Housepital of Horror

Disclaimer: Grrr, I don't own House, or Rent. And I wish I owned pudding. I think I'll buy some. But I do own ice cream, chips, pretzels, spoons, bowls, cups, water, basic toiletries, blankets, soda and pillows,though. So HA Fox (and anyone else who owns House (or anyone who owns Rent) (or pudding))! You can't own everything I need to be happy! Take that! I have that extremely long list of objects that's ten times better than yours or – oh, sorry. Got a little carried away there. Okay, now for the Author's Note and then on to the story! Yay!

A/N: There is none, so HA! (Again.) I'm so mean, I need a medal. Or a cup of hot chocolate. (Hey, someone needs to calm me down!) Okay, now the story! P.S: I lied. I live in Nova Scotia.

Warning: Adult themes and language are mentioned in this chapter. If you aren't sure what adult themes are, don't read this! Or if your parents say not to.

Sammy had a lot of preparation to do before the big night. First, she snuck over to House's office with a ring of keys she snagged off a janitorial cleaning cart. Then, she quietly unlocked the door and slipped inside, much to the ignorance of numerous janitors looking for something (hmm, I wonder what?) and a few nurses on their way out the door.

After she had gotten to the base of occupation and closed the blinds so that no one could take a curious peak inside, Sammy got straight to work, opening and closing filing cabinets and drawers. Soon, with a quickly stifled cry of triumph, Sammy found what she was looking for; Cuddy's cell number. She then hurried back to her tiny room with the precious slip of paper, followed the directions for an "outside hospital" call by the operator, and carefully dialed the number.

"Hello? This is Dr. Cuddy speaking. Do you need assistance in any way?"

"Cuddy, chill. It's me."

"Sammy?" The surprise leaked through her voice. "What on Earth – how did you get this number?"
"I got it…from House's desk. It was in a drawer with that Stacy woman's number." Sammy bit her lip nervously and waited for a response.

"Really? Well that's – wait, how did you get in there? His office is locked at night!"

"That's not important. What is important is that I decided to play a little trick on the males of the group. My mom gave Rent to me to watch. I'm tricking everyone - except Cameron and you, of course – and I shall proceed to lock the door when they get here, force them to watch Rent, and play games afterward. Are you game? Because I need you to provide booze – soda for me – and snacks. Ice cream, chips, pretzels, spoons, bowls, cups, water, basic toiletries, blankets, pillows, and pudding. You can make the pudding yourself, if you don't mind. Okay?"

Silence. "Cuddy, you there?"

"What? Oh yeah. Pudding, ice cream, chips, pretzels, spoons, bowls, cups, water, basic toiletries, blankets, pillows, soda, and booze. Got it."

"Okay. I forgot to say, be here at 7:30. Make up a reason to back up for telling the others. Bye."

Cuddy took a breath, "B…" but Sammy had already hung up. As she drove towards the nearest WalMart, Cuddy wondered why she was taking orders from a 14 year old. She decided on an 'Oh well', because she couldn't think of a good enough reason herself.

HUGHBERTHUGHBERTHUGHBERT

After her interesting little phone call, Sammy quickly showered, found the DVD and remote, made her bed, nicely arranged some chairs found in the other patients' rooms, and prepared to wait for her guests. At exactly 7:13, Cuddy knocked carefully on Sammy's door, her arms laden with plastic shopping bags. Sammy got the door and a bag or two to place on a small table by the chairs.

"So," Cuddy said, "how are you?"

"Bored, a little tired, and…really itchy!" The Dean of Medicine laughed heartily at Sammy's comment.

"Okay, sounds great. What did you want me to do with these bags?"
"Here, I'll take them." Sammy attractively placed the goodies and drinks on the table, the toiletries in the bathroom, and the blankets and pillows on her bed. The two girls talked happily about ways to torture House for a few minutes until Cameron got to the door.

"Coming, Cameron!" Sammy said firmly.

"Hi, Dr. Cuddy."

"Dr. Cameron." Sammy had to chew on her tongue fervently not to laugh at this formal exchange. Fortunately, Cameron and Cuddy burst out laughing at her expression, thereby lightening the mood of the "meeting".

"Oh, Sammy I almost forgot!" said Cameron, placing something small and black into the young patient's hand. "Here's a camera to see the look on the men's faces when they realize what they're here for!" This sent all three girls into further laughter, so that they couldn't hear the knock on the door signifying Chase and Foreman's entrance.

"What's so funny?" Chase asked, fake pouting.

"Oh, nothing," the girls chorused.

"Oh nothing, my ass!" By this time everyone was laughing.

"Okay, everyone! We've got…" Sammy was interrupted by a loud knock on the door, which appeared to be Wilson pulling a disgruntled House along by the arm. House, on the other hand, was doing his best to writhe his way out of the other doctor's strong grip. When his attempts proved only fruitless and a source of great entertainment to the guests inside the room, House finally went limp in a defeated sort of way.

"House, you have to come! It's an obligation!"

"But…it's an evil scheme! They're going to poison us, and rape us! Okay, only me, but still…"

"God, House; can't you just believe that we're here to have a good time?"

"Never!"

Sammy got tired of this argument and opened the door. "You finally get here, and you're arguing and spoiling the party before it even starts! Now, Cuddy get the door, quick!" Cuddy grabbed a key from her pocket and locked the door from the outside.

"I told you, Wilson! I told you!" House yelled recklessly as Wilson looked around worriedly.

"Now, boys it is time for Housepital of Horror! Muahahahaha!" Sammy accurately imitated the classic evil laugh so that everyone (except House, of course) roared with laughter. She put Rent in the DVD case, pressed play and started the movie. Everyone settled down on the chairs (by force) to watch the movie, only occasionally getting up to eat munchies and have some booze.

After the "horror" movie was over, everyone got up and stretched before moving on to games. "Wow, Chase; I didn't know you were so sensitive as to cry after Angel died," said House in a mock-surprise voice.

"But – I didn't, that's not…" said the dumbfounded doctor, clearly upset.

"Oh Chase," said Cameron playfully, "who cares if you cried; now let's get on to the games!"

TO BE CONTINUED

How'd ya like that? Part 2 will come up tomorrow (or the next day); I just wanted to get something out for my devoted reader(s). By the way, I lied again, I live in Turin, Italy. And I'm sorry for not writing back so soon, my bad.