"Don't leave me... please..." she kept on chasing him but it seemed the pace between them remained the same. Though the smoke had somehow blurred her vision, she could still see the dark brown color of his leather jacket. She could still feel his presence.. and she could tell he's going away.
"Squall... NO!", she called out, her hand outstretched in an effort to reach for him. "You promised me.... you promised you'll be there..."
He went on walking as if deaf and insensitive to her pleas. Rinoa continued the chase, no matter how senseless it seemed, for deep within her heart she knew she would never see him again --- Which was right, for within a second he was gone.
"SQUALL!!!" Tears of helplessness began pouring down her face.
"Rinoa!"
The insistent voice ended her nightmare.
"Rinoa... I'm here... wake up!" A gentle hand brushed the sides of her eyes. Tears. She opened them up and found the most angelic face looking worriedly at her. "I'm here...", he said in a voice so raw and tender it made her feel like crying once again.
"It's just a dream." she assured him, sounding a little more like assuring herself.
"A nightmare." Squall amended.
"Heyy, hiya Rinoa!" Selphie waved in her childish manner. "Hiya Squall."
"You're alone. Where's Irvine?" Rinoa asked.
"He's in Balamb, fishing with Zell."
"Fishing?!" Rinoa stared at Selphie, dumbfounded. "I never knew Irvine could fish?"
"That's the point. He didn't know how to catch fish, and so Zell told him he - Irvine - would never survive in a crisis."
"And so, just like that, Irvine went fishing with Zell..." Squall concluded, sounding far convinced.
"No." Selphie shook her head. "Zell told him how fishing could attract women."
"And that's when Irvine went fishing with Zell." Rinoa finished off.
"Yeah. But ofcourse, Zell had to teach him how... and that's the reason why they're in Balamb. How about you two, where are you off to?"
"Here, there... anywhere." Rinoa flashed her sweetest smile as she took a sidewise glance at Squall. "I figured Mr. Workaholic here should take a time off." Squall's gaze dropped to the floor. Selphie looked at him, then to Rinoa.
"You're right about that, Rinoa. He's workaholic, and the best thing in this world for a him is a day off." Selphie glanced at the brass clock on the wall behind Squall's back. "Ooops... I gotta' run. Quisty and I promised Dr. Kadowaki we'd give an extra hand 'round the Infirmary today. So long!"
Selphie turned her back and left.
"So," Rinoa tugged Squall's arm. "Shall we?"
They took the elevator and headed for the deck.
They'd been sitting there for quite sometime and yet none of Rinoa's attempts to start a conversation succeeded. With Squall, it's always like that. In someway, Rinoa had learned the techniques of coping with that. She loved him and so she's willing to accept and understand him for the person that he is. A year has passed since Ultimecia's defeat and Rinoa made a promise to herself she'd change him.
Well, she had to accept the fact that her task is far from complete. But it doesn't really matter, does it?
She unconsciously snuggled close to him.
"Are you alright now?" he asked softly, linking his hand with hers.
Rinoa frowned, thinking what the question was for. Then it hit her, the horrible nightmare she had the other night. Rinoa wanted to tell him she didn't want to be reminded of it, but for the sake of a conversation, she answered him. "I'm alright. Afterall, it was just a dream and being frightened was merely a state of mind."
"Glad to hear that." he said, smiling.
"Squall, there's something I'd like to ask... if you don't mind." she glanced at him and saw that he was all ears. "It's kinda weird question, really, but did it ever occur to you that we might never see each other again. For example, that day in the Sorceress Memorial, we almost lost each other for good."
"Well, did it occur to you? Did you think we'll never be together again?" he asked softly, a manner Rinoa was beginning to like.
"The truth?" their gaze met, Rinoa hesitating to answer and Squall patiently waiting for a reply. "Well, I was hoping you'd come, but part of me kept nagging at the impossibility of it. I mean, you have a mission, a task to protect millions of people."
"And you think a million people would measure up to a single you?"
Rinoa was surprised and touched with what Squall had just said. She embraced him tighter, burying her face on his neck. "Oh, Squall! Why can't we be like this forever."
Squall stroked her hair gently, giving up to the tenderness of the moment. He knew Rinoa had been longing for personal moments with him -- moments like this. Unfortunately, she understood his duty and waited in line instead. It was quite normal for Rinoa to understand everything, and that was one thing about her that made him love her more. She stole his heart, made him smile, lifted his burdens, understood his obligations and most importantly, believed in him. For all that he wanted to tell her how thankful he was. But he didn't know how. He didn't know where to begin.
