One snowy morning in January, Wendy Testaburger was walking to her first period English class when she saw something that would scar her for life. Stan Marsh, who was her crush since elementary school, was standing in the hall making out with the ugliest girl Wendy had ever seen. She had a large, misshapen head with the body of a ten-tear-old boy and huge bucked teeth. Was she even human?

Just the site of Stan being intimate with someone else made her sick to her stomach. Her face turned bright red and she felt a rush of energy flowing throughout her body. She had to get her revenge. No way would she let this less attractive girl be clinging to the boy she had been obsessed with for so long. The hallways of South Park High School were filled with people. If only no one else was around. She could go right up to her and give that little freak a piece of her mind. However, she had to wait for the right time. Now the bell was about to ring and Wendy would be late to class. "I'll deal with that little prick later," she mumbled through her teeth.

Later that day, on her way to fifth period, Wendy ran into her friend Clyde. She told him about Stan and the ugly, freakish-looking creature he appeared to be so in love with. " I'm gonna give that little slut a beating she'll never forget!" Wendy yelled.

Clyde didn't seem to be too interested in the conversation. "Yeah," he said. "That sucks…"

"Come on!" Wendy said. "You have to help me think of an evil, sinister revenge plot! "You know I'm not good at thinking of these things myself!"

"Just go beat the living crud out of her," Clyde replied.

"Well, I've kinda been waiting for the right moment."

"Just do it!"

Wendy replied, "Okay, whatever," and walked into her classroom. "You gonna be at lunch today?" She said as she looked back at her friend.

"I can't. I have homework to finish," Said Clyde, walking away. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Liar…" Wendy said to herself as she walked toward her seat.

The next period was her lunch period. She was faced with an extremely tough decision: Go to the library with Clyde, or sit in the cafeteria and be filled with rage while she watched Stan and his poor excuse for a girlfriend kissing and cuddling. She had reluctantly decided to go to lunch. After all, today was Bosco Stick day.

Wendy came to her table and sat down with her friends. She always told them when something was bothering her, so they knew right away why she wasn't her normal, perky self. "Is it this thing with Stan again?" one of them asked. Wendy nodded her head and let out a loud sigh. Did anyone even understand how she felt?

After a few minutes of silence, she got up. "That's it!" she said. "I'm going to show that hideous little monster whose boss!" She stomped over to the other side of the lunchroom, taking her bottle of Sierra Mist with her. This could get ugly.

She casually sat down in an empty chair next to Stan. "Hey," she said, flipping her black hair enticingly. She waited for a response.

"Hey," he said back, without sounding too enthusiastic. She did not wait for him to say anything else. She got up and went to the other side of him, where her new worst enemy was sitting. She grabbed her by the back of her collar.

"Ya know," she said, "It's because of people like you that people like me need medication!"

"What to you want with me!" the ugly girl blurted out. "Let me go! Owww!" She tried to shove Wendy away, but she was a stupid little weakling. This really got her blood boiling. The insanely jealous Wendy lunged at her, knocking her into the table. By this time, half the cafeteria was watching. "OOHHHHHH!" They all shouted.

The two of them were now in a catfight, rolling on the filthy cafeteria floor. Wendy had her lying down, punching her in the face repeatedly. Why the heck would Stan want to go out with someone so weak? "How dare you put your hands on my man you little creep! I love Stan! He's supposed to me MINE! I want him all to myself!" she yelled. This is when Little Miss I'm-So-Cool-'Cause-I'm-Dating-The-Hottest-Guy-In-School started to shed some tears. "Oh, please!" Wendy yelled at her. "You're such a wimpy little brat! Why don't you stand up to me and fight like you mean it? You're so weak you have everybody else fight for you! You go to Stan and the rest of your friends and cry like a little bitch so they'll feel sorry for you and give you what you want! Dammit, you suck!" She took what was left of her Sierra Mist and dumped it on the girl's head.

Wendy was so boiling mad that she didn't even realize the principal was there trying to pull them off each other. They both got dragged to the office. Wendy sat there waiting for a long, dreadful lecture from the principle, while public-enemy-number-one was in the nurses office, crying so loud the sound of her misery could be heard all through the halls of South Park High School. Wendy chuckled to herself.

The next day, Wendy sat in front of her computer in her room. She had gotten a three-day suspension for fighting. She had finally gotten to let out all the rage and anger that had been bottled up inside her for so long, and she gets in trouble for it. Go figure.

She was on the Internet looking up information on aliens. She had a weird feeling that this girl that Stan has been so stupidly drooling over was not human at all. Finally, she came across an article on the Planet of the Frog People. It had pictures of odd-looking creatures that closely resembled the girl she had despised so much. Her suspicions proved to be true! "I thought she looked like some kind of amphibian!" she said to herself. This was far worse than she thought. She had to do something, and fast. She could not let Stan be controlled by this horrible monster. After all, she did still love him even though he had horrible taste in women. She needed to find out how to destroy this evil being once and for all.

After hours of searching, she finally found the answer she needed: a magic potion. She printed out the list of ingredients she would need to make it. Most of them where everyday household items. The recipe called for the following:

2 tbsp of lavender scented shampoo

1 tsp of Tommy Girl perfume

½ cup of Victoria's Secret body cream

6 oz of liquid eyeliner

A handful of potpourri

She got to work right away making the concoction. She found all the ingredients right there in the bathroom. "These are all things that are supposed to be pretty," she said to herself. "Maybe it's because ugly Frog People can't stand nice things." Pretty soon the potion started glowing bright neon purple. She had gotten it right!

That night, she called Clyde and told him about her discovery. "I heard she's in the hospital to get reconstructive surgery on her nose," he told her. "You can go there and give it to her somehow."

"That's not a bad idea," Wendy replied. "I'll be up there tomorrow." She finished her conversation with Clyde and went to sleep.

The next day at around nine in the morning she arrived at the hospital. She found the right room. Frog Bitch was sleeping. Her nose was bandaged up with white gauze. Oh, and of course Stan had to be right there by her side the hole time. Lucky bitch.

"Hey, Wendy," He said when he saw her. "What brings you here?" She told her crush all about how she felt and what she had to do to get rid of the problem once and for all. She took the glowing bottle out of her purse and took out the cork. "Wait!" Stan said. "Think about what your about to do! Please!"

"I'm sorry, but your gonna have to kiss your trashy little girlfriend goodbye!" Wendy said back, starting to raise her voice. "On second thought," she continued, "don't." She dumped the potion into the girl' mouth. The room started to shake. "Noooooooooooo!" Stan cried.

The alien sat up in her bed. Her eyes were glowing a bright red. Next thing they knew, a giant, hideous frog creature with wings had torn its way out of her body, which was now completely dismembered. It let out a roar so loud it blew Wendy's hair and Stan's hat went flying off. Just as the two of them thought they were toast the large, dinosaur-like creature went flying out the window. "I just saved your ass, Stan," Wendy said to him.

The empty bottle of potion lay on the floor in front of Wendy's feet. A few drops had splashed on her. Despite the fact that her new Birkenstocks may have been ruined, she was happy to have gotten her revenge.

Stan looked at her in disbelief. "You knew I liked you, Stan," Wendy said. "And then you go and slave over some little prick like that? I don't see how you could want to make out with something that disgusting looking! Now I'm gonna have to get my revenge on YOU! She grabbed her crush and held him against the wall. He struggled to get away, but she had a tight grip on him. Then, she put her lips to his and gave him a long, passionate kiss. She would not hear the end of this one for a long, long time.

The End