Author's Note: Another chapter I'm not overly fond of. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to at all and it's a bit too hasty. But if nothing else it keeps the story going.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters created by JRR Tolkien. And I know nothing at all about medicine, so I'm sure lots of facts in this chapter are completely wrong. As for spelling mistakes… well, English is not my mother tongue. I'm pretty much just happy I can make myself understood. But thanks to those who point misspelled words out to me, that way I can learn a thing or two along the way )
BedTimeMonster – I'd be honored to have my story on your community. Thank you for asking! The e-mail address you listed had no domain however, if you leave another review I'd be glad if you included it.
XXX
"He'll be at the Gap of Rohan any day now" Pippin said with a deep sigh and looked out the window.
"Oh quit your moaning" Diamond said without looking up from the socks she was knitting. "You've been moping about ever since he left."
"I can't help it. I should be there with him" Pippin said and coughed.
"Listen to you. You're still coughing like you've got the whooping cough and you want to be out on the open road? You would get pneumonia and die. Merry refused to let you come along while you were still ill and he was more than right to do so!"
"But Dimesy…" Pippin began but another round of coughs cut him off.
"I'm sorry you're missing the wedding, I really am" Diamond said. "But you cannot travel in this condition. What good would it do you to arrive in Gondor so ill that you can't take part in the ceremonies anyways?"
"Why did I have to get this flu now?" Pippin whined. "I really need to be there, Dimesy. It's Elboron's wedding."
"He'll understand."
"I don't understand" Pippin said. "I don't expect him to."
"Stop thinking about it all the time. It's not doing you any good to map out in your mind exactly where Merry is at each given moment. It only makes your longing worse. Why do you torture yourself?"
"I haven't been to Ithilien for so many years now. It's been forever since I saw it in winter. And you should see it in springtime Diamond, it's wonderful. The perfect time and place for a wedding! And I'm missing it."
"Spring is lovely here too, so is winter."
"Not like there" Pippin objected. "And besides, even if the spring was horrid there I'd still wish to be there now."
"I don't understand really" Diamond said. "If the wedding is not until April why did you have to leave so that you'll be there in March?"
"We don't have to be there until April, but during this time of year it's best to leave with a few weeks extra in case bad weather delays the journey. In early April are we expected. There are a lot of preparations and feasts before the actual ceremony" Pippin said. "Merry needs to be part of those. It's required according to their customs. I could not ask him to stay and miss out on them, it would ruin Elboron's wedding."
"Odd customs" Diamond decided.
"Nonetheless I wish I could be there."
"Enough now" Diamond said. "Stop sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself. Go find Faramir, tell him a story or sing him a song."
"He's not really interested in that anymore" Pippin said. "He's got better things to do on dark winter nights than to listen to his father tell the same stories over and over again. Perhaps I should ride down to the inn?"
"No" Diamond said firmly. "Not while you're still feeling under the weather. This wind is not good for you."
Pippin sighed deeply and looked out the window again. It wasn't fair. He had looked forward to the journey so much, everything had been planned and packed and ready, and then he had fallen ill to the flu. He had been confident at first that he would get well in time to leave, but Merry had objected when the time came and insisted that he stayed. Pippin had been very against it but hadn't had much of a say in the matter. Deep down he knew it was the only thing to do, he would not have made the journey in his current condition. But that didn't change how much he wished he could have gone anyway. He couldn't believe he would miss Elboron's wedding.
"Cheer up" Diamond said. "There will be other journeys to the southeast."
"But no other weddings."
"These people did not come to watch you get married" Diamond pointed out. "And surely they will not come to see your son marry either. They cannot demand from you that you attend their parties."
"They didn't choose not to come" Pippin said. "They were unable to. Forbidden by law, as you might recall."
"And you didn't choose not to come either. You were too ill to leave."
"I know. Yet they had no choice when I was getting married, they knew all along that they wouldn't be able to attend. I was so sure I was going to get to see young lord Elboron get married. It's a bitter disappointment to have to stay behind."
Diamond didn't say anything else. Pippin looked out on the fields and wished he was looking at the fields of Rohan instead.
XXX
"A lovely morning to arrive" Merry said to his pony with a grin.
He sat up and clicked his tongue at Dusky, urging the pony to move. It was indeed a lovely morning in Ithilien. The sun was already shining bright in the sky, the trees were green and leafy and each tree seemed to be filled of little birds singing their songs. It was an early spring, which only made it lovelier. The first week of April was upon them, by some people considered the first week of the new year. Elboron's wedding was to be held in the last week of April, by then every tree would be in bloom and all the flowers would be blossoming. Merry had always been partial to June weddings but he had to admit that a spring wedding in Ithilien would be a most beautiful setting.
The home of Faramir and Éowyn would not be far away now. If he had wanted to he could have arrived the night before, but he had decided to set up camp anyway and spend one last night out in the open. He preferred arriving in the morning at the start of a fresh new day rather than to show up tired, weary and only thinking about food and rest. At least now he was only thinking about food, and perhaps a nice glass of wine to go with it.
Whistling a merry tune to himself he rode through the paths leading up to the city that had been built where Faramir and Éowyn had settled. It was a city much to his liking, it reminded him more of a Hobbit town than a human city. It was green and friendly and built together with nature rather than around it. Legolas had been very helpful with the architecture.
As he drew near the city he began to sing to himself. His singing continued as he passed through the gates, but the odd look given to him by the guard made him quiet. Perhaps it was too early for song, although the day seemed to be demanding for someone to sing. It was going to be a warm day, with a clear blue sky.
Excited about finally being back in Ithilien and being so near Faramir and Éowyn's palace he drove Dusky to a trot. If he was lucky he might be able to arrive before breakfast had been cleared out. He had now been on the road for a little over two hours and his stomach was screaming out for second breakfast. He finally reached the small palace and had his feet firmly on the ground after a quick leap from his pony's back. He whistled at a stable boy and handed Dusky's reins to him, then strode off to the main door and gave it a firm pound.
