WORST CASE SCENARIO - by NotTasha

CHAPTER 8: INTERPLANETARY HOUSE OF WRAITH

"So," McKay started as he walked unsteadily beside Sheppard. "Why didn't you shoot them?"

Sheppard let out a long-suffering sigh as he moved stiffly along, holding the light of the P90 before them. "You ever try to shoot a couple hundred lobster that are coming at you full speed? I swear, some of those suckers could fly."

"Can't say that I've dealt with that… exactly," McKay responded. "Bugs… you were calling them bugs. When they were all amassed in that room, did it look anything like that cave with the iratus creatures?"

Sheppard winced, unnoticed, at the reminder.

Rodney went on, "There were a lot of iratus bugs in that cave, too, let me tell ya. I don't like caves to begin with, but that was one heck of a freak show. They were scurrying up and down and everywhere. Creepy. Yeah, that's the word for it. Was it like that? You remember that cave?"

"Not clearly," Sheppard answered truthfully, pausing to get a good look at his friend. McKay's eyes had an unfocused quality to them. Sheppard doubted Rodney would have been able to keep a straight course without his constant corrections, and he didn't believe that the physicist was 100 with him.

"I wonder if they're more of a 'crab' than a 'lobster'," McKay went on. "They have the best Dungeness in the Pacific Northwest, you know that? There's this place on Vancouver Island that makes this chowder. Little hole in the wall place. It was good -- very good. Some places put too much pepper in it, too much spice, but this one place had the knack of how to make it nice and…"

"Bland?"

"Bland? No, I wouldn't say that. They just let the natural flavors come through. Kept it simple."

"Sounds like 'bland' to me. Anyway, these things looked like lobsters to me. I'm stickin' with that."

"Lots and lots of bugs," Rodney went back to his previous track.

"I hate bugs," Sheppard commented.

"I don't care much for bugs either. Allergies. I have a severe allergic reactions to bees and fire ants."

"Fire ants?"

Shuddering, McKay said quietly, "Don't ask." He kept moving, clutching his arm. "Don't care for caves either. Are we in a cave?"

"Tunnel," Sheppard corrected. The rooms had given way to a long featureless tunnel and they currently trod their way along it, looking for the way out – for certainly there was a means of getting out of this place – this tunnel had to end somewhere. Sheppard directed his flashlight into the darkness ahead of them.

From time to time Sheppard had tried his radio, but had received no response from either Teyla or Ronon. Something was blocking the signal, he determined, not wanting to believe that anything had happened to his other teammates.

Would Teyla and Ronon have gone looking for them once the radio contact ended? Yes, of course. Would they have found the trapdoors? Probably. He let out a groan, hoping that they hadn't fallen as well, that he hadn't managed to trap his friends in with the voracious nestuccas. If either of them were caught, they'd have a hell of a time getting through without getting pinched to bits.

He'd just have to hope that the others had better sense than the two of them. He glanced to McKay, watching his uneven, uncertain tread.

"So, what do you think the deal is with those trap doors?" Sheppard asked, to keep McKay talking.

"Remember that planet where the people sacrificed their convicts to the Wraith?"

"How could I forget it," Sheppard replied. When McKay didn't respond, John gave him a quick glance to ensure that the Canadian was okay.

McKay looked back at him with an annoyed expression. "Think about it," Rodney went on.

Sheppard paused and the two trod onward for a moment as John kept hand on Rodney, steering him. After consideration, Sheppard stated, "The Nehalems had visitors coming in all the time, didn't they? Newcomers came here, looking for a sanctuary. Some stayed, and nobody ever heard from them again."

"Yeah," McKay commented. "I'm thinking that there was no 'Wraith repelling device'. I think they had a Wraith attracting device -- a buffet to keep the Wraith happy, and a steady stream of visitors, happy to hang around until feeding time."

Sheppard let out a breath. "They gave up the newcomers to the Wraith? Kept the Wraith well fed with strangers while keeping their own people off the menu?"

"And the Wraith got a steady diet," McKay responded. "The Nehalem's would just wait until the right dupe goes into the right hallway and they'd drop them right into this pit. They'd herd them up this tunnel and the poor suckers end up at the Interplanetary House of Wraith. – a Grand Slam breakfast."

"Denny's," John corrected. "Denny's has the Grand Slam."

"It's all the same." McKay dipped his head. "Do the people who run IHOP honestly think they have an international flavor?"

"International enough for me. They have blintzes."

"Blintzes?"

"And pigs in a blanket." Sheppard smiled at that thought. "And bacon. Well, they all have bacon, but how could it be breakfast without it?"

