Yes, I know it took a long time. But he who waits for something good, eh? I know, I know.

I don't own any of this. Well, maybe the barn, but it's not much and it's not for sale, anyway.

Part Four

Caska blinked, an overwhelming sensation of disorientation permeating her mind. The light was very bright and very painful. She frowned in disconcerted confusion and pressed herself closer against the safety and warmth of the body next to her - It was the one impression that felt certain and even vaguely familiar.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to put her scattered mind back together again. She knew she had been dreaming, but couldn't remember anything really concrete about the dream itself - and it was somewhat difficult to try to sort out what had actually happened to her in the sleep-muddled jumble of memories and unfamiliar impressions.

She frowned deeper and took another hefty breath of cold air, forcing her eyes to open a crack and let that painfully piercing light in again. Though she was prepared for it, the renewed shock made her grimace and groan, and the warm body next to her stirred slightly.

As the confusion slowly begun leaving her mind - in a manner that most felt like syrup sliding off of a spoon - she realised with an equally slow and distant sense of shock that what she was so tightly snuggled up against was not just a warm, comfortably anonymous body. It was a man's body. A man's naked body. She was, in fact, laying in a man's arms, cuddled up to him in a very intimate fashion... her shock and confusion was so great that she didn't even think about pulling away.

What did I do yesterday? The thought formed and was gone almost before she understood it herself.

Blinking slowly in apprehensive surprise, Caska finally began to see something more through the white haze of light. Trying for the moment to push aside the confusion about her... bedmate, Caska begun attempting to analyse the rest of her situation, hoping to glean some kind of hint or clue of any kind. Her head was in a somewhat uncomfortable position - she was laying on her side with both arms around the man and the side of her face propped up against his neck, so that his chin rested on the top of her head - but she didn't dare to move for fear of disturbing the current status quo and maybe finding out that things were even more confusing than they first appeared.

Also, it was really, really cold outside of the thick blanket that covered them - Staying put at least meant that she remained warm.

The familiar sound of a decidedly equine snort helped to further dissipate her disorientation. She was laying on hay, warm and dry. The ceiling she was looking at seemed remarkably far away and appeared, like the piece of wall that she could see, to be in an appalling state of disrepair. How in the world could she have ended up in a place (and a position) like this?

Then the unseen horse snorted again, and suddenly everything fell into place. That wasn't her horse, her horse was dead. She had ended his suffering somewhere out there in the snow. Her hip and shoulder still hurt slightly from where she had hit the ground in that one terrifying instant when everything had started to go wrong.

How she had cursed herself. Why had she had to be in such a hurry? Why hadn't she just stuck to the road? In trying to get back to Griffith as quickly as possible, she had instead managed to cause him further disappointment. Oh, how angry she had been.

But not even that anger had been enough to protect her from the freezing wind and the wet flurry, and she had lost her directions in the storm... Then the unbelievable exhaustion, the loneliness and despair... and finally, she must have fainted in the snow. And now it was day again - the brightness spoke of somewhere around noon, even - and she was laying on a provisional bed in what she was fairly certain had to be an old, abandoned barn or some such building, in the company of a man and a horse. The situation wasn't so confusing after all.

Smiling in relief, Caska finally lifted her head and took a good look at her rescuer. His very familiar, freckled face, even more youthful than usual in sleep, made her smile widen in grateful recognition.

Judeau, she thought - not entirely sure of why that felt so much like some kind of necessary resolution.

Of course it's you. I'm so glad.

She let out a small, involuntary sigh of relief, and Judeau stirred in response - pulling her body closer to his own. The sensation of skin pressing against skin suddenly made Caska acutely aware of her own complete nakedness, and the not-quite-as-unfamiliar-as-she-would-have-preferred hardness that she felt against her stomach didn't exactly help. With a blush that was as much shock as embarrassment, she quickly and firmly pushed him away.

"Hey, who do you think I am, anyway?"

He snorted, gasped and looked up at her with the complete and utter bewilderment of the too brusquely awakened, and grunted something to the same effect:

"Huh? Wha? Ca- Caska?"

Before he could get a chance to be more coherent, she quickly snatched up the blanket and wrapped it tightly around herself (noting out of the corner of her eye that he was, in fact, still wearing hosen, but determinedly fixed her glare on his face nonetheless). Being so suddenly exposed to the cold air, Judeau gasped and tugged wanly at the nearest corner of warm cloth.

"H-hey... what's the... give that back..."

