Hugh Neutron: Well, the real reason I accepted the challenge from the writers was mainly due to my failed attempt at my autobiography. It was going along good until I was told that my life is not that interesting, and no one would ever buy it.
(Hugh removes the top of the water proofing stuff to give his duck a generous spray.)
Hugh Neutron (his voice saddens): You can imagine my dismay at coming to such a realization. (His face flickers with optimism as he pats the duck decoy.) So, to heal my wounded pride I heartedly accepted. I'll be glad to fill you in on what I already told sugar booger. The first story took place-
(Mr. Weezer approaches Hugh, interrupting his "conversation". We notice a skateboard tucked under his arm.)
Mr. Weezer: Hey neighbor, you wanna be sure you or Judy let Carl in the house when he gets home? I'm going out for a bit. You still have a key, right?
Hugh Neutron: Yeah, that won't be a problem Weezer, I can do that. (He gets up to his feet) Where are you off to?
Mr. Weezer (proudly): I'm going to the skate park!
Hugh Neutron: Skate park?
Mr. Weezer: That's right neighbor! I just successfully completed a bunch of those Tony Hawk skateboarding games you lent me, so I decided to go pro.
Hugh Neutron (impressed): Hey, that's neat! (He gestures to his friend's casual appearance.) Um, shouldn't you be wearing some kind of protective gear? A helmet at least.
Mr. Weezer: A helmet? (He gives a mocking snort.) Come on Neutron, do you want me to look like some rookie chump on the halfpipe? I mean, how hard can it be?
(CUT To EXT Shot - Retroville Skate park. Mr. Weezer is in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the halfpipe. His board cracked and missing two of the wheels. The camera PANS upward to show Arnie and Oleander, clad in skateboard safety gear, looking down at him in confused pity. Hugh Neutron walks into view, peering at the scene as well.)
Oleander: Geez, why in the heck didn't he wear a helmet?
Arnie: What I can't figure out is why he kept yelling out "Down, Left, Circle."
Hugh Neutron (calling out): Hang in there Weezer! The ambulance is on its way!
Arnie: Ambulance? Pfft, more like you should have called for a Dumbulance!
Oleander (he looks at Arnie wearily): "Dumbulance?" That's so weak.
Arnie: Oh now you've become some joke snob now? Don't tell me you're still mad at me for losing your copy of Final Fantasy IX.
Oleander (irked): I was on the fourth disc! Of course I'm still mad!
(Hugh places a hand under his chin in thought. His eyes flicker with a new idea.)
Hugh Neutron: Hey, that gives me an idea for another great story!
(Oleander and Arnie exchange puzzled glances at Hugh's outburst. Hugh claps his hands in a beckoning manner.)
Hugh Neutron: Come 'ere atom!
(CUE Rotating Atom.)
(CUT To EXT Shot - A large open grass field. A loud roar of rage is heard as the camera PANS to the left to show an angry Gromp (The final stage of a Twonky. Fans should know!) stomping toward a silhouetted figure. It swings one of its huge clawed hands and strikes the figure away as if it were a fly. A 4503 appears briefly over the figure as it gets to its feet. The figure begins to speak, its loud familiar voice telling us that Sheen is its identity.
Sheen: Oh, that did it. Get ready for some pain, buck-o!
(Sheen stands tall, his attire consisting of big black army boots, torn blue jeans, leather belts wrapped around his thighs and shins, a navy leather shirt and a silver ball bearing stud pierced through his left eyebrow. A shining handgun holstered on each side of his hips. The Gromp brisks toward him in growling fury.)
Sheen: See how you like the taste of a Limit Break!
(Sheen thrusts his hands into the air above him. A yellow light glows from underneath his feet in an image of unknown power. He seizes his guns, twirling them in the way only an experienced gunfighter would know of before aiming them at the Gromp, which still advances to him with no fear.)
Sheen (in loud determination): Manic Heartbeat!
(Sheen begins to fire with impossible speed at the Gromp. Numbers pop up at each hit the Gromp takes. 3999, 4552, 4007, 6297, 7773, 5905, scores and scores of four digit numbers. The Gromp roars with enraged pain from Sheen's onslaught of quick gunfire. Sheen stops firing to cross his arms over his chest in an X form, still clutching his weapons, unexplained blue light glows from him. He aims his guns and fires both at the same time to inflict two damaging 9999s to the Gromp. It roars with angry defeat as it disappears into a cloud of shimmering atoms.)
