A/N- Okay guys, this is the second to last chapter. The third part of the story should be out in a few weeks. I haven't got the chance to start writing it yet because I'm working two jobs. But don't worry, it will be written! I promise! I'm not sure what I'm going to call it yet but I'll be sure to decide before I post the next chapter. In the meantime, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Twenty-Two: Better This Way

Jack hardly slept at all that night. He knew he'd been overly harsh with Lily, and he shouldn't have allowed her sleep in her own room all week. She could have another nightmare, and he wouldn't be there to wake her up. But he couldn't shake the image of her lying on the ground, waiting for that man to kill her in an instant. Why hadn't she at least tried to get up and stop him?

He got up after two hours of tossing and turning and walked into Lily's room. She was lying on her stomach with both her arms up under her pillow. She never slept like that when she was with him. She was always resting her head on his chest or had her back to him with his arms around her from behind. He shook his head to get the images out of his mind. He wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed with her and hold her like any other night. But something prevented him from doing so, and he returned to his own empty room.

That night the hours seemed like days but sooner or later his body took over and sleep came restlessly. Even in his dreams he saw the events that transpired just a few hours before. They taunted him and reminded him of what had almost been lost. Again.

The next morning, he woke up a little later than he would have liked. When he left his bedroom and entered Lily's, he found she wasn't there. He noticed the walls in her shower were wet and realized she must have gone out somewhere.

He looked at her calendar on the wall and saw that it was Sunday, meaning she was working again today. He probably wouldn't see her until dinner like yesterday. Going back to his room, he put on some cloths and left the dorm.

He walked aimlessly for several minutes before he decided to stop by his parent's quarters to give them a visit. Jack, his brothers, and Lily all used to spend Saturdays in there, just catching up on things. He had missed that over the last year or so. Walking down the staff's corridor he saw Harry turn the corner and walk towards him.

He wasn't sure if Lily's father was the person he wanted to see right now. He had screamed at her the night before right in front of Harry, and he didn't know if he was mad at him for it.

"Hey, Jack! Where're you off to?" Harry said brightly.

Jack noticed his lightness and guessed that he wasn't angry about the night before. "To see Mum and Dad," he said, trying to sound just as upbeat. "I wanted to see what they were up to."

"I was just headed there myself. I think your parents are making lunch for your brothers. We haven't seen much of you lately."

"I've been busy," Jack replied. They both entered the room together and found it filled with both sunlight and laughter. Ron rounded the corner to greet them when he heard the door open.

"Oh Jack, we didn't think you were coming," Ron said, smiling at him. "Where's Lily?"

"She's working," Jack answered, taking a seat on the couch.

"Is she alright after the duel yesterday?" Ron asked as he took a seat next to Harry across from Jack.

"I suppose she's fine. She was asleep when I got back," Jack lied. Harry and Ron exchanged looks but neither said a word.

"You're staying for lunch, right? I know your brothers would love it. Andy and Kyle are outside playing Qudditch right now, but they should be in any second. And Brandon and Joe are in the other room."

Jack nodded his head. "I can stay. I feel like I've been neglecting them."

"I'm sure they don't feel that way. They know what you and Lily are doing is important, even if it takes away from the time you two get to spend with them," Ron rationalized.

Jack took a cleansing breath. He didn't know why he felt so depressed today, but the feelings didn't seem to want to leave him alone. "I wouldn't blame them if they did. I should be a better role model. Instead of being here with my family, I've spent all my time chasing demons with Lily."

"Is something wrong?" Ron asked, sensing the tension.

"It's nothing," Jack said, lying yet again.

"I don't believe you," Ron stated, looking at him with a raised eyebrow, clearly trying to keep the conversation light.

"I guess I'm a bad liar then," Jack admitted, "But I don't really think I want to talk about it."

"Talking helps," Harry said to help him open up.

"I know…but I'd rather just keep this between Lily and me if you guys don't mind."

"So this has to do with Lily," Ron picked surmised.

"Dad, just drop it okay," Jack pleaded.

"You both have lost a child. You need to talk to each other, not keep away from her," Ron pointed out.

"I don't want to talk about it right now," Jack said through gritted teeth.

Ron shrugged and left, leaving Harry and Jack alone. The two sat there in awkward silence. Neither of them really knew what to say, so they both stared at their surroundings for a few moments.

Afternoon sunshine swept in through large windows on the opposite side of the room from the front door. Ron and Hermione's desks sat on the other side of the room. Hermione's desk was slightly cleaner and more organized than Ron's, though it didn't reflect her former obsessive self. Marriage and motherhood had changed Hermione. She was no long the uptight teenager she had once been. She grew up to be a well-rounded adult.

"Do you love her?" Harry asked solemnly, breaking the silence.

"Of course I love her! What kind of question is that?" Jack asked smartly and without much thought.

"I just wanted to remind you. If you really love her than you'll work this out… whatever it is," Harry answered before leaving Jack alone with his thoughts.

"How are things at work, Jack?" Ron asked once lunch was over and the younger boys were no longer in the room. "Have you told Lily about the Dark Mark sightings yet?"

Jack took a deep breath before answering. Everyone in the room had brought up Lily at every opportunity, and it was driving him crazy. "No, the department is not informing anyone about the Dark Marks. I know she's suspicious after what happened at St. Mungos. We still don't know who is doing it, and they don't want to start a panic. I couldn't tell Lily even if I wanted to."

"Why don't you want to tell her? It might be better to have someone to talk to about this," Harry suggested.

"It would just give her something else to worry about," Jack replied, looking away.

