Disclaimer: Disney owns Kim Possible. Only the story is mine.

Chapter 7: Soul-searching
Ron Stoppable completed the most grueling portion of his chemotherapy. For almost a full week he had been barely aware of whom he was, let alone where he was. The toll it took on his body had been frightening. He had lost almost twenty pounds, and his face looked even more drawn and emaciated than before he had gone in.

Now he was home. He had kept hidden from Kim under the guise of being too fatigued to see her. The truth was he didn't want to see the fear and pain in her eyes when she looked at him. Sure he loved her more than life itself, but the pain she was going through was almost more than he could bear.

Ron plopped down in the deep cushions of his living-room couch. He could hear the constant ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall as the minutes slipped away from him. "Rufus, I don't know if I can continue with this therapy." he said weakly. "This supposed cure is worse than the illness. I don't know if I can go through any more of it."

Rufus scurried up his chest and grabbed him by the collar squeaking "Gotta do it, gotta do it."

"I know Rufus, but… sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if I just gave in to the inevitable. The doctors can't cure me they can only extend my life." Ron picked up Rufus and stroked his chin. "There is such a thing as dying with dignity."

"No…" Rufus chastised him. "Quitter…" Shaking his fist at Ron "You'll hurt Kim."

"I know it will hurt her when I'm gone, but only for a little while, she'll get over it eventually." Ron closed his eyes not wanting Rufus to see the pain he was feeling. "Kim will find someone new after a time and I will pass into history like everyone before me, becoming a footnote, if that, in the big book of history."

Rufus raced from Ron's grasp and out of the room.

"I have been undergoing this treatment for nearly three weeks and I feel worse than when I started. I haven't been to school in a month and I've been getting calls from Felix. I just don't have the heart to tell anyone else other than Kim. I couldn't take the looks from all the kids at school." The doorbell interrupted Ron's train of thought.

"Ronnie, Could you get that." His mother called from the kitchen.

"Sure mom, I got it." As he slowly got to the door. Opening it he got the surprise of his life. Most of the kids he knew from school were waiting anxiously on the other side.

Ron was about to slam the door shut again when Kim bolted through the door and embraced him tightly. "I thought you might need some company." She whispered in his ear, "some of the others wanted to see you, they missed you too." Ron could only smile as Kim pulled back with a peck on his cheek.

"Come on Ron, let us in huh. It's getting cold out here." Felix interjected from the side of the group.

"Uh, yeah. Come on in everybody." Ron said sheepishly.

Ron watched a who's who of his friends and classmates file through the door. Monique, Tara, Brick, Felix, Bonnie, what Bonnie, what was she doing here? 'I thought she would be the one most uncomfortable around me?' He let that last thought go when she touched his cheek as she passed. Kim's eyes narrowed at him as she brought up the rear closing the door behind her and leading Ron back to the couch. Kim sat Ron down between herself and Tara, still glaring at Bonnie.

Everyone observed an uneasy silence until Tara spoke up. "Why didn't you say something Ron." Tara lost her composure, as tears came to her deep blue eyes. She grabbed him around the neck. "You could have told us, this thing is not something anyone would have teased you about. This is about life and death. There is nothing funny about that. Why didn't you tell us when we saw you at the hospital? Letting us all think you were just undergoing treatment for fatigue after your fight with Gill."

Ron didn't know what to say or do. He had kept the truth about the terminal portion of his hospital stay to himself, of course Kim knew, and Bonnie had heard that day at school, but she would never betray his trust, would she? He wanted to comfort Tara, but he felt like a heel for not trusting his friends. Tara released Ron and ran crying into the dining room followed closely by Brick.

Monique got up and cautiously and took Tara's now vacant seat. To Ron she seemed…different somehow, less sure of herself. Ron looked to Kim, seeing a familiar suspiciousness in her eyes, he felt her tighten her grip on his hand.

"Ron…" Monique began in a subdued tone, "I hope you didn't withhold your…your…don't make me say it, from us because of us. I don't want to believe that you hold us in that kind of contempt. Do you?"

Ron couldn't meet her gaze. A meek "No." was all he could muster.

Monique couldn't take the emotions and got up and moved to the other side of the room. Bonnie took the hot seat, now it was she who turned teary-eyed. "With you gone there is no real sense of life around here. Without you near our lives are hollow and dark. We need you." She choked out as she broke down sobbing. "I may have been a bitch to you most of the time, but I think it was always because you were so happy. I was jealous of you, jealous of you and Kim. You have the perfect relationship, and I don't."

Kim and Ron looked dumbstruck. Neither could put into words their reaction to Bonnies' admission. They looked around the room and found the same expression on the rest of those gathered.

"Bonnie, I don't know what to say. I didn't want anyone else to know because…" Ron hesitated, "this is something I have to deal with. I'm not going to be surviving it, and I need to cope with the problems I am facing on my own."