A hatch in the door was opened and someone peered out at him.
"No visitors" the voice firmly declared.
"I was expected" Merry said.
"Playing pranks at a time like this! Does your father know you're here?" the voice asked and slammed the hatch shut.
Merry frowned and pounded on the door again. The hatch opened.
"My father has been dead for some twenty years" Merry said. "And I am not playing pranks. I am here to attend the wedding."
"Very funny" the voice sarcastically said and closed the hatch once more.
Finding his bright spirits to have been somewhat damped Merry pounded harder on the door and for the third time the hatch opened.
"My name is Meriadoc son of Saradoc, I am an esquire in service of the Lady Éowyn, and my arrival is expected. I am here to attend Lord Elboron's wedding."
"The Lord and Lady do not employ children as their esquires" the voice said.
"I am no child, I am a Halfling. Have you not been informed to let Lord Holdwine in when he arrives? The hospitality in this house is not what it once was."
"I have been ordered not to let anybody in, previously expected or not."
"Send for the Lady. She can grant my entrance."
"Trouble the Lady at this delicate time? Absolutely not!"
"Listen to me now," Merry said with an annoyed frown, "I was summoned and now I have arrived. I have been journeying for months and I am weary not to mention hungry. I will not be dismissed by some doorman! Send for the Lady or I shall find myself a window to climb through! What is going on here?"
"Young sir, I cannot--"
"Here!" Merry said and held up his right hand still adorned by the ring Éowyn had given him. "See this ring of Rohan? The Lady must see me."
Finally the doorman gave in and left to fetch Éowyn, probably assured that his demotion would follow. Merry impatiently waited with his hands stuck down his pockets. He looked around and noticed that the stables and the courtyard seemed awfully empty this morning. He was beginning to wonder if everything was alright.
The door opened and Merry got a brief glimpse of the doorman before he stepped back into the shadows. Éowyn fell down on her knees before him and pulled him in for a close hug. Merry hugged her back, relieved to see that some things were as they should.
"You are here" she said. "I'm so glad that you are here."
"My lady, is everything as it should be?" Merry couldn't help but to ask.
He could feel her squeeze him a bit tighter and then release the hug. She looked at him for a second and he knew that something was wrong. She rose to her feet and stepped inside, Merry following by her side. As soon as the doorman was no longer close enough to overhear them he asked her in a low voice what had happened.
"Has there been a problem with the wedding preparations?"
"No" Éowyn said. "There has been an accident."
"An accident? When?"
"Last night, at sundown."
"Is it serious?" Merry asked.
"I'm afraid it might be" Éowyn said.
Merry stopped and grabbed her hands with his. He looked at her and reassuringly rubbed her hands with his thumbs.
"My lady… What is it that has happened? Lord Elboron is not in any harm, is he?"
"No" Éowyn said. "Elboron is fine, given the circumstance… It is his bride to be."
"Beola" Merry said. "She has been in an accident?"
"She is not from Rohan, she does not have that love for horses in her blood" Éowyn said and began to walk again down the halls. "And though her family is wealthy she is not a princess, and I fear she has always worried she is not good enough for Elboron. She wants to at least share his passion for horses and she has been given many lessons in riding since their betrothing. But she has not the hand with horses as one of the Rohirric."
"Did a horse kick her?"
"She went riding last evening. She wanted to try to ride one of the stallions, which she is really not ready for. She…" Éowyn looked away and seemed to need a second to calm herself. "The stallion was scared by a bird and she was thrown."
"Did she break something?" Merry asked. "Will the wedding need to be postponed because of it? I can't see a wedding where the bride has a broken leg."
"I had a broken arm at my wedding…" Éowyn mumbled. "She was not just thrown from the horse, she got trampled."
Merry pondered that for a second. That could be quite bad.
"How bad is it?"
"We have sent for Lord Aragorn. We hope that his healing herbs can help her. Our medics have tried everything they can."
"That bad" Merry said and took a deep breath. "My heart goes out to poor Lord Elboron. What a tragedy so close to the wedding. No wonder they didn't want to let me in."
"I am thankful that they did, I need you now" Éowyn said. She opened the door to an empty room and walked in with Merry behind her. She closed the door and walked up to the window. She stood there quietly for a minute. When she spoke again her voice was full of emotion. "That time when you were thrown from your pony, and I came to you in the Shire… I was so scared for you. I was full of hope that you would open your eyes again and that you would be up and about again but I was also full of fear that you might never open your eyes again. It was horrific, seeing so close a friend so close to death. It thought that it must be one of the hardest times of my life since the War."
"But I am fine now" Merry said reassuringly.
"I really thought it was one of the hardest things one could go through" she said, tears slowly starting to fall down her cheeks. "But seeing my child go through it now is so much harder. And now there is even less hope!"
"Don't say that" Merry said and put a hand on her arm. "There is always hope. If there is one thing life has taught us it is that even a fool's hope is hope, and in the end hope shall not be given up on."
"I pray that you are right" Éowyn said. "We all need your hope now Holdwine. Elboron is beside himself with worry, Faramir is with him whenever he's not with Beola, it's taking its toll on him as well. It's taking its toll on all of us. She is a lovely girl. My son loves her."
"Then let's not give up on hope just yet. What have her medics said?"
"Not much. Only that they cannot do anything to help her. She is awake every now and then, that's fortunate. But she is in pain. I will not have Elboron see her while she is awake and in pain. I don't want him to see her like that." Then a thought crossed her mind and she put a hand on Merry's shoulder. "Won't you see her?"
"Me?"
"Yes. You are a medic too!"
"But hardly as skilled as your medics. What can I do, I'm just a Halfling!"
"Halflings can do anything they set their minds to" Éowyn said. "You must see her. For me."
