Author's note: Uhm, wow. It's been a while since the last time I posted a chapter. I realised the other day that I have 8 finished chapters that I haven't posted yet so I'd better get started! I don't know if anyone still remembers this story or not, but they're not doing much good laying around my computer…
Disclaimer: You know the drill…
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"Do you have a minute?" Sam asked.
Pippin looked up from the stack of papers in front of him.
"For you? Of course. Come on in."
Sam closed the door to Pippin's study and sat down in the chair opposite the desk. Pippin eyed him with a frown. Sam seemed awfully nervous. Pippin wondered what was going on.
"No beating around the bush" he said to his old friend. "I don't know why you're acting like I'm the king of the world and you're the poorest peasant in all the land but whatever you have to say you can tell me."
Sam smiled nervously.
"Well sir, I've been thinking…"
"Did you just call me sir? Samwise…"
"Now let me finish Mister Pippin, for it is kind of awkward for me to talk about, and I feel I have to say it without interruptions, if you follow me."
"For the love of mushrooms, just say it" Pippin said and lit his pipe. "Whatever it is I'm sure I've heard worse. Is young Rose marrying? Is Elanor pregnant again? Do you need food supplies, or money?"
"No, no. But it does involve Elanor."
"Then let's hear it."
"Well, you see, I've… I've never asked for much, as you know. I did my part in our adventure, I helped Mister Frodo as best as I could."
"You saved his life. All our lives. Without you he wouldn't have gotten half as far. Don't be modest."
"I've never asked for anything in return. I've watched as you and Mister Merry got your titles and inherited your lands, as you rightfully should."
"Sam that had nothing to do with any part of our adventure, we were inheritors of these lands from our birth."
"I know, I know. Please, you're not letting me finish."
"Sorry. Go on" Pippin said and blew some smoke rings.
"But lately I've been thinking. About how you are a guard of the citadel and you're Strider's, I mean king Elessar's servant, and you're in the service of Lord Faramir. And Mister Merry, he is an esquire of Rohan and a knight of Rohan and in the service of the Lady Éowyn. And I am none of those things."
"Running errands for great lords is not always as much fun as one would think" Pippin said and raised an eyebrow. "Not to mention you have to stand there and watch them eat! No matter how hungry you are!"
"Mister Pippin…"
"Pardon."
"Well now Strider, I mean--"
"King Elessar…" Pippin filled in and rolled his eyes. "You don't need to call him that just get to the point!"
"He's given you all this land, you see?" Sam leaned forward in his chair. "In addition to the land you have rightfully inherited as your birth right you have been given new lands as well. And your sons will inherit those. Well I was in that story too, the story of the Ring, and I feel for my children's sake that it's wrong that the Gamgees get nothing."
"Sam" Pippin said, moved by the request he felt was coming. "Of course! I understand!"
"Now I don't mean to sound like I'm asking for much that I'm not entitled to" Sam said.
"Listen" Pippin said and waved his pipe for emphasis when he spoke. "I am not the Thain to you. Aragorn is not the high and mighty king to you. We are brothers, for as long as we live. And more than that we are friends. You can talk to me. I've seen you at your worst and I've known you at your best. There is nothing you can ask of me that is out of line. I'm not saying I'll give you anything you ask for but nobody will ever judge you for asking."
"I know" Sam said after a small pause.
"So stop delaying" Pippin said and put his pipe back in his mouth where it belonged. "You will feel better once you've asked what's on your mind. So come on and tell me. You want land I take it?"
"Not so much land" Sam said. "But I feel that I should leave something to my children."
"You will leave them Bag End."
"That's not enough" Sam said outright. "They may be masters of Bag End for generations to come but it's never going to be like what your children get. I was part of the fellowship and I helped save our world, now I'm mayor of the Shire, I feel that I have earned a title to pass on to my children!"
"I cannot make mayorship inheritable" Pippin said.
"No I know" Sam said.
"You are a counselor of the North Kingdom" Pippin pointed out.
"Yes, but that's something so far away" Sam said. "I want for a member of the family to have an official role in part of the new land given to the Hobbits. Somewhere close. Somewhere where they can make a difference to other Hobbits in a way that people will notice."
Pippin leaned back in his chair and sucked his pipe. He stared up on the ceiling and pondered for several minutes. Sam nervously leaned back in his chair but studied Pippin's facial expression as well as he could.
"You did indeed help save the world" Pippin finally said and blew a smoke ring. "I guess what you're asking for is not that much."
"I'm asking you because, well, you have one son" Sam said.
Pippin looked at Sam with a deep frown.
"Pardon me? What does Faramir have to do with this?"
"Well I thought it would only be fair to ask you and not Master Merry, he has more sons to share the inheritance."
"So the Tooks deserve to lose theirs, my future grandsons, who might be many in numbers, deserve to get less?"
"No I don't mean it that way!"
"I'm sorry I only have one son" Pippin said. "Not all of us can spend our days making children left right and center!"
"Mister Pippin!"
Pippin gave him a very angry glare and rose from his chair. He looked out the window onto the fields outside. Sam bit his lower lip nervously.
"No I shan't give you any land" Pippin said. "Bag End is your land and shall stay that way. These areas are my lands, as are the recently added parts. They shall belong to the Tooks for as long as we still dwell here."
"I don't think I'm asking for too much!"
"Which child did you have in mind to take over the lands?" Pippin asked. "Frodo? Merry? Pippin perhaps, now that would be suitable."
"Now Mister Pippin, you are not being very kindly."
"Answer my question."
"Actually I… wanted it to be Fastred."
"Your son-in-law?" Pippin said and turned around. "You don't even like him!"
"But he will leave it to Elanor's son, the child of my firstborn, my firstborn grandson. By rights it should belong to him."
"By rights Frodo is next of kin."
"Frodo has Bag End."
