She couldn't have realized it at the time, but Elizabeth Weir was having the same last-minute doubts as Rodney McKay. But for her it wasn't simply because she was leaving behind a four-legged pet. Yes, she would miss her snow-white Sedge, but she had a feeling that she would be missing Simon just as much—probably more. That was exactly the reason why she couldn't face him, why she couldn't tell him where she was going to his face. She knew what she would see: hurt, loss, perhaps even betrayal at leaving left behind. He usually took it so well but this… this would be so much different.

Elizabeth had not been home in many months. She had seen Simon only a handful of times in the entire time she had been living on base and those times were usually stolen moments when she went back to the United States to meet with General O'Neill or any of the other officials she had to speak with in order to keep things running smoothly in Antarctica. But she had seen less and less of him in the past few months and she knew that if she saw him now only to say good-bye—perhaps forever—she knew neither of them would be able to stand it. Whatever they had left was fragile at best and she knew it would shatter and disappear if she went to him now, leaving Elizabeth adrift and alone in a strange place with nothing to come back to and that was not how she wanted to start what could possibly be her new life.

But, more importantly, if she saw him one last time she would be tempted to forget it all. She would want to stay and abandon everything she had worked so hard for. She didn't want to have to listen to the don't goes and the please stays. She didn't want to see him when he told her to "choose what felt right" because no matter what she did she would be turning her back on someone. If she chose to go, she would be hurting him. If she stayed she would be hurting her team—and herself. She would be hurting her friends—would hurt Rodney.

And so she left him a message. She hated herself for doing it, knowing that he would hate her for doing it. But Simon would understand and some part of him would be grateful.

"I want to do this, Simon, with all my heart." Elizabeth told him, staring into a camera instead of into his face. "You know me well enough to know I could never turn down an opportunity like this. But I wanted to tell you…"

Elizabeth paused and she felt her stomach twist.

She wasn't telling him anything. She was telling a lifeless piece of machinery what she wanted him to hear. She was hiding behind a cold hunk of plastic and computer chips because she was afraid that, in the end, she would be too weak to leave. And she didn't want to be weak. She wanted—she needed—to be strong.

Elizabeth swallowed and spoke through the tears threatening to spill over. She wished her voice would stop shaking.

"I wanted you to know, Simon, that I love you and that I will miss you. I won't say I wish I didn't have to do this because that would be a lie. I won't say I wish I could stay, because you know me better than that, too. But what I will say, Simon, is that I will be made stronger because I know what I am leaving behind. I will come home… I just don't know when. Forgive me for not telling you this to your face but… I know you will understand."

Elizabeth got to her feet and quickly shut off the camera. She felt like a traitor for ending her message of farewell so poorly, but she didn't want him to see her crying. He would worry about her if he knew she was crying and she didn't want him to worry.

Sighing, Elizabeth popped out the tape and stuffed it into the little envelope already labeled. Someone would see that it was delivered—but not until it was too late to turn back and rethink what she was doing. He would get her message, but it would be after she was long out of his reach.

Elizabeth ended up reaching Cheyenne Mountain at the same time as Rodney, meeting him just as he was stepping into the elevator that would bring them down to the lowest levels of the base. He held the door for him and she smiled her thanks. He grunted and threw her a small smile.

"Going down?" he asked. Elizabeth smiled and nodded. "What a coincidence. Me, too."

Elizabeth laughed.

"It's good to know that you haven't lost your sense of humor, Rodney." She said. Rodney looked at her and offered her one of his lopsided smiles—a smile that she was becoming quite fond of.

"You're probably the only one who thinks so." He pointed out. Elizabeth smiled and stared straight ahead at the closed doors.

"Probably." She grinned and she saw him scowl at her in the reflection on the doors. She looked at him and soothed his hurt feelings with an apologetic smile.

"I was only joking, Rodney."

Rodney grunted again and crossed his arms. He leaned against the elevator wall and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the numbers sliding slowly by. Elizabeth decided to distract him, knowing that he would end up focusing on his claustrophobia if he had the chance.

"Where are all your things?" she asked absently. Rodney didn't open his eyes.

"Already packed and waiting." He said. "I noticed you didn't have anything."

"Packed and waiting." She smiled. She paused and turned to look at him, though she knew he couldn't see her.

"What do you think we are doing, Rodney?" she asked. She saw a thin-lipped smile twitch at the corners of his mouth.

"As far as I can tell we are preparing to go gallivanting across the known universe." He said dryly. Elizabeth nodded and clasped her hands in front of her, letting her gaze fall to her feet. She hadn't voiced her concerns to anyone and she wondered if doing so now was the wisest choice. But she had to say them—she had to get them out into the open or they would gnaw a hole in her gut.

"But… what do you think about it, Rodney? Are we doing the right thing? Am I doing the right thing?"

"How do you mean?" she heard him ask.

"I mean… I'm pulling all of these people away from their families, asking them to drop everything so that I can go see what's on the other side. Is this just a fool's errand? What if we don't find anything? What if it turns out I'm making a huge mistake and making everyone pay for it? What if—"

"What ifs are for people who have no imagination." Rodney said shortly and Elizabeth looked up in surprise. He was staring at her with a look akin to anger smoldering in his blue eyes. "Look, what we are doing may be stupid, but it's what we need to do. Without us, who else would do it? And without you no one would want to. I wouldn't have come on this expedition if I didn't think there was something in it. I'm not one who likes to put himself in harm's way, but I trust you enough to do it. I know that you aren't going to be knowingly pushing us into the middle of… of a war zone or something, but if it happens then it happens.

And you aren't dragging people away from their families. They know what they're getting themselves into and if they didn't want to take the risk they would stay at home watching hockey and getting fat. People aren't going because you are making them—people are going because they want to follow you, because they trust you. They want to go—we're probably all idiots for wanting to go, but there you are. But if you start second guessing yourself now… um…well, just don't."

Elizabeth blinked in surprise and Rodney blushed. His spark of momentary reassurance seemed to have died and he looked away from her in embarrassment. He crossed his arms and cleared his throat, his blue eyes flicking up to see how many floors they had left. He breathed a sigh when he saw that they were just about mid-way down. They would stop halfway through and get into a second elevator that would bring them the rest of the way.

Elizabeth couldn't think of anything to say while they descended and she still couldn't think of anything when they got out of the first elevator. But when she stepped into the second and the door closed, Elizabeth smiled.

"Thank you, Rodney." She murmured. That was just what I needed.