Feeling
guilty,
And I'm worried, and I'm waking from a tormented
sleep
'Cause this old love, you know it has me bound,
But this
new love cuts so deep.
If I choose now, I'm bound to lose out;
One
of you is gonna have to fall...
I need you, baby
Joan Armatrading
Bill was not looking forward to going downstairs, not at all. He stayed in bed for as long as his family would allow, being more accurate, as long as his brothers would allow. He promised them, except Percy that is, Jaerrod and Harry he would play Quidditch with them today. And it was Harry's birthday. He groaned and pulled himself out of the bed. He went to the dresser and pulled out a torn and faded pair of jeans, they were the only pair he would wear playing Quidditch. After he threw on a white tee shirt, his boots, and his hair in a ponytail, he made his way down the stairs.
He was relieved to find only the other males in the kitchen waiting for him. They pounced on him the moment he appeared.
"About bloody time you got your lazy arse out of bed," called Ron, who was leaning against the wall with his broom.
"Sorry, didn't sleep so well last night," he said.
"It's all right, let's just get started," said Charlie as he got up and walked out of the back door.
"Happy Birthday, Harry," he said.
Harry grinned at him, "Thanks."
Everyone else followed suit and they made their way to the field behind the Burrow. Once there, they divided themselves into teams. Charlie, George, and Ron made up one team, while Bill, Harry, and Jaerrod made the second. Fred was acting as referee and played on both teams, switching with players in half hour intervals. After they started, Bill was glad he decided to come after all. At least it offered a reprieve from thinking about last night and Aysia. After a few hours, the game was over in favor of Bill, Harry, and Jaerrod. The other three were grumbling about it the entire time they walked back, no help from Fred who insisted on recounting the entire thing.
When they entered the Burrow, Mrs. Weasley and the girls were finishing pulling things together for the party and Mr. Weasley was tinkering with Muggle things in his shed. When Bill stepped inside, his gaze went immediately to Aysia. Her smile froze and melted away. She looked down, focusing on the carrots she was cutting. If anyone noticed her change in behavior, they said not a word. Bill sighed and went upstairs to take a shower and change into clean clothes.
Aysia felt sorry about her reaction to Bill when she saw the look on his face as he left the room. It was a tortured, frustrated look, one that was similar to her own. She was glad when the other boys went to wash up and the others went back to their own preparations. She felt a fugitive tear escape her eye and fall onto the carrots. She blinked rapidly, trying to stop anymore from forming. Only her twin, who could read her so well, could tell something was the matter. Trinity made a mental note to talk to her later.
The party was everything it should have been. Hermione and Luna managed to string fairies in the garden with no problem, and the other women managed to create a generous feast for everyone. Mr. Weasley and the other men put all of the furniture together without a hitch. After everyone had two or three helping of everything and were full and content. Harry called everyone's attention.
"I'd like to thank everyone for tonight, it's been one of the best night of my life. There is only one thing that could make it any better," and he turned to Hermione and pulled her up next to him.
"Hermione, we've been best friend's for almost eight years now. I've loved you every single day of those eight years. I love you more than I ever thought possible to love someone. You are my candle in the darkness and my angel from above. Hermione Jane Granger, will you make me the happiest man alive and become my wife?" he asked.
Hermione looked up at him and smiled as the tears fell from her eyes. He grinned and kissed her before pulling a ring from his pocket.
"This is the ring my father gave to my mother when he asked her to marry him. I think they would both be proud to have you as a part of our family."
"I'm proud to be a part of that family, Harry. I love you," she told him and kissed him again.
When they broke apart, Mrs. Weasley, with tears of joy, held out her arms and embraced Hermione, while the rest of the family was clapping and giving congratulations. Aysia smiled at the happy couple and hugged Hermione and Harry both. She caught Bill's eye and realized he had been watching her. She smiled at him, but it faltered as he looked away from her and began walking away from everyone and into the darkness.
