Author's Note: Happy New Year everybody! A few days in advance, but still… I'm back with more of a dramatic chapter. Not one of my better ones, I spent ages trying to draft it out but never managed to include what I wanted… So it's a bit of a mix and match part but as usual I hope it will be understandable. I tried throwing in a few more of the Gamgee children this time around, mostly just as brief mentionings but I figured it might be fun.
Disclaimer: Okay I'm gonna stop putting these in, everybody knows what's mine (some characters) and what's not (everything else) anyhow…
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"I wonder where this weather came from Bill" Sam said to his pony, having to raise his voice just to hear himself over the roaring sound of the rain. "The sun was shining just a moment ago!"
He had been out riding, heading back from a meeting with the shriffs, when suddenly the skies had opened up and let a heavy rain fall. He was soaked already, but luckily he wouldn't have to ride all the way back to Bag End in this weather. He headed for the cottage that had been built in the glade, thankful for Pippin's bright idea to build it.
When he reached the cottage the first thing he did was make sure his pony Bill, named after the pony which had been Sam's favorite, got sheltered in the stables. But when he opened the stable doors he found four ponies tied up there already, leaving no room for Bill. Sam just stared at the ponies for a moment, unable to understand where they had come from. If there were intruders in the cottage he would show them whose pony they were leaving out in the rain.
Inside the cottage nobody was bothered by the heavy rain. Young Merry and Éowyn were curled up on one of the beds, they had been whispering secrets to each other but with the loud noise of the rain it was hard to hear what the other was saying so they had resorted to kissing instead. By the table in the other end of the room Faramir sat on a chair with Goldilocks in his lap, making each other laugh by doing silly faces.
This year, like the year before, they had continued their secret romances. Only this time around nobody even pretended it was only going to last until winter. They had given up all thought of what would happen later on, only enjoying the time they now had at hand. Merry and Éowyn had even kept their romance alive over winter by writing each other letters, letters which they made absolutely sure no one else cold get their hands on. It was now the third week of August and by now they had come up with the idea to hide away in the old cottage. Nobody used it save for Tooks, Brandybucks and Gamgees and nobody would think it strange to find the four of them there. After all, they could all have just been out riding and decided to stay and talk at the cottage.
Neither of them heard the door open over the roaring rain, but they all heard it slam shut.
"What is the meaning of all this?" Sam roared, unable to believe his eyes.
All four of them jumped high into the air when they heard his voice. Merry and Éowyn sat up and moved apart as fast as if they had burnt themselves on each other. Neither they nor Faramir and Goldilocks dared to look at Sam. They were found out!
"What are you doing kissing her?" Sam asked his son furiously. "And what are you doing in his lap?" he asked his daughter. "What is all this?"
Nobody answered him. Nobody knew what to say. Goldilocks dug her fingers into Faramir's arm, scared of what would happen now. All she knew for sure was that she had lost him now, it was all over. Éowyn covered her mouth with her hand and didn't dare to look at Merry, who tried to catch her eye for a second before moving even further apart from her.
"Out you go, all of you!" Sam commanded and opened the door. "On your ponies, we are going to Bag End now! Whatever this is, it ends right this moment! Move it!"
Éowyn obediently flew to her feet and rushed outside to get her pony. Goldilocks followed, resisting the urge to grab the hand of Faramir, who was right behind her. Merry followed in their tracks, for the first time truly scared of his father. Whatever awaited them now it surely wasn't going to be pleasant.
XX
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"Bilbo!" Sam roared when he opened the door to Bag End and waved the four shameful youngsters inside. "Robin!"
The two youngest Gamgee sons appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen.
"You do not need to yell" Robin said.
"Bilbo ride to the Smials and get Thain Peregrin! Robin, you go the Hall and get Master Meriadoc! Tell them to get here as fast as they can, it concerns their children."
"It's pouring down rain outside" Bilbo said. "Can it wait?"
"I said now!"
Robin and Bilbo quickly disappeared in search for their capes. The other four youngsters shivered in their wet clothes and wondered what was to be expected now.
"In to Mister Bilbo's old study you go, all of you, right now!" Sam commanded. "Frodo! Where are you?"
Frodo, his wife and both Roses appeared in the same doorway Bilbo and Robin had. They all looked at Sam and the guilt stricken foursome in surprise.
"Frodo go with them to Mister Bilbo's old study" Sam ordered. "Keep them quiet!"
Frodo looked surprised and unwilling to leave his meal, but did as he was told. Rose hurried over and took her daughter's cape off.
"Oh poor darlings, you are soaking wet!" she said.
"Leave them" Sam said. "They have other things to worry about."
Rose hesitated, but the look on her husband's face made her turn and go back into the kitchen. Young Rosie and Frodo's wife Rosa shared a confused look but went back to their meals. Frodo led his siblings and their two companions to the study which had belonged to Bilbo Baggins and told them to sit down. He leaned against the desk and eyed the quartet, wondering what on earth they had gotten into.
"Oh my…" Merry sighed and hid his face in his hands. "This is bad…"
"Our fathers will be furious" Éowyn whispered, shivering more from the shock of having been found out so abruptly than from the cold.
Faramir put an arm around Goldilocks' shoulders, but when he saw the surprised look on Frodo's face he quickly drew his arm back.
"Frodo where did Gaff go?" Goldilocks asked her brother. "He's so angry…"
"I don't know" Frodo said. "Don't try to lighten your heart to me Goldilocks; I don't want to be involved in whatever this is. I'll tell you this though… I've never seen our father so angry."
Faramir sighed heavily and hid his face in his hands, just like Merry. If he could at least get a moment to talk to the others before having to face their fathers he would feel a whole lot better. But with Frodo standing guard there was no opportunity to talk.
Frodo wondered what on earth his siblings had done to bring this on. He could half expect Goldilocks to get into some form of trouble, but Merry had always been the most well behaved out of all the Gamgee children. And he couldn't quite figure out what the two of them would have in cahoots with Faramir and Éowyn.