Sheen (jubilant): Oh Yeah! I am the man!
(Sheen's achievement is then acknowledged by a catchy bit of victory music (The Final Fantasy VII version of Victory Fanfare to be exact!). Sheen gives a half smile of confidence as he nonchalantly wipes his brow with one of the handles from the guns he's holding.)
Sheen: That should let me go up at least two levels.
(A few trills are heard as a text window appears above Sheen; he looks up to it hopefully. It reads: SHEEN HAS EARNED 31,000 EXP. POINTS. SHEEN HAS GAINED 3 LEVELS. BOLT IS NOW AT MAXIMUM STRENGTH.)
Sheen (in happy surprise): Three? Awesome! And my Bolt magic is at full strength, too!
(CUT To EXT Shot- Downtown Retroville. Jimmy is eagerly reading a book, with no title, on a quiet street. His outfit consisting of a stonewashed sheepskin jerkin, khaki pants with atom decorated shin guards and a metal belt armed with miniature knives, bombs and inventors tools; plus, a black DNA helix tattoo covering his right eye. Loud hurried steps are heard as he looks up to see Sheen before him.)
Sheen: Jimmy! Oh, man! You won't believe it! Guess who gained three levels in one battle?
Jimmy: The undead corpse of Frederick Banting?
Sheen: Yeah! (he pauses as he realizes what was said) Wait, what? No! Me!
Jimmy (he laughs): Ah, I'm just kidding, I knew who you meant. What'd you beat in order to do that?
Sheen: Heh, you know that evolved Twonky that was running amok? I got him good, only had to use one cure potion during the whole thing, AND I got to use my new Limit Break - Manic Heartbeat.
Jimmy: Wow, that's impressive. Betty and I have been trying to beat him all week but it would just keep running away. (His tone becomes arrogant.) Guess who got the book that tells you how to summon Bahamut?
Unseen familiar voice: God! You RPG guys are the biggest nerds ever!
(Jimmy and Sheen turn to see Butch sneering at them with disgusted anger.)
Butch (he rubs his knuckles menacingly): I don't mind too much though, all the more enjoyment I'll get as I beat you guys within an inch of your lives.
(A text window appears above Butch: LEVEL 30 SCHOOL YARD BULLY APPEARS! Jimmy and Sheen exchange confident smirks.)
Sheen (jeering): Pfft, level thirty?
Jimmy: It's too easy.
(Butch looks up at the text window above him in dazed perplexion.)
Butch (huh?): Hey, how'd you guys do that?
(Sheen gives Jimmy a playful elbow to his shoulder.)
Sheen: Try summoning that Bahamut thing you were talkin' about.
Jimmy (he opens the book): Great minds must think alike, because I was just planning on doing just that.
(CUT To a different street in Retroville. Cindy is casually walking about, minding her own business. An eardrum shattering roar bellows out, followed by a human scream of terror is heard in the distance. She stops walking immediately, eyes darting back in forth in unsettled fear.)
Cindy: Holy geez! What was that?
(A rumble of wind is heard, she looks up to see a magnificent black dragon fly off into the sky, disappearing into the clouds with calm beauty. Her mouth agape in stupefied amazement.)
Cindy (she blinks): Was..was that a dragon? It couldn't be...
(Laughter is suddenly heard. She looks to see Jimmy and Sheen unknowingly walking towards her exchanging claps and "skin" with their hands in a fancy handshake.)
Sheen: That level thirty bully thought he was so tough. He ran away before we could see how much experience points he was holding; I bet you five bucks he wet his pants.
Jimmy: By witnessing an invincible Summon beast, there's probably more then just damp pants causing his discomfort.
Sheen (he laughs with manic joy): Oh man, probably!
(They stop walking as they notice Cindy blocking their path with arms crossed, and a suspicious frown on her unblinking face.)
Cindy: What are you two freaks laughing about? (She notices their new clothing.) And what's the deal with the outfits?
