Sheen: So it had finally come to this! Retroville was no longer a haven of order and peace. It had become a cold city of blight and crime! Where multiple sky scrapers are everywhere and triple the amount of pointless fashion boulevards and heartless citizens. This sudden change only meant one thing.
(The camera ZOOMS in for a close up of Sheen's solemn face.)
Sheen: Alternate universe!
(Sheen then turns to his friends seated on the bench. He looks to Carl with firm sentiment.)
Sheen: Carl, in that cruel world of injustice and tension rich drama, instead of being one of my good friends you were a street wizened homicide detective named Lenny.
(A see-through image appears of Carl, clad in a gray suit and sporting emerging gray roots from his head, is pinning a seedy looking thug against a brick wall. The thug snarls and struggles weakly against him.)
Alternate Universe Carl/Lenny image: Up against the wall, perp!
(Carl and Libby exchange awkward silence at Sheen's sudden confession. Sheen then shifts his attention toward Libby.)
Sheen: Libby, you were no longer my true love, instead you were the stern and compassionate Lieutenant Van Buren of the 27th Precinct.
(Another apparition appears, Libby is dressed in a feminine business suit, holding a number of documents while talking angrily on a telephone.)
Alternate Universe Libby/Van Buren: I'm sick and tired of all of these loop holes you lawyers bring up every single day! I have the proof he killed that man without hesitation, and I intend to bring that scum to justice even if it means losing my job! Then you will see that fighting fire with fire only gives you ashes!
(The image fades away as Sheen eyes twinkle with manic glee. His serious demeanor now completely gone.)
Sheen: And I was one of those radically stereotyped informants named Geraldo Sanchez!
Jimmy (off camera and sounding fed up): Oh, please ... this is just getting ridiculous. Sheen!
(Jimmy enters, interrupting Sheen's tale of a police fantasy. Sheen blinks at the sudden appearance of Jimmy.)
Sheen (loud!): Jimmy! That reminds me, you were an uptight executive A.D.A named Jack McCoy, who-
Jimmy: Sheen, stop it. You didn't go to some alternate universe, you just watched a rerun of Law and Order and it doesn't have anything to do with the intermission we originally had planned for this sad attempt of a story from the mind of some lazy, unoriginal fanfiction writer.
Teen girl's voice (off camera and angry): Hey! If I felt like putting down this controller, I'd write you out of character!
Jimmy (ignoring the remark): Retroville isn't New York City, and none of us are involved with the criminal justice system in any matter whatsoever.
Sheen (a tad befuddled): What? (He produces a brown envelope from behind his back.) B-but what explains this motion to suppress anticipated hearsay testimony from the defense attorneys I received in the mail last week?
(CUT To a Black Background with white text displaying: EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF.)
Jimmy's voice (he's pretty much had enough): Oh for.. stop that!
(CUE Rotating Atom)