Goldilocks rocked back and forth, biting her lower lip. She wondered what could possibly be taking her father so long. Part of her feared the second he would walk through the door, part of her just wanted to get it over with. Waiting was the hardest part. Her mind had time to wander in all kinds of directions. Would their father tell Pippin and Merry what he had found when they arrived or would he tell them in front of the guilty parties? How much had he really seen? And how would she be able to look anyone in the eye after this?
It seemed like they had to wait forever until Sam entered the room. He looked very grim and told them to follow him. Frodo was sent off to get himself something to eat; Merry looked longingly in the direction his brother was heading. He was starving, but he knew he couldn't count on getting anything to eat for a long while yet.
Sam opened the door to his own study and herded them inside, telling them to sit down. While they sat down Sam went inside the room as well and closed the door firmly. He had told Rosie and the other children that they were not to disturb them, before long they would know everything anyway but right now Sam didn't want them running about. It was hard enough as it was without any interruptions.
Faramir immediately saw his father, and the furious look on his face told him that Sam had filled them in already. He had never seen his father this angry before, but he hoped he would be able to talk to him. He couldn't imagine there being anything his father couldn't forgive him for at the end of the day, but he could tell he had disappointed him greatly.
Éowyn saw her father as well, flung up on a desk, sporting a look she couldn't read. He stared at the wall, as if unable to look at her, and it made her feel scared. She had always been his special child, for the first time she realized how betrayed he must feel at the whole thing.
"Is it true?" Pippin asked, the first to speak. "I have never in my life known Sam to lie to me, but I never thought my son would either. So which is it, true or not?"
Nobody answered him. Faramir didn't dare to, and the others found relief in that the question had been aimed at someone else. Merry Gamgee glanced over at Faramir and wondered if he would admit only to what Sam had seen today, or if he would tell them everything. Merry hoped he would tell them as little as possible, somehow it would all seem less bad if it had just been a single incident.
"Well?" Pippin said. "Answer me!"
"I don't know what Sam has told you but I'm guessing it's true" Faramir said.
"What kind of answer is that? Are you or are you not involved with Goldilocks?"
"I am" Faramir whispered.
"And you!" Sam said to his son. "Are you involved with Éowyn? Behind our backs?"
Young Merry couldn't bring himself to answer, he just nodded.
"I have never heard of anything so disgraceful!" Sam exclaimed. "How could you do that? Have you no honor in you? And you!" he said, turned to Goldilocks. "What do you have to say in all of this?"
"I'm sorry" Goldilocks whispered.
"I don't even have any words for it" Pippin said with anger and stared at the ceiling for a moment. Then he turned his eyes to his son. "I knew you were prone to playing with fire when it comes to romance but I never expected that you were capable of sinking so low! How long? For how long has this been going on?" Nobody answered him. "I want answers!"
"It's just been during the summers" Éowyn said.
"Summers? As in more than one?" Sam asked.
"This is the third" Goldilocks unhappily admitted.
"Third?" Sam spat out. "My word! Do you not have any decency in you?"
He looked at Merry and Pippin with his mouth gaping, slowly shaking his head back and forth. Pippin looked back at him, every bit as shocked. Merry still looked at the wall, but his jaw was far more clenched now than it had been.
"You think you know your children…" Pippin said. "Turns out you don't have a clue. Three summers!"
"I cannot believe what my children have done" Sam said to his friends. "I am so sorry for this! You must hate them for this dishonor!"
"Our children were just as good partners in crime" Pippin said with a look at his son that could kill. "Birds of a feather. The dishonor is theirs just as much. We should be the ones apologizing to you, Sam."
He looked over at his cousin and realized Merry was not about to open his mouth for a good while yet. His silence seemed to be as frightening to Éowyn as Pippin and Sam's anger were to their children. But this interrogation would take far too long, Pippin wanted answers right now. And he wanted them from his own child, without Éowyn and Merry Gamgee present. A look at Sam told him he was thinking the same thing. Sam opened the door to the study.
"Pippin!" he barked.
After less than a minute Pippin Gamgee showed up, looking a bit scared that he would be brought in for questioning or placed in some other form of discomfort.
"You stay here until Frodo has eaten and comes back. Keep them quiet!"
The lad nodded but obviously had no idea what was going on. His Took namesake told Faramir and Goldilocks to come with them and left together with Sam. Merry got up from his seat and walked out of the room as well, off to find some secluded place to think.
"Father!" Éowyn cried after him, wishing he would at least say something. But he closed the door behind him without a word. "Oh this is bad…" Éowyn said and burst into tears.
"What is going on?" young Pippin asked.
"None of your business!" his brother growled.
"Merry what do we do?" Éowyn sobbed. "My father cannot even look at me!"
"I'll never be able to look him in the eye again" Merry said, sounding even more scared than Éowyn was. "I have shamed his favorite daughter! He is never going to forgive me for this, never! Though it's not the easiest way to go I can't see you anymore after tonight. I guess I've always known that…"
"You're talking crazy" Éowyn said. "You didn't do this on your own."
"Be quiet" Pippin said. "Both of you."
"From this day we have to forget about ever feeling something for each other" Merry whispered.
XX
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"I don't know whether to slap you over the head or throw you in some prison" Pippin barked before Sam had even closed the door to Bilbo's old study which they were back in. "I don't know what you were thinking Faramir but there are no excuses!"
"It was not all his fault" Goldilocks objected. "I am as much to blame!"
"You're damn straight you are" Sam said. "This whole thing makes me sick! Going behind everybody's back for three years!"
"Please oh please tell me you haven't done anything more to her than kiss her" Pippin said to his son.
"I would never!" Faramir said, offended by the accusation. "You know I wouldn't!"
"There are a lot of things I thought you'd never do."
"Goldilocks I knew you were a flirt, but I never you know were a--" Sam began, but was shushed by Pippin before he could say something he would regret.