(Jimmy and Sheen pose into defensive stances; Sheen's hands rest on his guns, Jimmy's hand hovers over his medieval looking utility belt.)
Jimmy (in mocking fear): Uh-oh! It's a Level 90 She-Harpy!
Sheen (he gives a taunting smile): There's no way we can beat her Jimmy. We better run away, the stench of her evil is making me gag!
(Cindy storms toward them, her fists clenched at her sides.)
Cindy (fury!): What did you just say?
(Jimmy and Sheen turn to run away just as a text window appears above them: CAN'T ESCAPE! They skid to a stop after attempting to run.)
Sheen: Aw, man! We can't run away!
Cindy (pointing at the unexpected text message): Wha..? What is that thing?
(The text then flashes: CINDY IS CONFUSED!)
Jimmy: Quick, Try again!
(Jimmy grabs a vial from his belt, he throws it to the ground. A huge cloud of smoke erupts to surround them. Loud coughing is heard as the smoke lingers. The text window states SMOKE SCREEN USED! The area clears, Cindy still coughing lightly, Jimmy and Sheen are seen halfway down the street running off. The text window blinks GOT AWAY SAFELY!. Cindy stares after their disappearing forms with raw anger.)
Cindy (yelling): Neutron! You better have a good explanation for this; all of this craziness is probably your doing!
(CUT To Retroville Park. Nick, with a sucker in his mouth, and Carl are sitting on a park bench. Both are clad in cobalt blue SWAT-Team style armor, imprinted with black silhouettes of roaring dragons. They proceed to engage in an interesting conversation.)
Carl: For when I go up ahead into the Red Team's territory I typically pack the M4A1 assault rifle, I got the silencer and the laser javelin for attachments. Nobody knows what magic I did until the evening news.
Nick (agreeing): Heh, I hear ya. (He crunches his sucker happily.) I think I taped that very segment on Monday.
Carl: Yeah, the scores of lifeless bodies were talked about even on the breakfast show too. (He giggles happily before regarding Nick.) What about you?
(Nick flicks his sucker-less stick away.)
Nick: Picture this, for ambushing the front lines, its strictly the Hypervelocity cannon. A tad cumbersome, yes, but not only does it take out multiple targets it also leaves an exit wound the size of a volleyball. (He pauses.) Court!
(Nick and Carl explode into jubilant laughter. Carl wraps his arms around his chest in a delighted fashion as the laughter loudens.)
Carl (very amused): Ha-ha! Oh man, that's good. That's really good.
(The camera quickly ZOOMs out to show Cindy, who is in close earshot of the conversation, pale terror all over her face. Nick and Carl's laughter disappear as they notice her presence.)
Carl (innocently): What?
Nick (giving Carl an elbow to the ribs): Hey, isn't she a sniper for the Red Team?
Carl (he adjusts his glasses): Maybe. The Red Team did just hire a bunch of new rookies.
(Carl then removes what appears to be a grenade from behind his back. Cindy gapes in surprise.)
Carl: Better safe than sorry I always say.
(Nick nods as Carl pulls the pin off of it. Cindy blinks with confoundment.)
Cindy (freaked out): What the heck is wrong with guys?
(Carl tosses the grenade at Cindy. She bats it away in midair before running off; the grenade bounces underneath the bench. Carl and Nick exchange worrisome glances.)
Nick (yelling): Fire in the hole!
(They dive off the bench just in time before being caught in the explosion. A shower of cracked wood and clumps of dirt and grass bounce off them. Carl looks at Nick guiltily.)
Carl: Aw, HQ's probably gonna yell at me again for wasting another grenade. I just know it.
(CUT To Cindy running toward the other side of Retroville Park. She stops to look behind her.)
Cindy: Okay, that was scary. Carl and Nick hanging out with each other and casually discussing homicide? What's going on with this town?
Unseen boy's voice: Give it up Strych! You got nowhere to run!
(Cindy looks to her right to see Ike and Tina-Sue in the same blue armor Carl and Nick were earlier. They are aiming grenade launchers at a scowling Eustace Strych and his bored looking butler, Blix. Both are dressed in ruby red armor adorned with black silhouettes of howling wolf heads.)
Tina-Sue: Just surrender now while you can still draw a breath!