Her indignation was almost immediately tempered by regret as she saw how honestly confused he appeared - that was no way to wake the man who had most likely just saved your life - but while she was still debating whether to give him some blanket or not, she noticed something that made her temper flare right back up again.

"Oh my god! Look at you - you're blushing! Were you even sleeping?"

Resigning to his blanketless situation with a small sigh, Judeau slowly sat up and wrapped his arms around himself, hunching his shoulders and squinting at Caska with obvious difficulty.

"What are you talking about?" he mumbled hoarsely, shivering and blinking like a lost puppy. Caska swung back towards regretful again - she had to admit that not even Judeau was a good enough actor to put up such a flawless façade. But still, he was blushing. Rather obviously so, even.

"Don't pretend you don't know," she muttered, letting her dark eyes drill into his. "I… I felt it."

He blinked again. "Felt what?"

Her own cheeks got warmer as she indicated with her head – pointedly looking the other way. "It. When you hugged me. I felt it."

For a few moments, the silence was both awkward and bewildered, and then Judeau's blush suddenly deepened as he looked away with a very unsteady smile. "Ah…" He reached for his discarded clothes and busied himself with putting them back on as he continued:

"I'm… I'm really sorry about that, Caska, but, um, it's not exactly something I can help." He coughed awkwardly. "Haven't you been with the Hawks long enough to know that… well, er… that sort of tends to happen to a guy in the morning?"

She blushed, herself. "Oh…" She had actually noticed that. Not that she usually walked around inspecting her men's crotches every morning, but after a few years with mercenaries who more and more saw her as 'one of the guys' rather than a woman, a few embarrassing incidents couldn't be helped.

"I… I guess."

He threw a quick, apologetic smile at her, his cheeks still tinted in red. "But I am sorry, nonetheless. My intention was to help you, not to make you uncomfortable in any way."

"Uh… yeah. Um." Caska looked down, feeling only slightly ashamed of herself. Had it been anyone else but Judeau, she wouldn't have accepted that excuse so easily, but it was him and the blond scout commander had never once treated her with anything but respect. In fact, was there anyone among the Hawks that she could honestly call a gentleman – at least as far as she herself was concerned – it would be him.

"It's okay..." She didn't know what else to say. She kind of felt that she should apologise, too, but in all honesty she was still upset and regardless of whether it was on purpose or not, it was not 'okay' for a guy to press his... thing against a girl who hadn't asked for it. And that blush still annoyed her. It hadn't been that warm under the blanket, and she was naked... Had he been dreaming, perhaps? That notion also made her feel uncomfortable - like she'd been used against her will.

Still, he had saved her life...

In the end, she more or less had to resolve to remain ambiguous, and watched him get dressed with an uncertain little frown on her face. He had his back turned and didn't look back at her until he was done, and when he did his cheeks still looked suspiciously rosy. But that could well be embarrassment by now. Or something. He smiled and she looked away, firmly keeping her frown in place.

"I really am sorry about all of this," he said, sounding sincere. "But I must say you're taking this a lot better than I thought you would. You haven't even slapped me."

"I'm thinking about it," she curtly replied. "But only because of... that. Why else would I slap you?"

He smiled and shrugged and walked over to where her clothes lay spread out on the ground and felt them carefully.

"I guess I was afraid that you weren't going to take well to my having undressed you... But I'll tell you now that I had no other choice. You were a breath away from death's door... Ah, these are dry enough. Great."

He tossed her her long underwear and undershirt, and she put them on while staying under the blanket - difficult though it was - and almost whimpered at how terribly cold they were at first.

Those of her clothes deemed fit to be worn again she donned in silence, as much because of her own uncertainty as to keep him on his toes a little. But in the end she had to concede that she was being childish, and pulled herself together with a small, slightly annoyed puff of breath.

"I know that you had to do that, Judeau. I am not stupid. You saved my life - and you expect me to slap you for it?" She huffed and reached for her coat that Judeau was currently inspecting. "I am insulted. Really, what do you think of me, anyway?"

He pulled the coat out of her reach. "No, no, not this one. It's still a bit too wet on the inside. And you are absolutely right, and I'm sorry again. It's just that... er... no, never mind."

She folded her arms across her chest and gave him another annoyed glare. "No, please, what were you going to say?"

He folded her coat and stuffed it into a saddle-bag with a strained little sigh.

"Listen, can we just forget about that? We should really be getting back..."

"I am not riding all the way back to camp without a coat or a thick shirt. It's still very cold, you know. And I'm really dying to hear what you were thinking, just now, especially since you're being so reluctant to tell me. So spill it."