"We never meant for it to be this way!" Faramir said. "Or to go this far! It started out innocent, honestly it did! But we fell in love and we knew we wouldn't be allowed to court!"
"So you went behind our backs?" Pippin concluded. "You disgraced my dear friend's daughter, ruined her honor! And mine, and Sam's! Not to mention the Brandybucks', for that charade you had going on, fooling us all that you were in love with Éowyn. And what about your mother? What is she going to think of her son now?"
"We love each other" Goldilocks said. "All we wanted was to see each other!"
"You were certainly doing a lot more when I found you" Sam said. "Have we not raised you to keep your pride and dignity above all? I would have rather you pine away in heartache than do something like this."
"This ends right here right now" Pippin said. "Do you hear me? If I ever hear of you seeing her again Faramir, so help me I shall--"
"I hope you realize that there are no words for the shame you have brought on us" Sam said, this time interrupting Pippin before he could say something he shouldn't. "I am appalled by this whole sordid affair. You are not the daughter I raised, Goldilocks."
Faramir and Goldilocks glanced over at one another, afraid to breathe another word of how strongly they felt for one another. It had all exploded in their faces; they had never experienced anyone as angry as their fathers were at this moment. They had never imagined it would be like this if they were found out.
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Two hours later Pippin and Sam were finally done speaking with Faramir and Goldilocks. The former was sent to a guestroom under strict supervision by his father and the latter to her bedroom under her sister Rose's watchful eye. Sam grabbed himself a quick bite to eat and then joined Merry to have the same conversation once again, this time with Éowyn and Merry.
Merry Gamgee was deeply ashamed, he felt like he had committed the worst crime in the world by lying like this. He had never fully realized how much shame would be brought on by their secret. Once it dawned on him that Éowyn's good reputation would be ruined forever, and that everybody would know he was responsible, the whole thing made him cringe.
Éowyn begun to cry once more when her father entered the room. She was terrified of his silence; she wouldn't be able to fully relax before she saw some form of sign from him that in the end they would be alright. But she knew better than to expect it right away.
"Dry your tears, I don't want to hear it" was the first thing he said to her, in a voice she had never heard before.
"We never thought either one of you was capable of lying to us" Sam said. "Much less go behind our backs and have a squalid love affair. Do you realize you will never be able to show your faces again if this comes out?"
"We're sorry" Éowyn said, trying to stop her tears from falling. "It just got out of hand…"
"Save it, I don't need to hear it" Sam said. "I've heard enough excuses to the like from Goldilocks and Faramir. The fact is there are no excuses! You had no business flirting with each other in the first place!"
"That it could be you…" Merry said and shook his head at his daughter. "I had so much faith in you. And you just used all of that to go behind my back and do unspeakable things with one of my best friends' son!"
"No" Éowyn said. "It was not like that!"
"It was exactly like that!" Sam angrily said. "Merry Gamgee what do you have to say for yourself? I cannot look my friend in the eye anymore; you have completely debased his daughter! I never believed you were capable of something like that!"
"There are no excuses" Merry Gamgee said unhappily. "I wish I could have it all undone."
Merry Brandybuck sniffed at the statement and glared at his namesake. It was almost a cruel irony that his daughter had done this with him. She had always said she was not interested in getting married, and when she was younger she had added that she would never find anybody like her father. Well Merry Gamgee certainly was not much like Éowyn's father, his namesake had always found him the dullest and most meaningless out of all the Gamgee children. What Éowyn saw in him was a complete mystery to him. He looked at Sam and then at the two younger Hobbits. They had a long evening ahead of them.
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The next day Merry and Pippin headed back home with their children. Pippin left first with Faramir and Merry rode off an hour later with Éowyn. Neither child had much to say, both were glad to leave Bag End and all the eyes that looked at them with curiosity, shame or anger, yet at the same time they were afraid to come home and meet the same reactions there.
Faramir wished his father would say something while they rode, the silence was unbearable. But Pippin kept quiet, he had nothing to say at the moment, he had to gather his thoughts first. The shock he had received the day before had not really sunk in until now and he was truly beginning to grasp what had happened.
"It's the silent treatment now?" Faramir finally said as they were getting near Tuckburough. "Won't you please talk to me? You can't be silent all the way home!"
"You will long back to this silence in a little while" Pippin said. "When we get back home you and I are going to have another talk. This time with your mother present."
"She'll be so upset with me" Faramir sighed.
"You don't say? Stop pouting and feeling so sorry for yourself, think of what you have brought upon others instead! And all this for what? I can't for the life of me understand why you didn't come to us at once when you wanted to court Goldilocks!"
"She's a Gamgee!"
"Yes, she's Samwise Gamgee's daughter! Merry's girls aside there isn't any lass I would be more proud to see you with than one of his daughters!"
"But…" Faramir stuttered.
A whole new feeling came over him, sharper than any of the things he had felt in the past twenty-four hours. If his father meant what he had just said then the entire secret had been kept for no reason. Had he just told his parents from the start he could have had an official relationship with Goldilocks, perhaps even a future together with her. Instead he had lost her for good, lost his father's trust, his uncle's respect and probably his good reputation along with it. It was too much to handle, he had to cast the thought aside. He had other worries to focus on right now.
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Éowyn didn't say much on the ride to Buckland. She had not yet gotten any confirmation from her father that everything would be alright in the end. He had been much angrier than she had ever expected. He seemed more angry than disappointed; she didn't know which would be worse. But she knew she wanted things to get back to normal as soon as possible.
"Father…" she said. "When this blows over--"
"Don't expect it to happen anytime soon" he cut her off. "This is not some childlike mistake which can be forgiven and forgotten about by elevenzies. This is serious, Éowyn! We are talking three years of lying, sneaking behind our backs and engaging in activities I don't even wish to think about!" He turned to give her a glare which underlined his words. "Now you and I are going to Crickhollow. And you will stay there until I figure out what to do with all of this. I don't want you around your brothers and sister right now."