Eustace: That's very unlikely. (He sneers confidently.) You obviously haven't fought a Red Team Lieutenant General before.
(Eustace snaps his fingers, Blix steps forward, wielding a very intimidating rocket launcher to hand to his employer. Eustace slips it over his shoulder and aims it at the two. Ike and Tina-Sue remain emotionless to the new situation. )
Eustace: You may be putting on brave faces to mask your dread now, but soon my battle aura will grow and before you know it, all of you Blue Team dogs will be submitting to the invincible might that is the Red Team.
(Ike and Tina-Sue blink with confusion.)
Tina-Sue: Uh, what battle aura?
Eustace (he gives a mocking scoff): Stupid middle class rubbish. The glowing red light around me of course!
Ike: Like, now? Uh, you don't have one.
Eustace: What? (He turns to Blix.) Blix, is this true?
Blix (he studies him): Hmm, now that you mention it. I do not see ze aura, Herr Strych.
Eustace: You can't be serious, I was sure I tapped into it. (He gives Blix a worried look) Are you sure?
Blix (he sighs): Javol.
Ike: Yeah, I don't see anything.
Eustace: It must be! Surely you are mistaken.
Tina-Sue: Nopers.
Eustace: Impossible, I paid five hundred dollars to acquire the chakra upgrade to my armor and the rocket launcher its compatible with.
Tina-Sue (she rolls her eyes): Oh God, don't tell me you're one of those lazy gamers that pay real money to get whatever imaginary money you need so you can buy all the weapons and stuff; that just ruins the whole experience.
Ike (sarcastically): Call Jimmy, I think there's a new genius in town.
Eustace (furious at the embarrassment): Shut up both of you! Your rude outbursts will only be a memory once I destroy you all! (His voice heightens to a yell.) For the glory of the Red Team!
(Eustace clenches his free hand into a fist and squeezes his eyes shut, teeth clenched and knees bent in concentration. He lets out a "HERAAAAUGH!" of determination.)
Eustace: Can you see it now?
Tina-Sue (tiredly): No.
(Eustace repeats his weird performance and does another forced yell of persistence. Blix shakes his head in a condescending manner.)
Eustace (eyes still shut): What about now?
Ike (unimpressed): Listen, are we gonna battle, or are you going to soil yourself or something?
(Eustace continues to try to muster up his "battle aura". Cindy watches this event with muddled wonder.)
Cindy: This is getting stranger by the minute.
(CUT To EXT Shot - Outside Lindbergh School. Cindy walks by in somewhat of a daze. Confused beyond a shadow of a doubt.)
Cindy: What's going on here? It's as if Retroville has become some giant bedlam. Maybe I should try to find Neutron and make him stop this insanity.
(Rapid, running steps are heard. Cindy looks up just in time to avoid a collision with Ms. Fowl; who is donned in brown leather armor and a huge unwieldy looking sword strapped to her back.)
Ms. Fowl: Sorry Cindy, I'm late for a Teacher's Meeting!
Cindy (eyeing her garb with puzzlement): Ah..Ms. Fowl?
(Ms. Fowl quickens her pace. Suddenly two menacing looking monsters pop out in thin air right in front of her. A giant snail and goblin-type thing in ruddy looking shorts. A text window appears stating: MUTANT SNAIL AND STONE IMP APPEAR! Cindy gawps bafflingly.)
Ms. Fowl (in loud anger): Son of a bad person! (She gives an angry squawk as she effortlessly grabs the crazy-huge sword from her back.) Not another random monster battle!
(The monsters "Grr!" menacingly. They both hunker down into defensive modes. The Mutant Snail lowers its "head" while the Stone Imp covers his head with his fists.)
Ms. Fowl (still pretty mad): I have no time for this. Why is it you weak monsters always engage me in battle when all you do is just defend? I mean, really!
(Ms. Fowl dashes forward, swinging her massive sword with graceful strength. A 5599 appears above the Mutant Snail while a 4073 hovers above the Stone Imp. The monsters disappear in a cloud of atoms. Victory music fills the scene as Cindy watches Ms. Fowl pump her fist in the air and then twirl her huge sword in bored victory as if it were a weightless baton.)
Ms. Fowl (she huffs): Bah! I don't even have time to collect the experience points!
