Chapter 2: How Stupid Can They Get?

Here's good ol' chapter 2. Man, it's been a while since I updated... Enjoy the chappy!

Selena had her binoculars out already and was staring at the pink house. A garden of multicolored roses and lilies and any other kind of bright flower had recently been planted. Tiffany, who kept saying Lust was her 'Long Lost Mother' who'd taken her false mother's child on accident, swore Lust couldn't have lived in such a horrid place. Ed, of course, was still saying the group was crazy.

"So how do we get in?" inquired Al.

"That's the fun part," said Donut, pulling out a grenade from seemingly nowhere. "We blow the place up and sneak in!"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I don't think they'd be hiding in the same place they were last time..." he commented. "The Homunculi are smarter than that."

Lust stepped through the yellow doorway wearing a sun hat and carrying various gardening supplies as he finished saying this. She was singing some song to herself, but it sounded strangely familiar to Edward. "Bokura wa ima demo sakenderu!"

"Hey! That's the ending song!" commented Ame.

Ed stared at her for a moment, about to ask her what the hell she was talking about. Thinking better of it, he said, "What's the plan?"

"Well, we could dress up like Santa, sneak in that way, and then steal the milk back?" suggested Rachel. "I mean, if they're dumb enough to be in the same base..."

"Now that's stupid," Ed said.

Al pondered the group's options for a few minutes. "How'd you steal the giant cookie?"

"Where's Chris and Andrea?" Firefox glanced around the area, and saw the two going up to the house. Chris was following one of his fantasy hamsters like usual and Andrea was trying to get him back, just like usual.

"Those guys are idiots," commented Ryu. "Maybe they'll get mutilated and we won't have to deal with them anymore."

"That's vile!" snapped the llama. "We can't let them get mauled by those mutated monstrosities!"

Donut scratched his head, confused. "Did anyone get what the llama said? He used a bunch of big words I've never heard of."

Ame pulled out her ninja headband. "We'll just have to use our L33T N1NJ4 5K1LLZ that we used last time."

Effie pulled out a ton of mustard. "Remember the walls were mustard colored last time? We'll have to wear mustard ninja suits!"

"We won't be wearing those this time. I have a better idea." Selena grinned as she pulled out a giant key. "I'll scare them off with this!"

"What's a damn oversized house key going to do for us?" snapped Ed.

Meanwhile, inside the house with Chris and Andrea, Lust was bustling around. "Try this! Envy's a great cook!" she said, putting a plate of once was probably salad. Now it was charcoal.

"I've never seen cooking like this since we let Ame in the kitchen," Andrea whispered to Chris, who was happily eating the blackened food. "I mean, I thought only Ame could burn a salad!"

Chris was completely ignoring his fellow otaku. "This is quite a good salad, isn't it, Mr. Squeakens?"

The hamster sitting next to him squeaked happily as it ate the only raw cucumber in the salad. Its chef hat was sitting next to him, along with his apron and pan of bacon.

"I see you've met my pet hamster, Mr. Squeakens!" said Envy with a grin. "He always loves eating what I make!"

Just then, Andrea got an idea. "Boy, eating sure makes me thirsty! Can I have some milk?"

"Of course! It's in the fridge," Lust gestured to the refrigerator wrapped in chains. "We have to keep Gluttony out somehow. Now where'd I put that oversized key...?"

Back outside, a small argument was ensuing. "It's a Keyblade!" shouted Selena, waving the giant key around dangerously.

"What the hell's a Keyblade?" Ed retorted. "There's no such thing!"

Selena stuck her tongue out at the alchemist. "I paid twenty bucks at a con for it, so it's the real deal!"

"Damn it! That has nothing to do with it! I can tell just by looking at the thing that it's made of lightweight aluminum! Just ask Winry!"
Gluttony pounced and took the giant key from Selena. "Oh boy! Now I can get to the food!" He waddled off with the key.

"OUR KEYBLADE!" the entire OU (minus Andrea and Chris) cried out.

"Lust, I found the key! Do I get a cookie?" Gluttony asked when he handed the key to the leader of the Homunculus. "Please?" he added, seeing Lust about request the magic word.

"Good Gluttony! Here you go!" She handed him an Oreo. Then, she opened the fridge and handed Ed's jug of milk to them.

Suddenly, the door crashed in with the OU in the lead. Ed had stayed behind in the bushes. "Give me back my Keyblade!" Selena shouted. "I paid good money for that oversized house key!"

"Oh dear!" Lust said, looking at the key. "I'm sorry, dear! Here." She gave the key over without a fight.
"That's it?" Donut said, surprised. "I was ready to use C4 and everything!"

"We'll be going now... Eheheh..." Selena said, pushing the OU out the door. "Thanks for the Keyblade back. Bye!" The all ran out Chibi-anime style.

Chris stood up. "Thanks for the yummy food, but we have to leave too. Come on!" He grabbed Andrea's hand that wasn't holding the milk and dragged her out.

"You guys got the milk! All right!" Ed took the milk. "Let's go home!"

"Wait!" Firefox shouted. "I saw Star Wars DVDs in there! Special edition, still in the wrapping!"

"And a computer that needs to be reprogrammed!" Donut shouted. They both nodded to each other and ran back into the house.

"I'll drag them back..." Ryu sighed, following them.

That's it for this chapter. No, this fic is not over yet. There are still a few dorky jokes I need to put in. :-D Hope you enjoyed it.