When Josh got home that night, he tried to go to sleep before Drake came into the room. He also tried to get up before Drake did the next morning. Actually, this wasn't a difficult task since Drake would sleep in very late as there was no school that day because of a teachers' meeting. Josh couldn't face him right now. He just couldn't look Drake in the eye yet. He had no idea what to do. He decided to head for the bookstore to think. There was no way he'd run into Drake there. Drake read a book? That was absurd.
Josh browsed through the science fiction section and picked up a book that looked good. He bought a coffee and sat down to read. At least, he tried to read it.
He couldn't get involved in the book. His mind was elsewhere. He couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened. Drake had kissed Josh. Josh then became frightened and had no idea whether it meant Drake liked him that way or not. Then Josh started to think he possibly had feelings for Drake. Josh had asked Drake about the kiss, and Drake said he didn't remember. Josh felt hurt. Why?
Josh suddenly recalled several moments that were more than brotherly. After they got away with riding the Demonator, Josh had stood there with his arms wrapped around Drake for a good five minutes while explaining to their parents. Was that the way he really felt? It couldn't be.
Just because he'd burned up at the sight of Drake's past girlfriends and he'd thought he was cute and he'd been disappointed when Drake said he didn't remember the kiss didn't mean that Josh had feelings for him.
Then he remembered the previous night. He'd tried to keep the kiss off of his mind, but he realized his heart was telling him he loved Drake. He did have these feelings, and they weren't going away. What could Josh do? Why did it have to be Drake? If he told Drake, he'd just laugh at him and think it was a joke or something. Josh couldn't tell him. Drake Parker like another guy? No way. It just would never happen. Not in a million years.
Josh felt like crying. He didn't know what to do. Should he stay with Mindy? If Drake didn't feel the same way, there was no reason for Josh to be alone. What could he do? He couldn't admit his feelings to Drake. Drake just wouldn't accept it. Josh knew that. Well, Josh didn't really know that. Maybe Drake really did care, or if he didn't feel that way, maybe he'd be accepting of it. Yeah, right. He couldn't just tell Drake all the things he had been feeling since Drake had kissed him.
Then he had a thought. If Drake hadn't done that, would Josh have thought about this at all? Would his mind be going crazy with the thoughts he now had? It was too much to take in and Josh didn't know who to talk to about the way he felt. Who could he really talk to about this? Drake was already crossed off the list since he claimed he couldn't even remember the kiss. Megan was out of the question because she was too young. His parents were completely out of the question. Number one, they'd probably laugh and tell him that Drake probably had no idea what he was doing because of the pain medication. Number two, if he said he had feelings for Drake, they'd probably freak. They might not have a problem with Josh possibly being gay, but they might have a problem with who he was attracted to. But you couldn't help who you had feelings for, could you? But how could Josh explain this? It was all too difficult. Who could he talk to outside of his own family? Who could he turn to for advice?
He thought of Mindy. The problem was, she was his girlfriend. Would she be insulted if he told her he had feelings for Drake? Especially since she hated him. It was too hard to dance around the truth, and Mindy was smart. She'd figure it out eventually. So who did he turn to? Could he talk to Grammy? Maybe. But then how would he tell her these things? She was in Maine at the moment. He couldn't call. What if Megan was listening on the phone? And Megan somehow constantly kept guessing his passwords for his email. Grammy might not understand anyway.
Then Josh thought of someone. Helen. Well, if she'd listen, that is. She'd probably forget eventually because she forgot everything about Josh, including his name half the time. Then again, she didn't really care about him either. If she did care, she wouldn't forget his name. All she did at work was order him around and, more recently, ask how Drake was. No, Josh had nowhere to turn. He hated this.
Josh returned home to ponder this some more. He figured that maybe he should keep this to himself completely and stay with Mindy. After all, he did care about her. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to her anymore. He still was. Maybe he could stay with her. At least, that way, the ridicule wouldn't exist. No one would hate him for his feelings if he kept them bottled up. His future would shine because he was a "fine young man."
Then again, would a future with Mindy mean living without the truth? What if Josh had stronger feelings for Drake than for Mindy? Josh couldn't stand lying, and he had no idea how he'd be able to live one.
He shook his head. He was being ridiculous. He had just discovered these feelings for Drake. Maybe it was just an awkward teenage phase. And why shouldn't it happen with Drake? He was an attractive guy, and he had kissed him, even if by mistake. That could be it. It was definitely possible.
Josh sat down at the kitchen table when Megan walked into the room. He realized, he could ask her something.
"Hey, Megan," said Josh.
"What?" Megan asked.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Why?"
"It's important."
"Fine," said Megan, rolling her eyes and sitting across from Josh at the table. "What do you want?"
"Um, okay, so when you like a boy, and he doesn't like you back, how does that make you feel?"
"You've got to be kidding."
"No, really. I want to know."
"Why?"
"I just...I just do."
"Okay. I feel bad. I mean, I like him, and he doesn't like me. That's no fun."
"But how do you get over that?" Josh asked.
"Why? Did Mindy get some sense and break up with you?" Megan asked.
"No," said Josh. "Why would I be asking you? I'd ask Drake."
"Yeah. Because the only girl who's ever broken up with Drake was inappropriate laughing Kelly. Oh, he was so depressed after that," Megan said sarcastically.
"Okay, whatever. I'm just curious."
Megan sighed. Why did this boob want to know?
"I guess I'd hang out with my friends. They make me feel better. Now I have things to do upstairs."
"Things?"
"Yes," said Megan as she walked up the stairs. Josh looked around quickly and glanced underneath the table.