair but she had an intoxicating smile which she used as her weapon when competing with her sister. The two liked to playfully compete for lads' attention and neither of them ever spent a party sitting by the benches, they were always out dancing.
The last of the Gamgee children, Primrose, was sitting next to Elanor, completely in awe of her beautiful sister who was now a married lass who was going to have a home of her own. To Primsy that was so adult, she was incredibly impressed by the whole event. She kept saying that she wished she would one day get to be married and have a dress like Elanor's and a great party. And Elanor constantly assured her that she would be married some day, but her dress would probably be nicer and her party grander.
Pippin saw Merry's children as well, all of them seeming to have a good time. Éowyn was still dancing with Merry, applauded by her sister who was having more fun watching lads run after Éowyn than joining in the games the other children were playing. Théo was feasting on some cake together with Fatty at a nearby table, both of them more interested in food than fun and games. Quite typical, it seemed to Pippin.
Cordy and Lucky, both uninterested in lasses and dancing, were singing songs together by another table. They were too young to be drinking ale but they waved their glasses of juice around in the same manner they had seen their father and Pippin do several times when they sang their drinking songs. No doubt they would be singing and dancing on the tables of the inn within ten years.
Pippin looked back over at Elanor and spotted Aramac coming up to the table to congratulate the newlyweds. Then he turned to Primrose and asked her for a dance. Pippin couldn't help but smile at the sight of the two dancing together, and for the millionth time was struck by how fast the years went by. When did Aramac turn eighteen? Seems it was only a short while ago Faramir had had his eighteenth birthday and he was three years older than Aramac. And Primrose was sixteen now, and beginning to turn into a young lady. Pippin watched them dance, and saw that Éowyn was now dancing with Frodo. Faramir however was not among the dancing couples, Pippin suddenly realised he hadn't seen him in quite a while either. Now both his wife and his son was missing. Good thing he didn't have to find them tonight before he could go to bed, they were going to sleep at Bag End so they could all just head off to bed whenever they felt like it.
Then suddenly Pippin spotted Faramir. He couldn't keep back a surprised laughter. His son was standing underneath a tree, barely visible yet Pippin knew it was him, together with some lass he was kissing. Pippin shook his head with a grin. So Faramir was not interested in love, huh? Pippin just hoped he wouldn't go falling in love with a Cotton or a Greenholm, the Thain could not be married to someone from the lower classes. For Faramir's own sake Pippin hoped he would fall for someone closer to his own social rank.
Pippin decided to try to get a moment's conversation with Sam again and headed off in the direction he had last seen him. As he passed the dancing couples the tune changed from a slow tune to a faster tune, the tune of a dance which most people knew but few could dance properly. Pippin had never quite managed, it was a complicated dance with several twists and turns and all kinds of moves. He could see that "his" four dancing youngsters seemed to take it as a challenge where Aramac and Primrose tried to beat Frodo and Éowyn. He could hear them laugh as they tried to keep up with the rhythm and to do more and better moves than the other couple.'
"Mayor Samwise!" Pippin said as he finally managed to get an arm around Sam's shoulders and pull him aside for a moment. "Are you having any fun, or are these people trying to suffocate you?"
"I'm trying not to get too emotional, it's enough that one of Elanor's parents does!" Sam said and smiled. "You know Pip, even though I'm beginning to accept it it's still hard to see my baby girl married…"
"If it's any comfort, from the looks of it my Faramir might be the next one" Pippin said jokingly and laughed. "He's found himself some lass and a tree to kiss under."
"Oh dear!" Sam said. "I hope he's not getting himself involved with anybody here, he's too high up on the social rank!"
"No, relax, he's just having himself a fling" Pippin said. "He won't see this lass again for a long time, he won't go falling in love with her. I can't wait until I can rub his nose in him having a fling though tomorrow! He's been saying he's never going to fall in love and now lasses are a waste of time. Though I wouldn't want him to go falling in love just yet. If you think Elanor is too young, what wouldn't you say Faramir is?"
"All our babies are too young" Sam said.
"I hope they know to enjoy their youth" Pippin said and nodded toward the four youngsters still trying to beat each other at the dance. "See Frodo and Primrose, and their Brandybuck dance partners? That's what being young should be like. Fun and games with your friends and family. Not a care in the world other than where you will get your next laugh from."