I love you, he wanted to whisper softly in her ear but it wouldn't come out. For several times he attempted but it seems the words were stuck in his mouth like ideas refusing to materialize.
He closed his eyes and engraved the moment within the deep parts of his memory.
"Squall..." Rinoa started pulling away from him. "We can't let anyone see us like this. Squall..." she looked at him, his eyes closed, his expression blank. A stray wisp of hair fell over his right eye. Rinoa brushed it gently with her hand. "Oh, Squall... you work too much." she leaned and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Responsibilities have been placed on your shoulders in such an early point in your life. If you would just enjoy a bit..."
"Oh where could they be..." Irvine murmured to himself.
"Uh, excuse me but I think we have already circled this place twice." Zell said. "Hey... Irvine..."
"No we haven't..." he made a dash toward the deck, the heels of his boots clattering.
"Irvine!!!" Rinoa said, her eyes welled with tears. Irvine stood there, shocked. He slid his gaze from Rinoa's teary eyes down to the sleeping figure on her lap. Something happened...
"Hey," Zell stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Rinoa -- and Squall. "What the --"
"I couldn't rouse him. He's not waking up..." Rinoa started crying.
Irvine knelt down. "He's still breathing. I'm taking him to the Infirmary. Zell," he glanced over his shoulder,
"You take care of Rinoa."
"How is he?" Quistis asked upon entering the Infirmary room. Irvine, Zell and Cid all kept their lips closed. Dr. Kadowaki merely shook her head.
"How is Rinoa?" she asked back.
"Worried. But fortunately, tears of shock have already subsided. Selphie and I assured her that everything's going to be alright... is it?"
Silence.
"Is it?" she looked at the worried faces, then to the doctor. "Dr. Kadowaki --"
"He's dying." the good doctor answered sadly.
"He's WHAT?!"
"I have no idea how it came about. I tried my best, but it seems this instance is entirely unknown to me." she explained. Quistis leaned against the wall; afraid she might fall weakly on her knees.
"Heavens... how am I going to tell Rinoa..." she said, her voice shaking. Irvine walked to her side for support.
"What... why... do something, Dr. Kadowaki..." Unable to hold her tears any longer, Quistis clung to Irvine's coat and sobbed.
"Shh... it's alright..." Irvine whispered.
Zell spun on his heel and left the Infirmary as fast as he could. This is unfair, he thought. Squall worked overtime for the benefit of others and this is what he gets in return? What about Rinoa? He stopped dead in his tracks. How would she react to this? Looking onward, he found himself facing Rinoa's door. He could hear Selphie cheering and Rinoa faintly chuckling. Her cheerfulness have finally returned, and now here he comes bursting into the room and breaking the horrible news. Surely it'll bring Rinoa to her knees, like Quistis loosing her composure -- perhaps even worse.
He didn't want to do this, but some things can never be avoided. Nobody have the guts to spill the news except for him. Filling his lungs with air, the door slid open and he stepped in.
"Oh, hi Zell!" Selphie said with a smile, which eventually faded upon noticing the sober look on Zell's face. "Uh, what's wrong?"
Rinoa's expression fell into a worried look. "Squall... how is he?"
Zell shook his head. The words wouldn't come out but then he decided to finish things up. "He's in a serious condition."
"How serious...?" Rinoa asked.
Zell exhaled. Here it goes... "He's dying."
Rinoa froze for a moment, then the instant tears started falling, it went on like it would go on flowing forever. Selphie, just as shocked as Rinoa, stared at Zell with her mouth half open.
"This isn't happening." Rinoa cried. "You're lying!"
"No he's not." Cid emerged as the door slid open, Matron standing a step behind him. "I'm afraid he's telling the truth."
"I don't believe you." Rinoa stormed her way out her room. She kept on rejecting what she's been hearing, though at the deepest part of her heart she believed they were telling the truth. Only, the truth is too painful to bear.
She stepped hurriedly inside the Infirmary room and saw the truth she so rejected. Squall was on the bed, his eyes closed, his soul at rest. Irvine and Quistis were standing near the doorstep, about to leave when Rinoa arrived. Rinoa didn't bother looking at them. Actually, she didn't notice them. Her entire world stopped turning upon seeing Squall on the bed.
