A/N: I decided to rewrite Behind Amber Eyes because I read the last one I wrote and didn't really like it , so I wanted to write it over. It's still the same as the first one, I just changed it up a bit. But please review!

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Behind Amber Eyes

By: CedeBlues

Chapter: 1

To many people I am mysterious. I'm mysterious to them because nobody understands. They don't feel the pain and sorrow that I do. I've made many mistakes in my life, and I so badly wish that I could take them back. Maybe If I did I wouldn't feel so lonely. I didn't expect them to give up on me like that, I thought that they would stick with me through it all. They got impatient with me, they got impatient waiting for me to stop living in Kaoru's world. But when I finally did realize that life was something serious, everyone had given up on me...

This is the one thing in the world that I feared, being stuck here with these two. It was like high school all over again. I stood there in pure misery as my two best friends, Megumi and Sano argue over what movie we were to see. I just couldn't take their arguing, it was giving me a headache. I exploded.

"Could you to just please shut up for just a for one minute, please?" I asked, through clenched teeth. All went silent and Megumi gave me a sincere look. Then then rushed over to me to give me the best of apologies.

"God, Kaoru I am so sorry. This was suppose to be our night to take a break and enjoy ourselves. Rooster head over there just had to mess it up!" she fumed.

I gave a heavy sigh, I then stood and made my way to the exit.

"No, it's fine. I'm pretty tired anyway, so I should start heading home. Give me a call when your not up Sano's ass about how dumb he is," I simply stated

"Hey, I heard that!" Sano shouted.

"You were suppose to," I said, while giving a short laugh.

"So call me okay," I reminded Megumi, who still had a guilty look upon her face

Today was Saturday and it was the most boring day yet. Being bored was not how I desired to spend my weekend.The only thingI seemed to do with my life was work, eat, and sleep. Was I really that miserable?

I set my keys onto the coffee table in the living room, I had just gotten back from the gym. I found it easier to go in the mornings. I then sat down on my couch and found myself looking around my apartment. I was so unhappy and depressed, and the sad part was that I knew why. I had ruined my life years ago, and it was nobody's fault but my own. But I wanted to be happy.

"I guess that's why I taking therapy," I said to myself aloud. I stood and headed for my room to go and get ready for my therapy class, since I had nothing better to do with my time. While I was heading to my bedroom I took a whiff of the gym clothes I had on it. "And to definitely take a shower!"

After I took the shower that I was in desperate need for I splashed my face repeatedly with cold water from the faucet. I often found myself doing that. I just stood there looking at my reflection in the mirror, until a soft smile formed on my face. 'Is this really my life?'

Multiple thoughts ran through my head until I decided to drop them and to get ready for my appointment.

I waited patiently as the professional therapist know as Sheri got her things together. I watched silently as she looked me up and down.

"Sweetheart, it looks like you lost some weight. Have you been eating lately?" Sheri quietly asked me.

I groaned.

"Yeah...kind of."

Sheri looked at me with concern.

"What did you eat for breakfast?"

"Nothing, because I was in such a rush to get here," I replied quietly. It was a lie, Sheri wasn't stupid. I don't even know why I said that.

"Hun, you were here 15 minutes early," she stated. It wouldn't have seemed like a smart reply coming from anyone else. But never from Sheri, she was such a sweetheart.

"Fine! I'll admit I'm a little paranoid. I think that there might be something wrong with the food I eat, like...I don't know."

Sheri gave me a sympathetic look as I slowly massaged my temples. She then looked at the paper she had on the clipboard and wrote something down. Notes?

"Sheri I'm so lonely. Mom's dead, Dad hates me. My friends have lives of there own, and to top it off Aoshi despises me. I mean...look at me I'm miserable," I mumbled softly.

Shari then came over to me and sat in the chair beside me as I laid my head in my lap. She slowly rubbed my back to give me comfort. Sheri was like a Mother to me, without her I'm pretty sure I'd be insane by now.

"You need to call Aoshi and speak with him," she told me.

What, Call Aoshi? That was asking way to much of me, I couldn't possibly.

"I'll think about it...is it time to go home yet?"

Shari speared a glance at the clock.

"Well there's 5 minutes left. Let's go over your homework, I want you to write down all the things you've regretted this week. And I don't want you to come back here saying there was nothing you regretted because everyone regrets something, okay?

I slowly nodded my head.

Shari stood as did I, and she gave me a hug. When was the last time I had one of those?

"I'll see you soon okay?"