Éowyn nodded and felt miserable. She had secretly longed to see her mother and get some comfort from her. Nobody had offered her the slightest bit of comfort so far and even though she might not deserve it she really needed it. It was clear her father wouldn't be hugging her and drying her tears anytime soon.
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"Sit" Pippin said and Faramir slumped in an armchair in the sitting room.
Diamond looked from one of them to the other and wondered what had happened. She had been worried sick ever since the day before when Pippin had been called off to Bag End for some emergency regarding his son. Faramir was obviously safe and sound, but there was something not right.
"Tell your mother" Pippin said. "Tell her what you have been up to."
"I… have been having a romantic relationship with Goldilocks Gamgee" Faramir admitted, avoiding looking at his mother.
"With Goldilocks?" Diamond echoed. "But I thought you were courting Éowyn! Pippin?"
"Tell her" Pippin urged. "Answer your mother."
"I was never in love with Éowyn. We were just helping each other out so she could see Merry Gamgee and I could see Goldilocks. I'm really sorry, Mother."
Diamond looked from her son to her husband and back again. None of this made sense to her. Faramir looked so deeply miserable and Pippin so furiously angry that it had to be true. But it couldn't be. Her son and Goldilocks Gamgee?
"Faramir have you been lying to us?"
"For three years" Pippin said. "Lying. Deceiving. Dishonoring."
"Father I'm sorry!" Faramir exclaimed. "I don't know how to say it in any other way! I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, neither of us ever meant to hurt anyone! It just escalated… We were going to end it but we just couldn't! But we kept telling ourselves that as soon as summer is over…"
"Keeping it a secret over a summer is bad enough!" Pippin said. "How could you lie to your own mother and father?"
Diamond listened to the argument going back and forth for a while. She was shocked, and felt just as let down as Pippin looked. But she couldn't be as angry as he was, she could see how devastated Faramir was. She went over to him and gave him a hug, ignoring the look Pippin gave her which she knew meant that she should let him be. Faramir needed some support, she could tell that much.
"Dear, sweet child…" she said. "What did you go do? How many people have you hurt? And all for a love which can never lead to anything?"
Faramir couldn't hold back his tears any longer. Somehow his mother's affection hurt far worse than his father's anger. He could at least defend himself against Pippin's words and close his eyes to his glares, but he could not escape from Diamond's sympathy which he knew he didn't deserve, or her utter disappointment which was worse than anger.
"I can't ever look Samwise in the eye again after what my son did to his daughter" Pippin said. "Do you really expect me to show you any sympathy?"
"Won't you please get off those high horses, all three of you?" Faramir exclaimed. "Merry, Sam and yourself! You're so busy praising each other's honor and bowing to one another that you cannot see that your children are hurting!"
"You brought this on yourself!" Diamond said firmly. "You wouldn't be hurting if you hadn't gone behind our backs!"
"You deserve everything you're feeling" Pippin added. "Actions have consequences."
"But Father, you have done dishonest things too!" Faramir said. "You left the Shire! You had a responsibility as the only heir to the Thain and yet you left on a mission you knew you might never return from! And you planned the whole thing behind Grandpa's back! Wasn't that dishonest too?"
"How dare you compare what you've done to what I did all those years ago?" Pippin spat out.
Diamond stared at her son and wondered what had possessed him to say something like that. She had never seen Pippin so angry, but Faramir didn't budge. He rose to his feet and looked his father in the eye for the first time since his return.
"I left because I had to leave!" Pippin roared. "There was no other way, but you would never understand that! I left for honor, I left for--"
"There's that honor again! I value love above honor, is not love worth doing anything for?"
"Love is worth nothing without honor!" Pippin objected. "Honor was not the main reason why I left! I left for friendship, for companionship, because my friend needed me! I kept his secret which would cost him his life if it got out! That's why I went behind your grandfather's back! What did you do it for? What did you save from lying to us? What did you accomplish?"
"When you're in love you have no say in it" Faramir said. "I couldn't help myself!"
"You could have come to me! Or your mother! You could have openly expressed your interest in her. There was no reason for you to go behind our backs!"
"I thought you--"
"Enough!" Diamond said firmly. "I don't want to her another raised voice! Faramir do not talk back to your father, you've put yourself in enough trouble as it is! And you," she said to Pippin, "forget about your Quest and start worrying about your son!"
"I am worried" Pippin said. "Very worried. This is not the son we raised, Diamond. For how long were you going to cheat us like this Faramir?"
"Everybody knows that what's wonderful is short" Faramir said and sat back down. "I just wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could."
"Maybe you will learn what it's like to be honest from now on" Pippin said. "For you will never see Goldilocks alone again. Everything could have been different if you had been straight with us. But now it's up to someone else to sweep her off her feet. You won't be calling upon her attention anymore."
"She won't forget about me just like that" Faramir said. "We love each other."
"You think you know what she wants? She lied to everyone else, why not to you? Does she want to be with you for real?"
"Yes. I think she does."
"She will not be yours. Not after all of this. Everything has its time but whatever time could have been yours with her is now over."
"I know that nothing lasts forever." Faramir said. "Can't you see I just wanted to hold on to her while I still could?"
"You never could, that's the whole problem!" Diamond said.
XX
XX
Cordy jumped three feet in the air when the door was flung up and his father stormed in with his sister in tow. Merry was red in the face with anger and Éowyn looked completely miserable. Cordy knew better than to ask any questions.
"Out!" his father commanded. "Go! Leave us!"
"But…"
"Get back to Brandy Hall, tell your mother I will stop by later tonight! Tell her I need to speak to her concerning her daughter!"
"Éowyn? What on earth have you done?" Cordy asked. "I never thought…"
"Go! Now!" Merry barked.
Scared by this anger Cordy quickly shoved his sandwich into his mouth and hurried out the door with a glance at his weeping sister. On his way out he grabbed his cape and then closed the door behind him.