Sam smiled. The dance finally ended and the four laughing youngsters were exhausted. Frodo and Aramac debated over which pair was the winner while Éowyn held her side that was sore from dancing and laughing and Primrose tried to pin the strains of hair that had fallen loose during the dance. The foursome made their way to a table with refreshments and continued to laugh and jest with each other.
"It's a good wedding" Pippin said to Sam.
"I'm glad" Sam said. "Elanor deserves the best. I hope she will be happy now."
"She will be" Pippin said. "She's a smart lass. She knows what she's doing. As for my child on the other hand… Wait, I think I see Diamond. I've been looking for her for ages! We'll continue this later." He patted Sam on the back. "Have a good night, friend!"
He hurried off to reach Diamond before she disappeared again. He caught up with her just as she moved a large piece of cake over on a plate. She sighed when he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
"You always know when I'm getting myself something to eat…" she complained and handed him the plate. "Here."
"Why thank you!" Pippin said and happily began eating the large slice.
"Don't mention it" Diamond said and cut herself a new piece. "Are you having fun, dear?"
"I'm a wallflower."
"Don't expect me to do anything about that" Diamond said. "All I want is to eat some cake, have some ale and have some pleasant conversations."
"Dimesy, you're getting old."
"Now don't force me to tickle you" Diamond said with a glare.
"If you tickle me then I will toss you in the water barrel" Pippin said with a grin.
"Where's Merry when you need him?" Diamond asked with a sigh.
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The following afternoon Pippin, Diamond and Faramir rode back to the Smials. It was a beautiful August day that turned into a beautiful August night when Pippin took a stroll with Faramir to inspect the crops.
"They're doing fine" he said and inspected the grain. "It's been a very good summer. Not too much rain but not too little. Not too hot and not too cold. Even better than last year!"
"You were right" Faramir said. "I do have it in my blood. Farming, I mean. A year ago I would have scoffed at the thought."
"Sometimes you can be sure of how you feel about something and then you learn you were wrong" Pippin said. "What's her name? The lass you were kissing last night at the party."
"I think it was Linda" Faramir said. "I can't remember…"
"No?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't have much ale to drink and you seemed to be with her an awful long time."
"I didn't even know we were watched" Faramir said with a raised eyebrow.
"A piece of advice, hiding under a tree never works very well. Go behind a tent or around the corner of a house. So you like her?"
"I guess" Faramir said and shrugged his shoulder.
"I can't help but find it amusing" Pippin grinned. "After all that talk about how you would never fall in love!"
"Sir, I'm not in love" Faramir objected. "She's not the first lass I've kissed and she certainly won't be the last! What does love have to do with it?"
"Back up here!" Pippin said. "You do that a lot? Steal kisses at parties?"
"Pretty much" Faramir said.
"I am sad to hear it. Let me tell you what love has to do with it" Pippin said, upset with the news of his son's pastimes. "You don't know what she is feeling! When you take a lass with you to some secluded spot to kiss her you are leading her on!"
"Leading her on to what? Father, it's only a game!"
"A game?"
"Yes! Didn't you ever dance a few dances with a lass and then kiss her without it meaning anything?"
"Does the lass in question know that it doesn't mean anything?" Pippin asked.
"I don't know" Faramir said.
"Faramir Took" Pippin said. "I cannot believe you! Have you no respect at all for love or other people's feelings? I will not have my son charming lasses and making them believe they stand a chance with him and only think of it as a game!"
"But sir…" Faramir protested. "Lots of lads do it! I don't mean any harm by it! I like kissing pretty lasses, and it is best done under a tree, or behind the corner if that suits you better. But I don't want to court her just because I want to kiss her!"
"You shouldn't toy with someone's emotions that way" Pippin said.
"I don't try to hurt anyone" Faramir said. "Sir all these girls can't be thinking that it's something serious!"
"All these girls?" Pippin echoed. "How many are 'all these girls'?"
"I don't know" Faramir said. "Six, seven? I don't keep count. But look at Daisy and Goldie, they flirt with lads all the time and no harm comes of it."
"But when was the last time you saw them kissing someone?" Pippin asked. "They flirt, they don't toy with people. I am disappointed in you Faramir."
"But Father, surely you've done the same thing!" Faramir objected. "Don't tell me you've only ever kissed mother!"
