Title: Kingdom Hearts goes to Oz
Disclaimer: I own none of the Disney, nor the Square characters, nor Pepsi.
Warning: This chapter refers to slash pairings, Riku/Sora, Axel/Roxas and Axel/Sora.
Note: Thanks everyone, for all of the comments. I figured out who should suffer as the Tin Man, thanks to some suggestions, I hope no one will be disappointed by the choice.
Chapter 5: Enter the Tin Man
Kairi, Pluto and Goofy ran for several minutes and came to a stop when they were sure they escaped the danger. They had become exhausted and felt sore where apples struck them.
"What horrible trees!" screamed Kairi. "My feet were hurting before, now everything hurts!"
"At least we're still alive," said Goofy optimistically.
"Yeah, whatever. I think we should rest a bit, until my feet stop burning." Kairi sat down on a tree stump and gazed at the ruby slippers.
"Maybe you should take those shoes off if your feet hurt," suggested Goofy.
"I can't," said Kairi, "I know that witch, Maleficent, wants them and I'm not going to let her take them." She crossed her arms angrily and sighed. "Damn this parody!"
Pluto had wandered ahead and began to bark at something he discovered.
"What is he barking at?" asked Goofy.
"We'll just have to find out," answered Kairi as she stood up.
They walked to a large tree, at the side of the road, where Pluto was standing. At the dog's feet was what appeared to be a can of gasoline or oil, but next to that can was…
"You!" Kairi shrieked. Her hands were balled into fists as she glared at the red-haired man standing in the shade of the tree.
Axel let out a nervous giggle when he saw Kairi. "Hey," he said through his clenched teeth. The Organization member was wearing what looked like a metal trash can with metal tubes around his arms and legs, he had a metal cone on top of his head, which couldn't hide his hair, and his face was painted silver.
"Gawrsh," said Goofy, scratching his head, "how did you end up like that, Axel?"
"I'll tell you if you oil this damn costume," grunted Axel.
"How?"
"With the oil can," said Kairi, feeling annoyed.
Goofy picked up the oil can and began to squirt oil on the joints of Axel's very silly costume. After oiling the costume, Axel flexed his arms and rotated his shoulders.
"Thank you," said Axel with relief. "Now I can explain my embarrassing situation."
FLASHBACKAxel lumbered onto the set with his ridiculous costume on. He found it unbearable to move in.
"How could I have come to this?" he asked. "My ass is starting to feel sore from walking in this thing!"
"You seemed to be the best choice," said the author. "The Tin Man required a heart and had a huge speaking part. Using any Heartless or Nobody wouldn't work because they can't talk; however, someone from Organization XIII would be more qualified. You were the most qualified because you didn't turn out to be that bad, and you were searching for your friend, Roxas, which is close to wanting a heart."
"That makes sense, Roxas always made me feel like I had a heart." Axel smiled with a dreamy look on his face. "Sora sure makes me feel the same way."
"Perhaps, if you go through with this, you and Sora could go out after."
"Really? That would be fantastic!" Axel scratched his head. "Wait a minute, wouldn't Riku become jealous?"
"Then that would be too bad," the author replied with a wicked smirk.
Sora had just left the change room, wearing only his bathrobe. Both of his eyebrows arched when he saw Axel.
"Axel, is that you?" he asked. "You look so damn hilarious!"
"Bite me!" shouted Axel.
"Oh knock it off, lover boys," said the author. "Sora, you're just in time. Can you help Axel prepare for his scene?"
"Hokey dokey," said Sora. He held out his hand to summon his Key blade.
"What's going on?" asked Axel.
"You'll see," replied the author.
Sora cast a Blizzaga spell on Axel, freezing the Organization member on the set.
"Perfect," said Sora, dismissing his Key blade.
Axel glared at Sora and the author. He tried casting a Firaga spell to unfreeze him, only causing his costume to rust.
"It won't be long, Axel," said the author, tossing an oilcan at Axel's feet. "Help will come and get you out of that pose."
END FLASHBACK"That must be terrible," said Goofy.
"I think you deserved it," said Kairi, still glaring at Axel. "You're the one who kidnapped me in the first place!"