"And as for you…" Merry said to Éowyn. "I have never been so disappointed with anyone my whole life! I trusted you! I thought you were honest with me! Why did it have to be you, out of all my children? Parents should not play favorites but on some level I think I've always held you for special. And you knew. And look what you did with that."
"Father I know I have hurt you…" Éowyn said softly. "But it was never about you. It was about us. Merry and I. You know how I've always said I would never marry… I've never believed in falling in love… When I was younger I even used to say I would never get married for I would never find anyone like my father."
"And you didn't" Merry said.
"No… But I found something else. Someone who actually cared about me for who I am. He was not interested in me just to get to marry the Master's daughter!"
"How do you know? Spare me your reasons, I don't want to hear it" Merry said. "In fact I don't want to hear a word from you right now. I'm hungry; I'm going to make something to eat."
Éowyn sat down by the table and dried her tears. Being alone with her father she was convinced that she could make things right. Somehow she would be able to make him forgive her. She did not close her eyes to the trouble she had caused or the anger he felt, but at the end of the day she would still need to be his apple cheeks. She couldn't believe that something she had taken for granted all her life could be taken from her by one mistake.
They sat down and ate in silence. Before their meal was over Cordy returned, much to Merry's dismay.
"What are you doing here, I told you to go to the Hall" he said in a displeased tone.
"This is my home" Cordy said. "I didn't think you meant that--"
"This is not your home, it is my house" Merry pointed out. "I bought it. But actually it might be good that you are here, I should go to the Hall myself and collect some things. Stay here and keep an eye on your sister, but do not let her try and talk to you!"
"… What was that all about?" Cordy said when Merry slammed the door shut behind him. "I don't understand a thing! I get kicked out of here, you look like all the troubles of the world are on your shoulders and our normally so sane and composed father is throwing tantrums! What has happened?"
"I can't talk to you about it" Éowyn said with a shivering voice. "I'm scared he will get even more upset if he finds out I talked to you."
Cordy gave up trying to make some sense of it all. He went off to gather some of his things. From the looks of it his summer at Crickhollow was coming to an end. When he was done packing he sat down on his bag and eyed his sister who wouldn't say a word. Bored he begun to whistle a merry tune, and he thought he could sense a smile on Éowyn's lips. But before long his father came back and told him to go back to Brandy Hall.
"What about Faramir?" Cordy asked. "I think he stayed at the Smials last night but he'll surely be back here today!"
"He will stay at the Smials" Merry said. "Goodbye Comradoc."
"Have you told them all now?" Éowyn asked when they were alone once more.
"I told your mother. You can expect her to come by. Whether or not she told your siblings I don't know."
Éowyn closed her eyes and sighed heavily. She wished he would just get it over with and say whatever he needed to say to her. But all he did was carve something out of wood and mull over what to do now while she was left to sit there and be tormented by her thoughts. Knowing her father that was probably part of his way of punishing her, letting her dwell on her thoughts and fear what he would say to her.
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When time drew near for supper there was a knock on the door and Merry received word that he had some things at the Hall that required his attention. Angrily he told Éowyn to get her scarf and get ready to leave. She objected that she didn't need to be supervised, she could manage at Crickhollow alone, to which she was told that she wasn't trusted to stay there alone. She followed her father to Brandy Hall under strict orders not to talk to anyone more than necessary.
They arrived just as Estella was clearing the table from supper. Merry harshly parked Éowyn by the table and told her to eat something while he hurried off to tend to whatever needed to be tended to. Éowyn could feel tears falling down her cheeks again. She hated seeing him this angry and behaving this harshly.
"Mother he is starting to scare me" she admitted. "He's always been so affectionate with me… Please tell me he will be that way soon again."
"No use getting your hopes up" Estella said with little sympathy and placed a bowl of soup in front of Éowyn. "He loves and trusts completely, but when somebody breaks his trust he can be ruthless."
"Even with his own daughter?" Éowyn whined.
"The more he loves the person the worse his anger gets, because he feels more betrayed" Estella said. "You should be glad he's speaking to you at all as it is right now, young lady."
"He's only barely speaking to me."
Éowyn ate her soup in silence. It was obvious that she would not get any comfort from her mother. Estella was just as angry as Merry only she could control it a bit better. Halfway through her soup Éowyn looked up to find her oldest brother standing in the doorway. The way he looked at her felt like yet another knife if pain stabbing her.
"Théo please, not you too" she said. "I can't handle one more person looking at me like that, especially you! I might not deserve it but I need some sympathy from someone!"
"Not from me" Théo said, deeply hurt by her lies which proved to him that she didn't need him as much as he needed her. "How could you keep a secret like this from me? I thought you were my sister, Éomie…"
"One mistake!" Éowyn cried. "I made one mistake!"
"No you made several!"
"A mistake is something you do without knowing any better" Estella said. "And you did know better. I did not raise you to do what you did."
Éowyn gave up and left the room. If even Théo was this mad at her then there was no comfort to find from anyone. She didn't dare go very far so she slumped down in a chair in the next room. After a few minutes her sister found her there.
"You look like you could need a hug" Lúthien said.
"Nobody seems to think I deserve one."
Her sister sat down on the armrest of the chair and hugged her tight. Éowyn sighed deeply and wished she could tell her sister how much this meant to her.
"Why are you being so nice to me Lúthien?" she asked.
"I guess because you didn't betray me as much as the others" Lúthien said. "You have no responsibility to share your doings with me. I don't understand it but I'm not hurting as bad as the others."
"Why is it that those I am closest to are the ones who cannot find it in themselves to throw me even a kind word?"
"Because you let them down more. The closer you are to someone to worse it hurts when they do something they shouldn't. It hurts to be lied to, and even worse to be lied to by those you love the most. You and I have quarreled over the years, I don't have any visions of you as someone who never does anything wrong. So I'm not as hurt."