"Something else for her to worry about or something else for you to worry about?" Harry asked.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jack asked in response.

Harry kept his tone even in spite of Jack's mounting aggression. "Jack, you both have been under an extreme amount of pressure. It's understandable that you two may fight because of the stress. Maybe you think that by keeping this from Lily, you're sparing yourself the added stress of having to deal with her reaction to the news."

"I don't know what's going on with Lily and me," Jack sighed. "I think it might be work-related. It's kind of disheartening because nothing the auror department does seems to do end up helping any. We've already had a department head turn to the other side, and no one really knows who to trust. The death eaters are always on the move, and they seem to be actively recruiting now. The Ministry has done a pretty good job covering everything up so far, but that can only last so long. I think its time they realize that we can't fight this on our own. We need help from the rest of the magical community before this threat is going to go away."

"Is that the only reason why you have been working such ridiculous hours…because they don't want to involve anyone else?" Hermione wondered.

"I guess so." Jack stood up and walked over to his father's desk to find something to occupy his fidgety hands. He settled on the golden snitch Harry had caught years ago. It was the snitch that won the cup for Gryffindor during his parents third year of school. "Things sure aren't the way they used to be," Jack said finally.

"You should talk to Lily about it," Hermione advised.

"I will when I'm ready," Jack assured her. His tone was short and somewhat annoyed this time, however.

Ron decided to clarify what his wife had said. "I don't think she was talking about the auror department problems or the dark mark. You two have been distant for a while. We're all noticed."

"I know you guys are concerned, and I can understand why. But if Lily and I are going to make it, we're going to have to work these things out on our own," Jack told them.

"What do you mean, if you and Lily make it? I've never heard you talk like that about Lily before," Hermione pointed out.

"Things change, people change. It's just really hard to remember what it was like before everything started happening. Lily's done a pretty good job of trying to push me away," Jack concluded.

Hermione stood up and walked over to her son. She put her arms around him and tried to send him the strength he needed to keep going. "Oh Jack, you can't give up on Lily. You love her more than anything. I know you do."

Jack let his mother hug him for a few lingering seconds before he pulled away. "I can't save Lily if she doesn't want to be saved."

"She's just scared," Harry spoke up.

"I know she's scared. But I can't help her if she won't admit to herself that she's scared. It would be a lot easier if she didn't act like nothing's happened. Like she's fine. I know she's not fine and she's not stable enough for me to talk to her about my issues so I'm kind of stuck." Jack took a deep breath. "Like I said, this is really between Lily and me. I'd rather just let it happen naturally. I don't want anyone trying to interfere because they don't want to see us split up. Let us handle this." Jack kissed his mother on the forehead and bid everyone else goodbye before escaping into the corridor.

Lily came home late while the rest of the school was having dinner. Not even bothering to change her clothes, she headed straight for the Great Hall and searched the Gryffindor table for signs of her friends. She found Jack sitting and talking with Brad and Dylan. They looked to be having a good time since they were laughing and cracking jokes with one another.

It reminded her of old times. The same old times she and Dylan had just been discussing the other night. She had come into the Great Hall so many times in years past to find them doing this exact thing. Jack looked happier then he had in a long time.

For some reason, it hurt to see Jack having a good time without her. She knew she was being dreadfully selfish, but after the way everything went down last night, she couldn't help but feel left out. He seemed to be doing fine without her, despite the fact that she didn't feel fine without him. Was that a permanent change or was it something that was just happening at this moment?

Suddenly realizing she was no longer hungry, Lily turned on her heel to go back to the dorm. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she nearly walked right into Mea.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Mea asked cheerfully. "I bet Jack's expecting you at dinner."

"I was going back to my dorm. I'm kind of tired. I don't think Jack will even notice I'm not there," Lily said before smiling forcibly and walking around her friend at a brisk pace.

Mea nodded her head and walked over to her friends at the Gryffindor table. "I just ran into Lily over there," she said as she took a seat next to Brad.

"Did you?" Jack asked dryly.

"Yeah, she seemed in a hurry to get out of here. She said she was tired and going back to the dorm. Care to explain something to me, Jack? Why is she so upset?"

"I'd rather not actually," Jack replied. "Drop it, Mea."

"Alright, but she's a really good friend of mine and I don't want to see something happen to the two of you," Mea warned.

"We're fine," Jack lied. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. The real question was whether he was lying to himself as well as everyone else.

Jack didn't get back to the dorm until about midnight. He had gone back to Gryffindor tower with the guys and spent time with them in the old common room. He'd forgotten how nice it was to be in there with everyone else. When he entered the room he found Lily sitting by the fire with a book on her lap. One of the kittens was snuggled up next to her and she scratched its ears mindlessly. When she heard him enter she turned abruptly, but kept her voice calm.

"Hey."

"Hey," Jack answered, taking a seat in another arm chair. He didn't make any attempt to start a conversation with her either. He really didn't know why he'd come in here in the first place, he was in no mood to talk to her right now.

"Work was good," she said awkwardly.

"That's nice," he replied. He heard her take a shuddering breath and glanced up at her. She wasn't looking at him at all. Just staring down at the kitten she was still petting. He saw her eyes glaze in the firelight and he knew she was on the verge of tears. He felt horrible because he knew he was causing her pain this time, but his empathy did nothing to keep his temper in check.

She spoke again but didn't take her eyes off the kitten. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, Mea said she ran into you at the Great Hall entrance. Why didn't you come to dinner?"

"I decided I wasn't hungry."

"Oh," was all he could think of to say in return.