"Sam asking for land is too much. I shall not give it to you. I will however appoint your son-in-law a duty if that makes you feel any better."
"What duty?"
"Warden" Pippin said after thinking for a second. "Of Westmarch. He can help look after it when I or Faramir aren't there. But bear in mind that it is still our land and no great decisions are to be made without our consent."
"Thank you" Sam said and rose. "It means a lot to me. Us Gamgees should get something too, we have earned it."
"So have the Tooks and Brandybucks" Pippin said, who was still upset over Sam's previous comment on him only having one son.
"I am very grateful" Sam said and tried to ignore Pippin's mood. "You don't know what this means to me. You really are a friend."
"Now run along before I change my mind" Pippin said. "I'll draw up papers on it and have it official before Midsummer."
"I won't forget this" Sam said and bowed.
"Off you go."
"Thanks Pip" Sam said and left the study.
With a groan Pippin sunk down in his chair. He knew it was only right to give that duty to Sam's family, Sam had indeed earned it for them. But Pippin couldn't get past Sam's comment on how he only had one son. It had hurt far more than Sam would have thought. Pippin had never thought Faramir would be in any bad position because he was an only son, Merry had never had any problems and he had no siblings either. But now it seemed Faramir had less right to inheritance since he was only one while the Brandybucks were four and the Gamgees were more than Pippin could bother to count at the moment.
Deep down it made Pippin feel like a failure. He had never become the head of a great family, he had only a wife and son. Sam had been able to father thirteen children and Merry six, Aragorn had eight and Legolas would not be thinking about marriage for another millennium or so. Pippin didn't count Gimli to the fathering herd since he was a Dwarf and few of them became fathers. Pippin had only managed to have one child.
Angrily he got up and left his office. He knew he could not have asked for a better child than his Faramir. The lad was as close to perfect as Pippin could imagine them coming. In his mind and heart he felt one Faramir was worth all of Sam's sons together, though he had a feeling Sam would strongly disagree. Pippin loved his son and he didn't want to feel guilty for not having any other sons. But right now he couldn't help it. Sam's comment had hit where it hurt, and although it hadn't been his friend's intention Pippin wad furious and couldn't take his mind off it.
He walked into the library where Faramir and Cordy were reading up on family history and told Faramir to get up. Two pairs of surprised eyes looked up at him from under curly fringes.
"Is there a problem sir?" Faramir asked.
"You and I are going riding."
"Now?" Faramir looked over at his second cousin. "But Cordy and I were…"
"Now Faramir" Pippin said.
Looking confused Faramir got up and followed his father to the stables. Cordy came with them, announcing that he would be riding home since Faramir was going out. He seemed confused as to what was going on but knew better than to ask. He could always find out from Faramir later what was up.
Pippin saddled Crow and mounted, impatiently waiting for Faramir. Once they were out on the meadows just the two of them, Faramir looked at his father with questioning eyes and waited for an explanation. None came. They rode in silence for a while.
"Take a good look around you" Pippin said. "Every leaf, straw of grass, every pebble, they are all our lands. Your lands someday."
They came to a hilltop and Pippin halted Crow. Faramir halted his pony and obediently looked around.
"Don't ever let anybody tell you that you're not worth all this" Pippin said. "Don't you let anyone make you believe that everything that belongs to the Tooks shouldn't rightfully be yours. Don't let anybody say that because you haven't had adventures you haven't earned this."
"I didn't know I was expected to have that doubted sir" Faramir said.
"Someday someone might" Pippin said. "I know growing up in the shadow of me cannot have been easy. People have forgotten that I was decided to inherit these lands on the day I was born, it had nothing to do with anything I did later in life. The lands given to us by the king are just additions to what we already have power over. It is ours, as much as this hilltop we are on. A day may come when people question your right to be Thain as you have not done what I did earlier in my years."
"But I am your heir" Faramir said. "I know that, father. That's what I've always known that I am. That's how I introduce myself to people, son and heir of Peregrin. I am your son and heir."
"You are everything you want to be" Pippin said. "Son and heir, those are just titles and descriptions. You are young and you are free, you are brave, you are cheerful and you are a good person. You are good at climbing trees and that does not make you queer. You are a fine rider, you are an excellent farmer. You can do whatever you want to do. And you earn everything that I have to give you every day of your life. You may be the only child I've got but you're worth more than a dozen sons to any other father. I wish I could have been like you when I was young."
"And all I want to be is you" Faramir said. "You are the best Hobbit I have ever known. You are everything I could ever hope of being. When I do things that upset you I feel like I die inside, for it means I am not as I should be."
"You are not me and you never will be. You are your own and that is better. You have my best qualities but you also have the best from your wonderful mother. What I love most in you is what you get from her."
Faramir didn't know what to say to fill the silence after Pippin's last words. The sun before them was beginning to set and he watched the setting sun. It was beautiful to watch it like this, he had never thought about it before.
"When the sun sets over Peregrin I of the Great Smials," Pippin said, "Faramir I will take over. And he will be wonderful at it."
"I hope your life is like summer" Faramir said. "The summer sun never seems to set."
Pippin didn't respond. In silence they watched the sun slowly setting. When it still had a long way to go Pippin turned Crow around and headed back home. Faramir followed his father who left before the setting sun.
XX
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Merry sat down on the blanket and leaned against the trunk of a huge old oak. His stomach was full and he was more than happy at the moment. The leaves of the tree cast a cooling shadow that protected them from the sun shining brightly in the clear blue sky. It was a fine day for a picnic with the family.
Estella finished her last strawberries and began packing things back into the basket. Merry gave her a playful kick with his foot and told her to leave it for the time being. Estella shook her head and said she wanted everything cleared away now that everyone was done eating. Nearby Dusky and Aestas were gracing.
"Leave it" Merry said again. "Come here instead."
She packed the last things into the basket and then did as he had told her. She sat down next to him and leaned against the tree. He put his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled fresh. She had washed it only a few days ago.