(Ms. Fowl returns her sword to her back. She quickly rushes into the school with determination. Cindy is speechless after viewing such a scene. Voices are heard off camera from within the school.)
Principal Willoughby (off camera & annoyed): Well, fifteen minutes late Winifred! Let me guess, random monsters again?
Ms. Fowl (off camera & mad): Shut it Willoughby! Just for that, I'm not going to let you join me on my next side quest!
(CUT to INT/EXT Shot Split Screen - Sheen and Libby are on the phone. Sheen (still in his RPG outfit) in his bedroom with a corded Ultra Lord telephone and Libby on her cellphone outside Lindbergh School's playground, clothed in the familiar blue armor we've seen before. Her eyes are watchful as she speaks.)
Libby: Three levels? That's pretty good Sheen!
Sheen (pleased): It is isn't it? You wanna come level up at the Tonberry Castle with me tonight?
Libby: Sorry, I can't, I have to do my rounds for Blue Team. Both patrolling and guarding the flag. I am open for tomorrow though.
Sheen (loud & joyful): Awesome! You going to wear your new ninja outfit upgrade?
Libby: I don't see why not. I mean, not only does it add twelve points to my Evade stat, it also makes me look all mysterious and provocative.
Sheen (in a husky tone): Yes it does!
(Libby looks uneasily to the phone at Sheen's excited response. Soft footsteps are heard, she frowns with suspicion before speaking into the phone.)
Libby: Gotta go Sheen, I think a Red Team spy's in my area.
Sheen (unabashed): Remember! Ninja outfit equals uber-titillating!
(Libby "blips" her phone off. Sheen's screen disappears as Libby's becomes fullscreen. She pockets her cellphone as she steps forward.)
Libby (calling out): You might as well show yourself! I know someone's out there!
(Cindy comes into view eyeing her friend uneasily. Libby relaxes.)
Libby: Oh! Hey Cindy!
Cindy: Libby? Your part of this insanity too?
Libby: Insanity?
Cindy: Um, the unexplained text floating in the air, people talking about killing other human beings in a casual manner, random encounters with monsters. I can only imagine what other stuff is going on. You can tell that all that's not a definition of normal.
Libby: Girl, where have you been the past month? Under a rock?
Cindy (confusion X 2): You mean this didn't just start happening today?
Libby: Wow, who knew you'd take the news of Jimmy inviting Betty Quinlan to join his team with temporary amnesia.
Cindy: How could all this be going on for a month when it- (Her eyes widen as Libby's last statement finally gets to her. Her voice in loud rage.) Betty Quinlan is part of what?
Libby (she sighs tiredly): Well, Jimmy needed an archer to help him with his last side quest. She's at a pretty high level so he invited her to join his party. She learned all her Limit Breaks by level forty, I thought a feat like that would be impossible to do.
Cindy (determined fury): That does it! Libby, tell me all you know about this game. I wanna join this fiasco too!
Libby: Sorry, I have to go to HQ to protect the flag. (She gestures to the school.) Ms. Fowl will tell you everything you need to know about the games. (she gives a wave) Later.
(Libby sprints away, onward to her mission. Cindy proceeds toward the school.)
Cindy (she snarls): Betty Quinlan.. BAH! I bet I could kill more monsters than she can, and I won't need no stupid bow and arrow to do it!
(CUT TO INT Shot - Lindbergh School Hallway. Ms. Fowl is at a desk doing a bit of paperwork. A sign stating "RPG & FPS SIGN UP HERE" is above her. Running steps are heard as she looks up to see an out of breath Sheen before her. She narrows her eyes tiredly at him.)
Ms. Fowl (coldly): Oh marvelous, one of my favorite pupils.
Sheen (clueless of her sarcasm): Ms. Fowl! Can you set me up to be a member of Blue Team for the First Person Shooter?
Ms. Fowl: I suppose. (She flips some papers to find an application.) I take you have experience?
Sheen: Heck yeah! I have twenty-one million experience points!
(Ms. Fowl does a double take at Sheen's response. She frowns as Sheen gives a manic smile.)
Ms. Fowl (darkly): Oh how humorous, are you supposed to be Abbot or Costello?
