Title: Kingdom Hearts goes to Oz
Disclaimer: None of the Square or Disney characters belong to me.
Note: Dun, dun, dun! It's the last chapter! They give that mean wizard the staff and seal the deal.
Chapter 13: There's No Place Like Home
Kairi, Goofy, Axel, Simba, and Pluto came into the room where they had met the wizard. The hologram of the mirror glared at them from across the room.
"What do you want?" the hologram demanded.
"To finish the bargain," said Kairi. "Here is Maleficent's staff!" She placed the staff on the floor before her.
Flames erupted from the torches. "Bargain? Bah! I don't have time, come back tomorrow!"
"But I want to go home now!" whined Kairi.
"Listen up," said Axel to the hologram. "We had to go through a lot to get the damn staff for you! We got lost, we were attacked by Heartless and we were nearly killed!"
"You got dropped and struck by lightning too, Axel," added Goofy.
"Shut up!" Axel glared at the hologram. "After all we've been through, you should help us!"
"I don't give a damn!" boomed the hologram. More flames erupted from the torches, causing everyone to jump back.
Pluto noticed a set of curtains at the side of the room. He ran over to the curtains and pulled them aside. Behind the curtain was Merlin, wearing a black coat, black trousers and a white shirt, pulling at levers and speaking into a microphone.
Merlin noticed everyone staring and shouted into the microphone. "Ignore that man behind the curtain!" He pulled the curtain back into place.
"Get him," said Axel. They all ran to the curtain and pulled it back. Merlin stopped working the machinery and chuckled nervously.
"Well, well, well," said Kairi, anger in her tone. "Merlin, last time I saw you, you were taking a vacation on the island where I live!"
"Don't blame your problems on me," said Merlin.
"Oh yeah? You should be ashamed of yourself! Frightening us like that, sending us on a perilous quest, and you still don't help us! You horrible man! What were you doing with those levers and that microphone? I thought you disliked machines!"
"I'm a good man, just a horrible wizard, and in case you hadn't noticed, I was following the bloody script!" Merlin cleared his throat and adjusted his spectacles. "If you want, I will help you and your friends. No need to get mad."
"Great," said Goofy, "you finally decided to keep your end of the bargain!"
"Of course, the quest I sent you all on was to prove your worthiness," said Merlin. "Can't just help anyone, only to those who are willing to commit to themselves."
"What do you mean?" asked Simba.
"I meant that completing the quest shows that you were all determined for my help," Merlin explained. "Since you have brought the staff of Maleficent, I realize you will take great risks for what you value most and I must help you. First, I will start with Goofy."
"Me?" asked Goofy, pointing to himself.
"Yes sir. I know that you have come to ask for a brain, and I know you must have done a lot to get it." A scroll appeared in Merlin's hand. "A brain is important, containing thoughts and memories of the individual." He handed the scroll to Goofy. "With the strategic planning you've completed on your quest, you have deserved this."
Goofy read the scroll and began muttering math equations. "Golly," he said, "I've got a brain!"
"That was simple," muttered Kairi. She was thinking that Goofy would get a brain in a way that was too complicated to be described.
"Now Axel," said Merlin, "you came to ask for a heart. I know it is difficult for a Nobody to find a heart in specific, I would require to open Kingdom Hearts, which I do not have the power to do."
"Right about that," said Axel.
"However, there is the quality of a heart that could be provided. The quality of a man's heart depends on how much he cares and is cared about in return."
"I was a close friend to Roxas in the Organization," said Axel. "Always felt like I had a heart when I was around him."
Merlin nodded. "You understand the heart's qualities well." A heart-shaped pendent appeared in his hand. "This may serve as a heart to you until you can reunite with your Heartless half." He handed the pendent to Axel.
Axel looked at the pendent and noticed a photograph of Roxas in the center. "Thanks," he said, blushing under his silver face paint.
"Simba," said Merlin, "I know you have asked for confidence, but no one can give you confidence, it comes from within. From the quest, you have shown bravery in the face of danger. I award you the medal of courage." A medal on a ribbon appeared in Merlin's hand; he hung the medal around Simba's neck.
"Oh wow!" said Simba happily. "This is the best thing ever, thank you!"
"Good for you, Simba," said Kairi.
"Kairi," said Merlin, "I know how important it must be for you to return home. Home is where family is, where the heart is! I've been to Destiny Island on business trips before."
"Yeah," said Kairi, "that's what I said! I last saw you there!"
"Don't be hasty! I can offer you transportation back to the Island."
"Really?" asked Kairi.
"Yes! Let's get ready to go!"
"You said that Kairi is going to be ticked off," said Sora, "she doesn't seem mad when transportation was offered to her."
"She'll be ticked off," said Drakena. "Something shall go very wrong, then information revealed to her will really drive her nuts!"
It was the big farewell ceremony, under the open sky at Emerald City. Kairi, Pluto and Merlin were standing next to a hot air balloon. Goofy, Axel and Simba stood behind them. A crowd of citizens were gathered around.
"People of Emerald City," announced Merlin, "I am leaving, to take Kairi back to her island. I might not come back, so in my absence, Kairi's friends will be in charge."
The crowd cheered. Goofy gave thumbs up to everyone, Axel gave a small wave, and Simba just licked his forepaw.