"Do you remember the picnics we used to have when they were little?" he asked.
"Many wonderful afternoons spent out like this" Estella smiled. "We haven't had a picnic in a long time."
"This might be the last one we ever have" Merry said. "They are getting so big now. Soon they won't be interested in going with us."
Éowyn, who would be 26 in the fall, looked up as if she had heard him. She was over by the river which flowed calmly nearby, dipping her feet into the water which was quite cold yet. It surprised Merry that she still wanted to come to these outings. When he had been her age he had never gone with his parents unless he was required to. He had spent all of his spare time with Frodo, Pippin, Folco or Fatty. Friends, ale and mushrooms had been the most important things in the world. That and lasses. He had yet not seen Éowyn with any lad on more than one occasion. She seemed to dance with them and laugh with them but never get interested in them. A shame for them, for she was still as fair as she had ever been.
In her heart, even though she was 26 she was still her daddy's little girl. She had walked in his footprints all her life and seemed content with it. She wanted to be around him as much as he could and was still convinced that there was no lad out there as great as him. Coming to a family picnic didn't seem like a boring afternoon in her mind, as long as he was there.
Her sister was running through the grass nearby, having lots of energy saved up from winter and eager to run some of it off. Lúthien was not the beauty her sister was, but she had a more outgoing personality and made friends more easily. She was the youngest and still in many ways a child, though with her sixteen years she was beginning to look more like an adult than a child. She took every chance she got to play and have fun, which her parents didn't mind as long as she did all her chores. She paused in her running and looked back at her parents with a smile. Neither parent could forget how close they had come six years ago to never seeing that smile again. She was the baby, and probably always would be.
Down by the river Éowyn splashed some water up on her oldest brother who was seated on a rock with one of his favorite books. Théodoc looked up and frowned at her, but couldn't be mad at her when she laughed and waded out into the river. Théo, the by far most serious child in the litter, never waded in the river, ran through the fields or played in the hay. If Lúthien took her time growing up, Théo could not have been in more of a hurry. He had been an adult even as a child, a very shy and withdrawn one at that. But when he was surrounded by only his close family he could lighten up and put aside his books for a while. That seemed to be exactly what Éowyn wanted him to do at the moment and she got up from the river and snatched his book away.
"Come little brother" she said. "Save your books for a rainy day. I bet I can catch a fish in the river before you can."
"I bet all of us can catch a fish before Théo" Cordy said with a grin.
"One of these days I'm throwing you into the river, Cordy" Théo said and got up from his rock and waded into the water. "You deserve it."
"Can you wait until the water gets warmer?" Cordy asked. "I'd hate to get a cold from swimming too early in the season…"
Cordy followed his brother and sister to the water and began the competition of who could catch a fish first. It didn't take long before Cordy tired, he was way too impatient to wait for the fish to come to him. But if he gave up he would have lost to his dull older brother and his pride forbade him to do that. So he stayed and waited for a fish to come close enough.
"What's taking you so long, Comradoc?" Lúthien asked in a taunting tone of voice. "I thought you were an expert at fishing."
"I am, but you're scaring them off" he icily replied.
The two siblings who bickered the most were doubtlessly Cordy and Lúthien. Everything was a contest and they never missed an opportunity to give the other a verbal punch. They were also the two who were angry at each other for real the most, most of the time one of their siblings had to interfere and end their arguments. If there was a disagreement among the other siblings Cordy and Lúthien always took opposite sides. It concerned Estella that even after Lúthien's serious illness they hadn't made peace with each other. Merry didn't see it as such a serious thing however, he didn't believe that their constant bickering was based on any real dislike.
Finally Cordy managed to catch his fish, and nobly let it back into the water after holding it up as proof. Merry couldn't help but marvel at the fact that his second son was the closest to Pippin's Faramir. They had expected their sons who were born and raised together to be as close as they were, but Théo and Faramir never seemed to understand one another. Instead Cordy had been the one to seek Faramir's friendship, and Merry knew that his son was happy that he would one day take over Crickhollow together with his best friend.
Estella sat up straight and shadowed the sun with her hand.
"Lucky!" she said. "Don't go near the river!"
"Mother!" the youngest son complained but realized it was no use. He walked away from the river and slumped on the ground.
"I never get to do anything" he complained to Aramac who was stretched out on his back trying to sleep.
"Well you're still a kid" Aramac said.
"Am not! I am eighteen years old this summer. You got to go swimming when you were ten! Even Lúthie is out in the water and she is younger than me."
"It's for your own good, now quit complaining and let me sleep."
Lucky snorted and threw grass at his indifferent brother. He hated being the one who got easily sick and always had to be sheltered. He was growing up and he didn't want to spend his life under restrictions set up by his mother. What was the harm in going in the water anyway, the water here was not deep enough to drown in. And if his siblings could play around in the water it couldn't be so cold that they would get sick.
He glanced over at his mother who had leaned back against his father's shoulder and wondered when she would stop smothering him. When they were at the Hall there was always some relative making sure he didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to, Lucky feared that even after his mother was gone he would still be smothered by others. Angrily he pulled up more grass and tossed around him.
"Lucky, do you mind?" Aramac said and sat up a bit. "I'm trying to sleep here!"
Lucky made a face which Aramac missed since he had already closed his eyes again and leaned back down. Sometimes his older brother got on Lucky's nerves. He had once heard distant relatives at Brandy Hall refer to Aramac as 'the best one', and even though Lucky knew that wasn't exactly true his brother did seem to have an awful lot of perks. He knew that they all had good sides and bad sides, but the annoying thing about Aramac was that he seemed to have many of the good sides their father had. Lucky wished people could see how lazy his brother was at the moment, maybe then they wouldn't think he was so great.
Over by their tree Estella let her eyes off Lucky for now and gave her husband a kiss on the cheek.