She finally raised some Gryffindor courage to ask him the question she'd been aching to know since the night before. "Is there something you want to talk to me about?"

He looked at her with absolutely no emotion in his eyes. "No," he replied shortly.

"Why are you lying to me?" she pressed further with her eyes welling with more tears. When he gave no reply and refused to even look at her, she gave up her offensive and blinked her tears back furiously. "Fine, keep your secrets," she stated coldly.

"The department sent an owl. They don't need us there tomorrow. Dennis says he wants to give us a little break," Jack said, changing the subject.

"That'll be nice," she said after taking a deep breath and getting a hold of her emotions. "What are you planning on doing tomorrow then?" For a second she almost thought he had something planned for them to do together. It felt like they hadn't had any real time they could spend together as a couple since after Christmas.

"Brad and Dylan asked me to play Qudditch like we used to. They only have classes in the morning. You're welcome to come if you want," he offered.

Whenever he was around her he seemed to say things he didn't mean. Lily must have sensed that he didn't want her to come, because she looked really hurt and she wouldn't meet his gaze. "No, that's okay. You go and have fun. I can find something else to do."

"Like what?" he asked with the edge returning to his voice without him even willing it to be there.

"I'll owl the hospital and tell them I can pick up an extra shift. They've been short staffed lately and I haven't been back there since--"

"Is work all you care about?" he wondered under his breath and cutting her off from her previous statement.

"That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?"

"I'm not the one going into work on our day off," he spat at her.

"I don't want to fight with you, Jack. Go have fun with your friends and maybe I'll see you tomorrow night." She stood up and walked into her bedroom. All at once she needed to get away from him and the pain his remoteness was causing her. Unfortunately for her, he was hot on her trail.

"It wasn't so long ago that they were your friends too!" He bellowed as she walked to her bookcase and returned the book she had been preoccupying herself with.

"Why should I talk to you at all? Nothing I say is right anymore!"

"Why are you being like this?" he asked angrily.

She finally snapped, turning around to face him with angry body language. "Oh, I'm so sorry my attitude is raining on your good mood, Jack! You certainly were in a great mood when I saw you at dinner. I haven't seen you that happy in ages!"

"I was happy! Until I came home to you. It's you who's making me unhappy!" he screamed at her, though as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. He didn't know what was making him say these things. Did he really mean them? He couldn't mean them…could he?

She took two steps back from him, almost as if she was afraid of him. His words had hit home hard. She stared at him with wide eyes for several moments, not daring to say anything in return. How did things turn so bad so fast? Looking away she shook her head trying to make sense of what he had just revealed.

"I didn't mean that," Jack said halfheartedly. He made no attempt to go to her and hold her, which was just about the only thing that would have made her believe him.

"No, you meant it. You just didn't mean to say it out loud," she said softly, not looking him in the eye. Her tears were returning and she knew this time she was powerless to stop them.

"There you go twisting everything around again!" Jack said with raising anger once more. She raised her face to him with tears beaming from her now clouded emerald eyes. She hadn't wanted him to see how upset she was, but she realized she really didn't care anymore.

"What do you want from me!" she screamed back at him with her hands gripping her temples.

"I don't know anymore!" he yelled back, turning his back to her and facing the doorway. He stood there motionless for several seconds before he turned back to her with livid watery eyes and an unreadable expression. "Things between us used to be so simple. I loved you and you loved me and that was all there was to it. When did that change? I've tried to be there for you, but that doesn't seem to be enough anymore!"

"Jack, you think I don't know what you're feeling?" she looked at him wildly. "You think I haven't known since I lost the baby how much I repulse you? You think I don't feel how much you don't want me near you? Why do you think I've stayed away!"

He stared at her blankly and shook his head. Deep down he had known she could feel his emotions, but looking in her painful eyes and seeing just what he'd done to her was a whole different story.

Lily's head had long ago begun to pound, and the pain only increased as their argument pushed them further and further apart. She could feel the distance growing with every hurtful word that left his mouth. Every time he closed off and pushed her away. But then again, hadn't she known this would come on day? She hurriedly wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to look like the strong self-sufficient woman she knew she was deep inside.

"No one ever told you that you had to love me, Jack. I never asked for someone to take care of me! I would have been fine on my own. But you came along and had to show me what it felt like to be loved and wanted. I'd never felt that before. I didn't know what it was."

Rage seemed to course through his body and he spoke again without considering the meaning of his words. "Then I'm sorry for caring! And I'm sorry for loving you! You're evidently not who I thought you were."

For an endless moment, she just stood there, giving Jack just enough time to be sorry for his words but not long enough for him to try and take them back. She nodded her head in an almost understanding way and looked him in the eye. It was almost as if he could see her building up a wall around herself again; that same wall that had taken him years to break through.

She walked over to him, so close he could see the ache etched in her face. "You know, when I found out I was pregnant I had this vision. This hope, really, that somehow you would be happy about it. That somehow deep down you would remember that you loved me and that we'd be okay no matter what. I guess with all I've put you through, your love for me has been buried so deep you can't even access it anymore. I know what you said in the hospital wasn't from your heart. You don't want children; at least not with me."

She took a deep breath and spoke in a wounded tone. "I'm going to do you a favor, Jack," she said as she took off her engagement ring and placed it on the bed, not trusting herself to hand it to him properly. "You're off the hook. You don't have to pretend to love me anymore. Go find someone who can really make you happy; the way I can't. Someone you can be proud to love. And one day when she tells you she's having your child, promise me you'll give her every ounce of support.

