Disclaimer: If I owned the ninja turtles, I would not be here writing fan fiction. I do not own the turtles or any associated characters or places. They are the property of Mirage Studios. I make no money from this and I mean no harm. Please do not sue.

A/N: This story was inspired by a comment Askre made on another site. Thanks for the plotbunny, Askre!

Casey Jones and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I shoulda known that today would be a bad day. From the moment I woke up with gum in my hair I shoulda known. I don't even chew gum that often, and I know I wasn't chewin' none last night. Have to ask someone about how somethin' like that could happen. Stupid magically appearin' chewin' gum. I think I rememba April and Don sayin' something about things that appear and disappear. Some kinda weird science stuff I think... 'can't um' physics or science or somethin' like that. Seems like an ironic name to me. Anyway, I had gum in my hair.

I found the gum while I was in the bathroom gettin' ready for a shower. Well, soap and shampoo and that sorta stuff just don't work on gum. Perhaps I shoulda paid some more attention to ma when she told me stuff like that, but too late now. Anyway, I called April.

At least, I thought I did. Turns out I actually called Mikey. And instead of starting the conversation normally with somethin' like "Hi April, It's Casey, how are you this morning." I, in keepin' with the rest of the morning, start without introducin' myself or finding out who's really on the other end of the line.

"Any idea how to get gum out of hair?"

Mikey pulled the phone away from his ear. He hadn't even had a chance to greet the caller before he'd been asked a rather odd question. Never mind the fact that he didn't have hair, and therefore probably wouldn't know the answer. The whole thing was quite strange. Casey had done something that few had ever managed – Casey Jones struck Mikey speechless.

"Dude, what are you asking me for?" Mikey responded with a laugh when he finally found his tongue.

Casey's eyes widened to the size of hubcaps – some nice 18 inch rims – when he realized who he'd actually called. Before he could say anything else he heard Mikey shouting across the lair.

"Yo, Donnie, how would a hypothetical someone named Casey get gum outta his hair?"

Casey didn't hear Don's response, but that was most likely because the brainy turtle didn't give one right away. He heard Mikey prompt his brother for a response and Casey was fairly certain that his cheeks were bright red. It was a good thing the shell cells did not have little cameras built into them.

"Donnie said to try baby oil."

Oh yeah, like I had THAT around my place. I'd already gotten this far so I decided to just stick with the group who already knew about my... er... mess. Don's next suggestion was peanut butter then olive oil then any sort of oil I came across. I found bacon grease.

By the time I had finally gotten the gum outta my hair I smelled like someone's two day old, overcooked, nasty breakfast. In short, I was in desperate need of a shower. At some point here, I should mention that this was one of those days that I shoulda just stayed in bed. Well, I went for that shower, only to find that the water was out. And not just the hot water mind, all water. It was out all over the building. Repairs on the pipes or somethin' that had been planned for weeks. Water went out at 10AM, seconds before I tried to turn it on. Once I realized what had happened, I dug through the old papers strewn about the table for the notice I'd received about the water outage. It was supposed to last all day. This meant that either I went to April's and took a shower there, or I went down to the lair and showered there, or I could spend the day stinkin'. While I was trying to figure out what to do about getting a shower so I don't smell like two day old bacon – which is a bad smell even to me, and I love bacon – I was also trying to keep from bleedin' all over the place. Stupid water outage notice gave me a paper cut!

I decided to give the guys another call.

"Can ya use our what?" Raphael asked when he picked up the phone and heard Casey's request. "Uh, yeah, sure. Don't see why not."

Well, I eventually made it down to the lair, but by the time I did, I not only had my head dipped in bacon grease, I was soaking wet and had fallen in the stinkin' sewers! Next time, I come in through the warehouse!

I finally did get into the shower, but I tell you the turtles took great joy in teasin' me from the moment I entered the lair.

Once in the shower, I slipped and fell. Leo knocked on the door to make sure I was alright. The real trouble was once I was out of the shower though. I didn't have a towel. Searching the bathroom, I found nothing, NOTHING! What do they do, air dry? Guess that would be possible, I mean they always walk around naked, but what about Splinter? Air drying that much fur can't be easy. I dried off as best I could with just my hands only to find out that the only clothes I had with me were the ones I had worn down. The ones that were coated in sewer gunk. Apparently I took too long and they were getting worried, or someone needed the room.

"Mr. Jones, are you alright?" Splinter's voice drifted through the door.

"Uh... yeah, yeah I'm good."

"Okay, Mr. Jones. If you require anything, do not hesitate to let us know.

Yeah, I'd required a freakin' towel! And some clothes if it wasn't too much trouble. Lookin' back, I probably shoulda just asked for them. I eventually managed to dry off enough to get back in my sewer gucked clothes and return to the main part of the lair.

