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Its one thing to argue with yourself but it's a whole other thing to loose an argument with yourself.

I never quite understood that… I mean, what kind of argument has no loser? How can both win? There's always one person, or part of a person, as the case may be, who concedes that they're wrong. There's always one person, or part, who is right.

Black and white.

Night and day.

Frank and me.

Same thing. One is good, the other's bad. Of course, some may contest that black, night and Frank aren't "bad" but merely misunderstood. I disagree.

There always is good and bad, no?

But what is good and evil?

Pure and wicked?

It doesn't matter. What does is that black, night and Frank are evil.

But, is black any more wicked than red, or blood? Or kaki, what causes the blood? Of course, kaki doesn't cause blood, does it? No… It's the wearers of the kaki. And I suppose red isn't necessarily bad, either. In fact, didn't I once get a party where everything was dyed red? And red can be lots of things… Like wine that I share with my wife… A rose that I present her… But every rose has its thorns, no?

Hmmmmm… But what's good about the color black? Well, there is my hair, I but I won't say that for two reasons. It's going grey and I'm not vain. Well, at least I hope I'm not vain… Frank might say otherwise… Anyway, what's good about black?

Well, Hot Lips Pierce looks damn sexy in black.

In that case, is night evil as well? Is gazing at the stars a symptom of wickedness? Is dancing in the moonlight with a lover or wife heinous? Are the little children who race around barefoot to catch fireflies any less innocent?

NO!

But it's different with Frank.

Frank is bad.

I am good.

Ask Trapper. He'll no doubt tell you the fairytale story where I'm the night in shining armor. He insists that the story's bullshit, but we still need to keep it. We still night to tell our kids bedtime stories.

Not that I'm supposed to have children, mind you, according to the story.

Neither is Radar, for that matter.

Neither is Hot Lips, either.

Well, we showed them wrong.

It doesn't really matter that we didn't want to, does it?

It's just a technicality.

Anyway, back to Frank.

He's bad.

Need I think more?

I do?

Well, this stinks.

Not that I don't mind thinking. I love thinking. It's almost as good as talking

Erm… Right… Frank… He's hypocritical. He's a bad doctor. He cheated on his wife, with my wife, no less! He's cruel. He's stupid. He's army. He's ugly.

Of course ugliness has to do with this… What kind of fairytale has an ugly hero? What do you think this is…? The Ugly Duckling?

Now me, I'm the AntiFrank. Or rather, Frank's the AntiMe… AntiHawkeye… AntiBen…

In conclusion, megood and Frankwicked.

But, is one born to wickedness, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? Hell, I'm not sure that Frank is human enough to be born, but you get the point, right?

Right?

Right.

Well, I don't know a lot about Frank's past, mainly because I never gave a shit, but I do know that his dad was a jackass. Of course, I've seen him make excuses and talk about what a "great American" Ferret Face sr. is, but he was a total shit. From casual things Frankie's said, I've discovered that his dad was a drunk.

Not that I have anything against drunks. I once was one, but I shaped up when Grace was born.

Or, more precisely, Hot Lips shaped me up.

Or, even more precisely, she stopped putting out whenever I even mentioned booze.

This was a tough decision. Alcohol or sex. Naturally, I chose sex, because… Well… I'm a horny bastard…

Erm… Back to Frank's family. I know he never had friends. I know his brother was as much of an asshole as his dad. Oh yeah… And I know that his mother was the only one who ever gave a shit about him, but she died when he was six.

After informing him that he was to become a doctor.

I never thought I'd say, or think, this, but poor Frank.

Pore Frank is daid,
Pore Frank Burns is daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn't very old
Oh why did such a feller have to die?

Alright I'll cut it with the singing. Hmmm… Can one sing in one's head? I suppose so, considering the fact I just did.

Anyway, back to Frank. But is his shitty family an excuse for him being such a… Shitty person?

No, I say!

…Right?

God, this argument is almost as pointless as Korea.

Did you know that there still isn't a peace treaty? Well, did I know that there still isn't a peace treaty? Well, considering the fact that I just said… Thought it, yes!

Erm… I'm starting to confuse myself.

Anyway, where was I?

How am I supposed to answer that?

Oh, right… Korea…

Well, there still isn't a peace treaty. Officially, the war continues… And continues… Actually, officially, it never even was a war, but that's besides the point…

It's just one never-ending ceasefire.

One never-ending staring contest.

One never-ending wait to see who pulls the trigger first.

Between North Korea and South Korea.

Good and bad.

Hmmmm… Maybe that's how an argument doesn't have a loser… It just goes off into eternity, floating in space until it's forgotten.

Just like Korea.

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AN: I'd like to apologize right away for being away so long. I was in summer camp and still am in a production of "Fiddler on the Roof".

I'm sorry I made Hawkeye out to be a bit of an asshole. And I'm also sorry about how disorganized it is. I just always pegged Hawkeye's character as one who couldn't stay on a single topic for long… Always jumping around and such.

Please review! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Even flames!