"Tonight I expect you to reward me for coming up with this bright idea about a picnic…" she said.
Merry's eyebrows perked up.
"Tonight? Why wait until tonight. Send the children home…"
"That would suit you, wouldn't it?" Estella said and gave him a playful smack. "Someone might walk by…"
"Then we'd ask them to come back later."
Estella couldn't help but laugh. Then she looked at their six children, who weren't really children anymore at all. They had to cherish these days because all six of them wouldn't stick within their family circle for much longer. Soon they would all have families of their own. The time was drawing near for the new generation to take over.
"Sometimes when I look at them I can't believe they're really ours" she said to Merry. "Look at them! So grown up, so charming and beautiful. Weren't they babies just a week ago?"
"We've done a fine job with them" Merry said. "They are well liked and they are respected. But more importantly they respect others. Even little Lúthie is starting to become a lady. Do you remember the night she was conceived?"
"How could I ever forget?" Estella asked.
They looked at each other for a second with a knowing smile between them.
"Send the children home…" Merry said again.
XX
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Sam nervously tried to iron his shirt so that it had not the slightest wrinkle on it and cast a glance on the clock on the wall. He only had thirty minutes before the ceremony would start. The ceremony in which Elanor's Fastred would be made Warden of Westmarch. It was a very big day for Sam. He only prayed that Fastred would see the importance of the day and the situation, and that he would live up to the expectations now placed on him. Sam was worried that his son-in-law wouldn't be able to handle the job as Warden and casting shame over Sam. Most of all Sam worried that Fastred would be bad at the job and make Pippin regret his decision. Sam knew that Pippin was upset enough as it were.
But Sam knew he did not regret his decision to talk to Pippin and ask for some title or line of duty to be passed on through the Gamgee family. His grandson Elfstan would some day be Warden of the Westmarch. That was quite something for a Gamgee descendant, although his grandson was a Fairbairn.
He looked over at his oldest son, the son he knew both Pippin and Merry felt should have gotten the title of Warden. But Sam knew that it was better this way. His Frodo had no interest in office duties or moving to other places. Frodo was happiest in the garden, he had green fingers and loved to keep them in the soil. He was much like his father, but he lacked Sam's interest in holding office and trying to make a social difference. Sam knew that Frodo would not be happy as a Warden, he wanted to live his life in the gardens and so he should.
It was obvious at this very moment that Frodo didn't have any interest for the kind of life he would have gotten in the Westmarch. For this special occasion he was required to dress up and he was extremely uneasy. Primrose was doing her best to help him get in order but it was a struggle. She kept buttoning his vest all the way up and he kept opening up the top two buttons claiming he couldn't breathe otherwise.
"Frodo stop it!" Primrose complained and smacked her older brother on the fingers as he once again tried to unbutton his shirt. "You can't have it unbuttoned!"
"Primrose I'd like to breathe."
"Hold your breath then. This is an important day and you can't look like a gardener!"
"There's nothing wrong with being a gardener."
"Yes there is, when there's a party. You don't se Gaff going to important events looking like he just came from his flowerbeds."
Sam smiled. His children called him Gaff, like he had called his father Gaffer. It made him proud and it reminded him of his own father who had died a long time ago. The only child who didn't call him Gaff was Bilbo, who for some reason refused to call him anything but Sam. And for some reason Sam accepted it. He had been Sam to Mister Bilbo, it only felt natural.
At the time being, young Bilbo was nowhere to be found. He and some other children were playing hide and seek and at the moment there was a lot of seeking. Sam had told the children they had better be outside by the tree by a quarter till noon, if they weren't they could be sure to receive punishment.
Elanor came rushing in to the room and placed a kiss on her father's cheek.
"You look great, Gaff" she said.
"So do you" Sam said and admired his beautiful daughter. "Pretty as a picture. But you always were. Where is your lad?"
"Rose's got him" Elanor said and looked around nervously. "Where is Bilbo? I can find everyone but him!"
"I told him to be back in good time. He's off playing. Don't be nervous darling, it's just an announcement and a party."
"An important announcement" Elanor said. "And a going away party. Fastred and I leave in the morning."
"I know" Sam said and tried not to think of it.
That was the downside of the arrangement. Elanor would be moving further away. But it was for the best that it happened, Sam knew it. He also knew that by choosing to let Elanor's son be the inheritor of this title it would pass from the Gamgee family. The most logic thing would have been to give the title and the office to Merry since Frodo wouldn't want it, and since the oldest son had Bag End anyway. But Sam wanted it this way. It was no secret to his heart that Elanor had always been his favorite. She had been the ultimate proof in his eyes that evil had been defeated and the Shire had been saved, and that life would go on. She had also been around when Frodo Baggins still lived at Bag End, Sam could still remember Frodo holding baby Elanor in his arms. Her very name was given to her by Sam's old master. She was living memory of Frodo. She was also his firstborn and his most fair child. He loved all his children, but she was the most special one.
Pippin entered the room with little Elfstan in his arms and with a grin told Elanor that the less than year old child wanted his mother. Elanor took him from her brother and asked why Rose hadn't brought him when he started to cry. With a shrug to the shoulder Pippin explained that Rose hadn't known how to make him stop crying, but Pippin had given his little nephew a lump of sugar which had quieted him for the time being.
It didn't surprise Sam to hear. Pippin had always had a good hand with children. He always had time to play with his younger siblings and any other child who might be visiting. Although he was 26 years old now he always found the time for the children. Sam predicted that if any of his children had as many babies as siblings, it would be Pippin.
Elanor and Pippin left with the baby, and through the door came instead Daisy, arguing with Goldilocks over a ribbon.
"Why would you want to wear the blue ribbon?" Daisy asked. "It doesn't match your eyes or your dress!"
"Why would you want to wear it?" Goldilocks asked back. "It doesn't go with your hair. It goes with mine."