"Don't even think about the baby we lost. It wasn't meant to be. You obviously deserve better than I can give you. I'm glad you finally see that now. I'm only sorry I seem to have lost my best friend in the process."

He closed his eyes at her last comment and shook his head. Still, not matter how hard he tried he couldn't form the words he so wanted to say. She swept from the room grabbing her tennis shoes as she went. She was clearly planning on going for a run. After he heard the bedroom door shut behind her followed by the slam of the front door, he looked down at the ring on top of the bed. He had no idea what made him say those things. He also had no idea what prevented him from going after her now. The events of the night before made him so sick he wanted to throw up. What was he going to do now?

Lily put her socked feet in the shoes she had been carrying since she left the dorm. Hot tears made their way down her face and she didn't even bother to wipe them away. She hadn't looked back since she left the room, and when she glanced over her shoulder now she hoped to see Jack running after her. Telling her to take the ring back, and that he really hadn't meant to say those things. That he wasn't sorry for loving or caring about her and that he still wanted to get married. But he wasn't there. This only made her tears come faster and she decided to just go for the run she knew her body and mind needed. It was better this way. All she had to do was keep telling herself that.

She ran as far from the castle as she could possibly go without entering the forest. Then she ran around the edge of the forest until her lungs screamed for her to stop. When this happened she simply fell to her knees and wept. She cried for all the things that had happened over the past few years--all the things that were now ruining her life. All the things she had no control over.

After a good fifteen minutes or so, she got up and ran back to the castle. It was stupid to be out in the open like this given the state of things. She knew this rationally in her mind, but her heart really didn't care if anything happened to her. Who would care anyways, except her father? At least she still had him.

Once the thought of Harry crept into her mind she knew where she had to go. There was no way she was going back to the dorm, but she couldn't stay out all night, especially if she was going to work in the morning.

She didn't know how she got to her father's door. She only remembered being there. She knocked on the door loud enough to get his attention, but soft enough not to wake anyone else up.

"Lily!" Harry said in disbelief when he opened the door, pulling a robe around his shoulders. "Is something wrong?"

She opened her mouth to tell him she was fine but the words just didn't come out. He watched her eyes cloud over with tears. Her whole frame seemed to tremble with unspeakable sadness. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his quarters. She cried in his arms, holding nothing back. He kissed the top of her head and soothed her in anyway he could.

"Shhh, Lily, it's okay."

"He… hates… me," she hiccupped through her tears.

"No, he doesn't," he said automatically.

"Yes he does, Daddy," she lifted her face up to look at him. "I can feel it. He won't even look at me half the time."

"Honey, I'm sure all of this is a misunderstanding. Jack doesn't hate you." He looked down at her hand and saw her engagement ring was missing.

"Harry," a sleepy voice said from a few feet away.

He looked over and saw Ginny standing there, clad in her robe and his socks. He shook his head and pulled Lily tighter into his chest. He'd told Ginny about what Ron told him happened a few nights ago. She knew they had the suspicion that Jack was being toyed with. She walked over to them and patted Lily on the back. Lily looked over at her and moved from Harry's arms and into hers.

"I don't understand, Mom," she cried. "He said he'd always love me."

"It's going to be okay," Ginny said softly. "Why don't we go and get you ready for bed. You need a good night's sleep to rest your mind before you deal with this."

Harry watched as his wife led his daughter down the hallway and into the spare bedroom. Perhaps he should have told her that Ron had told him what happened the other night. He had decided against it, but now seeing that matters appeared to be worsening, he had no choice but to re-think that decision.

He walked down the hallway and into their room. He lay down in bed and stared up at the ceiling. About a half hour later Ginny came back into the room. Neither of them said anything as she removed her robe and got into bed. She crawled over to him and rested her head in the center of his chest.

"She's asleep," Ginny informed him. "Or at least I think she is."

"Did she give you any indication of what happened?" Harry asked, wrapping his arms around her more securely.

"No, she just kept saying that he hates her and that he doesn't love her anymore. Do you have any leads on what's causing this yet?"

"Ron told me he knows the potion Jack is taking isn't a normal binding potion. There are some strange ingredients in it. He's working with a potions specialist at St. Mungos trying to figure out exactly what the ingredients have done to him. Dennis has the healer who prescribed it under constant surveillance."

"Harry, I'm not saying this to scare you, but we're running out of time here. Lily is on a thin thread. Jack was her only lifeline. If you don't do something fast we're going to lose her."

"I know," Harry said truthfully. Neither of them said anything else. They both fell into uneasy sleep while the person down the hall didn't sleep at all.

"So, you think you've figured it out," Malfoy's cold voice spoke. Lily whirled around to face him. She squared her shoulders and puffed up her chest. Again they were in the house on the island; the breeze blowing the curtains and the smell of the ocean filling the air.

"Maybe," she said vaguely, "This is the first dream I've had in weeks since we started taking the potion."

"Ah, but one of you isn't taking the potion anymore," Malfoy pointed out. "Otherwise I would not have been able to bring you here. Good old Jack has finally seen the light. He's finally realized what a handful you are. He doesn't love you. But somehow I have a feeling you already knew that."

Lily couldn't help the tears that clouded her vision and she lowered her gaze to the ground. She had feared that Jack's feelings had changed, spoken the horrible thought out loud even, but this more or less confirmed it.

"From what I know your little fairy tale wedding is off," Malfoy continued, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger. "But if you want him to be happy then you should be relieved the wedding is off. You could never make anyone happy, Lily. All you've ever been to anyone is pain and disappointment."

"That's not true," she protested weakly.

