Regrets

Chapter 6

As soon as the door shut, I turned to April, my eyebrows raised. I'm not claiming to know everything about April, but this really wasn't something I would have expected from her.

She sighed and, giving me a pleading look, then said, "Just let me explain."

I glanced at her brother, who had switched the TV on and sat down. He was ignoring us. But I highly doubted this was something we should discuss in front of him. April, seeming to know what I was thinking, said, "Come on," and led me through to the garden.

She walked over to a bench and sat down, hugging her knees.

I sat down next to her. "Explain then," I commanded.

At first she didn't say anything. She just stared absently at a colourful flowerbed. Suze bringing all this up had not made her a happy bunny.

When she finally spoke her voice came out low and soft. There was no trace of her usual cheerfulness. She didn't even lift her eyes from the flowers.

"She really hates you," She told me.

Like I needed to be told that! I've only known it since Summer!

"Don't try to change the subject, April," I said flatly.

She just kept staring. God, this was annoying.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to tell me what was going on?"

She hugged her knees tighter then nodded.

"He's a good person really," She murmured.

Yeah, I thought, keep telling yourself that.

"Your brother?" I asked sceptically.

That made her look at me. I could see tears shining in her eyes, ready to spill.

"You don't understand," She said, almost desperately. "He's a great brother. He really looks out for me. What kind of sister would I be if I just let him get locked up?"

I shrugged. I guess I couldn't really relate to that. I mean, what had Jack ever done for me? It's his fault that I met Suze in the first place… While not knowing her would have made my life so much easier.

"But you said yourself that you had a brother! Surely you must know what I mean!"

"Jack and I were never that close," I informed her nonchalantly.

She persisted though, "Even if he was about to be locked up and this was the only way you could stop it from happening? You still wouldn't bother?"

I laughed at that thought. I mean, Jack getting into trouble with the police? As if that would ever happen. Never mind him actually getting arrested. Then I said, "If he's gone and gotten himself arrested, which I seriously doubt would ever happen, then that's his problem, not mine."

At least I was being honest…

April stared at me, really shocked that I'd just said that.

"Look," I added, " This really isn't the point."

April's look turned sour. "What do you expect me to do?" She asked, raising her voice, "Turn him in?"

"I, personally, don't care what you do. But I'm telling you now, Suze is not going to give up until he's locked away."

She shook her head and said firmly, "He's not a bad person. Yeah, sure, he's got a temper but so have a lot of people. He's not going to do it again. If Suze thinks my brother is some kind of serial killer then she's wrong! You can't possibly imagine the guilt he's feeling!"

I let out a bitter laugh at that. "You'd be surprised," I muttered.

April gave me a startled look. "You mean you've- "

"No," I said, "I haven't killed anyone. That's something I could live with. But…" I sighed, letting my gaze drift over the garden, "There's a reason why Suze hates me so much, you know."

April nodded slowly.

"I really do love her. She's probably the only person I'll ever love. And what do I go and do?" I scowled, "I hurt her in the worst way I possibly could. I just blew everything in one moment of anger. And do you know what the worst bit is?"

I looked over to April and saw that she was watching me intently as I spoke. She shook her head in answer to my question and I said, "I could change all this. I could take back all the pain I caused her… But I don't want to."

April's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "But you love her," She said, "Why don't you want her to be happy?"

I said, my voice bitter, "Because she was happy with him. She loved him. And now that he's out of the picture, I'm the only one she's got and she knows it."

April asked, "What did you do to him?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't believe me."

"I don't believe you'd joke about something like this," She told me sincerely.

Then she'd think I was crazy. Not that I cared what she thought. I'd just told her enough already. Too much, in fact. I didn't want her to think we were forming some kind of close relationship. She was just someone I could talk to. Nothing more.

When I didn't answer April went, "I think you should just let them be happy."

That got me angry. "That's because you don't know anything!" I sneered. April looked shocked at how I'd snapped at her. But I didn't care, I went on anyway, "He was completely bad for her. It would never have worked out between them. He'd have left anyway, after a while. And, believe me, that would have hurt her a lot more than I've done."

April turned away from me but I could still see the hurt look on her face.

I shouldn't have said that. I hadn't meant to tell her anything really. I don't know how, but it just all came out whether I wanted it to or not. I really wished I hadn't said anything.

I got up, ready to leave. Before I got anywhere, though, April said stonily, "She hates you. What makes you think that stalking her, or whatever it is you're doing, will change anything?"

Pissed off, I replied, "Can you tell me what this has to do with you?"

She stood up as well at that.

"This is as much my business as what went on with Suze and her boyfriend was yours."

"What?" I asked.

I really didn't get that. I mean, I loved Suze; I made it my business because I knew she was going to get hurt in the end. I was only trying to, well, soften the blow, I guess. Even if that's not how it worked out in the end, it's still a perfectly good excuse. What excuse did April have for telling me what to do?

Let's just think for a minute… Oh yeah, nothing!

She didn't explain. She just said, "Forget about Suze. If what you said is true then any feelings she could have had before are long gone now. Nothing will change that. So why bother?"

I shook my head. "You're wrong."

April stepped right up to me and said, "You know I'm not. Just stop worrying about Suze all the time. You've got your own life, so live it."

Yeah, and some life that was. April really didn't know what she was talking about.

"The idea was that I get Suze to-"

"Paul, can you just shut up about her for one second?"

She seemed pretty annoyed at me. Or was it Suze she was annoyed at? Wait… she wasn't… jealous was she?

I grinned. It was quite funny actually. I mean, a few weeks ago I'd been saying the same (or almost the same) things to Suze about Jesse. I didn't think then that it would be happening to me!

April noticed my grin. "What now?" She asked, rolling her eyes.

"You're jealous," I said.

She turned bright red. "I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous?"

"Then why are you so bothered about me talking about Suze?"

"I just…" She couldn't answer.

"See? Jealous."

Cheeks still burning, she said, "Ok, so what if I am? I just think- why are you laughing?"

"I wasn't laughing!" I put on a straight face.

"Yeah, but you were looking at me weird, like you thought it was funny," April looked slightly hurt.

With a small smile, I said, "Well it is, kind of."

I guess that wasn't the right thing to say to her, since she was starting to get angry now. She glared at me, "Why do I even bother wasting my time on you?"

I grinned but before I could so much as open my mouth to answer she went, "I don't want to know."

My grin grew wider and she just stood there looking grumpy. It appeared she didn't have anything more to say to me.

"I'll go now," I said.

"Bye then," April grumbled and I left.

A/N: Elaine- The next chapter might be a while, depends on how many reviews we get. I've told Chloe to start the next chapter but if we don't get many reviews she'll probably refuse to write it until we get a decent amount. At least that's what she said about this chapter…

Anyway, I'll get on to the review replies now…

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Twilight Singer: Well it was delayed a bit but here it is! Well, you obviously know that since you've just read it and all… anyway, yeah, we're not so good with the long chapters. The first one was only so long because it was meant to be a one shot and I had to cram a load of stuff into it. Anyway, thanks for reviewing1

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