"Easy Princess," said Axel, holding up his hands. "I wasn't intending to harm you, I thought you would forgive me within time."
"Forget it!"
"Would you forgive me if I had a heart?"
"That wouldn't make a difference!"
"Oh come on, if I had a heart, I would be a more better person than I am now."
"He's got a point," said Goofy.
"We're wasting time here," said Kairi. "We have to see the wizard about my return to Destiny Island and have something done about your brain, Goofy."
"Can I come?" asked Axel. "The wizard should be able to give me a heart."
"That's a good idea. Kairi, can Axel come?" asked Goofy. He held his hands together as if he was praying; Axel made the same pleading action.
Kairi looked at Pluto, finding that the dog was making a wide-eyed begging face.
"Alright!" said Kairi. "He can come with us, but I'm not speaking to him!" She stormed off down the yellow brick road with her nose up in the air. Pluto followed her.
"What a grouch," said Axel.
"She just wants to get home," said Goofy.
Goofy went ahead to catch up with Kairi and Pluto. Axel picked up his oilcan and lumbered after them. He had difficulty walking with the heavy weight of his costume.
"I hate this damn parody!" the Organization member cursed.
They were passing by an abandoned little house in the woods. All of a sudden there was a puff of green smoke and Maleficent was standing on the roof of the house.
"So, my pretty," she hissed, "it seems that you have picked up some pathetic friends. The foolish Captain of the King's knights in rags stuffed with straw, and Axel, member of Organization XIII, reduced to wearing a metal can!" She cackled at them.
"What a witch," grumbled Axel.
"Are you following me, Maleficent?" asked Kairi. "If you are, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Her face was turning as red as her hair as she glared up at the witch.
"Such rudeness for a Princess of Heart," mocked Maleficent. The witch raised her staff. "How about a little fire, scarecrow?" She blasted a ball of green flame at Goofy.
Goofy made a yelp as he jumped away from the blast. The witch's attack struck the ground, causing a patch of grass to ignite in flames. Axel quickly extinguished the fire by stomping on it with his heavy metal shoes.
Maleficent pointed at Kairi. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!" The witch cackled and disappeared with a puff of green smoke.
"I'd wish she'd stop saying that," said Kairi.
"She's meaner than before," said Goofy. "I'd hate to see what she'll do next."
"Sounds like she's bent on getting Kairi," said Axel.
"She wants the damn ruby slippers," explained Kairi. "I can't risk getting the painful shoes off because she could snatch them anytime I get them off."
"Don't worry, Kairi," said Goofy. "The sooner we get to Emerald City and speak to the wizard, the sooner you'll get home and away from Maleficent."
"Right, then we better move on." Kairi ran ahead, while cursing how much her feet were hurting. Pluto and Goofy ran behind her, Axel still lumbered at the end.
"Remind me to sue the costume department," Axel called to the others. He tried running in his heavy costume, the metal parts clanking with every step.
"I feel kind of bad for Axel," said Sora. "Must be very unpleasant walking around in that thing." He opened a can of Pepsi and began to gulp down his drink.
"It won't be forever," said the author. "I told him that once it's over, he can go out with you."
Sora spit his soda out onto the floor. "You what?"
"It would mean a lot to him, since you do make him feel the same way Roxas made him feel."
"Yeah, I guess. Just that Riku would be jealous of me seeing… other guys."
"Well, you are popular among all the guys you've befriended, especially to some of the Disney characters." The author chuckled. "Riku will just have to get used to it."
Sora's face burned red. "Can we please discuss the parody instead of my popularity? Like, what are we going to do for the next scene?"
"Can you still summon allies from your first adventure?"
"I don't know," said Sora, scratching his head. "Since the worlds were restored, my friends all returned to their homes, but I could try."
"Good, very good."
To be continued…Endnote: Yes, I decided to make poor Axel suffer, but he will get what he wants in the end. About Sora's popularity, all I can explain is that some of the Square and Disney male characters were taking an interest in him during Kingdom Hearts II. Not trying to gross out people, but that was how it seemed to me. Yeah, I'm just crazy, which is half the reason why I'm writing this parody.