"Oh look around you silly child. You're mother is dead. You're father is married to the love of his life and finally able to enjoy all the things he's always wanted."

"My father loves me!" Lily yelled suddenly. She stepped back away from his grasp and looked him in the eye.

"And look at how you repay him for his love. You've hurt him more now than anyone could possibly imagine. You go back and you'll see for yourself. Everyone around you is happy. But you never will be. Some people are just born to suffer. Why take them down with you?"

Lily's eyes fluttered open and for a while she remained perfectly still. She hadn't had a dream like that in so long, she almost forgotten how terrible they were. She knew what she had to do. If she wanted anyone to be happy she knew she had to do something. This hell she was making everyone live through wasn't worth it. She wasn't worth it.

Sitting up in bed she waved her hand and several candles on the bedside table ignited. She summoned a quill and ink along with some parchment and a book to write on. Without giving it much thought she began to write.

Dear Dennis,

I am writing to volunteer myself for any long term missions out of the country. I know this is sudden and you're probably going to wonder why. I can't really explain here but I just need so time away from England. I know there are some cases in the States and Australia that need undercover aurors. I would really appreciate to be considered for any of those positions. Please keep me posted if anything turns up.

Lt. Lilly Potter

Early the next morning, Jack walked through the corridors of Hogwarts completely determined to find Lily. A few hours of thinking left him with the largest case of regret he had ever had. All he wanted to do was find Lily and hold her until she believed that he hadn't meant those things he said. He approached Harry's front door and hesitated before knocking. He almost hoped that Lily hadn't gotten the chance to tell him anything.

"Hello, Jack," Harry said soberly. He was fully dressed and ready for class.

"Is she here?" Jack painfully asked.

"She was," Harry stated blankly, "but she left a note saying she was going to work at the hospital today, because you two didn't need to be at the ministry."

"Damn," Jack said, punching the wall a little harder than he may have intended.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, or am I just supposed to guess?" Harry said with a lopsided grin. "Come on in, Jack."

Jack entered the quarters and sat down heavily on the sofa. "I've been a complete git."

"I noticed Lily wasn't wearing her engagement ring when she came here last night. And she'd clearly been crying. She wouldn't tell me what was going on, but I have a funny feeling it involves you."

"We had a row last night, a pretty big one." He went on to explain all that had happened the night before, all that was said and all the action that had taken place. When he was finished he had tears of his own running down his face. How could he have been so stupid? "I really do love her, Harry. I don't know why I said those things."

"I'd say you two have a lot of talking to do. She's miserable, and clearly so are you. If she comes here again tonight, then I'll try to send her to you. Just, promise me you're not going to lose your temper. I'm trusting you here, Jack. Okay?"

"Thanks," Jack said feebly.

"Jack, can I ask you something," Harry said, suddenly even more serious.

"Sure," Jack said, afraid to hear what it was he wanted to know.

"Are you still taking the bonding potion?"

Jack was silent for a second before he shook his head, "I stopped taking it the night of the attack in Hogsmeade. I'm supposed to start taking it again a week before the wedding. I'll have to double up. If there is a wedding at all," he added, looking at the floor.

"There will be," Harry said without missing a beat.

"Why did you ask about the potion?" Jack wondered, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Well…did they make you feel differently?" Harry asked evasively. "I mean did you think you were…acting strangely when you were taking them?"

Jack thought for a moment. "I don't really know. I was so angry about the baby, and to tell you the truth, things are a little fuzzy during that time. I never really thought the two things were connected." He stood up and walked over to the window to look outside.

"You were angry at Lily for keeping the fact that she was pregnant a secret?" Harry asked from the couch.

Jack turned and met Harry's eyes. The look on his face was so painful, so wounded that Harry nearly had to look away. Something else was going on. Harry stood up and walked to the window.

"Jack, it's alright," he said when he reached him. He put his hand on Jack's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "But if something else is going on in that head of yours, it's important that you tell me. Ron and I think someone is magically messing with you. Possibly through the potion."

"How is that possible? Why didn't you come to me and tell me to stop taking it?" Jack asked sounding alarmed.

"Because if someone is inside your mind than we couldn't risk them finding out we were on to them," Harry explained quickly. "But now the fact that you stopped taking the potion on your own suggests to me that you think something is off too."

Jack looked down, scrunched up his face, and shook his head. "I don't know what's been going on with me." He looked up and saw the concerned look on Harry's face. "I can't do this, Harry. I can't talk to you about this. She's your daughter."

"Jack, she will always be my daughter. But you will always be my godson and in a few weeks you're going to be my son-in-law. I'm worried about you. You need to tell me what's going on."

Jack walked back over to the couch and sat down. Harry followed and waited expectantly. It took Jack a few moments to collect his thoughts, but when he did the story seemed to spill from his mouth as if he had wanted to get it off his chest for a while.

"We had been taking the potion for a few weeks when I first started to notice the changes. It's hard to explain but she always seemed to know what I wanted or how I was feeling. I could do the same with her but the connection was more subtle. One night I was working late and we got called to this house where Death Eaters had come through and killed the family. I was upset and angry about what I saw. I kept thinking about Lily and how I just wanted everything to be normal. I wanted to keep her safe and I wanted to have a normal happy life with her. Things have been so crazy lately and I guess I just needed a reminder that there was something in this world that still made me happy."

Jack paused and looked at Harry. He was sitting on chair facing him on the couch. He took a breath and went on. "I came home and she was waiting up for me. She was worried because I was so late. When I saw her it was like I just had to be with her. I couldn't think of anything else. I probably shouldn't have but--"

"Jack, you love her," Harry cut in. "Of course you would want to be with her."