"Well if everything goes with yours you might as well wear the brown one!" Daisy argued.
"No fighting!" Sam said. "Settle this or neither will get to wear the ribbon."
Daisy sighed and turned to Primrose.
"Who do you think should wear it?"
"If you ask me," Primrose said diplomatically, "Goldilocks should wear the brown since it goes with her hair but not with Daisy's."
"Thank you!" Daisy twittered and placed the blue ribbon in her hair.
"No fair" Goldilocks complained.
The two were always bickering about something. They were close, but they competed about everything. Each party was a contest in who could get the most attention from the lads and who could get more dances. Whenever they had to dress up it was a constant bicker over who would get to wear what, and Primrose was often called in to settle it. Neither Goldilocks nor Daisy seemed to notice that half the time Primrose let one sister win and half the time the other. Each time they won the argument they would be triumphing and each time they lost they would label it unfair. And so it went on.
"Everybody's here now" young Merry announced, entering the room. "I just put the last pony into the stable."
"We should be ready to begin soon then" Sam said.
Merry bowed slightly and left the room. He never said much, Sam's second son, and he seemed uncomfortable whenever he had to be around a creature that didn't have four legs. Merry would not have been fit to be Warden either. Elanor was the right choice.
"Come now" Sam said to his children. "It's time to go outside. Frodo, run and see if you can find your brother. I'd feel much better if Bilbo was in place now, since we might start earlier."
Frodo nodded and left, followed by Primrose who was determined to make sure he didn't undo his buttons. Sam left the room followed by Goldilocks and Daisy, and found his wife and his daughter Rose waiting by the front door. There was nobody else inside but the Gamgees it seemed, everyone else must have gone outside. Sam gave his two Roses a kiss on the cheek each and took one at each arm. Robin, the youngest, came running from the kitchen and with a bow opened the door. Sam nodded to him and stepped outside with his wife and children.
Out in the garden the shriffs were gathered along with Pippin, Merry and their families. The event was going to be formal, few people were there that didn't have a specific task to do or was a member of the Gamgee, Brandybuck or Took families. Sam searched with his eyes for Elanor and Fastred, and found the latter standing nervously next to a Peregrin who looked formal and less than friendly. Elanor was sitting by a table with Elfstan in her arms, surrounded by Merry's two daughters and her brother Pippin.
Sam's wife and children left his side and went to sit down. Sam smiled at Peregrin who only returned it by a nod, still offended by the conversation they had had in the beginning of summer and not in the mood for friendly tokens at the moment. Sam ignored this and walked up to him.
"Are we ready to begin?" he asked.
Pippin looked up at the sun which was right in the center of the sky.
"Zenith. Yes, I think we are."
XX
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XX
An hour later the ceremony was over and so was the meal that followed. Poor Fastred was looking even more nervous now, he had been seated next to Peregrin who was laying down the law and giving him strict guidelines on how to be a Warden. Pippin informed him that he was going to keep a close eye on things and reminded him that the Westmarch was still his land and that Fastred had better take good care of it.
Next to Peregrin sat Meriadoc, who had since long stopped listening to his cousin. He knew that deep down Pippin didn't really mean it as harshly as he said it but it might be good to scare young Fairbairn a bit. He was after all just another irresponsible, foolish Hobbit who might not be so sure of how to best care for land.
Across the table from Meriadoc sat Elanor, now without a child in her lap since Elfstan had been put to bed. She leaned over and gently put her hand on Merry's.
"Sir…" she said. "Uncle Pippin, I think he's really starting to scare my husband. Is he not finished soon?"
"It doesn't appear that way" Merry said. "But don't you worry, Elanor my fair. I will put a muzzle on him soon if needed."
Elanor smiled slightly and returned to what was left of her meal. As soon as dinner was finished and Pippin had gotten up from his seat Sam rose and walked up to him.
"Mister Pippin!" he said. "I want to thank you."
"Sure, fine" Pippin said and filled his mug with ale.
"Mister Pippin… Really, thank you."
Pippin shrugged a shoulder and focused on the mug. Sam wanted to say something else but didn't quite know what. Pippin was acting unusually strange, even for being Pippin, but Sam knew it was not the moment to share confidences and secrets. Pippin would not want to. Not with him at any rate. But Sam had a feeling that there was something more than losing part of control of the Westmarch which was bothering Pippin. He had never been power-driven and it was very out of character for him to get this upset over letting someone else run a piece of land. There had to be something else going on.
He decided to leave it for the time being and go find Elanor. She had gone inside to check on Elfstan, who was most likely still asleep. Tomorrow she would be moving away, further away than she had ever been from Sam during her entire life. He would go with her and help them get settled at first, but before long he would have to return to Hobbiton and leave his baby girl. And tonight would be the last night in a long time that he had her at home in Bag End. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.
He walked inside and stopped by a window. He cast a glance out on the party area and smiled, but it was a melancholy smile. It was not that he didn't love what he saw. He saw his family and his best friends' families having fun together. Robin and Bilbo had fallen asleep, the former was being lifted up by young Pippin to be taken inside to his bed and the latter was given the same treatment by one of the shriffs. Primrose was teaching Aramac a new dance step she had learned. Frodo and Théo were discussing something, accompanied by young Rose. The older Rose was talking to Estella further down the table, and Diamond was talking to Meriadoc. Young Merry was handing one of the shriffs his pony. Goldilocks and Daisy were making eyes at a young member of the shriffs who seemed flattered, but his attention was quickly stolen away by Éowyn who sat down next to him, much to the dismay of the Gamgee girls. Lúthien had fallen asleep with her head in Lucky's lap and Faramir and Cordy were whispering about something. Everybody seemed to be having fun and enjoying each other's company. But it would not last forever. The days of these three families were ending. The time had come for the seventeen children to start families of their own now. Yet another stage in Sam's life had come to an end.