Sheen (he realizes what she meant): Oh, you mean job experience! (He pauses in thought.) Well, I can kill monsters, if I have my guns with me. What with my RPG class being a gunslinger. And I did work at a restaurant; I can grill a mean burger for Blue Team should they need kitchen duty.
Ms. Fowl (she complies): I suppose that can be done. I got a task for you to do, before you can start up though.
(Ms. Fowl begins to write quickly on a number of applications. Cindy approaches them, she eyes Sheen with annoyance.)
Cindy: What are you doing here, Ultra Loser?
Sheen (he strikes a defensive pose): So! The She-Harpy returns!
Cindy (she glares): Knock it off!
Sheen (smugly): Heh, decided to finally join the crowd, eh Vortex?
Cindy: That's none of your business. (She looks toward Ms. Fowl scribbling on some paperwork) Why are you here anyway, aren't you already playing?
Sheen: Yeah, but you can sign up for both games. It's gonna be difficult to juggle two roles but I'm totally ready. Libby does it all the time. She's a ninja for the RPG and a First Lieutenant on the Blue Team for the FPS. (He gives a dreamy look.) I love a girl who can multitask from deadly assassin of the night, to sharp shooting soldier with no mercy. It's as if she's the physical form of poetry itself.
Cindy (not really listening): Yeah, whatever. What kind of details can you tell me about what Neutron does with that big show-off Betty Quinlan?
(Ms. Fowl interrupts by leaving her seat to hand Sheen a sheet of paper.)
Ms. Fowl: Alright Sheen, everything's all set up. All you need to do is clean out my car and get my sword polished. Then you can get started with Blue Team.
(Ms. Fowl removes her huge sword from her back to hand it to Sheen. He struggles to hold it but to know avail. It clangs to the floor, as he still keeps a grip in the handle.)
Sheen: What? Aw man! Why do I gotta do that?
Ms. Fowl: Payback for that dumb Experience Points joke. (She yells loudly.) Now move it!
(Sheen drags the sword by the handle as he walks away. Cindy blinks at the absurdity.)
Sheen (exasperated): How can you even hold this thing anyway?
(Sheen exits. Cindy steps forward to Ms. Fowl.)
Cindy: Ms. Fowl, I want to sign up for the roleplaying game.
Ms. Fowl: Alright then, since you are a new player you'll need to do the mandatory beginner's course.
Cindy: What? Can't I just get started right away?
Ms. Fowl: Rules are rules, Cindy. With your lack of gaming skills you have to take it in order to play. You're in luck though, (she makes a cawing bird noise) the first class starts in five minutes. It's taking place outside on the basketball court.
Cindy: Okay, okay. Then I can mop the floor with Betty Quinlan at her own game?
Ms. Fowl (hesitant): Ah, I guess?
Cindy: Good! I'll be there!
(CUT TO EXT Shot - Basketball Court. The camera focuses on Cindy's greatly annoyed stare.)
Cindy (in a dull rage): This is absolutely ridiculous..
(The Camera ZOOMS out to show Bolbi with large blocks, stamped with question marks, around him. He appears to be the teacher of this said Beginner's Course.)
Bobli: Firstly, do not be afraid of these boxes. They each possess a neat something. Be it a coin or even a star!
Cindy: How does this have anything to do with killing monsters or hunting down your fellow man? Isn't this game like twenty years old or something?
Bolbi: I don't see how it could be. This game be the latest craze in my native Backhairestan!
Cindy (sarcastic): Just like cassette players and microwave ovens, huh?
Bolbi (politely): Bolbi asks for silence during learning time.
Cindy: Look, just sign my application saying I sat through this joke of a class, then you can wallow in all the silence you want.
Bolbi (he frowns): It no joke!
Cindy: Seems like it. I hope you aren't serious in pursuing a career in teaching.
Bolbi: Bolbi is committed to his students! I no pushover!
Cindy (she crosses her arms defiantly): More like committed to asinine nonsense.
Bolbi (getting mad): You best watch what you say to Bolbi!
(He then removes a red mushroom, with tiny black eyes, from his pocket. Cindy raises an eyebrow at the unexpected appearance of the fungi.)
Bolbi: Don't make me eat this red mushroom and get all big!