"Ugh, Casey, why didn't you change?" Donatello asked as Casey re-entered the main area of the lair and drifted too close to where he was sitting. This comment, of course, drew the attention of all three of his brothers.

"Because I didn't bring nothin' else, Brainiac." Casey commented.

"Well, let's find something for you." Leo offered politely before heading out of the room.

"Yeah," Mikey added, "something that doesn't smell like crap and bacon" The orange-masked turtle earned a swat upside the head from his father's walking stick for his mouth.

What Leo came back with was a set of punk clothes that were way too big around and way too short. He also brought me a spare belt that he'd dug up from somewhere. It was also too big – it's gotta get around their shells I guess – but I could tie it a bit shorter. Still, the clothes didn't fit at all, but they were enough to get me home. On the way, I managed to take another spill in the sewers, but this time I didn't get gucked.

To get back to my place, I decided to take the bus. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but I did. Anyway, I got on and when my stop was coming, pulled the cord. Which did not stop the driver from missing my stop. I pulled it again for the next one and he missed it too! It was like I was invisible or somethin'! Someone was waiting at the following stop so I got off there and now had a longer walk back to my place than I had in the first place.

Of course it was pouring down rain. My borrowed pants were way too short and big enough around the waist that, even with a belt, I had trouble keeping them up. Similarly, my shirt didn't fit and I got some strange looks on my walk. But who cares, not like they knew me anyway...

"Casey? Is that you? What are you wearing... Are those Leo's clothes?"

It was April. Of all people to run into while dressed like this after a day that had gone like that. She laughed at my story like it was the most hilarious thing she'd ever heard. She also commented that I still smelled like old bacon. Guess it takes more than one washin' to get that out. I decided to help her with the groceries she was carrying. Her place was closer than mine now anyway. On the way back to her apartment another bus drove by. She was fine, but I was drenched once again. April, of course, found this quite funny. Me, not so much. Still, she's April. She can get away with things like that. And I really like her laugh.

Shortly after the second bus incident, I realized that the paper bag that the groceries had been in was also soaked. I figured this out, of course, as the bottom of the bag fell out and all the groceries crashed to the pavement. The pasta sauce had been in a glass jar. It was broken now and all over the sidewalk. Some of the glass and a good portion of the pasta sauce was now all over my calves which were exposed by Leo's too short pants. I apologized and April waved it off. I guess she didn't really need the pasta sauce after all. The rest of the trip to her place went without incident. That is until we actually got to her place.

When April realized that I was staining her carpet, she went about getting the groceries put away while I turned my attention to the pasta sauce and blood on my legs. There was quite a lot of both at this point and I spent quite some time with the tweezers. Now, I guess the day wasn't a complete loss. She eventually came in and took over the job of gettin' the glass out of my legs. Now, ok, that hurt, but I was spendin' time with April so I ain't complainin'.

By the time the glass was all out of me and I had been cleaned up again it was getting' pretty late. This is another thing I ain't complainin' about because April made me dinner. I tried to help and promptly burned my hand on the stove. After that she told me to sit down and not move. When she served dinner she gave me all plastic dinnerware, telling me that it was so I didn't break anything else or hurt myself again. The plastic dinnerware comin' with a bib might have kept me from makin' a complete and utter fool of myself. I think I've ruined Leo's clothes beyond repair or cleanin'. I should probably get him some new ones. Maybe somethin' a little more stylish. I offered to help with the dishes and only managed a minor fiasco. I think I broke more than I cleaned. April finally gave me cab money and sent me home.

Wouldn't you know it, the cabbie rear-ended a city bus. That sort of thing tends to draw attention and police and questions. I was there a whole lot longer than I would have liked to be. The stupid cops questioned people for over two hours! As we were each questioned we were allowed to go on our ways. The cabbie and bus driver were first. The rest of us who couldn't really tell them anything anyway were saved for last. And I think every passenger of that bus got to go before I did. I tried to slip away, but apparently hangin' out with a bunch of ninja hasn't helped me actually do anything like a ninja. They kept catchin' me and draggin' me back. An' after all that the cabbie CHARGED ME! He made me pay for that stupid messed up trip when he didn't even get me where I wanted to go. I walked the rest of the way in a rather sour mood. I'm probably lucky that I didn't run into anyone makin' trouble. I woulda tried to take them on, and with how today's been goin' I'd probably get my butt kicked.

I did eventually make it home, and I am now lyin' in my bed tryin' to sleep. I'm done for the day. Maybe tomorrow will be a bit better. Can't be worse right? The phone's ringin' I should probably answer it. I roll over and pick up the receiver.

"Hey, Case-man. We're gonna go out on a run an' I was wonderin' if ya felt up to it." Raph's voice came over the phone.

"Dude, you kiddin'? I'm always up for it."

I must be either a glutton for punishment or very, very stupid because I'm pulling on my hockey mask and golf bag.