"Then I will" Merry agreed. "If it is you who ask it of me, I will."
The hint of a smile appeared on Éowyn's face and she wiped the tears from her cheeks. With a blush on her cheeks she apologized for having let her tears fall but Merry shushed her. She could cry all she wanted to when he was near.
XXX
Merry slowly stepped inside the room where Beola lay. Two women were in the room with her, both nodded respectfully and left. Merry slowly walked up to the woman Elboron was to marry in less than a month. She appeared to be asleep. The sound of her breath concerned him, she was not breathing the way he would have wanted her to. Her face was pale and damp, her dark hair damp on her forehead. He reached out a hand and gently placed his palm on her forehead. When he did she opened her eyes. The look she gave him was trying to be surprised and excited but there was too much pain.
"You're…" she said in a voice which was hardly more than a whisper.
"Don't talk" Merry said.
"You're…"
"I am Lord Holdwine" Merry said. "I have come to look at you. You've fallen from your horse and fallen ill."
She managed a nod and swallowed. Her breathing was heavy and she closed her eyes as if dealing with a lot of pain.
"I know this hurts" Merry said. "I know you are in a lot of pain. I don't want you to be afraid. You will be a bride soon. I have come to take part in a wedding ceremony. You and I will be drinking the finest wine in Gondor at your wedding soon."
The shadow of a smile managed to appear on her face.
"I want to look at you" Merry said. "I know medicine. There might be something I can do for you until Aragorn arrives. I have been told where the fall hit the most and where the hooves touched you. I fear I must look under your gown to see your chest. I hope you can forgive me." He lifted aside the quilts covering her with a gentle hand and began to unlace the front of her nightgown. "This might hurt" he said. "But it needs to. Hurt tells me what needs to be healed and hopefully what I can do to heal it."
She didn't protest at first but he could tell that she wasn't completely comfortable with him opening up her night gown. He sensed that she was embarrassed. She had long been told stories of Holdwine and his part in Elboron and Éowyn's lives, this was surely not how she had planned on meeting him.
"It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance" Merry said to take her mind off the examination and her fears as well as he could. "Long has Elboron mentioned his fair Beola in his letters to me. And I see that everything he's told me about you is true."
As gently and carefully as he could he let his hands examine her abdomen. He could see that two of her ribs were broken. Thankfully the ribs had not punctured her lungs or any other organs as far as he could tell.
"Beola you have two ribs broken" he said. "I don't know if they have talked to you about this or not. It is what's making it difficult for you to breathe. It's where the pain in your chest comes from. A broken rib hurts a whole lot but it is not fatal unless it punctures one of your internal organs. I don't believe that such a thing has happened in this case. You needn't worry about the pain in your chest, love."
Another attempt to a smile appeared on her lips. With her right hand she weakly grasped his cape.
"Will I be… able to marry…" she said.
"Hush" Merry said. "Save your strength for the wedding."
XXX
"Pippin!" Éowyn cried. "When did you arrive? I didn't expect to see you here!"
"Father sent me" Pippin Gamgee said and dismounted his sturdy pony. "He has an important letter for Master Merry, he was hoping the mail had not gone out yet."
"It will not go out until tomorrow" Éowyn said with a smile and grabbed the pony's reins. "I can take the letter for you. I will make sure it is sent."
"Thank you Miss Éowyn" Pippin said with a thankful smile.
"You should just call me Éowyn" Éowyn said with a smile. "We grew up together, we are not strangers."
"I will think about it Miss Éowyn."
"Must you return to Bag End at once?" Éowyn asked. "I was going to ride over to the Great Smials. Aunt Diamond is rumoured to have a basket full of strawberries, they might need some help eating all. Would you care to join me?"
"I don't know that I would be welcome" Pippin said with a shy look on his face. "To just drop by uninvited and expect strawberries."
"You are always welcome at the Great Smials" Éowyn said. "Uncle Pippin will be thrilled to see you! Wait for me here!"
Without waiting for him to be able to come with another protest she ran off to the pastures and whistled for Aestas. A few minutes later she was up in the saddle and on her way towards the Great Smials with Pippin Gamgee.
"Mother tells me you will be working at Brandy Hall this summer too" Éowyn said.
"Yes. I've been lucky."
"My sister will be thrilled. She has talked a lot about how you played in the hay with her last year. She will be glad to know you will be returning."
"She seems to be not the only Brandybuck sister who likes to play in the hay" Pippin said with a smile and couldn't help but be pleased at the blush that appeared on Éowyn's face.
"I'll race you to the Smials!" she said to change the subject and drove Aestas to a gallop. Pippin followed her with a laugh.
XXX
"How is your father doing?" Pippin Took asked his namesake and served himself some more strawberries.
"Very well, thanks" young Pippin said. "The flowers are all in bloom now. The garden is absolutely wonderful."
"So what is this news he was so urgent to get to my cousin?"
Pippin Gamgee looked up with the expression of a deer caught in the headlights.
"There is no news."
"Tell me" Pippin Took said. "I want to know."
"I think father would want to tell you himself" Pippin Gamgee said and turned his glance back to the strawberries.
Pippin Took shared a look with Éowyn then excused himself to get some more cream. When he had left the room Éowyn turned to the younger Pippin.
"So what is the news?" she asked. "You can tell me!"
"It's about Elanor" Pippin whispered after a minute's hesitation. "She will have a little one by the end of the summer."
"Really?" Éowyn said and a smile appeared on her face. "I had no idea! You must be so excited to become an uncle!"
"I am" Pippin said with a smile. "It feels strange though. I still have siblings who are little. But Elanor will make a fine mother."
"And you a fine uncle" Éowyn said with a smile. "What does Uncle Sam think of all this? He must be excited too!"
"You know father" Pippin said. "He still thinks of Elanor as a ten year-old lass. He hasn't quite come to terms with becoming a grandfather yet."
