Head Over Feet, a charmed fanfic

This story takes place soon after Centennial Charmed. Its just another story of phoebe looking back and seeing what she lost. It's a sad story, so if you don't like that, don't read it. It's a songfic- the song is "Head Over Feet" By Alanis Morissette.

Phoebe sat in the middle of her bed with the box in front of her. She was not sure why she'd taken it down now, after all this time. Maybe to try and find some type of closure. If that was even possible. How do you put your soul mate behind you, how do you move on with your life and act like you still have a chance at finding happiness. For the longest time she refused to think about him, she was still too angry and bitter. Then she refused out of sadness, not wanting to face what she'd done.

But now she was ready, or so she hoped, to finally look through this box. She reached forward and opened the box and pulled out the picture that was on top. It was a good one, it captured them both perfectly. They hadn't known it was being taken. It was from the beginning, before any of the problems and obstacles had come. Well there had still been obstacles, but he had made it seem like things would always work out. With his unending faith in their love. Time and time again he talked her into trying again or trying harder. Telling her that he loved her and that love could over come anything. He talked her around all her arguments.

I had no choice but to hear you

You stated your case time and again

I thought about it

He made me feel special and precious. It was a heady thing to be the center of someone's world, and at times she knew she had been his entire world. He would have done anything for her, and in many cases did. Risking everything either to get her back or to save her. So often it had scared her, the idea of a love that serious of anyone loving her, and knowing her that much.

You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that

You ask how my day was

And in spite of everything, all the obstacles and evils in their way, they just keep trying. And in spite of the fact that she knew it was forbidden and insane to love him, she couldn't help it. He brought her alive in a way no one else ever had or would. In spite of everything she had loved him, and even accepted all of him and came to love him all the more for his darker side which he suppressed for her. At times she had wanted to curse him for making her feel, for all the pain and the joy he brought in, and then ultimately took away. He just came into her life and changed it forever despite any and all protestations from her.

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

He had always been there, believing completely that their love could last through anything. Taking all of the crap she laid on him, and breezing off all the hurtful words. He had been so courageous and brave, to keep trying even with everything working against him. And only now did she see it, and was able to understand just how strong his love was and see how amazing he had been.

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole

Your so much braver than I gave you credit for

That's not lip service

He had been her everything once, before she had just turned her back on him. He had given her unconditional love and trust. He had believed in her completely. He had waited for her, through everything, believing that if he waited and tried hard enough that she would come back. He had waited loyally, but she never went back.

You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me

Thanks for your patience

And now, after it was all over and there was no chance of fixing things, now she saw all her mistakes. She saw all that she had lost. She had lost her soul mate and best friend, the person she could tell anything and everything to. The person she could turn to at any time. She saw him now, soul mate, lover, and best friend, but she saw it all too late.

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend

Best friend with benefits

What too me so long

He had been the best thing that had ever happened to her. Her other half, the one who made her feel whole. He had brought her to life and made her love life and living in a way she hadn't thought possible. He had given her a reason to get up in the morning and something worth living and dieing for. She hadn't wanted that at first, she hadn't wanted a serious, committed relationship. But being with him changed her and made her want to be that person, the person he saw. He made her aware of what she could be, brought out all the potential in her and allowed her to become the person she had dreamed of.

I've never felt this healthy before

I've never wanted something rational

I am aware now

But now it was all gone. And she was left, brokenhearted and guilty. She knew now what she lost and knew that she had only herself to blame. She saw all the mistakes she had made so clearly now, and saw all the horror she had put him through. She saw all the joy that he had brought into her life, and realized she had thrown away something precious, beyond any price. She had thrown away true love. And that only comes once in a lifetime. So now she had a life to live, an empty one that would never again hold true love. Oh she might fine another husband or something, but it would never be the same, she could never feel for them what she had felt for him. And it was all her fault. Which only made her angry at him and her and made her want to scream at the world for its unfairness, for throwing such horrible unfair circumstances at them that no one could beat. She was angry at him for allowing her to ruin his life, and that made her angry at herself for getting made at him when he'd done nothing wrong.

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

She loved him, in spite of what she had tried to pretend, and tried to deny. But now she saw that hiding it wouldn't help and wouldn't make the pain go away. She reached into the box and saw her wedding ring, and his. She picked them up, remembering him putting it on her finger and all the joy she had felt at finally having made it to that point. She got up and went to her dresser and dug through her jewelry box and pulled out a plain silver chain and strung the two wedding rings on it. And in a swift move she clasped it around her neck. She knew it did not mean much, that it couldn't bring him back. But to her it was a promise. That in their next life time they would get it right. She was sure they would get another shot, they were soul mates, so somehow, somewhere, and sometime they would meet again and make it work. And that hope would just have to be enough to make her get through the days.

"I love you Cole" Phoebe whispered to the empty room "And I promise I always will."

With that she smiled, and put the picture back in the box. Then she got up and left the room, to try and get on with her life.