A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing. It really makes me want to write more.

SpikeAbsessor: Thank you!
lafemme540: I think I'm more chapters than these two. I'm waiting to see what sort of responses I get to the first couple.
chiefhow: Willow did the whole Christmas tree thing to get Buffy in the spirit. She is Jewish and all that, but Buffy's depressed… so hey, helping her friend, you know? Thankyou for reviewing.
funkydevil206: Ha, thank you for your review!
spikegothicchick: Will do. I'm glad you like it.
spbangel: We'll see…
Celtic Cross: Thank you! This is… fairly soon to update.
elle m: I think I'll continue it. I'm just going to see if anyone responds to my first few chapters.

I'm really sorry about the delays… In updating I mean. My second-Uncle died the day before Christmas… and I've had some trouble finding the inspiration to write. Therefore this chapter has a bit of crying. Something I can actually write about at the moment. Here it is…

He looked at her with fear in his eyes. She tried to tell him that it was okay, but she could only mouth them.

She tried again, forcing the words out. "Ike!" a look of amazement appeared on her face.

"Sp… Spike?" she asked shakily. He showed no recognition to his own name. Her eyes lowered to the supplies she had gathered. She picked up a dampened cloth and started to dab at an open wound that extended from his elbow to the inward side of his wrist.

He winced, proving physical and emotional pain. It took all she had not to wince as well.

Her throat felt scratchy from the forced usage of her vocal chords, but it didn't stop her from trying to speak to him more. She made a buzzing noise as she cleared her throat, humming to get used to it.

Spike's head tilted affectionately. It was almost as if he were an animal. Or something similar.

She smiled shyly and looked down, withdrawing the cloth from his arm.

"Uh…" she looked back up and met his eyes. "Can you…" she cleared her throat again. "Understand… me?"

He squinted at her and opened his mouth slightly. Then he closed it and looked down at his hands, which were cradled in his lap.

She opened her own mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a fit of coughs. They were followed by harsh sobs as reality stabbed her over and over. Soon, she was on her knees at the side of the couch wailing into a cushion.

She choked on a sob and looked up at him apologetically. He stared back at her, tenderly reaching out and stroking her hair. She leaned into his embrace, but no sooner had it come than it had retracted. She wiped away her tears harshly, holding her breath as an attempt at stopping.

Odd snorts came out of her nose as her only way of releasing the sobs before she gave in and started to cry again. Spike's eyes darted around the room frantically.

"I'm…" she gagged, coughing frantically as she choked againon her own sobs. "So… sorry."

She breathed in deeply, her body shaking violently.

In, and out. In, and out.

After a few moments, her breathing was under control. She wiped the tears away and picked up the bottle of antiseptic.

Pouring it onto a spare cloth, she started dabbing at his open wounds again, still sniffling. He winced numerous times, but didn't pull away from her.

"You know…" she whispered now, afraid that talking could make her cry again. She had already used so many tears over the past five years. Spent them all. On him. For him. "Do you… remember me?"

He looked to her, then back to his hands.

"Me." She mumbled. She picked up a bandage and started to fix his wounds. "Buffy."

His head shot up. His eyes met hers in momentary understanding. It was his turn to form the words now. She saw him mouth her name. Familiarity in his blue stare, but nothing beyond that. No knowing.

She swallowed and patted her chest softly. "Buffy."

He tilted his head.

It was enough. She reached forward and took his hand in her own.

"Look… I don't know if you understand a word… that I'm saying to you… but… You're Spike. You've been gone… forever. Five years, Spike. Five whole years, you left me. By myself. Alone."

She stroked his hand, kissing it softly before returning it to his lap. "Never mind…" she whispered, cleaning up the last of his cuts.

She picked up all the things she had bought out and put them back. Then she walked over to her bed and did her 'Buffy Turn-Down Service' for him.

"Spike?" Oh right. He doesn't know his name. She walked out and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom and sitting him on the bed.

"Sleep?" she asked, lying him down. His eyes remained glued on hers. She could have sworn she saw a hint of trust in them. Trust for her.

Maybe it had been the whole 'Inviting-him-in-her-apartment' thing that triggered it…

She watched him as his head was embraced by pillows. His eyes slid shut on their own accord, verifying to Buffy that he hadn't slept since his return. Then she frowned. When had he returned?

Buffy's eyes fluttered open. She glanced around the still-dark apartment. What was the time?

A clock sitting on the coffee table told it to be 4:11 A.M. She sighed and got off the couch.

"Shit!" She gasped, running into the bedroom and drawing the blinds. Sunlight was near, and if she hadn't woken up when she had…

Which bought up the next question. Why was she awake so damn early? She fidgeted on the spot.