"Well he should be happy" Éowyn decided and rose from her chair. "I wonder where Uncle Pippin went with the cream. Excuse me for a minute."
She went out into the nearby kitchen where Pippin waited with a bowl of cream.
"So what was the news then?" he asked his secret spy.
"Pippin is right" Éowyn said. "You should hear it from Uncle Samwise."
Pippin groaned.
"You children are all the same. Hurry up and finish your strawberries then. Young Pip and I are riding back to Bag End."
XXX
Elboron anxiously looked up when Merry exited Beola's room. It took Merry a moment to be able to look at him. It was horrible to see him like this, so worried, sad and upset at a time when he should be nothing but happy.
"How is she?" Elboron asked. "You can make her better right?"
"I need an herb" Merry said, probably sounding as tired as he felt. "I didn't bring any of this herb with me."
"I will find it for you!" Elboron said and flew to his feet. "I went with Mother once when she looked for herbs."
"You will need someone with you who knows what the herb looks like" Merry said. "Ask your mother for help."
"I will. I will! Just tell me what the herb is!"
"It's called thorn-apple" Merry said. "She'll know which herb it is. Bring me as much as you can find. I will be in your mother's private kitchen. Hurry back."
Elboron nodded and hurried off to find Éowyn. Merry closed his eyes not to have to watch him leave. It was painful to see him fill up with hope like this, he knew how desperate Elboron must be to grasp at any straw. He should not have to be so desperate, not now. He should be in a fine hall with his beautiful fiancée by his side, conducting proper introductions between the lady and the Halfling. But fate had wanted differently.
XXX
"Meriadoc" Éowyn's soft voice said as she closed the door behind her. "I don't mean to question your knowledge in medicine… I'm only thinking you may not know the proper dosage for my race." She walked over to him and handed him a bag of thorn-apples. "This will be far too high a dosage for someone like Beola."
"I disagree" Merry said and began to work with the herbs.
"You would only need half as much to put Faramir to sleep good and well" Éowyn said. "Beola needs much less!"
"That depends on what one wishes to accomplish" Merry said.
Éowyn shook her head.
"No, Meriadoc, a dosage this high will put her to sleep for good!"
"What?" Elboron's voice said.
Merry and Éowyn turned around and saw Elboron just closing the door behind them. He had walked in and heard the last thing his mother had said.
"Elboron wait outside" Merry said firmly.
"You cannot use that much if it's going to do her harm!" Elboron said and walked over. "Master Holdwine this is my bride!"
"I know exactly who she is and I know exactly how she is doing."
"But that much thorn-apple might kill her! Uncle Merry, please…"
Merry paused what he was doing. Elboron had not called him Uncle Merry since he had been a very young boy, hearing the old words coming from his mouth made Merry remember Elboron as the boy he had once been. Merry was scared with what was going to happen and how it would affect Elboron. But he could not change the way things would go.
"Elboron…" he said in a soft but firm tone. "I must be frank with you. There is not going to be a wedding."
"It will have to be postponed of course!" Elboron said.
"It will not take place. Not now nor ever."
"What are you saying?" Elboron asked with fear in his voice.
Merry turned his head and looked up at the young lord. He saw Éowyn place her hand on her son's shoulder. He would need her support.
"I examined her. Beola has bruising underneath her skin. Far too much bruising. She is bleeding on the inside, young master. Slowly but steadily. And there is nothing I can do."
"But the king!" Elboron said, grasping for straws. "He saved you and father and mother! He can save my Beola!"
"Strider cannot help her now" Merry said. "He has no herbs that can close wounds from the inside nor repair the damage that has already been caused. Listen to me." He grabbed Elboron's shoulder firmly. "Beola is bleeding to death, slowly but steadily. She is in pain. This in not a pleasant way to die, do you understand? It is painful and since she's not bleeding very fast it will take a long time! Slow bleeding in this case does not mean chance of survival. It merely means prolonged death. You do not want this for her."
"She cannot die" Elboron whispered.
"I want to help her. End her suffering. This brew is going to make her go to sleep and she will never wake up. It will be pain free and it will be fast. Trust me, it is better."
"I cannot let you give that to her!" Elboron said desperately. "I cannot end her life a minute sooner than it is meant to last!"
"I understand how you feel. But had it been my Estella I would not have hesitated for a second. You cannot give her marriage now, but you can give her a peaceful death. Let he be free of her pain! Allowing her to live is forcing her to be in pain! You do not want that for her."
"I love her."
"Which is why you must let me do this."
The brew boiled and drew Merry's attention. Hesitantly he let go of Elboron and stirred the brew before pouring it into a mug.
"No…" Elboron said. "I will do it."
"Is that wise?" Éowyn asked.
"I owe it to her" Elboron said. "If my love is to die this way than it should be by my hand. And I want to sit with her as life leaves her."
"You have all the strength of your parents" Merry said and gave the mug to Elboron. "I will accompany you until she has drunk all the brew."
Elboron closed his eyes and took a deep breath before accepting the mug from Merry. He then opened his eyes and looked at it with fear. It contained what would lead to his fiancée's death. But even though his entire being screamed that it was wrong, something deep inside him knew that the Hobbit was right. If death could not be avoided it was better if it came painless and peacefully.
"Go now" Merry said. "Do not delay. Give the brew to her, say your goodbyes. Let your eyes look their last upon her, let yourself say goodbye before she is gone."
"We were supposed to be married in a month…" Elboron said. "How did this come to be?"
"Come now" Éowyn said. "Listen to your lord. Do not delay."
Taking a deep breath and bracing himself Elboron left for Beola's room with Merry and Éowyn right behind him. Faramir was waiting for them outside her room and Merry bowed before him without any further greetings.
"How does it look?" Faramir asked.
Elboron and Merry went inside Beola's room, leaving it to Éowyn to tell Faramir what was happening. The women sitting with Beola left the room and Merry stayed by the closed door to give Elboron some privacy with his love. He could hear him speaking softly to her, and her faint answer. He hoped Elboron would be quick and not prolong this hard moment any more than he had to.