"I don't think you understand. She was worried and I practically--"

"No, you didn't," Harry said, knowing where this was going.

"How do you know? You weren't there."

"I was there when we brought her out of that cell. I saw the look on her face. She has never looked like that around you. You're reading too much into this."

"Harry, Lily and I…we've been…" He stopped looking frustrated that he couldn't find the right words to say this. He tried again, "We've been intimate for a while now and we've never had a pregnancy scare before. She's been taking a potion as contraception and we've never had a problem with it. The reason Lily got pregnant is because subconsciously that's what I wanted."

"How can you be sure it was that time?" Harry asked without a trace of uneasiness surprisingly.

"Don't get me wrong we have a healthy relationship in that department," he said looking away and feeling his cheeks heat up. "But we're not rabbits. It's not like we stay hauled up in our room all the time. That time though, it felt different. The timing is right. She was only a few weeks pregnant when she lost the baby. I know that was the night. It was all my fault. I was never angry at her, in all honesty. I was angry at myself for putting her in that position. But that doesn't explain why I've been so horrible to her."

"The potion could have done that if someone was tampering with it," Harry concluded. "It could have redirected your anger in some way."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Jack said suddenly. "I promised you that I'd always protect her and I haven't done a pretty poor job of it. I think I've hurt her worse than anyone."

"Son, don't be so hard on yourself," Harry assured. "We're going to fix this."

The look on Jack's face suggested that he was no longer all there. His mind seemed to be somewhere else. "She said all these things last night," he spoke in a hollow voice, "And all I could do was stand there. I didn't say anything. I should have but I didn't. I don't know what's wrong with me. She's everything to me. It kills me that she doesn't know that."

"We'll fix it, I promise," Harry soothed, patting Jack on the shoulder.

Jack didn't reply. He simply got up seconds later and left Harry to think about what he was going to say to his daughter when he saw her again.

"I don't understand why you want to do this, Lily," Dennis said for about the fifth time since she came into his office. It was about two o'clock this afternoon when she got the summons from him at the hospital asking her to come meet him at the Ministry when she got off work. She was currently sitting in the chair facing him at his desk.

"If this were anyone else, would you ask them why they wanted to volunteer?" Lily asked bluntly.

Dennis sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "You're right, but you're not just anybody else. Is everything alright? What about the wedding?"

"There isn't going to be a wedding," she said, growing frustrated. "Look, Dennis, this isn't my only option. I've gotten offers to join an American Auror unit as well as the French, Irish, and Swiss Ministries. I've also received letters from several hospitals outside the country offering me internships with them. I'm asking you because I know you all are in over your heads and you could use some help."

"I just don't--"

"I'm a capable auror," she said, cutting him off. "I will complete any mission you send me on. I'm hard-working and I'm reliable. You know that."

"Lily, I can't just send you off somewhere without knowing what is going on. If you're not in the right mental state you could get yourself killed," he told her firmly and quickly before she could talk over him again.

She stood up and straightened her robes looking down at him with contempt. "If that's the way you feel then I'd like you to please transfer me to the department in the states. Send them my paperwork. I've already owled them and they're expecting it."

"Why would you ask if you already knew I'd say no?" Dennis wondered. When she didn't answer he continued, "I don't know what's going on here, Lily, but I'm worried about you. Ever since the baby--"

"Don't," she whispered, shutting her eyes.

"Running away from your problems isn't the answer. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the things you care about."

Her eyes narrowed and she glared at him. "Sacrifices? You want to lecture me about making sacrifices?" she said with raising anger. "I have sacrificed everything! I've given up my childhood for this department! I've let it rule my life for so long that now it's the only thing I have left! I'm not marrying Jack and I would appreciate it if everyone just stayed out of our business. I know everyone would love to see us work things out because you all think we have we have some kind of fairy tale love affair but it isn't like that. It's over. But that has nothing to do with this."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Lily," Dennis said lamely.

"I'm not here for your sympathy, Dennis."

He sighed and looked away from her. "How soon do you want the transfer?"

"As soon as the paperwork can go through."

"Alright," he conceded. "This isn't a good idea but there is no way I'm holding you back if this is what you want to do."

"Thank you."

Harry and Ginny were enjoying the warmth of the fire as they sat in his quarters late that night. Harry sat up on the couch while Ginny was stretched out beside him with her head in his lap. He was gently stroking her hair when the fire before them came to life and Dennis O'Connor stepped out before them.

"What's up?" Harry said as he and Ginny got to their feet.

"I can't tell you," Dennis said regretfully stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"What?" Harry asked harshly.

"Strictly speaking I can't tell you what someone and I talked about today. It would violate confidentiality."

"If this is about my daughter or my godson you'd better tell me," Harry warned.

"I can't," Dennis repeated. "But I can give you this because you're still working for the department." He handed Harry a thick folder and walked back to the fireplace.

Once Dennis was gone Harry looked down at the folder and then back at Ginny. "What do you think it is?" she asked with a hand over her heart.

"We'll have to find out," Harry said as he opened the folder.

Inside were several documents. The first few were just intel reports on various local missions. A few documents in Harry found something interesting. It was a list of aurors who were scheduled to depart for long term overseas missions in the states. Harry read down the list.