(CUT Back To The Skate Park - Hugh Neutron is still talking with Oleander and Arnie, who appear to be horrendously bored of Hugh's crazy story.)
Hugh Neutron (cheerfully): ..But instead he got really sick! Cindy just forged his name on the application and then chose Martial Artist as her class. She advanced her first twenty levels all in one day! I hear she likes to do stuff like that to try and impress my Jimbo on a regular basis, doesn't she?
Arnie: Um, I think it's time for us to go sir.
(Arnie and Oleander attempt to leave but Hugh steps in front of them.)
Hugh Neutron: Now hold on, I need to tell you boys something. I don't want you kids picking up any strange mushrooms just for the curiosity that they may make you twice your original size and allow you to smash bricks with your head. You know that doesn't actually happen, do you?
Oleander (wha..?): What? Hey, we may be kids but we aren't that stupid! Geez!
Hugh Neutron: Good, I'm glad. (He smiles happily.) Now flowers are an entirely different thing, you can eat as much of those as you want! They let you shoot fire!
(Arnie and Oleander exchange weirded out looks. Hugh's face wrinkles with confusion at their puzzled expressions.)
Hugh Neutron: What? I'm only stating a fact. (His eyes widen.) Oh! How 'bout I tell you kids of the time sugar booger and I were sent to investigate a mansion owned by Umbrella Corp?
(CUT To INT Shot - A Fancy looking hallway with neat carpeting and large paintings on the wall. Hugh and Judy Neutron, clad in S.T.A.R.S bullet proof vests and armed with bowie knives and Beretta handguns holstered to their waists, examine a wooden door.)
Judy Neutron (disappointed): No good, it's locked. Just when we were getting to the bottom of things, too!
Hugh Neutron: Perhaps this is a good time to use that tin foil I found in the courtyard.
Judy Neutron (frustrated): Hugh! For the last time we are not going to use the tinfoil. It's nothing but garbage.
Hugh Neutron (insisting): But it was sparkling!
Judy Neutron (more frustration!): I know it was shiny! That's because its tinfoil, not because its important! Red Jewel - Important. Wolf Medal - Important. Tinfoil - Worthless.
(CUT To The Wooden Door bursting open. Hugh steps into the new room, we notice some shiny foil taped to one of his boots. Judy follows, an enervated look on her face.)
Hugh Neutron (cheery): See butter biscuit? It worked! The tinfoil added ten points of strength to my boots so I could kick doors open!
Judy Neutron (she sighs angrily): Trying to reason with you is like attempting to do laundry with a fishing pole.
(A low growling moan is heard in the distance. Hugh seizes his gun.)
Hugh Neutron: Whup! Head's up there sugar booger, there's two zombies in this room!
(CUT back to Reality at the skate park. Arnie and Oleander are now walking away.)
Hugh Neutron: Yeah, it seemed childish at first but if you saw the foil in the first place, you would have felt it was important too! So, I had to use it.
Judy Neutron (voice over): There you are!
(Judy approaches her husband as Hugh's eyes brighten.)
Hugh Neutron: Hey there darling! I was just reminiscing our stories of our years with the S.T.A.R.S unit to the kids. Remember the time we fought that awful Mr. Birkin and then defeated that big scary Nemesis thing?
Judy Neutron: Dear, please..
Hugh Neutron (continuing away): Or when I lost Jimmy in that creepy abandoned town. Good thing that police officer, Cybil Bennet, was there. Sure she became possessed but-
Judy Neutron (irritated): Hugh, none of that really happened. You were just playing those survival horror games that whole day last week, remember?.
Hugh Neutron (still in good spirits): Oh yeah, you're right. Wow, I was pretty scared when I finally went to bed. I had to beg you to hold me until I fell asleep.
Judy Neutron (tiredly): I think its time we went home, dear.
Hugh Neutron: Sure thing honey, I got some more episode ideas to tell you as well! Can we stop by the game store on the way?
(Judy grabs her husband's arm and proceeds to haul him away.)
Judy Neutron: No.
Hugh Neutron (pleading): Oh come on, please? Can I at least rent Duck Hunt?
(Judy sighs with audible annoyance.)
(CUE Rotating Atom.)