"I have something for you" Elboron finally said. "It will make you feel better. The pain will go away. Here… Drink it all."
Merry watched as Elboron helped Beola drink the brew. When the last drop had been drunk he walked up and placed a hand on the woman's forehead. It was cooler now. She would not have had many hours left to live even without the brew but now she could get to die in some peace.
"There's a good lass" he mumbled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Forget about your pains and toils, go to sleep." Beola opened her mouth to speak but Merry shushed her. "Save your words for your fiancé, he needs them better than I do. Sweet dreams, my lady."
Placing a kiss on Elboron's forehead as well, Merry quietly left the room and let the two be alone for the final moments. Éowyn and Faramir waited for him outside, both visibly taken by what had happened.
"Not twenty-four hours ago everything was wonderful" Faramir said. "Our son was happy. There was a joyous wedding ahead. Now there is only pain, sadness and a funeral."
"The marriage was not to be" Merry said. "Her death is a tragedy. But what is is what must be. You have a strong lad. He will make it through this. Most lads would never find the strength to hand the poison to their love."
"He gets it from his father" Éowyn said. "Such strength have I never possessed."
Merry sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall, wrapping his cape around him. He had been so happy this morning and now the whole world was sorrow. He looked up at Faramir and Éowyn. How had they ever come to this? Never had they imagined having to see their children go through such things. Such horrors were supposed to end when the War did.
XXX
Well over an hour passed. Merry knew it was all over but he didn't want to bother Elboron. There was never going to be a wedding, all dreams the lad had had for the future were gone with Beola. Merry, Éowyn and Faramir understood that it was best to leave Elboron alone to let the loss sink in. Nearly two hours after the brew had been given to Beola Elboron opened the door and stepped out. Éowyn rushed over and put her arms around him while Faramir hurried into Beola's room followed by Merry.
"She is dead now" Merry said.
"I hope she didn't take Elboron with her" Faramir said and shook his head. "Had it been me… Had I lost Éowyn so close to our wedding…"
"Your marriage was meant to happen."
"And my son's was not?"
"Not this time" Merry said. "I know the pain he must be feeling. But he is strong and he will survive."
"I hope so" Faramir said.
XXX
Merry rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had just returned to his chambers after having given Éowyn and Beola's mother something to drink to help them sleep. Éowyn was exhausted after the tormenting and challenging three days that had passed yet she could not sleep. A night of rest would do her good.
Merry was exhausted too. He had never known Beola but the loss affected people he loved and so it took its toll on him too. Elboron was devastated and although he tried his best to hide it he could not quite manage in the presence of his family. His parents took care of everything that needed to be taken care of, and they supported him as much as they could. They had to be strong for him now and strong they were. But it concerned Merry that it took such a toll on Éowyn, she was not young anymore and even though the years had treated her very well there was still a part of her which was weaker than before. She could not handle as much as she had been able to when she was younger. Merry had made it his prime task to be there for her around the clock and tend to her every need. He took care of whatever she wanted him to take care of and he offered her a shoulder to cry on. Her pride kept her from crying, but when he was with her she let that guard down. They had looked far too deep into each other's souls to be ashamed over such things as tears.
Faramir and Éowyn were strong for Elboron and Merry was strong for them. But who was to be strong for Merry? He had no connection to the dead woman of his own to be pained by but he was beginning to need someone to support him too.
"Oh Pip…" he said and looked out the window in the direction of the Shire. "I wish you could be here. Who is going to look after me? I long for your support. Could I just share one look with you I would be strengthened. I miss you so."
There was a knock on the door. Merry turned around and told the knocker to enter. Elboron stepped inside, looking lost.
"Come inside and close the door" Merry said. "It is good to see you, Lord Elboron."
"I… don't know why I'm here" Elboron said and closed the door behind him. Slowly he stepped over and sat down on the small bed. "No that's a lie. I do know why I'm here."
"Is there anything I can do for you my lord?" Merry asked and walked over to him.
"I wanted to be mad at you" Elboron said. "I think I hated you. For even suggesting to give something to Beola to help her die. I don't know why I agreed to do it, every part of me still hoped for hope! But you have never lied to me and never let me down before."
Merry sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.
"Elboron… I think your heart knew that there was no hope anymore. That sometimes death is better than life."
"You came here for my wedding and instead you helped arrange a funeral" Elboron said, his voice trembling. "It is such a long custom that the person who did for the groom what you did for me takes active part in the wedding ceremony. Now there is never going to be a wedding. I am 31 years old and my life is over."
"It is not" Merry said. "Your father, your mother, I, Gondor, have seen worse times and survived them. You will too."
Elboron began to cry and leaned his head down on Merry's lap, as if he had been a little boy. Merry put his arms around him and gently rocked him.
"I began my life in your arms" Elboron said through his tears. "Now I wish I could end my life in them."
"Shush now" Merry said. "None of that. I brought you into the world and I shall never take you from it. Poor little lad… You are being served only pain at a time that should have held only joy. It is okay to cry and to grieve. But remember that it is also okay to smile and laugh without betraying Beola. You are strong, little lad of mine. And you will survive this. I know you can."
Merry continued to hold Elboron has he shook with sobs. The lord he had once brought into the world needed him now. Merry knew he would stay as long as Elboron and Éowyn needed him to.
XXX
"Trust Lucky to catch a pneumonia in September" Lúthien said and sighed. "I only wish Mother were here!"
"You know she cannot be here right now" Éowyn said. "She has gone with Rosie to help midwife Elanor's child!"
"Her own child is ill" Lúthien said. "I am only fifteen years old Éowyn, I know nothing of caring for Hobbits with pneumonia!"