He tore his eyes from the window and walked into Elanor's old room and sat down next to her. She looked up at him and smiled. For her life was beginning for real.
XX
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"Alright Pippin, what is it?" Merry asked.
Pippin shrugged a shoulder. He was sitting up on his favorite Buckland hilltop watching the slowly setting sun, but without really seeing its beauty. Merry had thought he would find him here. He had noticed his cousin's strange behavior for quite some time now and come to the conclusion that he didn't want to wait for Pippin to say something. He wanted to know what was going on now, so he could help Pippin do something about it.
"It's nothing" Pippin said.
"Don't tell me nothing" Merry said and sat down next to him. "I know when it's not nothing. You've never been able to lie to me."
"When I was thirteen I told you I had read the book you wanted me to read but actually I just read the last chapter."
"I know" Merry said. "And I knew. So tell me… What is going on? It can't possibly be this whole thing with Fastred becoming Warden!"
"No…" Pippin said. "But I haven't forgiven Sam."
"Forgiven Sam for what?"
"For asking me the way he asked me. For making me feel like I had achieved less because I only have one child. For making it seem like my son deserved less because he is an only child."
"Sam actually said that to you?" Merry said with doubt in his voice.
"Well not in so many words… But it sure felt like it was what he meant. And it made me so furious! I can't help not having fathered thirteen children! We can't all be bunnies like Sam!"
"Pip you are a bunny" Merry said. "You just have less to show for it."
"My Faramir is worth everything he inherits and more" Pippin said. "I don't have seven sons to divide my lands between but that does not mean my only son earns it less!"
"I know that, Sam knows that, we all know that" Merry said.
"Merry he really made me feel like I was an underachiever, that I had failed where it mattered the most" Pippin said and tears began to fall down his cheeks. "I felt like everything I have accomplished means nothing because I don't leave behind a dozen little Tooks to run around the Shire for all of time!"
"Thankfully" Merry joked, but then shook his head. "Pippin Sam could not have meant it that way and you know it. You overreacted."
"Well what if he is right? What if Faramir can't have children, what if his wife can't have children? There ends my bloodline and--"
"And if the snake had legs it would be a lizard" Merry said. "What if you stopped asking 'what if'? This is not what's really bothering you, I want to know what it is."
"It is what's bothering me" Pippin said. "I love my son very much and I don't want anyone to think like Sam that he doesn't deserve his inheritance!"
"Nobody thinks that" Merry said. "If you're worried that they won't think he deserves it because he didn't go to strange places and have adventure then you have forgotten how Hobbits think. But if you'd like you could send him to Gondor now, like you've talked about."
"I've changed my mind about that, I'm not sending him to Gondor."
"How come?"
"Because I don't want him to be like me."
"I'm not following."
"Living life in the past, unable to get over things that were, torn between two places."
"Pip just sending him to Gondor won't do to him what the journey did to us. There are no more rings to destroy, no more evil wizards to defeat, no more great wars. Let him go to Gondor and educate him."
Pippin shook his head.
"I will not put him at risk of falling in love with it."
"Pippin, what harm can come of that?"
"My child shall never feel the torment that longing brings. For it is not a sweet torment when you long and ache for so long over something far from your reach. He shall never see any clear visions of the past, memories so real that you can feel what you then felt but can never have back. I shall never have him dreaming of days now in the past, memories too bittersweet to put up with. He shall never feel that way."
"That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?" Merry said. "Our old memories. They've caught up with you, and hard this time."
"It scares me so much Merry…" Pippin whispered through his tears. "It is all over. I was never more alive than between the day I left Bag End with Frodo and the day I returned home to the Smials and sat down with my parents and my sisters."
"I know."
"But even then, even when we returned here, the feeling was leaving and was not coming back. When we said goodbye to our friends and the fellowship ended, that's when it began to fade… It was not even a year, yet it was my whole life. I have never been more scared, more weary, more hurt or more tormented. And I have never been more filled with friendship, brotherly love, feeling of worth and of belonging. But it is all over now."
"The end of the Fellowship was not an ending" Merry said. "Our fellowship didn't end then anymore than it ended when Gandalf fell or Boromir died."
"But I'm scared" Pippin said. "For I know that the best of all the years have gone by."
"We all have to grow older."
"Yes but that feeling should come at seventy, not at twenty-eight. I lived only for a half a year. True, I lived more during those months than most Hobbits ever do, but it was too short a time."
"I know how you feel" Merry said. "We've all felt like that. Even Legolas, who is an Elf and can really live in his memories."
"So all us nine suffer" Pippin said.
"We're not nine anymore" Merry said. "There is no Boromir. And Frodo and Gandalf are overseas. Us six who are here in Middle-Earth. But there's no need to suffer, although lord knows I forget that myself at times. We should be grateful that we got those months together and that we got to be part of the experience."
"I wish I had never been part of the Fellowship" Pippin said.
"You don't mean it."
"Every last syllable I mean" Pippin said. "I wish I had never left the Shire. I don't want to have made friends with the fellowship members, I don't want to have formed bonds of friendship that run thicker than blood if all it was for was for me to lose it."
"That's ridiculous" Merry said. "Those bonds kept us alive, kept us together. We would never have made it that far without those bonds. We were meant to be in the Fellowship, there was not one member who could have been replaced. Why regret having had such close friends? Think of everything you've learned from it!"
"But why would anyone want to learn how valuable it is if they are forced to spend their lives missing it?"
"You know they say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
"Platitudes. The real truth is that life has been cruel to us. Why did we have to see Gondor and Rohan and fall in love with it if we were never meant to be there? I wish I had never seen anything but the Shire and known anyone but the Hobbits, then I wouldn't be feeling this pain."
"No Pip… You would be feeling this way no matter what, only now you know why."
Pippin gave him a look but didn't ask what he meant. Merry kneeled down in front of him.