She knew she probably shouldn't have followed him, but she couldn't help herself. After last night, they had to talk, and if he wasn't going to come to her, she was going to go to him. She had no idea where he was going or how far away it was, but she was determined not to lose him in the dark. She glanced up at the sky, the moon and stars were blocked out by enormous storm clouds, and she heard thunder in the distance. Finally, she had had enough of following him blindly.
"Bill!" she called out to him, hoping he would stop. Thankfully, it worked and he stopped in the darkness.
"Why did you follow me out here, Aysia?" he asked her without turning around. His voice sounded overwrought and strained, no doubt due to the heavy thoughts weighing on his mind.
"Bill, what's wrong? Talk to me, please. This isn't fair of you to do to me. We need to talk about what happened last night, we can't just pretend like it never happened!" she told him as calmly as she could, despite the high running emotions building inside of her.
Bill was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts, trying to decide how to explain everything to her. Turning to her, he said, "Aysia, I haven't been completely honest with you lately. Bloody hell, I haven't been completely honest with you since our last year at Hogwarts."
She frowned, confused by what he was telling her. "Bill, what do you mean?"
"I should have told you how I really felt about you years ago, but for whatever reason, I didn't. Do you remember the farewell ball at the end of our seventh year and how we went together as Head Boy and Girl?"
"Yes," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Well, the truth is, I didn't go with you for the reason I told you; it didn't have anything to do with House unity. I went with you because I couldn't watch you go with anyone else, I wanted to go with you. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? I was, and still am for heaven's sake, in love with you!" he ended in a near shout.
Aysia was taken aback at this confession. She didn't know what to say or how to react. Truth be told, she was in love with him as well, all those years ago. She had been in love with him since she first met him, she now realized. She smiled to herself at how long it had taken her foolish mind to realize what her heart had already known.
"And now we come to the worst part of this conversation, to the reason why I pushed you away last night and why I came out here. Four years ago, when the Triwizard Tournament was held at Hogwarts, I met someone. Fleur Delacour is her name, I'm sure you've met her at Gringotts at some point. Well, I had closed my heart to every woman since you left for France, I didn't want anyone but you. But then she came along and reminded me of you ever so slightly, probably because she's French. But something made me open up to her, let her inside. And about a year later, we became engaged. We were supposed to be married last summer, but her family convinced her to wait a little while longer, to be honest they don't really approve of me, so we postponed the wedding indefinitely," he finished his confession with a long, tortured breath.
So, there it was, the reason behind his actions of the past two days. He was engaged to another woman, and had been for almost three years. When the first tears fell from her darkened eyes, the sky let go with a cold and lonesome rain. Bill walked quickly to her and threw his arms around her, his own tears now mixing with the rain at the sight of hers.
"Aysia, forgive me. Please, forgive me," he whispered as he held her. Though he knew he shouldn't, he tilted her chin gently with his hand and kissed her softly on the lips.
The kiss was enough to break her heart all over again. It was ever so gentle and loving, as well as full of sorrow. She felt his pain, as it mirrored her own. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder as the rain continued to fall about them.
"I love you," she whispered softly.
"And I love you," he whispered back.
She released her hold on him and stepped back. "When I was a little girl, I wish for someone who would love me as much as my father loved my mother. I wished for someone to marry, raise a family with, and grow old with. I wanted a great and wondrous love to last my whole life through. And now, I've found it in you. But I can't do this, it's not fair to any of us: not to you, not to me, and not to her. I love you, Bill, but I can't live with the pain at the cost of loving you. If I could turn back time and tell you what I should have told you a long time ago, I would. But things happen for a reason, even though we may not know why."
He smiled at her sadly. "No wonder you were in Ravenclaw, my love, you're very wise."
She stepped closer to him and kissed his cheek. "You will always have my heart, Bill Weasley, until the day I die," she said softly. Then she turned and began walking slowly away.
"I wished for you, too," he called to her retreating figure. As she disappeared from his sight, he released his pent up emotions and let out a sorrowful and angry howl to the sky above.