It didn't make much sense to Éowyn but her sister was probably right. And maybe if Lúthien wished it, the whole thing would settle as fast as it could.
XX
XX
"How long am I going to stay here?" she asked her father that night when they had returned to Crickhollow.
"I don't know" Merry told her and threw her a hairbrush. "Until I figure out what I'm going to do with you."
"How can I make you understand?" Éowyn said and began to brush her hair. "I know you are angry and you have every right to be. But I love him! For the first time in my life I have known what it's like to be in love! I am only guilty of not being able to let that go!"
"You are guilty of a lot more" Merry said and glanced over at her. "Who is this lass, sitting on this bed? It's not the girl I welcomed to the world, the one I parented for all these years… It is a stranger sitting before me."
"I am still your daughter!" Éowyn said.
"The lass who followed in my footsteps while I ploughed the fields is gone!" Merry said. "The little Hobbit who used to sneak out into the stables to help me with the ponies was honest! The young lass who would take long walks with me, tell me what was on her mind and who was a good daughter would never have done this."
"I'm still that girl" Éowyn said, wiping a tear from her eye. "I just made a mistake. A misjudgment."
"I am the first to admit I've never been overly fond of Merry Gamgee" Merry said. "Frankly I find him pretty meaningless. But if you two had simply been frank with me, if he had given you attention openly then I would not have objected! Even now if he were to decide to make an honorable lass out of you and asked me for your hand I would give my consent and make you happy."
"Do you mean that?" Éowyn said.
"I despise those who go behind my back" Merry said. "Nothing should ever be so bad you cannot tell it to my face Éowyn!"
"Do you mean what you just said about Merry?"
"Are you listening to me Éowyn?"
"Yes! Yes I am!" She got up from her bed and hurried over to him. "Father listen, Merry will never bring himself to come talk to you! He's too afraid; he doesn't dare look you in the eye! But if you were only to talk to him! Tell him what you just told me! You have to do that!"
"I have to do nothing of the sort" Merry snorted. "Grovel to the lad who put his hands all over my daughter in secret for three whole years? Accepting his offer to give you some honor back is one thing, asking him to do so is another!"
"It wouldn't be like that!" Éowyn said. "Father please, if you love me…"
"Sit down!" Merry barked. "Don't you ever use that as a weapon against me!"
"I didn't mean it that way" Éowyn said and quickly got back up on her bed.
"I know you're hurt Éowyn" Merry said. "But don't give me that look! Don't you ever put any blame on me, your mother or anyone else who chastises you for this. The fault is your own and you pay the price. What kind of lad is he if he's too afraid to stand up for you? Who is that to waste your love on? When I had fallen in love with your mother I found out she was already involved with someone else. I could have taken the easy way out too but I openly made my intentions to be with her clear and I fought for her! It was not easy but I did it! And I could look others in the eye when I married her. Your Merry cannot look anyone in the eye right now, and he never will unless he fights for you on his own accord."
"So you're saying I should just give him up when I know things can be different?" Éowyn sobbed. "Is that your punishment? Why can't I be the one who stands up for him?"
"I will not have you run after him like some sort of… I won't even say it! If he wants you he can fight for you, if not then get over him."
"And just shrug my shoulders thinking that life goes on?" she said bitterly.
"It's time you learned when to let go" Merry said.
"I don't want to let go! Not so long as I have a chance!"
"Tell me why I should be the one fighting for you? You are grown up now Éowyn! After everything you've done how can you ask me to go out and save something that was pure wrong from the get go? You're most horrid secret. You're not my apple cheeks, Éowyn. You're somebody else. And you're on your own from this point on."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I've had it with being willing to give it all for you and have you turn out to be this way. You're my daughter still but I don't know who you are. Fight your own battles from now on. Love finds a way, if he truly loves you he will come through for you. If not, and I do admit I hope that's what happens, then good riddance."
"Love tries hard but what if it fails?" Éowyn said. "You always speak of honor and dignity! He's trying to repair whatever damage he has done by keeping away! He doesn't know he can be with me!"
"Well while you struggle with how to make your partner in crime come to your rescue the rest of us will try to make some sense out of what you have done. Perhaps Merry is the one on the right track. I don't believe your love was in any way meant to be, you're better of forgetting he ever became more than just a Gamgee lad to you."
With those words he left her alone in her bedroom to contemplate everything that had been said.
XX
XX
Diamond found her husband in their sitting room once she had made sure Faramir had gotten to bed and managed to fall asleep. Pippin was crouched over a table, leaning his forehead against his clenched fists, looking so tensed that Diamond feared he would snap. She knew he was angry but she felt she had to tell him to go easier on Faramir. It was difficult enough as it was and Pippin's anger was getting them nowhere.
"Pip…" she said and sat down on the table. "Pippin…"
She suddenly noticed that he was shaking. At first she thought it was from anger but then he looked up at her and she saw that he was shaking with sobs. She wished there was something she could do to help him but she didn't know what to say.
"I don't know what is worse…" he said to her. "Having to realize that our precious boy, the one person I love the most in all the world, has done something like this, something so… undignified… Or having to see him in such heartache and sadness. I have never seen him this upset Diamond. I cannot figure out whether to wring his neck or hold him while he cries."
"Please don't wring his neck" Diamond said with a slight smile. "I want to keep him."
"We don't have him anymore Diamond…" Pippin said. "Forget about that boy you knew for he is gone."
"It's still our Faramir" Diamond said. "Can't you see how devastated he is? A lot of that is from the realization that he's let us down and hurt us so bad! He's much like his precious father; he can't always predict the consequences of his actions. One day he finds himself in a situation he brought on himself and he is stumped! He probably never realized we would find out and what it would do to us."
"He says all he could do was what his heart told him to… But he must learn to forget about following his romantic feelings. You can't only be in love with someone and disregard those you love in other ways; I know first hand how it can feel to be on the other end of that. Now for the second time around it's worse. With all the force love has had his mind should still have been able to think straight."