"Of course I've kissed other lasses. And yes, I've kissed lasses at parties after having danced with them and then nothing more came of it. But I never let it become a habit. I might have done it five times over ten years! Not six or seven by the time I was twenty-one!"
"It's just innocent kissing!"
"Maybe for you, but not always for her! I don't want you doing it again, not this often at least! How do you expect any lass to ever take your feelings seriously if you play around all the time? What happens when you don't want it to be over when the night is, and she discards you because she doesn't believe you?"
"Love again" Faramir sighed. "Haven't I told you, I am not going to fall in love!"
"You don't know that."
"I do know that! I don't want to fall in love, I don't understand love. I know you think love will come along and change my life, but I can't see it happening. I'm going to have an arranged marriage, I've known that forever."
"Faramir" Pippin said and gave his son his most serious look. "Nothing has been decided concerning you and Éowyn. You are both free to marry whomever you choose. Don't allow yourself to miss out on something great in life because you think you're already as good as betrothed to her! All Merry and I want is for you to be happy. True, we wish you will be with each other, but we're both willing to accept other lasses or lads as well…"
"You don't understand" Faramir said. "It's like with Fatty Bolger. I don't long for love or wish for love. Love doesn't matter to me. Whether I marry Éowyn or someone else, it doesn't matter. But I do expect it to be Éowyn, because I know that would please you and Uncle Merry."
"Then how about showing her some respect?" Pippin said. "One day you will be married, how do you think your wife will feel knowing that you've kissed every lass in the Shire? Even if you're not married out of love it still wounds the pride to know something like that."
"I'm sorry then" Faramir sighed. "I didn't realise it would be such big a deal."
"It might not be for you now" Pippin said. "But if you keep it up, there might come a day when it's a huge deal. Look, have fun, dance, flirt… Just don't kiss everyone."
"I won't" Faramir promised.
"One day," Pippin said, "you'll know what a real kiss is."
He walked off to inspect the next acre. Faramir remained where he stood for a moment, puzzled by the last comment.
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In late October Pippin finally got enough time on his hands to be able to visit Bag End for a weekend. He had not set foot in Hobbiton since Elanor's wedding, September 22nd had been celebrated at the Smials this year. He was happy to be back in Frodo and Bilbo's old home and once again sit by the fire with the Gaffer's old brew and some sponge cake. It was bittersweet being there, it reminded him of all the times he had spent at Bag End when last Merry was in Rohan on his own.
Sam was sitting next to him, but nobody else was there. Pippin and Sam appreciated the time to themselves, they both needed to talk. They hadn't talked in a long time.
"How is Elanor doing?" Pippin asked.
"Not pregnant yet" Sam said. "That's a great relief. Hopefully she doesn't take after her mother in that way…"
"Fastred seems to be making a good husband."
"He does" Sam said. "She seems to be happy. And I'm happy for her."
"I know."
"Though it's very empty here without her. Out of all the children I think her leaving the nest will be the most difficult. We've come to depend on her over the years, Rosie and I. Now she's gone and she's left such a huge void behind her."
"Yes, sometimes the biggest spot in a room can be taken up by the person who is missing" Pippin said.
"Strange how one can feel lonely in a house with eleven people living in it" Sam said and sipped his ale.
"That's what they do to us" Pippin smiled. "Make us depend on them more than we know. The children are those who turn our holes into homes. But some day they all have to leave and make homes of their own. Luckily my baby will be making his home at the Smials."
"Frodo will stay here" Sam said. "Bag End is his when I pass. I was going to leave it to him, Merry and Pippin, seeing how that would be appropriate considering who they are named after and all… But then I realised that when they have children it might be problematic with the inheritance. Therefore Bag End goes to Frodo, the oldest."
"As I only have one child Faramir will inherit my half of Crickhollow as well. He and Aramac will be sharing it. Faramir probably won't live there though, he has the Smials, he will be living there even after he's married."
"You're lucky you won't have to see any of your kids move out" Sam said.
"You really miss her, don't you?" Pippin said with a smile.
"Every single day! I miss her saying 'good morning' in the mornings, I miss seeing her help out around the house and being able to trust her with things!"
"I bet she misses you too."
"I'm not so sure about that. Did Diamond ever miss her family when she married you? I know Rose didn't."
"Rose's family practically live next door!" Pippin pointed out. "Elanor lives in the Far Downs now, she doesn't see you every day."