"The medics are here to help us" Éowyn said. "We have an entire hall filled with relatives who are glad to help. Lucky has been ill with this before, he knows the illness. All we need to do is make sure he is comfortable and that he has everything he needs."
"You wish you could be out riding instead, don't you?"
"Don't be silly. I care more about Lucky than I care about riding."
She opened the door to Lucky's bedroom, balancing a trey with a bowl of soup on it with her left hand, and entered with Lúthien. Lucky was sitting up in bed, obviously sick but seeming to feel a little bit better. Comradoc's bed was empty, he was out on the fields with his two other brothers. Lucky was looking out the window.
"How are you feeling" Éowyn asked.
"I wish I could be out there too" Lucky said. "They're harvesting! I want to help! I'm old enough to help!"
"But you're not well enough to help" Éowyn said and put the trey down on Lucky's nightstand.
"Not even if you wished it" Lúthien said.
"Quiet Lúthie!"
"It is your own fault, you know" Éowyn said. "Had you not decided to go swimming in the Brandywine… You were truly lucky, you might just as well have drowned if Aramac hadn't been there. I wish you would know better. Remember Hamfast Gamgee!"
"It's easy for you to say" Lucky said. "I never get to do anything. You get to do lots of things!"
"Like care for my sick brother for instance. Now eat your soup!"
With a sigh Lucky did as told, but kept looking out the window. Éowyn walked over and pulled the curtains down so that he couldn't see what was out there anymore.
"You'll get better soon" Lúthien said encouragingly.
"I can't help but wish Mother or Father were here" Lucky sighed. "I'm too old to be crying for them but I miss them right now."
"I miss them too" Éowyn said. "But Father won't be back for a long while yet. Poor Lord Elboron…"
"And Mother shan't return until the baby is born" Lúthien said.
"Uncle Sam must be on edges" Lucky said. "He has never been particularly fond of Elanor marrying."
"Do not worry about the Gamgees" Éowyn said. "You need your rest."
"I can imagine what will happen the day you decide to marry" Lúthien said to her sister. "Father will not take lightly that you leave to live with someone else."
"Oh nonsense" Éowyn said. "I have no plans of marriage. And if I ever am to be married I will continue to live here."
"I hope to be married" Lúthien said with a dreaming expression and sat down on Cordy's bed. "To manage my own household and have my own children…"
"To work, you mean" Éowyn said. "I want to be free and ride my ponies and run through the grass. Not be tied down by a husband and children."
"Auntie Rose says Mother used to say the same thing" Lúthien said.
"But I am not like Mother. I am like Father."
"He too settled down and had a family" Lucky pointed out. "Of course, he had the Brandybuck name to carry on."
"No such responsibilities lie on me" Éowyn said. "It is Théo who will continue our bloodline and the mastership. I plan on staying free."
"So do I" Lucky confessed. "I'm glad I'm the youngest lad. I won't have to marry. I can follow the rainbow as long as I like."
"You sound like a Took" Lúthien said. "Hobbits are not adventurous."
"I'm not talking about adventure" Lucky said. "I want to go see where the Elves live again. I want to meet Legolas again, and all the other Elves."
"Dreams, Lucimac" Éowyn said. "Mother will never allow you to travel, you know that. Come now Lúthie, let's leave Lucky to get some rest."
She grabbed the trey with the empty bowl of soup and left the room followed by her sister. Lucky glanced at the closed curtains and longed to be healthy and out in the fields.
XXX
"You did well, Elanor" Rose said with a pleased smile. "A healthy baby boy! Fastred will be pleased to see he has a son to continue his name."
"The baby will not be a Greenholm" Elanor said and took the newborn baby in her arms. "He will be a Fairbairn."
"Fairbairn?" Rose echoed. "Out of all the follies I have never heard anything so silly. Your son is a Greenholm just like your brothers are Gamgees."
Estella didn't add her two cents in the discussion. She fluffed a pillow and placed it behind Elanor's head and made sure the baby was doing okay. It didn't matter to her whether the baby was a Greenholm or a Fairbairn. But it was strange to see Elanor as a mother. She was no longer the young lass who helped her mother around the house and ate cake with all her face.
"Get some rest now, Elanor" Estella finally said and ended the name discussion for now. "You and your lad need some rest. You had an easy birth but it does take its toll. I will go speak to the new father."
She left the room and went out to the kitchen where Fastred was enjoying his dinner. He looked up when she entered and smiled, wiping gravy from his mouth with a napkin.
"Has the baby arrived?" he asked and continued his meal.
"Congratulations" Estella said. "You have a healthy young boy!"
"Splendid!" Fastred said and lifted his mug of ale. "To the newborn! How is Elanor?"
"She is doing wonderfully" Estella said. "She's tired but happy. You can see them both in a bit."
"Let me finish my dinner first."
"Take your time" Estella said and smiled. "I'll come and get you in a while."
She returned to the room where Rose was instructing Elanor on how to breastfeed. Estella couldn't help but smile when she saw the two. It wouldn't matter whether the baby's name would be Greenholm or Fairbairn or something else, he would be a member of the family anyway. A new generation had seen the light of day and it was time for new families to be started and thrive. Rose and Estella had done their part, it was their children's turn now.
"He truly is lovely, Elanor" Estella said and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Takes after his mother he does!"
"He is going to be one of the most handsome lads in all the Shire" Rose predicted. "And he's going to learn how to read and write, and how to garden, and…"
"He will be one busy lad" Estella said with a chuckle.
"He will do just fine" Elanor said and kissed the baby's temple.
"Sam can be pleased" Estella said. "He is a grandfather now, he will be beaming with pride the moment he sees the baby."
"I hope so" Elanor said.
"I know so" Rosie said. "Your father has just had a bit of a difficult time letting his baby girl go. We've all had a hard time letting you leave. But we've done alright and so have you."
"It's a funny thing…" Estella said thoughtfully and caressed the baby's head.
"What is?" Rose asked.