"So what do we do now?" Diamond asked. "Darling we cannot keep on like we have today. This is a crisis for us. We need to help him find his feet firmly on the ground once more, for he is lost right now. He thinks we're only out to punish him but we cannot leave him this way."
"Of course not, he is our child" Pippin said. "I know that he needs to have a goal, a plan. Something that will help him forget about Goldilocks Gamgee and get his life in order. And become the Thain he needs to be someday."
"Maybe you need to hold him while he cries…" Diamond said and gently stroke Pippin's shoulder. "Maybe he needs to feel that you love him even now."
"No" Pippin said. "He needs to know that he cannot do whatever he wants behind my back. And don't say that he's learned that already! I have spoiled him, I have given him all the love I never had a chance to give to the siblings that were never born. It is perhaps my fault all of this. He needs to know now that I won't let him get away with anything and that my anger is not going to just go away. I know what he wants. But he's not going to get it."
"Just be careful not to lose him in the process" Diamond said. "Come to bed now Peregrin. Let me rub those shoulders of yours. We can talk more in the morning."
Pippin nodded and followed her to their bedroom. Diamond got ready for bed while Pippin slowly took his shirt off and sat down on the edge of the bed. She crawled up behind him and began to massage his shoulders. It was exactly what he needed. He could finally relax a bit; perhaps he would even get some good sleep tonight.
"Oh blessed Diamond…" he moaned. "I really needed this."
She placed a kiss on his neck and continued the massage. Pippin felt his mind wander a bit easier and suddenly he began to realize what needed to be done about his son.
XX
XX
The next day Faramir found himself back in the chair he had spent most of the previous day in. His father was just as mad today even though his mother had calmed down a bit. Faramir wondered for how long this would go on. Sooner or later there had to come a day when Pippin had nothing more to say on the subject.
"Father before you say anything…" he said. "I want you to know that… Well, you act as if you think I don't know what I have done. And I do."
"Spare me" Pippin said. "I am not interested in whether or not you know what you have done anymore. My anger is not less than it was before just because it's hit you that maybe going behind our backs was not the best idea."
"You make it sound so devious! Did I plan doing all of this? No! It just happened! Honestly Father I did stop to think every now and then about how wrong it was, and I never enjoyed lying to you. But I thought it was the only way! Did you really mean what you said when you told me you would have accepted Goldilocks if I had been straight with you?"
"Am I a liar?" Pippin asked.
"No" Faramir said and lowered his head. "I just wish you would understand, that's all… I am being punished whether you believe it or not for I have lost her. I love her a lot, and what I'm feeling now is just… the worst heartache I've ever experienced."
"I haven't the least pity for your heart" Pippin said. "This is not about love, it's about integrity and dignity. Something you must learn what it is."
"But Father have you never been in love?" Faramir asked. "Have you never felt your world turning around a word from a lass' lips, or a smile? Felt what it's like to be touched by someone special?"
"I never let any lass bring me to do things other than what I should" Pippin said. "Obviously I am unable to get through to you; there is nothing more for you to learn from me, you won't even look into my eyes."
"I was just hoping to keep her close for as long as I could before I would lose her permanently" Faramir said, lost in his own self pity.
"Faramir! Pay attention to me!" Pippin said.
"You always worried I would take it too far when flirting with someone, get involved over my head" Faramir said. "Well that's what I did…"
"I've had enough of your self pity" Pippin said. "And I don't wish to linger here to talk anymore. Go pack your things Faramir; you are going to go to Gondor when November comes."
"No!" Diamond exclaimed.
"What?" Faramir cried and looked at his father with hurting eyes. "You… You're sending me away?"
"The future Thain cannot be the way you are" Pippin said. "Forget about your silly heart, you have to learn dignity, honor and what it's like to be a leader! Not until then can you know what love is. You have to learn how to feel good about yourself, and what discipline is like! Everything you need to learn can be taught to you in Gondor. Maybe Aragorn can succeed where I have failed so miserably. And then you can return as a Hobbit I can be proud of, perhaps then you can look us all in the eye. Perhaps then we can both look Sam in the eye, and you can start your life over again."
"No Peregrin!" Diamond said and strode over to put her arms around Faramir, as if worrying he would disappear if she didn't hold on to him. "I can accept that you go off to Gondor every now and then, it's who you are and it cannot be changed. But not my son! I will not have him Gondor sick like you are, out on the roads and getting into who knows what peril? You will not send my child away!"
"I won't go!" Faramir cried. "You cannot make me go!"
"You are 31 years old, underage, and I am your father" Pippin said. "You will go, neither one of you have a say in the matter. You have a little more than two months to pack and train your pony for the long journey. During that time you are not to leave the Smials, is that understood? Is that clear?"
Faramir flew to his feet and left the room, devastated by the news. He would never have imagined that his father would send him away! He felt like his father didn't love him anymore, and now he would be parted with everything he held dear. The Shire, his friends, his family, and with Goldilocks as well.
"You will send him to his grave!" Diamond cried to Pippin.
"Fool, I won't let him ride alone" Pippin said. "I am going with him. Nothing you can say can change my mind; I have written Aragorn and told him we are coming. My mind is made up."
Diamond burst into tears and left the room as well. Pippin stood there alone when she had gone and wished the storm would blow over. He had to send Faramir away; he could not stand feeling no pride for his son. And he was afraid of what would happen when he died and Faramir became Thain. He needed to be straightened out and what better place than Gondor, where Pippin himself had once learned how to be a good Thain.
XX
XX
Faramir picked up another fistful of gravel and threw it at the window to the bedroom Goldilocks shared with her sisters Primrose and Daisy. This time someone came up to the window. Faramir waved to the lass, he could see it was Primrose, and hoped she wouldn't tell on him.
"Goodness!" Primrose gasped. "Goldilocks your… suitor is here!"