"That's true" Sam admitted.
"Does she ever come to visit?"
"She didn't even come for September 22nd, remember" Sam said. "She's too busy getting her new home into shape."
"She'll show up here soon" Pippin said.
"How about you?" Sam said. "How about your missing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Merry won't be back for at least another three months. He's been gone for over a year. How are you holding up?"
"To be honest…" Pippin said. "I'm fine. Honestly, I am. Half the time I don't think about it. I don't let myself think about it perhaps."
"What about when you do think about it?"
Pippin was quiet for a while and Sam began to regret having asked. Then Pippin took a deep breath and answered the question.
"Sam I think I'm losing my mind."
"No you're not."
"Yes I think I am. Whenever I think about how much I miss him… It's just insane, Sam! I act like a madman!"
"What do you do that's so bad?" Sam asked. "So you miss Merry, what's so strange about that? The strange thing would be if you didn't react."
"I talk to myself" Pippin said. "I talk to Merry actually. I have actual conversations with him where I tell him things that have happened and things that I feel!"
"You are used to doing that" Sam said. "Of course you'll still be talking to him about all those things."
"But I not only talk to him… He talks to me! It scares me Sam, but sometimes when I talk to him I can hear him answer! And I know it's crazy but it is so real! Sometimes I have to turn around and see for myself that he hasn't returned and is talking to me in person!"
Sam pondered that but didn't say anything. Pippin eyed him for a minute and then groaned loudly and smacked his forehead.
"I am going out of my mind! Otherwise you would have said differently!"
"No" Sam said, only half meaning it.
"I honestly hear him answer me, Sam! What is happening to me?"
"You miss him a lot" Sam said.
"I've missed him a lot before but I haven't heard his voice just because of it!"
"There must be something more to it then" Sam said.
"Like me going crazy?"
"Seems to me that you're hearing his voice because you need it" Sam said. "It's a comfort or a reassurance. Though why you need it so badly I don't know."
"Do you think that's the reason?" Pippin asked.
"Well… Do you think that could be the reason? Is anything different this time from how it was last time he was away without you?"
"Yes, but only for the better. I have Dimesy now, and Faramir! I had neither when he was gone last. I was all alone at Crickhollow and it drove me near crazy. If I wasn't talking to him and hearing him answer then, why would I be now?"
"I don't know" Sam said.
Pippin downed his ale and slammed the tankard down on a small table. Not only was he going insane but now he had also told Sam about it. Wonderful.
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Pippin took his refuge to the meadows one late December night, on the anniversary of the Fellowship setting out from Rivendell. He walked slowly through the lands with his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sky and whatever stars might be shining this particular night. He also ignored how cold the night was. He should be shivering from the cold but he didn't realise it at the moment. His head was filled with thoughts.
A few months had passed since he told Sam that he sometimes heard Merry speak to him. During those months nothing had changed, Pippin still heard Merry's voice when he spoke to him. And event though Pippin knew it was all in his head sometimes it felt so real that he had to turn his head and look to see if Merry hadn't actually returned. As of late he tried not to, it felt better to pretend that Merry was there than to look over his shoulder and see for himself that he was all alone.
Was it possible for someone to lose their mind out of missing and longing for someone whom they knew was going to return? Pippin was beginning to wonder. He had always believed that sorrow might cause one to lose their senses, but only the sorrow of knowing that someone you loved would never be with you again, not the sorrow of missing someone who was returning.
"I'm really losing my mind" he sighed and sunk to the ground, clasping his arms around his knees and leaning his cheek against them. "You will return, I know you will. You're probably on your way right this very moment! Camped somewhere between me and Rohan. Me and Éowyn. You said you would be back in early 1452, we're almost there now! Will I still be out of my mind when you're back?" He quickly continued talking so that Merry's voice in his head wouldn't get the chance to say something. "Perhaps I'm worried that you won't return! It's all Estella's fault, she put those thoughts into my head, that something might happen to you and prevent you from coming home. That's why I hear your voice, don't you think?"
But he knew that wasn't true. He had been hearing Merry talking to him before Estella had told him she worried that something might happen to Merry. The fear of Merry dying before his return could not be the reason why Pippin heard him. Pippin knew that Merry would return safe and sound, there was no danger out on the roads that would threaten him, there was no reason to believe that he would be harmed in any way. Though one thing was correct about Pippin's statement. It was the fear of losing Merry that made him hear him. Sam had said that Pippin probably heard his cousin because he needed comfort or reassurance.