"Nothing…" Estella mumbled.
Her mind had drifted to her absent husband and the reason he was gone. She knew he would be staying in Ithilien as long as he was needed there and she accepted it. He had written her and told her about the young bride's death and how he could not return yet for a while. She understood. This eventful year had made her think about the circle of life that all men and Hobbits went through. They were all born and someday they all died. This year Lord Elboron's fiancée had died and Elanor Greenholm's son had been born. One life seemed to have replaced the other.
She thought about her own son home at Brandy Hall, who was lying ill again. Not a day went by that she didn't worry that his life might not last much longer. She had accepted it, some day she would have to experience her son dying. She hoped Elanor would never have to go through that with her little lad. Parents were not meant to outlive their children, it was not the way of the world. She thought about the dead lady, her parents had had to face their child dying. It was a cruel fate indeed. Sam and Rose had buried three children, and although they had gotten over the losses of little Tom and Ruby Estella knew that neither of them had ever quite gotten over losing Hamfast. A chill ran down Estella's spine when she thought of how she could have lost Lucky that same way earlier in the year.
"Come now Estella" Rose's voice said and interrupted her thoughts. "Let's send Fastred in and let the new family get acquainted."
Estella nodded and rose from the bed. The new family needed their privacy.
XXX
"I'm sure the autumn leaves are beautiful" Elboron said. "I just can't see it."
He was walking through the palace garden in Ithilien with Merry by his side. It was October and early fall, the trees were coloured in golden, red and brown and the leafy lands of Ithilien were beautiful. But for someone who was in mourning the beauty was not real.
"This fall will not be fair to you" Merry said. "But other falls will. You will see autumns in their beauty again."
"I don't see how" Elboron said.
"Pain fades" Merry said simply. "It remains but it fades. What is most difficult is explaining to yourself that enjoying beauty and laughter and life is not a crime or a disrespecting action towards the person you are mourning."
"How could I laugh so soon after Beola's parting?"
"It's not soon after" Merry said. "Six months have gone by. And you need to laugh to stay alive. If you don't allow yourself laughter you will repress who you are and live the rest of your life in bitterness. You don't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen."
"But what is there to smile about?"
"Everything! Everything you ever smiled at before you met her. Your remember Samwise Gamgee, right?"
"Of course I remember Master Samwise!"
"About a decade ago his son drowned in the Brandywine River. The lad was around ten years old. The loss of a loved one is hard but the loss of a child is harder. There were some dark times for Sam, and for his wife and children. But they got through it and now they are laughing and smiling and living again. Don't stop life from happening."
"I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a child, how anything can possibly be worse than this."
"You're not just mourning her" Merry said softly. "You mourn the life you thought you were going to have, a marriage and a family that never happened."
"Master Holdwine…" Elboron said hesitantly. "Will you stay over winter?"
"I cannot" Merry said. "I have responsibilities that await me. And I've been parted from my family for too long."
"I…" Elboron said then looked away. Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Elboron said what he had wanted to say. "I wish you wouldn't leave, I need you here."
"You will do fine without me" Merry said. "Just like your mother."
"It is somehow different with you" Elboron said. "Perhaps it is because you are a Perian. But… I've learned over summer that I can speak my mind and my childish thoughts with you. You never shush me or tell me that it's inappropriate. I am expected to have gone back to life like I lived it before by now but you do not expect that of me."
"I'm afraid us Hobbits act too much on emotion and too little on what is suiting" Merry said and blushed.
"But it is a good thing. I've needed this. And I will still need it when fall turns to winter."
"And when winter turns to spring and spring turns to summer. But I cannot stay for that long. Perhaps what's best for you is to be forced to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and carry on as usual."
"I disagree."
"I think you should try it" Merry said. "For your own sake."
They reached the doors where they had begun their walk and Merry opened them and walked inside. Elboron followed and bowed to Merry.
"Thank you for your company, Lord Holdwine" he said. "Your advice shall be taken under consideration."
"Thank you Lord Elboron" Merry said and bowed in return. "It pleases me to hear."
He left Elboron and hurried off to the stables where he was supposed to meet Éowyn. She already had a horse saddled and packed and seemed impatient.
"I beg your forgiveness milady" Merry panted and bowed. "I was out in the gardens with Lord Elboron."
"It's quite alright milord" Éowyn replied and lifted him up on the stallion. "Let's ride now, and we might make it to Minas Tirith by noon tomorrow."
She sat up behind him and steered the horse outside and headed for Minas Tirith. Merry had uttered a wish to see Aragorn and Éowyn had decided they should ride there together. Though neither of them had said it out loud they both knew that Merry wanted to say goodbye. He would be returning to the Shire soon.
"Elboron is doing better" Éowyn said once they were out on the road and by themselves. "I'm relieved to see it."
"So am I" Merry said. "But he will not be himself again for at least another six months. Possibly longer. He lost someone nobody expects to lose."
"The loss was tragic" Éowyn said. "But it was not fatal for him. He will go on living. He must learn that he is not the only one who has suffered great loss."
"He has been blissfully protected from such tragedies during his lifetime" Merry said.
"When my father died my mother mourned so that it killed her" Éowyn said. "I will not see that same weakness in my son."
Merry nodded. He had noticed her stronger, more determined side take over and with it went the side of her that had secretly wept for her son's loss half a year ago. It was a way of defence. She was a survivor. Hopefully Elboron was too.
"Many of our people remember the great War vividly" Éowyn continued and drove the stallion to a gallop. "Many are those who lost a husband, a son, a father or a brother."
"Or an uncle" Merry added.
"We all got over our losses. We had to. I will not have my son throw his life away and spend years to come mourning a loss. I will not have him show that disrespect to those who weren't given the chance to grieve."
"Elboron knows not of those times" Merry said. "To him this is the greatest tragedy which has ever hit Ithilien."