"Who?" Goldilocks asked.
"Who do you think?" Primrose said through gritted teeth. "Faramir!"
"Faramir!"
Goldilocks hurried up to the window as Primrose opened it. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she heard Faramir's voice tell Primrose that she needed to keep his being there a secret, or they would all be in a lot of trouble.
"What are you doing here?" Primrose asked as he climbed through the window.
"Lassies?" a voice said on the other side of the door.
"Oh no, it's Rosie!" Primrose said. "Hide Faramir!"
She hurried out and closed the door behind her, hoping to divert her sister's attention. Rosie seemed to think she was their mother and she would be furious if she found out Faramir was there. She would never be able to keep the secret; she would rather head straight for Sam's study to tell him about it.
"If they find you here you will be in so much trouble, as will I!" Goldilocks hissed.
"I had to see you" Faramir said and came out from his hiding place behind a bed. He grabbed her hands in his and smiled, overwhelmed by seeing her again. "Goldilocks… How I've missed seeing your face!"
"Faramir…" she said, not entirely happy with him being there. "I can't forget you if you come see me."
"I come to say goodbye Goldilocks" he told her. "And to bring you some hope."
"Hope? How can there be hope connected to a goodbye?"
"My father is sending me away" Faramir said. "He doesn't want me in the Shire, he says I need to learn how to be a good Hobbit. And apparently that has to happen in Gondor."
"It really is goodbye then" Goldilocks said. "Faramir I am so terribly sorry… I never meant for any of this to end up this way… I can't believe my love is hurting you, sending you away to a far off land."
"Never mind that, I am not here to blame you" Faramir said. "I leave tomorrow Goldilocks. My father thinks I'm asleep in my bed, he will throw a fit if he finds out I'm here tonight. But I decided I had to see you and bring you some good news, frankly what more can he do to me now? He's already tearing me away from everything I love."
"He wants people to look at you and like what they see" Goldilocks said. "Because of me they don't anymore. He wants you to be honorable."
"All this talk of honor…"
"So you come to tell me you are leaving and I shall find that a good thing?" Goldilocks asked before he could get started on the subject. "Maybe we need that much distance to get over each other. But everywhere I go I feel I see you, love has changed everything and I don't know how to change it back."
"I am not here to tell you to rejoice the fact that I'm leaving, I'm here to tell you that you might not have to change a thing" Faramir said and held her face in his hands.
"What?"
"There is hope for us."
"You're talking crazy. I cannot afford thinking like that; it's what got us in this whole mess to begin with. Please Faramir, whatever you must say, say it now. My sisters might come back at any moment! I don't want them to find you here."
"I don't want that either" Faramir admitted. "The thing is Goldilocks… We have been wrong all along."
"I'm painfully aware; if that was what you wanted to tell me then you can climb back out that window and never return."
"I'm not saying we were wrong when we fell in love, that's not it at all. My father actually told me that had I come to him from the start he would have given us his blessing. He says a daughter of Samwise is someone he would have been proud to have for a daughter-in-law. Do you know what that means? It means that when I return…"
"When you return…"
Faramir couldn't help but laugh a little. He was filled with joy for the first time since the August day they had been found out. Goldilocks was there with him again, and now that he saw her he could feel hope.
"If you still love me when I get back… Goldilocks I swear that I will love you still. There will never be a day when you're not on my mind."
"You will be on mine as well. I honestly don't know that I can stop loving you."
"Goldilocks Took. How does that sound to you?"
"Goldilocks Took… Faramir could that really be?"
"It could. If I return as someone my father can be proud of. If I can look your father in the eye and ask him for your hand. All our dreams could come true; we could be married in a year Goldilocks! Imagine it!"
"Are you sure about this?" she said and had to laugh a bit as well. "Are you really sure? I never dared to even dream of hoping something like that…"
"We could be together for good" Faramir said. "Married. My father said so; he said he would have approved of you three years ago! This I promise you! We could come full circle, start over again! Somehow they have managed to keep our romance secret from the rest of the Shire, as far as everyone else knows you and I have never fallen in love. When I get back it could be our first time in everybody's eyes. When this is all over I want to be standing right where we started, with you Goldilocks…"
"Well then you must hurry to Gondor so you can come back and see me again! Give me a kiss goodbye."
Her heart was racing when he pulled her close and kissed her tenderly. She had been at her very lowest just earlier that day, never believing she would hear him whisper a tender word to her again. Now he was there with her, holding her in his arms and kissing her. And promising her that she could hope for a future with him. It was almost too good to be true.
"I love you" he whispered when their lips parted. "With everything that I am I love you!"
"I know" she said. "I love you that way too."
They kissed again, but then Goldilocks remembered her sisters and urged him out the window. He reached up to her and she leaned out the window to say goodbye.
"Be careful" she said. "Don't do anything dangerous! Come back to me safely!"
"I will" he promised. "Think of me."
"Every day."
Their lips met for one last kiss, then he was gone with the whisper of an 'I love you' hanging in the air. Goldilocks barely reacted when the door opened behind her; all her sorrows were gone now. Faramir loved her and perhaps they could be together. Primrose came up to her by the window and got herself a breath of fresh air.
"I will never do that again, Goldilocks" she said. "I don't want to be involved."
"Don't worry, it won't happen anymore" Goldilocks said. "We just needed to say goodbye to each other."
"It's good to see you smile again" Primrose said.
Goldilocks nodded. She wished she could share her joy with her sister but the less Primrose knew the better it was for all of them. The short moment she had spent with Faramir tonight would be enough to last her through the year to come, she was sure of it. She had once heard it said that love will find a way when you care enough to hold on. She would hold on forever now that she knew Faramir would too.
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Thank you for reading! I hope you'll stay with me for a little while longer! Like I've said before, these chapters focus a lot on the younger generation, and they will continue to do so up until the Faramir/Goldilocks relationship is wrapped up. I hope you don't mind! See you next time!