Okay, a lot of you might hate me because of this chapter! (ducks Hatemail)

If only life wasn't so complicated.

There are so many little things that make life harder.

One of them being having to work with your very possessive ex-boyfriend.

And just to make matters worse, your current partner is also working with you.

I don't envy Calleigh at the moment, because that has just summed up her day.

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Calleigh was taking photos of the crime scene when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Calleigh!"

"John!"

Calleigh greeted Hagen kindly and with a huge smile, despite the fact she was very uneasy with the situation.

I stepped out of earshot so I wasn't intruding, and found myself standing next to Ryan.

It took me a moment for me to realise that I was doing the exact same thing as the man that had taken my place in the team.

He was watching Calleigh and Hagen talk. His face showed exactly how I felt.

A little jealous, slightly left out and very protective.

Jealous of Hagen, left out of the conversation, protective of Calleigh.

Ryan has a crush on Calleigh. That's obvious and has always been.

He's still staring at her like she's an angel, fallen from heaven, despite the fact she is wearing the most unflattering cardigan. A green cardigan, I might add.

Hagen left and Calleigh walked toward Ryan and I.

"What was that all about?"

Ryan had been told about Calleigh's ex, but he hadn't been told details. Just the general story… Hagen used to be Raymond Caine's partner and Calleigh had dated him for a bit, but broken up with him soon after.

"It's complicated," Calleigh replied.

She started to explain why Hagen had been off work for so long.

"Something about a bad back…"

"Yeah, I've heard that one before."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Ooh Calleigh, don't try and protect him. I have a feeling he deserves whatever Ryan is going to say.

"On patrol, "bad back" means he can't get cleared by the department shrink."

I was right.

Hagen definitely deserved that comment.

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Calleigh is having trouble working with Hagen.

He offered his help and she accepted it professionally.

"Want my help?"

"Absolutely. It's your investigation too."

Only a slight discomfort showed as she spoke to Hagen.

But, if she's feeling uncomfortable with Hagen around, then I'm uncomfortable having him around.

End of story.

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The case they are working on is a plane crash. They were trying to find out whether the crash was an accident or not, but then a large amount of money was discovered in the wreckage. This means that there will be someone coming down from Washington.

This probably means that Peter Elliot is flying back to Miami.

I hate that guy.

Well, hate is a very negative word.

But I still hate that guy.

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Calleigh and Hagen were in a lab, processing the money, when Elliot arrived.

Calleigh, who had previously been talking to Hagen, turned her attention to Elliot immediately.

She introduced them and then opened a conversation with Elliot, as if Hagen wasn't even there.

She asked him about the forgery case they had had recently.

The one where Elliot had found time to visit Calleigh after their shifts were finished.

"I worked that case with Horatio," Elliot muttered.

"And I do not even get a hello?" asked Calleigh, in the most flirtatious voice she could muster.

Well, she got more than just a "hello."

An awful lot more.

"I dropped by. You weren't here."

I can't believe them! Lying to Hagen's face!

I stormed out of the lab, before I did something I would later regret.

Glancing back, I only saw one thing.

Hagen's face. Disappointed, jealous and betrayed.

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I couldn't face shadowing Calleigh for the next hour or so.

I just wandered around aimlessly.

When Calleigh left the lab, with Peter, I stayed out of earshot, so there was no chance of me hearing them say something that would anger me again.

Seeing them together was painful enough for me already.

Because I was angry with them just made it worse.

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I was sitting in Trace, my old lab.

Calleigh was around somewhere so I wasn't worried about her.

I watched various technicians come in and out and even Horatio looked in, checking up on his evidence.

I had been planning to stay there all day, until I heard the voices of Calleigh and Hagen in the corridor.

"What's with you and the secret service guy?" asked Hagen's gruff voice.

"We're colleagues. Not that it's your business."

True, it isn't Hagen's business if Calleigh is sleeping with someone from FBI. No. That's Horatio's business.

Unfortunately, I was watching this scene unfold from quite a distance away.

If I had been closer, I would have been able to prevent what happened next.

Calleigh, obviously fed up of the conversation, made to walk away.

Hagen, angry, grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her back.

"I'll make it my business."

I stood rooted to the spot.

No matter how angry I had been with Calleigh, I still wanted to protect her.

But when she needed me, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Walk away John," Calleigh told him, her voice not wavering in the slightest.

Hagen refused to give up until he got his answer.

"Are you sleeping with him?"

Calleigh, for God's sake, tell him the truth!

"I think you need to remember what I do for a living."

Calleigh, just tell him.

He's going to find out anyway.

Hagen let go of her arm and she walked away without another word.

He hung his head, ashamed that he had acted in such a controlling way.

I followed Calleigh, with my eyes, to the other end of the building.

When she turned around a corner another figure stepped out.

It was Eve.

I could see, even over the distance between us, that she was angry.

There was a furious fire in her eyes that I had not seen before.

In an instant, she was standing only a foot in front of me.

I could feel the heat and anger radiating from her as she spoke.

"Tim Speedle, you idiot."

"What?" I asked.

"The one time that Calleigh has needed you, the time she has been most vulnerable since you became her guardian angel, you are not there for her."

"I… She… I…"

I tried to stutter out an excuse, but I couldn't find any words to say.

My actions were inexcusable, I know that.

I was trusted with looking after Calleigh and I couldn't do it when I needed to.

"Tim, I'm not sure that you are fit to be Calleigh's guardian angel."

Her words hit me like a tsunami hits a small island.

…I can't be her guardian angel…

…It's over…

…The one thing that was keeping me going…

…It's gone…

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The next few hours were the lowest I've ever felt.

I had no purpose.

No reason to do anything.

No reason to be alive.

I left the lab and headed away from everything that had happened.

I couldn't face seeing anyone from the lab, so I went to the coast and watched the waves.

I know how much my death had hurt Calleigh.

I had wanted to put things right for her.

That's all.

And I screwed up my one and only chance to do so.

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I returned to the lab, at around the time I thought Calleigh would be leaving.

I guessed right: soon after I got there, Calleigh was walking down the front steps to a car.

Peter was with her.

They talked and they smiled and they laughed.

Calleigh just happened to turn her head slightly and caught a glimpse of Hagen, watching her.

She made no effort to act as if she had noticed him, however.

It's almost as if she wants him to see that she's with someone else.

Seeing Calleigh, so obviously dating Peter, is breaking Hagen's heart.

But Hagen doesn't know how lucky he is.

He dated Calleigh once.

I never had a chance.