"I bid everyone a farewell," concluded Merlin. He, Kairi and Pluto climbed into the basket. However, Pluto took notice of an orange cat in the crowd and gave way to a chase.
"Pluto!" shouted Kairi, jumping out of the basket. "Get back here!" She caught up with Pluto and grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back. "Cut it out! Come on now!"
When they tried to get back into the hot air balloon, Merlin was already taking off and was too high to reach.
"Hey," said Kairi, "come back! Damn it! Come back!"
"I can't," said Merlin. "I don't know how to get this thing down!" The balloon floated away. "Sorry. Good bye!"
"Oh damn!" grunted Kairi. "Now how the hell I'm supposed to get out of here?"
"Calm down," said Goofy, "there must be another solution." There was a swirl of fairy dust appearing. "Look, here's someone who could help."
The Fairy Godmother appeared from the fairy dust. "Hello Kairi," she said.
"Glad to see you here," said Kairi. "Do you have another solution to get me back home?"
"You just needed the glas-er-ruby slippers all along."
"You're telling me this now?" Anger filled Kairi's tone. "After the hell I suffered, I only needed the damn shoes at the beginning! Why didn't you tell me in the first place? Why did you let me bloody suffer?"
Fairy Godmother shrugged. "I kept thinking that if you lost one, your true love would find it and bring it to you."
"Isn't that the Cinderella story?" asked Axel.
"Yes," answered Fairy Godmother, "my bad." She cleared her throat. "Now Kairi, you just click the heels together three times and say 'There's no place like home.' Do you understand?"
"Sure," said Kairi, still angry that she wasn't told the purpose of the ruby slippers in the first place.
"Now that you can go home," said Simba, "just want to say that I had a great adventure with you."
"So did I," said Goofy. "Good luck back at home."
"I had suffered just like you did," said Axel. "I also want to apologize for kidnapping you in the first place, but I don't expect forgiveness."
"Axel," muttered Drakena, "say the line."
"No," said Axel.
"Say it!"
"No!"
"Remember the agreement?"
"Alright, but I'll sound like a fag." Axel cleared his throat. "Now I know I have a heart, it's aching!" His face was burning at the humiliation.
Kairi rolled her eyes. "Axel, I think I can forgive now, no need to apologize. Now I've said my bloody farewells, I can just click these painful, damn shoes and get the hell out of here!"
Pluto kept close to Kairi, after realizing that running off cost Kairi the transportation. Kairi clicked her heels together three times.
"There's no place like home," she said. Kairi closed her eyes and repeated the words. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like… home."
When Kairi opened her eyes, she was lying in bed. Her Grandmother and Pluto at her bedside, Tidus, Wakka and Riku were also present.
"Thank goodness you're alright," said Kairi's Grandmother. "You nearly gave me a heart attack when I found you unconscious in your room! Thought you'd be hurt very badly!"
"We were about to call a doctor if you didn't wake up," said Tidus.
"Yah," said Wakka. "Sure gave us a pretty big scare."
"I'm terribly sorry," said Kairi. "I only remember coming back and collapsing from exhaustion during the storm. A really crazy dream I had, Sora's friend Goofy was there, that strange red headed guy who came here once was there, and that talking lion Sora told stories about was there." She pointed at Riku. "You were there too. It was so weird."
"You just had a dream about everyone," said Riku. "I still have dreams about those crazy adventures."
"Hello," said Merlin, peeking through the window. He was wearing his vacation attire again.
"You were there too," said Kairi, glaring at Merlin.
Merlin arched his eyebrows. "Really?" He looked at Kairi's Grandmother. "Hope I'm not intruding, just wanted to see if she made it home alright."
"She did," said the Grandmother. "Not to worry now. We're all glad that she's here, safe and sound."
"I'm glad this damn parody is over," thought Kairi.
"Guess it's a happy ending," said Sora sourly.
"Yeah," said Drakena, "but everyone is glad that it's over. Disappointed that no one suffered at the end?"
"A little, but it was so darn funny to see the look on Kairi's face when she learned that she could have just used the slippers in the first place."
A pair of ruby slippers came flying them; they ducked to avoid getting struck. Drakena and Sora saw Kairi storming at them.
"I never want to do any parody with you again!" Kairi screamed. She stomped off, cursing and ranting.
"I thought she was happy that it was over," said Sora.
"She's just ticked at us for making her go through it," said Drakena.
"Oh Sora," said the cheerful voice of Axel. He came out of the change room, wearing his usual attire of the black coat. "Want to hang out like we agreed?"
Sora blushed. "Oh… yeah! Dinner and a movie sound okay?"
"Okay!" Axel wrapped an arm around Sora's shoulders and they both left quietly for their fun time.
"Strange," mumbled Drakena, "Axel must be very happy to get out of the can." She shrugged. "Oh heck, I think I should work on my next wicked scheme." She trotted off to her studio to work on whatever she had in mind.
The end.
Endnote: My apologies for the long update, I've been busy with my new job. I know that Disney made a sequel titled Return to Oz, so I might do that. However, do any of the readers have a suggestion what I should parody next. I have several ideas, including Return, but it's always good to see what crazy ideas the readers would suggest.