"For you see… You miss them because they are part of you and who you are. That's how it's meant to be. I believe that when we are born it has already been decided who our friends in life will be. It is our job to find them. You feel this pain because you aren't with friends close to your heart but at least you know the source of your troubles. It would have been worse if you had longed them and missed them without even knowing it, since you had never met them."
"Feel free to make some sense."
"I know in my heart that I was meant to be Éowyn's friend, just as I was meant to be yours. And I miss her. But if I had never met her it would not have changed the feeling that something is missing. I was born lacking a part of me that was she, and only in finding her could I get that part back. Every time we part I have to do without it again. And it's the same with Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Frodo, Boromir… And Théoden, and Éomer. They all carried parts of me all along and I was empty until I met them. Don't you see? What you long for is those parts of you. But if you had never met these people then those parts would still be missing. Only you would not know why or know how to make it better. You carry parts of them too. They long for your company because you bring those parts with you. That's how it all works."
"You're wrong" Pippin said. "I don't know what to do about it. Do you know who I miss the most?"
"Frodo?"
"Gandalf. I know he was strict and condescending at times, and not much of a hand to hold in troubled times… But he was like a strict grandfather to me, a mentor of sorts. When he and I rode to Minas Tirith something changed. I realized more than ever how much he meant to me and how great it was to be around the White Wizard. In Minas Tirith we were alone among many others, we were the only two members of the fellowship, stranded together in an ocean of other people in the middle of a horrible battle. And I could somehow tell that even though I wasn't the smartest, bravest or noblest person to be around Gandalf preferred my company… and it was simply because I was closer to his heart than anyone else there for I was in the Fellowship. And I got to prove my worth to him and there was a stronger bond between us. He grew more protective of me. Merry I always felt like Frodo was 'Gandalf's Hobbit', so to speak, he was the one closest to the wizard. But by the end of the battle at Pelennor it was I who were closer to him. I could feel it when we were all reunited. I had become the one closest to Gandalf."
Merry nodded, even though he wondered how much of this was actually true and how much was in Pippin's imagination or memories altered by the passing of time. But he let Pippin speak, he seemed to be needing it.
"Did you notice that I would be the one to ride with Gandalf? The one to sit next to him? When you and I were reunited you had become all of Rohan's Hobbit it seemed. Most of all you were Éowyn's, but also Éomer's."
"Pippin I'm not comfortable with you talking of us like we are possessions."
"That's not what I'm saying. But do you remember that dog I had when I was little? The cat had kittens one summer and one of the kittens immediately came under the wings of the dog. You would see them together and all that. Do you remember? It was as if the kitten was the dog's cat, even though he was free to come and go and the dog did not own him."
"So you're saying you are Gandalf's Hobbit just like the kitten was the dog's?"
"Kind of. I don't know how to put words to it really, but just like how out of all the humans in Rohan you go to Éomer and out of all the Hobbits Éomer goes to you. That's how it works."
"Pippin that's friendship."
"I don't know how else to explain it" Pippin snarled. "But it's something else than that. When the time came to ride to the Black Gates I rode with Gandalf, why? Why not with Aragorn or with Éomer?"
Merry kept in a sigh and wished he hadn't said anything. He did not understand what Pippin was saying and his cousin only seemed to be getting more and more angry. Better to steer him into some other topic than continue with this discussion which was going nowhere.
"Look Pip" he said. "You miss Gandalf. I understand that. And I know there's not much we can do about that, he's sailed back to the Undying Lands. But you're not just missing Gandalf, are you Pip?"
"No but I miss him the most… Him and Frodo. And old Bilbo Baggins. I miss Boromir too. I only knew him for so short a time but he was a brother to me. He died to save me. I never got a chance to thank him for everything he did."
"You saved his brother, wasn't that enough?" Merry asked. "I didn't even do that! I'm more in debt than you are!"
"Well in any case it is futile to be told that who your friends are to be is set by fate and that once you are apart you'll miss them. That doesn't make the longing go away."
"No but my point remains the same. Just because you are meant to be friends with some people it doesn't mean you will ever meet them in your lifetime. Perhaps Fatty was meant to have a wife but she died at a young age and they never got a chance to meet. You see Pip, the emptiness you are feeling is the good kind. It's the emptiness that comes when something or someone you love is far away. Anything that you love is good, and there is some good in missing it as well. Had you never known Gandalf you would still feel that emptiness, you would be as empty as a vase, but you would not know the reason."
"Maybe then I would be alive!" Pippin spat out and flew to his feet.
"Pippin!"
Pippin began striding the other way, angry and determined. Merry had to run to catch up with him.
"I don't live my life here and now, see?" Pippin angrily said. "I have never really aged past 28! I lived life for less than a year, and now that year is long gone and where has that left me? Dwelling in days now gone, things that shall never come again! I wish I had never come to Rivendell and become part of the Fellowship! I wish I had never left the Shire! I wish I had never even met you, Merry!"
"Now stop right there!" Merry said and grabbed his cousin's arm. "Listen to yourself!"
"I am listening to myself, but are you? That year stole everything from me, it's like I lived too much and now cannot live fully again!"
"You have been living fully, but these fits overcome all us six still in Middle-Earth! This is just the way it is, see?"
"No, I don't accept that!"
"Well maybe you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself!" Merry angrily said. "Perhaps you should stop and realize a thing or two. We were chosen before our birth to be in the Fellowship of the Ring, the fellowship that saved Middle-Earth! It is not only a privilege it is a task! Who are you to challenge that, to say it was of evil and that it had been best not to be part of it? If it hadn't been for Frodo and his Fellowship we all would be slaves of Sauron today!"
"If it weren't us it would have been nine others."
"No nine can be like the nine of us. Frankly your bellyaching is getting tiresome! Be glad for what you got to experience instead of cry because it ended like a child who's sad that there are no more strawberries! You were privileged, chosen to be one of the Nine and you should be grateful for that! Why be this way over memories of times so great that you hate life because they are over? Don't you see how that doesn't add up? How can you wish for those times to have never been when all you do is wish they had never ended?"