Pippin needed both comfort and reassurance in one matter. He was terrified that when Merry returned he would not be his best friend anymore, that something would have happened between them during their year apart. Pippin had trusted their friendship to be so strong that it could get through anything, but he had been proven otherwise. Now that they were back to how they once had been Pippin didn't dare to believe that nothing would be able to tear them apart again. He had to be realistic and realise that if they had broken from each other in the past they might do it again sometime in the future.
"Please don't grow in all kinds of directions while you're away" he said in a small voice. "I need you to be my best friend when you return. I have been waiting for you for over a year now, don't reward me by discarding my friendship. Don't cast it aside, please! I'm begging you…"
He could hear Merry's voice telling him that no matter what, they would not grow apart again. But Pippin didn't listen. He knew he was only hearing Merry saying what Pippin wanted to hear him say. Pippin had learned a long time ago that no matter how desperately you wanted some things to be a certain way they sometimes just couldn't be.
"I miss you, you know…" he said. "Won't you come back real soon? We've been apart far too long. Think of everything that you've missed! Elanor's married Merry, and you missed it! Shame on you for not being here, Sam could have used your support! I've had some problems with Faramir this fall, with how he treats lasses, you weren't here for me at that time. And your children have been driving their mother crazy, you know it's really not fair to leave them all to her and just take off like that. Cordy, Lucky and Lúthie do nothing but quarrel with each other, and with Aramac. Éowyn and Théo mostly keep out of the way and try to avoid getting drawn in. Honestly, they're a handful, they're six handfuls and you're letting Estella take care of all the issues with them." He sighed. "Speaking of Estella and issues… When you get back home, just fix things with her. Nobody's gaining from your issues you know, and you can't stay mad at her forever. She made a mistake, try to see past it and move on. Sure you feel you cannot trust her, I feel like I cannot trust her, but won't you at least try to forgive her for as much as you can forgive her and allow you and your children to be happy again? You can still be happy even if you don't trust her completely, you know." He sighed deeply and gazed up at the stars. "You had better hurry home real quick cousin dearest, before I lose my mind completely! I can't go on talking to myself like this…"
He rose and brushed his clothes free of the dead grass and old leaves that had stuck to them. Sitting on the cold ground in the middle of winter was not such a good idea, he had a feeling he would regret it.
He looked up at the sky again and saw that there were several stars out tonight. Winter seemed so cold even without snow this year, and the sky was dark in spite of the stars. This winter was as dark and cold as the previous had been. It did indeed seem as if the sun was more distant this year, and the stars were too.
But it would be over soon. Merry would return before spring and things would be as they should once more. Pippin prayed it would be so. If Merry returned uninterested in their friendship or different in some way, things would be difficult once more. They had already gone through that pain, Pippin knew Merry had suffered a lot too, neither of them needed to feel that way again. Though sometimes there was nothing they could do, there had been nothing for them to do when last they were growing apart.
Pippin had regretted more with each passing day that he let Merry go alone. If only he had gone with him, he would have been able to know for sure that Merry was his best friend forever. He might not have seen him more than once a month but that was far more often than not seeing him at all for over fifteen months. He could have seen him fifteen times during the months he had been all alone in the Shire.
Part of Pippin knew that he shouldn't worry so much. Merry probably missed him just as much as he missed Merry, after all, Merry was the one who had given them their friendship back. He had ultimately fought the final battle and conquered their final obstacles. Had Merry not raced to catch up to him when Pippin left Gondor four years back, they might still not be best friends today. Pippin was far from sure that he would have taken those last, important steps. Merry had, and there was every reason in the world to believe that Merry wanted their friendship as much as Pippin did. But just to assure himself Pippin had to speak out loud the words that had been said between them almost five years ago.
"Merry. You know, you are my best friend in the world."
"And you're mine too" Pippin knew Merry was answering.
"And it will always be like that, right?" Pippin said. "The two of us, Pippin and Merry… Best friends forever!"
"Yes" he could hear Merry answer. "Forever."
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Thanks for reading! A whole chapter without Merry, hopefully the Pippin fans liked it =) Next chapter will hopefully be able to explain why Merry got so mad at Estella. I'd love reviews, good or constructive! See you next week =)