I mumbled a week, "Yes," and made my way out of Shari's office.

I lazily swung my front door open, right now I wish I had some comfort. Those therapy sessions always made me feel this way, they had a way of making me think about what I didn't want to remember. I made why way into the kitchen where I tiredly leaned against the counter. My eyes then strode over to the telephone. Should I call Aoshi? I want to try and make things right. Who was I kidding? He would probably tell me to stay out of his life, then hang up. I didn't even want to think about how the conversation would go. Anyway I had to get ready to go out with Misao and Megumi around eight. They obviously saw that I wasn't feeling the best right now. So I'm guessing there taking me out to get my mind off of things.

Flashback

On my way home I was coming back from Shari's office. There were a couple errands I had to run, when I came home it was around seven o'clock. On my way home I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Kaoru! Were have you been? I feel like we haven't hung out in forever!" Misao fumed. I sighed.

"Misao, I'm sorry. It's just I've had a lot on my mind lately." I calmly responded.

"If your really sorry you'll go out to the club with Megumi and I tonight."

"I don't know..."

"Please Kaoru, it's like I haven't seen you in weeks," she said.

Misao had a way of really making me feel bad.

"Alright," I mumbled.

"I promise you'll have the time of your life!"

End of Flashback

I can't believe I let Misao drag me into this club. I was bored out of my mind. I scanned the crowd for Megumi and Misao. I spotted them and it seemed as if they were in there on little world. So much for having the time of your life. There were many cute guys out tonight but I wasn't in the mood for flirting. Most of the men here only wanted one thing anyway.

I sat there at the bar, alone. Usually most guys would come onto me when I was alone, but I didn't care anymore. I needed another drink, I ordered a Pomegranate Martini. As soon as I took a sip of my precious drink I could practically feel a pair of eyes burning into my back. I turned to be greeted with amber eyes. We sat there for a while just looking at each other, until I broke eye contact.

Seconds later, the same guy that was staring at me leaned against the bar counter and ordered himself a drink. I got a better look at him, and he was extremely good looking. He had the most gorgeous eyes, I had no idea of how to explain them.

I then decided to turn away before he caught me staring. I then remembered how lonely I was and in desperate need of a man. He then turned himself towards me.

"Why the long face, gorgeous?" he asked, and I loved his voice already.

"What?" I asked him. He smirked.

"Your frowning, love," he informed me.

"Oh, I didn't realize that I was," I said. I was just about to take a sip of my martini when I realized it was empty. I frowned even more.

"Let me buy you a drink love," he offered.

"Sure."

Why can't I ever say no to a drink? A couple of minutes later my head was swimming in the clouds. Was he trying to get me drunk? I later learned that his name was Kenshin, such a nice name that was. He seemed to be a really nice guy.

"I have to use the ladies room," I said quickly. I got up and nearly fell on my face.

"Here, I'll escort you to the restroom," Kenshin offered. Escort me to the restroom? I didn't think so.

"No thanks, I can make it there myself," I said with my chin up. He put both his hands up in defeat and told me he would wait for me to return.

Instead of going to the restroom I found myself heading towards the exit. Megumi and Misao would be okay without me. Right now I was so tired. Kenshin was probably still waiting for me, he'll be fine. I then made my way down the sidewalk, I didn't know where I was going since I didn't have my car with me. Megumi, Misao and I had arrived together.

A pair of arms encircled me from behind. I let out a yelp. I had a pretty good idea of who it was.

"Your drunk," he whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, thanks to you," I replied. He then started nuzzling my neck, then the nuzzling became kissing and the kissing became licking. I let out a soft moan. What was he trying to do to me?

"Let me take you home." Kenshin said. I gave a week nod.

I let him lead me to his car. I watched as he rumbled through his pockets for his car keys. He pulled out his wallet and set it on the top of his car, then finally his car keys. I rushed over to him and grabbed his wallet.

"What are you doing," he asked me.

"I'm looking for any evidence of a girlfriend and I think I just found some." I stared at the picture of the girl and immediately recognized her.

"Is she your girl?" I asked him, very displeased. What a small world, it was most likely that he knew him.

"No, she's my ex. We broke up a couple of weeks ago. Forgot to take her picture out," he explained. "Do you know her?" he asked.

"Yeah...she's a bitch," I said closing the wallet and tossing it to him. He shrugged at me. The silence reminded me that a I had a serious headache.

"Can you take me home now?" I asked rubbing my temples.

"Of course gorgeous."

A/N: Please review and tell me what you think.