Second Lieutenant D. Drewy

Initial Destination: AAD Detroit office

Duration: Three months

Departure Date: March 30th

Mission objective: Classified local disturbance

Status: Temporary stand in

First Lieutenant B. Mackaferty

Initial Destiniation: AAD San Francisco office

Duration: Nine months

Departure Date: March 25th

Mission objective: Classified local disturbance

Status: Semi-permanent

Staff Sergeant W. Turner

Initial Destination: AAD Washington DC office

Duration: Six weeks

Departure Date: April 1st

Mission Objective: Taskforce goal completion

Status: Temporary stand in

Second Lieutenant L. Potter

Initial Destination: AAD office classified

Duration: Indefinite

Departure Date: March 15th

Mission Objective: Department transfer

Status: Permanent

Harry stopped reading when he reached that name. He lowered the folder and set it on the coffee table. Ginny picked up the piece of parchment and began to read.

"What does AAD mean?" Ginny asked a few seconds later.

"It means American Auror Department," Harry said as he took a seat. He leaned his elbows onto his knees and covered his face with his hands.

"Harry, March 15th is less than ten days away," Ginny said, sounding horrified.

"I know," Harry said huskily.

"This says permanent." She looked over at him. "Harry, what--"

Harry stood up and took her in his arms. "It's going to be okay. She's not leaving yet. I'll talk to her."

"But how can she leave before she's graduated?" Ginny asked tearfully.

Harry looked down, somewhat surprised at her tears as he wiped some of them away. "She's taken all her tests. The ceremony is only for show at this point. There really is no reason academically that she has to stay here."

"But she can't just leave…I mean what about Jack…She loves him, Harry I know she does!" Ginny looked up at him with determined eyes.

"I know honey, but she's just incredibly hurt and confused. Jack came to see me today and the fight they had was a lot worse than you may think. She gave him back the ring and told him he was off the hook."

"They're not getting married?"

"They will if I can help it," Harry said resolutely.

"What about healing?" Ginny said desperately. "She's always said she really wanted to do that. And what about us? What about the baby? Harry, I want us all to be a family. I don't want our children to never know who their big sister is!"

Harry could see she was losing it. "Shhh, calm down, Gin. Its not good for you or the baby for you to be upset. She's not going anywhere. I'll put a stop to this. We are going to be a family. All of us," he added placing his hand over her still flat abdomen. "I promise."

"Where is she? She should be back by now."

Harry let go of her and walked over to the desk in the corner. In the top drawer he pulled out an old map Ginny knew all to well.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he spoke clearly. It took him a minute but he found her name floating in the astronomy tower. "Mischief managed," he said hastily. "I'll find her. She needs to go talk to Jack and work this out. I have a feeling he's the only one who can change her mind."

Harry made his way to the astronomy tower with a million and one things on his mind. He had no idea what he was going to say to change her mind. He remembered a similar conversation he had with Ron several years ago. At the time, though, he was on the other side of the argument.

"I don't know why you're doing this, Harry," Ron said bluntly. "Why do you always want to punish yourself?"

"Ron, this isn't punishment," Harry said as he continued to pack away his things from his room at the Burrow. "They need help over there."

"But why you? Why is it always you?"

"I don't know."

"Have you talked to Ginny?" Ron asked accusingly.

"Ginny understands," Harry lied.

"No, she doesn't and neither do I. You promised me. You promised you wouldn't hurt her. You said after the war was over the only thing you wanted to do was be with her. This isn't being with her. This is pushing her away."

"Ron, just stay out of it!"

"Not when you're breaking my baby sister's heart!"

"She may be your sister, mate. But she certainly isn't a baby."

Ron put his hands in his pockets and was silent for a few minutes. "I understand that you think you need to do this. Like you have something you need to prove. It's just hard to watch you throw happiness away with both hands."

Harry shook his head to get rid of the memory and found that he had arrived at his destination. He looked around and found her sitting on the floor gazing off into space. He approached her with caution as she appeared to have not noticed his presence.

"Lily," he said softly, drawing her eyes up from the floor. "What are you doing up here, honey?"

"Just thinking," she said vaguely. The light in her eyes seemed to have gone out and all that was left was a dull, painful expression.

Harry walked over and sat next to her. Surprisingly she leaned into his shoulder and allowed him to put an arm around her. He was happy to feel some of the tension elevate from her body.

"I saw Jack today," Harry told her. No response came. "Lily, his heart is breaking. You've got to talk to him."

"What good will talking do?" she asked harshly.

"I know you two can work this out."

"No, its over."

"Do you want it to be over?" he asked, turning his head to the side so he could look at her.

"It doesn't matter what I want. I've seen the way he looks at me, Dad. He doesn't love me. I'm beginning to wonder if he ever did."

"That's not true. He does love you. I think maybe you've convinced yourself that he doesn't love you because it's convenient," Harry stated boldly. She pulled away from him and looked him in the eye.

"How is that convenient for me?" she asked loudly.

"Because then it won't hurt you to leave him behind when you leave for the states in less then ten days," he said flatly.

Lily stood up from where they had been sitting and walked away from him several feet. For a moment he thought she was going to walk out the door but she turned around to reveal tears running down her pale cheeks.

"How is it that you always know everything?"

"I have my ways. I know what you're doing. I've been there. But it's not going to matter how many miles you put between you and Jack. You're never going to stop thinking of him and loving him."

"Dad, I have to do this. You can't talk me out of it."

Harry found himself growing angry and soon he was on his feet in front of her. "So you're just going to leave us all behind? Pack up and walk away and never come back."

"I never said I wasn't coming back," she said, choking back tears.

Harry felt his anger raising as he fought to keep his voice from doing the same. "I am not stupid. I saw the wrap sheet, Lily. It says permanent indefinite transfer. I know what that means."

