Disclaimer: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, along with the planets and characters that have appeared in previous stories belong to Douglas Adams, or whoever Douglas Adams's heir is, since he is tragically deceased. The point is that they don't belong to me.

Author's Note: My favorite book in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series is the fourth book So Long and Thanks For All the Fish. Fenchurch is one of my favorite characters in the series and I strongly disagreed with Mr. Adams's decision to not include her in the final book Mostly Harmless. This story takes place after So Long and Thanks For All the Fish and basically tells Mostly Harmless to go and piss off. I will try my best to write this story in the style of Douglas Adams, but I do plan to do two things differently. First, no chapter will be only one or two sentences long. Not that it is a bad thing to do in a book, but it is a bad thing to do on this website. Secondly, I plan on giving each chapter a clever little name. I do this, simply because I like to do it, although I may call chapter five "Chapter 5" for comedic effect .

Chapter 1

The Best Drink in Existence

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they seem. For instance, the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had for eight years thought that his home planet Earth, had been destroyed by a bunch of ugly green bug-eyed monsters to make way for a hyperspace bypass, which they never got around to building anyway. However, during his travels throughout the galaxy after he had decided to leave the planet Krikkit, he decided to visit his old galaxy for sentimental reasons, and to his great surprise had discovered that Earth was in fact still there.

It was at this point that he had returned to Earth where he had met a very pretty girl named Fenchurch whom he fell in love with. The bad thing about love however is that it will force a person to do things that they would ordinarily never want to do. Arthur Dent for example wanted to remain on Earth for the rest of his life, but Fenchurch wanted to leave Earth in search of God's final message to his creations, so Arthur left Earth for exactly that reason. Once they had seen God's final message to his creations, Arthur had been looking forward to going straight back to Earth and never leaving again, but before they could do just that, his friend Ford Prefect had surprised them by inviting them to come with him to his home planet of Beatlegeuse V to attend the wedding of Zaphod Beeblebrox to Trillian. Fenchurch immediately expressed an interest in going, so Arthur had agreed to go.

That is the reason Arthur now found himself in a small cabin of an Arluchinian mega-freighter that Ford had gotten them a ride on, sitting at a small table next to Fenchurch watching Ford as he made them all drinks. At least that's what he said he was doing. What it looked like he was doing was taking a small lizard-like creature and shooting it several times with a small ray-gun. That is what he was doing, but he was still making drinks.

Ford shot the creature several times until he had finally liquefied it, and then he poured it into his margarita shaker he'd purchased on earth along with his crushed iota beans, and green water from the Juzamecian ocean. He then set the whole mixture on fire and started shaking it like you would a regular margarita if it were on fire. Ford didn't particularly like burning his hands, but it was worth it to make this drink. Then Ford put out the fire and poured the newly created substance into three shot glasses which he distributed among himself and his two friends.

"Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters." Ford said as he distributed the drinks. "The best drink in existence." Ford picked up his glass and raised it. "Cheers."

The three of them clinked their glasses together. Arthur looked at the strange yellow-green liquid in the shot glass, shrugged, and gulped it down all at once. At first he was a little disappointed to discover that it seemed to have to real kick to it.

"So Ford," Arthur began, "how-" And that's about as fare as he got before he discovered that he had been totally wrong in his assumption that the drink had no kick to it. At that moment he had experienced the feeling of his head getting smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. He'd felt his head cave in, his skull smash into a thousand pieces, and his brains splatter all over the room.

When he regained consciousness a few seconds later he found that he was lying on the floor in between Fenchurch and Ford who were both also lying on the floor. His head was surprisingly intact, but it was also recovering from the worst headache he had ever had in his life.

"Ford," Arthur started but quickly realized that it hurt to talk. A minute or so later he decided he could take the pain and continued. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"I told you." Ford replied, though it was clear from his voice that it also hurt him to talk. "It's a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the best drink in existence."

"The best drink in existence? It actually knocked me unconscious for a few seconds."

"I know. Name one drink that can knock you unconscious like that on Earth."

"He's got a point." Fenchurch put in, and then grabbed her head and let out a pained moan.

Arthur sighed and thought how silly they all must look having a conversation while lying flat on their backs. In fact, they didn't look unusual at all. Lying flat on your back is the common conversation position for people drinking Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters.

This is why that wholly remarkable book The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that if you ever walk into a bar and see several people lying on the ground recovering from terrible headaches, that usually means that this is a very good bar. The Guide goes on to say that if you see a girl in the bar that you would like to sleep with, it is a good idea to purchase her a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster and allow her to drink it before you begin talking to her. This way if two minutes into the conversation, the girl discovers that you are a complete sleaze, she will be incapacitated and unable to walk away immediately. Some would argue that the girl will just walk away as soon as she recovers and you would be wasting your time and hers, but you are a complete sleaze and don't worry about such things.

The Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster was originally invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox as a means on incapacitating a police officer so that he could smoke a certain illegal narcotic in peace. Not that he was in fear of being arrested, but rather just sick of the officer asking for a puff. The drink worked like a charm, except that when the officer recovered, he asked Zaphod for another one. This created a whole new problem for Beeblebrox as now everyone he knew was now constantly asking him for this amazing new drink. This problem was easily solved when Zaphod sold the recipe to the Sirius Alcohol Distribution Company for a small fortune which he quickly spent on more illegal narcotics and Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters.

As Arthur and his friends lie on the floor recovering from their headaches they discussed the route they would be taking to Beatlegeuse V. The freighter they were on would take them as far as Traal, where Ford told them they would most likely be able to find a ship that would take them to their destination.

About twenty minutes later, the three of them stood up having fully recovered from the headache. Ford picked up his margarita shaker and asked if anyone would like a second one. Arthur was incredibly surprised to hear himself say yes.