Despite the trouble that they had first had with the Ancient technology and despite General O'Neill's hesitation the expedition was a go. Rodney McKay wasn't exactly sure how he felt about it. When he had heard Elizabeth say that all of her team were willing to risk not returning home in the hopes of finding Atlantis intact and possibly populated, Rodney wondered if that was true. Hell, he had certainly had his doubts. Did he really want to abandon everything he had in order to fling himself halfway across the known universe on one crackpot hope that something good would come of it?
But every time his thoughts strayed down the do-I-really-want-this path two things occurred to him. First: the only thing he was leaving behind on Earth was his cat and his neighbor was more than willing to take care of Einstein while he was away. Hell, if he ever came back she would probably flatly refuse to give him back and Rodney would have to resort to some sort of door kicking to retrieve him.
The second thing that Rodney realized was that he was not going to let Elizabeth Weir take such a dangerous gamble on her own. In the past few months she had become the closest friend he had ever had. He had come to trust her and to respect her and had even come to cherish the moments he had to speak with her alone. He felt complete when she was around, as if he no longer had to hide behind a brick wall because he knew she would be there helping him to take the weight of the world. He didn't know why he reacted to her in such a way, nor why she cared enough to… care. All he knew was that he wasn't going to give that up, Einstein or no. He loved his cat—hell, he would miss him like a limb—but he was beginning to feel the faint stirrings of new feelings for this smiling, red-haired woman and he knew that no matter what happened, hell or high water, he wasn't going to abandon her now. Einstein would understand.
As it turned out Rodney wasn't going to get much time to miss his cat. As soon as the expedition had been given the much anticipated go ahead things had started to move in fast pace. Those few people who hadn't been living at the base and who were planning to leave for the distant Pegasus galaxy were asked to tie up loose ends, close up their houses and come to Antarctica where they would simply live in temporary quarters until their three-second journey across the universe. While Rodney had been spending most of his time in the frigid wasteland of the southern most portion of the world he had still been half-living at his apartment. But he quickly flew north—far, far north—to Canada where he quickly packed up the few extra things he was going to need and prepared to hand his cat over to the neighbor.
Rodney decided to spend the night at his apartment, soaking in the feel of it for one last time because he could only hope that he would come back at all. Plus he wanted some time to spend with little Einstein. Whether or not the cat would even realize Rodney was gone, Rodney was certainly going to miss him. Not that he would tell anyone that. He could only imagine what people would say if they found out that their Chief of Science had hesitated before deciding to leave for Atlantis only because he had been unwilling to part with his cat.
Of course to him it made sense that he should miss a small, four-legged pet instead of a human being. People were a breed of animal that Rodney had never quite figured out. All his life he had been surrounded by people that he couldn't comprehend and knowledge and understanding of the world were things that he had surrounded himself in early on in order to escape his reality.
His parents had been screwed up people—his father had been an abusive alcoholic; his mother had been a spineless 'fifties homemaker and his sister…well, in a way, his sister was the greatest conundrum. She had been a brilliant girl and an insanely intelligent woman. Rodney never doubted that had she wanted to Jeanie could have easily surpassed him in knowledge and skill. But she had never given herself the chance. Instead she had gotten herself pregnant and instead of giving up the child for her mind, she had given up her mind for the child. She had married the father and had supposedly lived happily ever after after that. As far as Rodney knew she was still happy and still freakishly smart, but was living out her life in some ordinary suburb instead of doing what he was doing—changing the world, exploring the universe, and expanding his knowledge to a level that he had only dreamed of. She had given it all up for a child and a husband. She had given it all up for… normal. There was nothing special about children, as far as Rodney knew. But there was something special about intelligence and he couldn't understand how she could have given it all up. He suspected that was half the reason he disliked kids—they were the destruction of every intelligent man and woman in the world who had succumbed to the seduction of nature's biological urging to mate and breed.
Rodney had been so upset and hurt by his little sister's decision that he had flatly refused to be part of her life any longer. He told her that so long as he had a part to play in the advancements of humanity he would not waste his time babysitting some snot-nosed kid and joining in on stupid Saturday night barbecue dinners. He would not let his life become ordinary. He was going to be extraordinary. And he was not going to be dragged down by someone who couldn't see the reasoning in that.
The last time Rodney had spoken to Jeanie was well over ten years ago. He couldn't even remember if he had a nephew or a niece. He never even considered contacting her to let her know that he was leaving. She would never know that he was gone, just as she would never know everything that she had missed out on in the passed ten years because she had been playing wife and mother.
Rodney, lying sprawled out on the couch, rested his head on his arm. Beside him, curled up against his warm chest, Einstein slept peacefully in a tight little ball. Rodney's free hand absently stroked the cat's soft fur, finding comfort in the rhythmic movement and the slight vibrations of the cat's purrs. For a little while he was able to let his mind drift. He didn't want to think of his sister or his parents or his life—the life that had forced him to erect that damnable protective wall in the first place. He wanted to think of something else—or nothing at all, but the latter seemed nearly impossible. Rodney McKay was always thinking about something.
And suddenly he was thinking of Elizabeth.
The vision of her smiling face framed by its curly red hair and her bright green eyes caused his chest to constrict. Immediately Rodney frowned and the vision disappeared.
"What the hell was that?" he asked aloud, though no one responded. Realizing that he must be tired beyond belief if he was thinking about his boss and best friend now, Rodney picked up his sleeping cat and got off the couch. He headed into his bedroom where he quickly stripped down to a pair of boxers and a loose t-shirt. He sprawled out beneath his sheets and Einstein, awoken by the sudden move, made himself comfortable on Rodney's pillow. For the most part Rodney lay in a dreamless sleep, though he did see the face of a smiling green-eyed woman with red hair.
Rodney left Einstein with his neighbor a little after noon. Feeling the pang of loss for the animal already, Rodney forced himself to give the cat one last affectionate stroke before he gathered his things and left. He didn't look back, knowing that his chances of coming back were slim at best.