Oh yes. Today was the 25th of December. Christmas. She always woke up early on Christmas. Ever since she was a kid. Then she would run into Dawnie's room and shake her till she woke up so they could go and see their presents.

Her lips quivered into a small smile at the memory. Of course, it wasn't true. It was another artificial memory placed there by the monks… but it was enough for her to remember it as if it had happened.

Spike stirred on the bed. She looked over to him. The rags he wore only covered minimal amounts of his body. The body she knew so well…

His own blood stained them. She didn't know if he was feeding off humans… or even if he still had his soul. But looking into his eyes, she could almost see it still there. So she hadn't panicked.

She had to get him clothes. Proper clothes.

A knock on the door startled her. Who the hell would be here at this time in the morning?

Closing the bedroom door softly, she tip-toed over to the door and opened it. Willow stood on the opposite side.

"Buffy! Merry Chris—"

Buffy put a hand over the red-heads mouth and pulled her inside, closing the door softly.

She removed the hand slowly, checking that Willow wasn't going to talk. Spike would wake up otherwise, and he really needed to sleep.

"Will." She smiled softly at her.

Willow's jaw dropped open and her head cocked to the side. Her eyes watered slightly as she smiled, "You're talking?"

"Shhh."

"But you're… what?"

Buffy took her hand and led her to the bedroom. She pushed the door open to reveal the sleeping form of Spike.

"Oh my Goddess!" Willow gasped, walking over to the bedside with hereyes wide. She was nose to nose with Spike when he opened his own eyes. A sharp breath was drew in by his nasal passages before he jumped up and sprinted over to Buffy. Neither of them had seen anything except the blur of his form as he ran to her.

He hid behind the Slayer, peering out at Willow over her shoulder.

"He's… It's… Spike?" she asked, her eyes wide.

Buffy glanced behind herself at him. "I… I found… him."

"You found him? Buffy… how! Where?"

Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. "He was… in the…" she cleared her throat. She was still getting used to the talking thing. "Graveyard. When… I patrolled."

"And you're talking and he's here and… wow. Buffy… oh my…" before Buffy could contradict what was happening, Willow had lunged herself at her, hugging her tightly.

Buffy hugged her back briefly, all the while trying to keep an eye on Spike, who had jumped backwards still at Willow's movements.

"He's… fragile… at the moment… and he needs… blood. And clothing. And he…" Tears filled her eyes. "He…" She drew in a shaky breath and released it. Her tears leaked out slowly. "He's back, Wills. He… He came back."

Willow smiled and released her. "He came back for you, Buffy."

Buffy offered a wobbly smile as she looked over at him. He stared back at her warily.

"I can get some food and clothes for him, if you like. I'm doubting you want to leave him…" Willow suggested. Buffy could see the glee in her eyes. The happiness that Buffy was coming through her depression.

"No…" she shook her head. "Never leaving him again. But Will…"

"Yes?"

"Can this be… one of… my secrets?" she asked timidly. "Can you not tell anyone… yet?" she reached back and took his hand. "I like having… something…" she cleared her throat, searching for the words.

"You like having something that's yours."

Buffy looked at her and nodded.

"I know that feeling… Tara was mine. When you didn't know about her. She was just… mine."

"She... always was."

Willow nodded. "Always is and always will be. Kennedy knows that."

Spike tightened his hold on Buffy's hand, causing her to look over at him curiously. His eyes gazed up at her impishly, giving him the look of a little boy. She smiled at him kindly, wiping awaymore of her tears.

"I'll go and get those supplies…" Willow whispered, walking past them and through the door to the lounge room. "I'll get back to you by the end of the day… and I'll tell Faith it's her patrol tonight. Do you need anything else? Groceries, lingerie, books, anything?"

"All of the above?" she asked.

Willow smiled. It had been four years since Buffy had spoken properly. Four years since she had ever wanted anything. And in that case, she was willing to buy her the whole mall to try and get her back to the way she had used to be. The Slayer she once was. The girl.

With that, she nodded and left, leaving Buffy and Spike as they were, holding hands. In silence.

"Do… you mind?" she asked him. "Being my secret?"

He cocked his head to the side.

"Buffy's secret?"

His mouth formed her name once more before he inclined his head slightly. "Buffy." He croaked, the same as she had the day before.

A tear spilled out of her eye and travelled down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away with his forefinger.

"Buffy." He whispered, nodding.

A/N: I'm pretty sure I warned you about the crying thing, right? Well… There's chapter two. I hope you like it. Please tell me if you did or didn't. And any suggestions are welcome.