He remained hunched over the saddlebag for a moment and sighed again.

"Okay. Alright. I don't want to make a huge issue out of it, so, fine. It's just that I've noticed how you don't really care for being reminded that you are a woman, sometimes. And believe me," he quickly added, "I can understand you. After all the prejudice you've had to overcome - still have to overcome... Sometimes, you do hit first and think later, you know, but who can blame you? I sure don't. That's all."

Caska seethed, but most of all because she was really surprised. She had to recognise that what he was saying made a lot of sense, but if it was true then it was something she hadn't even noticed herself, and that, as well as the feeling that he had really gotten under her skin made her almost unreasonably angry. But while she struggled with herself about whether or not to act on this emotion, Judeau got up and walked over to the discarded blanket, picked it up and handed it to her with an apologetic smile.

"Wrap this around yourself and you should be just fine. We have to get back as soon as possible - I'm sure they're already looking for us."

She sent him one of her trademark glares-of-death and snatched the blanket away from him. That little smile had indicated that he understood how she was feeling now too, and even why, and she really didn't appreciate having him inside her head like that.

"Fine, saddle the damn horse! I have a very important message to Griffith, anyway." She didn't really know why she said that, but it was not until after the words had left her mouth that she realised it was true. "We have to hurry!" She added, barely noticing how different her voice had suddenly become. Judeau, for some reason, hesitated for a very brief moment before his face suddenly lit up with his normal, good-natured smile.

"That's the Caska I know. Give me just a few seconds and we will be on our way!"

But it didn't just take a few seconds. Caska, finally having had her priorities straightened out, was already getting frustrated at how slowly Judeau worked at saddling the horse, when he stopped to lean against its chestnut flank for a moment.

"Oh, for pity's sake," she hissed, threw off the blanket and stomped over to him, resolutely fastening the girth herself. "What's wrong with you? It's almost like you're stalling us on purpose!"

He smiled again. "I'm so sorry, Caska. I'm a little tired, that's all. I don't think I rested enough."

The words "So what did you do, then?" rested on the tip of her tongue, but she held them in. He did look a bit tired, though, and slightly flushed, as if lifting the saddle had been a strenuous task. She settled for giving him an angry look and retrieved the blanket with an impatient huff.

As they rode, him sitting right behind her and holding the reins, she noticed that he was unusually quiet. Not that Judeau couldn't be quiet for long periods of time, but this silence was a bit too uncomfortable to be of the usual kind. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and tried to smother the faint sting of embarrassment that insistently smouldered in her chest.

It wasn't so much that he had seen her naked - even though that was a part of it - or that he thought he could see right through her like that. What she was really feeling embarrassed about was the way she had treated him. She did, after all, owe him her life and the more she thought about it, the less likely it seemed that any of what he had done or said had been intended to provoke her, and yet she had treated everything like a provocation. Maybe he was right, maybe she did hit first and think later, and however useful that could be when dealing with idiots and bigots, maybe it wasn't the best way to treat a friend.

She heaved a small sigh and leaned back against him, as much as her pride allowed. It felt kind of good to have him there: She could almost imagine feeling his warmth through all the heavy cloth, and that made her feel inexplicably calm and safe. But he didn't give any indication that he had noticed her subtle attempt at an unspoken apology, and Caska frowned to herself. Was she actually going to have to say it? Well, maybe he deserved it...

"Oh, look," He said suddenly. Caska snapped out of her introspective reverie and looked up to see dark figures against the white field - too far away to recognise any one individual except for the huge shape of Pippin - who were riding towards them and waving to attract their attention.

"I told you..." Judeau murmured breathlessly - and Caska noticed that for some reason he had begun breathing very heavily. "...They would be... looking for us..." The last word ended in a strange little sigh and he slumped heavily against her, his hands falling away from the horse's reins. Startled, Caska turned in the saddle to try to face him, but she pulled him with her and it was not until it was far too late that she realised that he was falling off the horse. She reached out but her fingers closed around nothing and Judeau's limp body hit the ground with a snow-muffled thud.

Eh... I know this seems a bit strange, coming from me, but I actually don't like hurting Judeau. This is a plot point. And to those who might have been hoping for romance in this chapter: I'm sorry (grin). I do like torturing my readers, though, so I'm going to take my time to develop this story.

Reviewer Responses:

BengalCat: Good that confusion didn't turn you away! Thank you for bearing with me.
Reiya Inc.:A person of my own heart.I do call this fiction an AU, so yes, I will veer from the series. Thank you very much for reading and liking! Please stay tuned...