Bonnie pulled his face around to hers, "No you don't." She looked Ron square in the eyes. "You should never have to face this alone. We are your friends, maybe not the best of friends, but friends none the less. I saw how Kim looked after getting back to school after visiting you in the hospital, I could see just how badly it affected her seeing you like that. When I asked her if you had told anyone else, she told me you kept if from everyone but family. You told me to let people see the better angels of my nature, so I let the cat out of the bag in hopes that you would let us be here for you both."

Ron looked down not wanting to look them in the eye as he started shaking. Kim and Bonnie inched back from him as he sat forward placing his face in his hands. Kim and Bonnie looked at each other across his back as the sobs grew in intensity. Both girls gently put an arm around him and laid their heads on a shoulder as they softly told him "It's alright Ron. We're here for you. Go right ahead and let it out."

"I'm sorry, but this is something I have to do on my own." He said between sniffs. "I have to come to grips with what has happened to me. And that is something that I must do, alone. I can't depend on anyone else pulling me through this." He glanced at Kim, but quickly looked away not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes.

Monique spoke up with a vengeance. "Stoppable, what do you mean by saying you have to do this alone? You have been there for us when we needed you. Don't you think for one minute we are going to let you go owing you so much without even attempting to repay our debts. We took for granted that you would always be there for us…" The contempt that was evident in her voice turned to pain, "Now we find out that you're… you might… leave us. You need…you need…" her voice failing her, "you need to let us be here for you. Let us make your life easier, more enjoyable. Let us return some of the joy and happiness that you brought to our lives; back in to your life now."

Felix patted Monique's had sympathetically before fixing Ron in his sights. "You listen to me Ron-man, and you listen good. I've seen that look in your face before, the same one I've worn before. After my accident," He tapped his chair, "when I found out I was going to be stuck in this, I felt the same way. My life was over or at least in my mind it was. It took some hard lessons learned before I realized I needed to allow some of my friends… yes friends… to help put my life back together. I'm not saying that what you're going through is exactly the same, you don't have to shoulder all this alone."

Tara and Brick stood in the doorway watching. "Dude, be man enough to let us be here for you now." Brick interjected returning to the discussion, his arm around Tara. "Man, you've had to deal with some really strange things while you followed Possible around the globe. A lot of the things I've heard about would have had me running, if you ladies will excuse the term, screaming like a little girl. You've faced things no grown man should have to even consider. Even with your, shall we say, special abilities. It's past the time to let someone look after you, let us look out for you, you deserve it."

Ron couldn't contain himself any longer. Slipping from the grip of the girls he disappeared up the stairs to his room. Slamming the door shut he flung himself down on the bed wailing into his pillow. 'How do I tell them, make them understand I have only lived half a life. I will never get married, nor have children. Never know the joy of watching my own children take their first steps. Kim said she loves me, but is it real love or is it just pity. I don't think I want to know the real answer.'

A short respite from his self-doubt presented itself, as a quiet knocking on his door interrupted his quandary. Kim begged entry to his solitary domain, "Ron, can I come in?"

Solemnly Ron ascended to her request, "Come on in KP."

Slowly she opened the door and entered. "Ron, are you all right?

"Yeah, just great."

Kim sat on the edge of his bed and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Ron just tell me what you're feeling. You can still do that can't you?"

"I don't know anymore." As he turned his face away from her.

"I love you Ron, let me be here for you now. Let me help. Please don't shut me out like this." As she choked back the pain.

"Kim, we can talk later. For now would you just apologize to everyone, and tell them I appreciate their concern. However I will get through this somehow… We'll get together tomorrow after school." Sadness permeating his voice.

"You're coming to school tomorrow then?" Kim's voice lifted.

"Yes, for a little while." Ron sat upright not looking Kim in the face. "I have some things I have to get done so I won't fall behind too far. I'll see you at lunch before I head out, Ok?"

"Spankin Ron, I can hardly wait." Kim was smiling from ear to ear as she hugged him tightly. Kim bounced out the door gleefully, until she realized Ron had stayed on the bed. "Ron are you going to come back downstairs?"

"No, I am really tired I need a nap. I will see them all tomorrow." He said reclining back onto the pillows.

Kim returned to his side leaning down close to his ear. "I expect you to have lunch with me in the cafeteria. I want to show off my boyfriend to all the girls." She whispered before pressing her lips to his passionately. She gave him a wink from the door before gathering their friends and heading home.

Rufus climbed Ron's pants leg and hopped up on his shoulder with a concerned look. "I know Rufus, I know. I don't like it that I lied to Kim, but I can't let things go on the way they have been. I don't want to be a burden anymore." Ron reached up and patted his little friends' head. "I'm going to leave you with Jim and Tim, they will look after you while I am gone."

"Not coming back!" Rufus squeaked angrily, shaking his fist.

"No buddy, I will come back to see you before the end." A single tear ran down his cheek. "Before I go I have say good-bye, to everyone. This is a mission I have to do on my own."