"I just need some time to get away and think about some things."

"And what about me? I'm your father and I've spent years away from you and I've only recently gotten you back."

"Well, that's not my fault now, is it?" she fired back.

He could tell the conversation was escalating, so he took a step back and lowered his voice. "Please go talk to Jack. I'm begging you. You owe him that at least. If you feel that you can't resolve this in a few days than you should at least tell him goodbye."

She looked at him, nodded, and swept from the room in a hurry before he could say another word.

Lily entered their dorm that night late and with deep red puffy eyes. She clearly had not slept in over twenty-four hours and it was showing in her face. She looked dead on her feet. Other than that, her expression was emotionless. She closed the door behind her and leaned heavily against it, not meeting Jack's probing looks from the armchair by the fire.

"You actually came," Jack said with relief.

"Only because my dad did all but threaten to hex me into the next century if I didn't," she said, exaggerating a little and folding her arms across her chest.

"What's happened to us?" he said, walking over to her.

"I have no idea. I've spent all day trying to figure that out," she admitted softly, looking down at her feet. She let a second pass before she asked in a hushed voice, "What did I do to make you stop loving me?"

He came closer and cupped the side of her face with his hand. She met his eyes and searched their depths for whatever answer she was seeking. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will. Everything has changed so much. I guess it just all caught up to me," he told her gently.

"You mean I've changed too much," she said bitterly, moving away from his touch.

"You have changed, Lil. More than you realize."

She was the one with the raising anger tonight however. "Well, I sorry I've changed so much. But being raped and beaten to the point of near death will do that to a person! Having to kill a guy who was once a really good friend will also do that to a person! I told you once I was the same girl I was before the whole incident with Malfoy ruined my life. Perhaps I wasn't telling the whole truth. I'm not the same girl. But, how silly of me, I thought you'd love me anyway! I thought we could survive this. But I guess we can't."

"I didn't mean the things I said last night. I was just upset. I love you! I always have and I always will!"

"Just throw in the towel, Jack! It's over!" she screamed, trying to walk around him to disappear into her bedroom.

Jack shook her shoulders, trying to knock some sense into her. This was her exhaustion talking, no the real Lily. "I do love you! I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my entire life. I love you so much its making sick to hear you talk like this! I mean, honestly, do you hear yourself? This isn't Lily talking! This is not my Lily; she never gives up on anything."

Lily's expression changed. Her eyes were emotionless. She laughed cruelly, half to herself, half to no one at all. "You're right you know. I'm not Lily. I don't even know that girl anymore. I'm not sure that she ever existed outside your own mind."

Jack took another step forward. "I know she's here. I can see her in your eyes. We've got to stick together on this one. I can't do this without you."

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, catching him off guard.

"Doing what?"

"This whole auror thing. I mean truthfully, is it because you feel you need to protect me? I don't need your protection. I can do just fine on my own," she said with the confidence she knew she lacked.

"Can you?" he quietly challenged her and looked deeply into her eyes. He had never seen so much fear in them, not even when she opened them for the first time after being in Malfoy's cell.

"Jack, just get yourself out of this mess," she said, looking down and showing just how vulnerable she really is. "I told you…you're off the hook. You don't owe me anything. You have helped me through some of the toughest times of my life, and I can never thank you enough for everything. But I don't have anything left to give you except to let you go on and have the life you deserve."

He placed a hand on the side of her face again and this time she raised her gaze to look him in the eye. "All I want is you. I'm so sorry about the things I said. I was an idiot and if you'll let me I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

She kept her eyes locked with his and all he could see was sadness. "I did give myself to you, Jack. No one has ever had the power to hurt me like you do. Not Luis or Malfoy not the people at the orphanage not anyone! I never let anyone in, except you. Now I'm beginning to wish I hadn't."

"Lily, I'm sorry…I--"

"I always knew one day you would wake up and realize just how much loving me has cost you. So it isn't really a surprise that all this happened. The reason why I was hurt by the things you said is because I knew you were right." She clenched her jaw and straightened herself up trying to look resilient.

Jack realized he had done exactly what she always feared he would do. He'd let her down in the worst possible way. He tried to explain himself. "I was just angry about what you did the other night in the duel with that death eater or whoever he was. You just laid there and watched him raise his wand at you! You didn't even try to get up or fight back. It was like losing you all over again!" He lowered his hand from the side of her face but never took his eyes away from hers.

"I just froze, Jack. I didn't know what to do," she said, softening a little bit.

"I wanted you to fight," Jack half-yelled in her face.

"What reason was there to keep on fighting?"

"Me!" he yelled this time.

"Maybe this just isn't meant to be, you and me. Maybe you'd be happier if we spent some time apart."

His face hardened with determination. "I want to marry you. Just as much as the day I asked you to be my wife."

"No you don't," she said softly. "You love something that doesn't really exist. I'm not the girl you want me to be, Jack."

"I'm not going to let you give up on us this easily!"

"I'm not giving up," she said, sounding gravely defeated. "I'm just being the rational one for once. I told you, I don't have anything else I can give you. I thought I had totally given myself to you in ever sense of the word, and it doesn't look like that was enough."

"You're being the stupid one for once. That's usually my part," he joked with a serious tone of voice.

"I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning," she said, walking around him and entering her bedroom.

Jack sighed deeply and entered his room. It was no use going after her until she'd gotten some sleep and had her wits about her. He just hoped that in the morning they could fix this mess they called a relationship.

A/N- I hope you all liked it! Please let me know what you think!