"They weren't all sugarcoated" Pippin said and yanked his arm free. "We've forgotten more than half the pain and suffering."
"We have not forgotten a moment and you know it."
"You say it was a privilege. It destroyed my life. I cannot life like a Hobbit anymore when all I can think of was when I was Peregrin Took of the Fellowship."
"You lived very happily as a Hobbit until a while ago" Merry pointed out. "It just hasn't caught up with you until now. I dealt with all this a long time ago Pippin."
"Perhaps when I reach your distinguished age I too can be wise" Pippin scoffed.
"Don't talk like that to me. I know you long. I know you miss. But trust me, someday you'll be glad you got to be a part of it. I wouldn't give up a single one of my memories. Except for parts of our stay with the orcs…"
"That won't be anytime soon, the day I am glad I was part of it" Pippin said and began to walk further away again. "And I'm telling you Meriadoc my child shall never go through this!"
"Oh he won't" Merry said. "For ours was the last great adventure."
"The road just gets longer to Minas Tirith… to the Year of the Ring… I cannot reach it anymore. I once lived it, now I can't reach it."
"Faramir will not have memories like yours, I can promise you that."
"No he shan't" Pippin said and sank down on the ground again. "Never. He shall never feel this way. All his memories shall be sweet, all the things he love shall be in his reach."
Merry sank down next to him.
"I pray it will be so. In the meantime, let's look after his father."
"Just let me hibernate and come out again in October three years from now, or whenever this feeling will go away."
"I wouldn't say it goes away, it just becomes tolerable as you learn."
"Oh how uplifting" Pippin snarled.
"Peregrin my lad, you won't be depressed forever."
"It's just not fair that home should be in two places, and that family shall be in even more places."
"But we have each other" Merry said. "Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas do not see each other as often as you, Sam and I meet. We are the lucky ones."
"Every time we meet them it scares me how they've aged" Pippin said. "Not Legolas but the others. In my memory we are all young and strong."
"You need to go to Minas Tirith" Merry said, as if it suddenly dawned on him. "You need to see those friends of old and those places. It's the only thing I can think of."
"It's been years" Pippin said.
"Indeed, but you can stop counting them. We can be on the road in three weeks if we shake a leg!"
"We?"
"Of course. I am going with you."
"Estella will be mad" Pippin said. "You've been away so much."
"This is important" Merry said. "She'll understand. Or she won't, but that's her thing to worry about." Suddenly he was very upbeat. "At once when we get home we shall write Strider and give him news of our upcoming arrival."
"It won't do any good in the long run though" Pippin said with a sigh as he got up on his feet. "Sooner or later things will be like now again."
"Do you ever stop for a second when we're working together in the fields and look at the seven young Hobbits nearby?" Merry asked. "Frolicking at play, loving life, having not a care in the world? They would not be here today had we not won the war. You think about that next time you're wondering if it was all worth it."
XX
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"Merry!"
Merry looked up from the shirt he was mending. Pippin was hurrying through the bushes with a grin on his face.
"Come quick Merry!"
Merry got up and cast a glance at the ponies to make sure they were securely tied up and then followed his cousin through the bushes. Pippin was a few yards ahead of him and when Merry reached what Pippin wanted to show him his cousin was already down on the ground shoving berries into his mouth.
"Raspberries!" Merry exclaimed.
"And they're perfectly ripe too" Pippin said through the berries. "Taste some!"
"I've never seen a fairer sight in all my life!" Merry claimed and attacked the berries full force. They had not had anything to eat besides their waybread for a week now, any change in diet was more than welcome.
"And there's more!" Pippin said and pointed to more bushes around. "Mmmm, they taste just right! Sweet and lovely!"
Merry grinned. He wished he could save this moment and make it last forever. Pippin had been in brighter spirits once they were on their way, but he had not seen his cousin this happy in a long time. Pippin had red stains all over his clothes, face and hands and looked more like a young child than the adult he was. The big grin going with it warmed Merry's heart.
"To think we've passed along these routs many times and never found this before!" Merry said and grabbed another handful.
"I know! Oh it's so great to discover again! I can't believe I had forgotten how much I liked discovering new things!"
"I told you this was what you needed" Merry said with a smile.
Pippin grinned and stuffed his mouth with more berries. The two of them ate until they couldn't get another berry down, and there were not many berries left to be eaten. They sank down on the ground and looked up at the sky.
"Hey Merry…" Pippin said. "What do you say we keep this our little secret? Make this spot our own place? If we travel here with someone else we don't show them this."
"Sure" Merry said. "That reminds me of the blueberries we found when we were traveling with the Fellowship, do you remember?"
"Yes, and we tried to keep that a secret too but I had blueberry stains all over me and it was pretty obvious where we had been."
"Kind of like how you are all stained in raspberry now" Merry laughed. "Oh I remember that like it were yesterday… Gandalf got so mad. Not to mention Sam!"
"Gimli!" Pippin added. "He looked at me like I had betrayed his deepest confidence!"
"And I remember Boromir saying that it was no use getting mad at us, all blueberries would have been eaten anyway. We should get to keep it our own spot."
"Gandalf just grumbled and said I was irresponsible and should have thought of the others before I ate everything" Pippin said. "I cannot believe I got so told off and you didn't get as much as an annoyed grunt!"
"Dear Pip, I had no evidence on me that I had eaten" Merry grinned.
"You always managed to get away with things like that…"
Merry smiled. It was nice to relive old memories. This trip was indeed doing Pippin a whole lot of good already, and they weren't even in Gondor yet. He was sure his cousin would be back to his old self before long.
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I would love a review! And I'll try to have the next chapter coded and up by the weekend! Ta ta!