"Then he is foolish. He is a prince of Ithilien just like his father and one day he will be steward. How can he lead the people of Ithilien if he cares only for the sorrows he has seen? When my uncle lost his son he did not let grief take him over because he knew he needed to be strong and he needed to look after his people. My son needs to do the same. Uncle found you and let you replace Théodred. Elboron needs to find someone to take Beola's place."
"He will" Merry said. "But it is different for him. I might have taken your cousin's place in Théoden King's eyes but letting someone take the place of one you were romantically bound to is much more complicated."
"It doesn't have to be a lass" Éowyn said. "He needs not rush to find someone else to marry. He has a few years yet. But someone or something for him to waste his love on."
"You might be right" Merry said thoughtfully. "When Sam lost his son he got much better once Rose had another baby."
"And my son will get better too" Éowyn said. "He has to. I will not have a child of mine shatter. We are stronger than that. Our family has survived far worse times."
"Éowyn, darling…" Merry said. "If this is the worst your son ever sees then I think we should both be truly grateful."
XXX
Pippin paced back and forth in front of the fireplace with his hands on the small of his back. Diamond looked up when she heard him mutter angrily to himself for the seventh time in less than an hour.
"Oh what is it now?" she asked.
"Why did I stay in the Shire?" Pippin asked. "I should have left! The moment I received Lord Faramir's letter, and Merry's letter, I should have left! I was well enough to travel, why did I not leave?"
"Because Sam was fretting over his upcoming grandparenthood" Diamond reminded him.
"Sam always frets over something these days. I have lords and friends who need me in the south. What am I doing here?"
"Peregrine…" Diamond said and put aside her knitting. "We both know that there is no telling how long Merry will be gone. Had you left you might have only gotten halfway and then met up with him! The smartest thing was to stay here. Stop your queer behaviour and sit down!"
"Queer or no, I should have gone! I've come too far too long ago to ever be considered non-queer, why should I care now what anyone thinks?"
"If you even turn out half as queer as your father I will disown you" Diamond said to Faramir who was trying to read.
"Oh shush" Pippin said.
"You shush. All I've heard since January is complaints over how you haven't gotten to go risk your life on some long journey to be a servant to some lords! What difference had it made if you had arrived? The lass was already dead. You wouldn't have been able to do anything for her even if she had been alive."
"I know that" Pippin said. "But I could have comforted Elboron, I could have made life easier for Faramir. I could have been there for Merry, I know he's had a hard time."
"They are all grown lads, they can take care of themselves."
Pippin turned up his nose at that statement and grabbed his cape which was flung over an armchair.
"Now what are you up to?" Diamond asked.
"Come along Faramir" Pippin said and headed for the door. "We are going to Brandy Hall. At least Estella has some understanding for why a simple Hobbit might need to be there for his lord in times of need."
Diamond rolled her eyes but Faramir was up on his feet at the blink of an eye. He followed his father to Brandy Hall where they were greeted with hot cider, some freshly baked sponge cake and the latest Buckland gossip.
"Do you think Father will be home by December?" Cordy asked Pippin and stole some sponge cake from Faramir.
"It's hard to tell" Pippin said. "But he did indicate that he was going to return home soon in his last letter."
"I hope he's on his way" Estella said. "He has yet to meet Sam's grandson! And we could use him around here. I won't let him travel south for many years again."
"If Merry wants to go Merry goes" Pippin said. "I could never stop him, neither can you."
"I liked it better when the children were young" Estella said. "When he didn't up and leave quite so often."
"I'm still young" Cordy objected.
"So am I" Pippin said. "At least I would like to think so."
"You're old, Uncle Pippin" Lúthien said. "Sam is a grandfather and that's old!"
"Sam is nearly ten years older than me, thank you very much" Pippin said.
"Don't be rude, Lúthie" Théodoc said.
"I don't like being young" Lúthien said. "At least not youngest. All my siblings try to raise me. I want to be like Éowyn and not have anyone try to raise me."
"I am willing to trade" Éowyn said with a laugh.
Everyone looked up when the door opened and Merry entered, taking off his coat. Nobody said anything for a minute and Merry smiled faintly. Then Éowyn, Estella and Pippin all tried to hug him at the same time and the rest flocked around him. Merry's eyes fell on Lúthien and he tried to lift her up for a hug but his back protested.
"No fair…" he said. "I wish you were little again so I could lift you up and hug you."
Lúthien laughed and Cordy made a face at her. Pippin let the children hug their father and greet him properly, then he grabbed Merry by the arm and led him off to the bedroom. It was obvious that Merry was tired and he didn't protest.
"How are you?" Pippin asked with a concerned frown.
"I've been better" Merry admitted and sunk down on the bed. "It's been a rough year. But Éowyn is right. We cannot sympathise with Elboron anymore, he needs to pull himself together. And for that to happen it was best that I left."
"You need to tell me all about it" Pippin said. "But not right now. Lie down and I'll go get you something warm to drink."
Merry obeyed and Pippin pulled a blanket over him before leaving the room. Éowyn and Faramir were waiting out in the hallway.
"Is he okay?" Éowyn asked.
"Can I do anything?" Faramir asked.
"He is fine. He is just very tired right now. Give him some time and he'll be right as rain. Faramir, why don't you run down to the kitchen and have them make Merry's favourite soup. Éowyn, you go back to your family. He will be fine, I promise."
The children nodded and headed off. Pippin watched them go and sighed deeply. He really wished he had gone to Ithilien and been there for Faramir, Elboron and Merry. But as it were, he would have to take care of Merry now instead. A long night of rest and then he would let Merry talk about whatever he needed to talk about.
Estella came out into the hallway, giving Pippin a concerned look. He managed to smile for her.
"Don't you worry" he said. "He's just not as young as he used to be. He has been through a lot this year. Let him rest and he will be better tomorrow."
Estella nodded slowly. Then she went back to the children. Pippin went back to Merry.
XXX
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