"Mmmm," was all McKay could say.

Sheppard came to a halt. He stared down the tunnel and then at McKay who continued doggedly on his path as he slipped from the colonel's easy grip. "Where does this tunnel lead?" Sheppard asked.

McKay told him, "Back toward the Gate, I'd think." He stumbled to a stop and looked at the colonel. In the illumination of the flashlight, Rodney looked pale and unsteady. "Do you think there's a Wraith waiting there, right now? Do you? Might be a whole mob of them. Might have even made reservations."

"What? No. I'm betting this was a strictly 'take out' operation."

"What if it isn't? What if the Wraith dined in? They might have vacationed here, staying at a bread and breakfast sort of place."

"Bed."

"What?"

"You said 'bread and breakfast'. It should be 'bed'."

"I said 'bread?" McKay asked and he shook his head, annoyed with himself. "Well obviously, I meant 'bed'. You're an ass for pointing that out."

Sheppard responded, "Biggest brain in the galaxy should be able to keep that straight."

Snottily, Rodney added, "Biggest brain in TWO galaxies! And, bite me! I've been struck upon the head!"

"I seem to remember you making similar fun of me earlier."

"What? When?"

"Wraith deportment? I remember you finding some amusement when I used the wrong word."

McKay snorted. "I was actually funny with my comments. You… you're just… pointing out my errors. Ass!"

Sheppard chuckled, and assured, "Teyla would've sensed if there were any hangers-on, any Wraith still waiting for room service."

McKay blinked, trying to force his addled mind to come up with a response. "But WE can't communicate with anyone above ground. Maybe something in this tunnel blocks all kinds of signals, including Teyla's Wraith-watch."

"Okay, but why would they be housing Wraith here?"

"I don't know. Maybe they keep them as pets." McKay swayed as he spoke. "They can go a long time without feeding. It's the latest craze, sort of like the Netarts version of a pet rock, or a pet tarantula." He paused, before continuing with, "Why would someone want to keep a spider anyway? I mean, can you legally call something a 'pet' if you can't pet it?" He made a face. "You can't hold it, can you? Okay, you can hold a big spider – pet it even -- name it 'Cuddles' and travel everywhere with it?"

"Seems kinda freakish to me."

"And then there's snakes. Lots of people keep snakes as pets. I don't understand it."

"Rodney…"

"Snakes?"

"Okay, we need to…"

"And turtles? Why would anyone want to keep turtles? Salmonella isn't fun and games!"

"McKay…"

"Turtles! Probably the least appreciative of all the reptiles. You feed them, clean their tanks, give them fresh water -- take care of them, and do they care? Do they show you any form of gratitude in return? No, all you get is grief. I swear…if those bastards could speak, every word out of their mouths would be some sort of…"

"Rodney, focus! Would a Wraith still be here, after all this time?"

"Oh," McKay paused, his mouth forming an 'O' as he thought. "I don't think time is an issue with them. Okay, Let's say there wasn't any Wraith on the planet when we got here. Who's to say that there isn't one here now? Maybe a dinner gong rang somewhere, or a sign lit up saying, soup's on? There could be a dozen of them waiting on the other end of this tunnel, smacking their lips – or, ah, fingers -- and putting on bibs, getting ready for a feast. Would they wear bibs? Where would they wear them, their wrists? Anyway, I don't think we should keep going this way."

"McKay," Sheppard said sternly. "We either keep walking in this direction, or…" He glanced back in the direction they'd come, hoping that he didn't hear the sound of a door splintering. "… get nibbled. pinchered and snipped to death by a couple thousand nestuccas. I'm telling you now, I don't want to die by lobster."

"Crabs," McKay corrected. He chuckled lightly and said, "You had an attack of the crabs! That'd explain why you're walking like that." When Sheppard glared at him, Rodney added quickly, "I'm just sayin'…"

"I wouldn't talk about who's walking funny right now," John returned, noting the wobbly gait of his friend. "But look we don't have a choice. Either we head in this direction or nothing." Sheppard did his best not to waddle as he caught up with Rodney.

"We could just stop." There was a plaintive tone to this statement. It was obvious that McKay was moving on borrowed time at that moment.

"We can't stop," Sheppard countered. "We have to get out. We don't know what happened with Ronon and Teyla. They could be in the same sort of trouble." Sheppard pointed the light into the depths of the tunnel. "Our best bet is to keep moving."

McKay sighed, nodded, and they kept moving.

--
TBC - hee hee... crabs!