Now I know what it feels... Rinoa thought, reminding herself of the time she fell into a deep sleep brought about by the sorceress. She slowly took small steps toward the edge of the bed, not taking her eyes off her beloved. Now I know how painful it was... how lonely... how hard... she brushed the stray strands of hair off his forehead. Oh Squall, you said you're not leaving...
She froze. "Rinoa... I'm here... wake up..."
The dream returned to her in flashes. It had been a premonition, a warning. Could it be that he's leaving her forever...?
"Don't leave me..."
"She refused to leave." Quistis announced. "I guess it would be better for us to leave her alone." Three days have passed and still, Squall barely stirred. He seemed like a sleeping corpse, and everyone feared he would remain as such until death.
"Just like before..." Ellone said softly, recalling the day Rinoa had fallen into a death-like slumber.
"Which before are you referring to?" Quistis asked.
"When Rinoa was in a deep spell... wasn't it that she looked more like dead than asleep?"
"Could it be that..." Selphie broke off.
"Impossible. Who would do such thing? They're all dead now." Zell answered. Irvine, Quistis and Selphie darted warning gazes at him. "Uhh... then again... I - uh..."
"It's ok." Matron smiled." Once a sorceress, always a sorceress."
"Right." Ellone agreed. Silence.
"Once a sorceress....." Selphie was saying, coming up with an idea. "Well, then, would it be possible for... well... a trip back through time and change the past. Like, well, tell Squall that he's sick and should go to the doctor for a check - up so he wouldn't end up... you know."
"As if there is anyone who could cure him." Zell answered back. Ellone looked at him, an idea hitting her all of a sudden.
Meanwhile, Rinoa was silently watching her beloved in his sleep as fragments of her shattered heart slowly bind together in hope. She knew -- believed -- he's just resting, and sooner or later he will wake up and everything would go on like before.
"Just rest, alright. I'll say here until you...." her voice trailed off. Squall's lids were moving. He's awake.
"Squall... it's me..." she said as he was focusing his gaze on her. "Are you... feeling ok now? You fell asleep three days ago."
His hand flew to his head as he was struggling to stand up. "M...m-my head h-hurts..."
"Shh... don't try to get up. You're not well yet." she said, gently shoving him back down. "You need to rest some more so you..." her words drowned in Squall's cry of pain.
"Please.... please......" Rinoa whispered, unable to bear his suffering any longer. In desperate need to shut out all the voices, she clamped her hands against her ears. "Please..... please.... no..."
"She's shaking..." Selphie said worriedly, rubbing her hand on Rinoa's shoulder in an effort to comfort her.
"Rinoa, it's going to be alright." She simply said those words to steady her friend. Even she herself knew that's far from the truth. A while ago, when Rinoa was screaming for help, she was the first to see what was happening. Squall was squirming in pain, and he's still is up to this point in time. Her gaze flew to Quistis standing at the other end, her back against the wall -- probably for support. They've known one another since childhood, and all these time Selphie have never seen ' bossy Quisty ' shiver and worry like hell. This isn't happening...
It wasn't only her who refused to believe everything's for real.
Irvine had been watching Selphie all the while, and he could perfectly see how frightened she is. He himself felt scared, though he refused to show it. This is reality, but accepting or repelling it depends upon the individual's capacity to do so. Rinoa isn't capable of accepting it... he glanced at Rinoa crouched beside Selphie, her head bent down, her hands trying desperately to shut everything out. He pitied her, he wanted to take her far from that place and temporarily end her torment, he wanted to hold and comfort Selphie. Unfortunately, he didn't have the strength to get those things done.
Dr. Kadowaki appeared from the Infirmary room. Cid and Matron, who have been patiently waiting outside the Infirmary's door with Rinoa and the others, stepped forward.
"How is he?" Matron asked.
"The pain have subsided. The pain-killer I gave him finally took effect." she looked down to Rinoa. "I'm sorry I cannot do anything else except the pain-killer. I do not understand how a fit SeeD like him would suddenly... weaken like that. I have checked, tried, studied, inquired everything within my range of understanding, yet I still couldn't find even an explanation."
"Quistis..." Matron turned to her. "Have you inquired Dr. Odine?"
"I'm zo zorrry but hiz kondition I do not know about..." Dr. Odine said, shaking his head. "It zeems hiz body iz giving up... he iz dying! Like it zimply entered hiz zystem... and deztroys it az fazt as it kould."
"How long is he going to..." Cid asked.
"Politely zpeaking, if I were you I'd rader not expekt a long zpan." the doctor answered. Rinoa started sobbing, muffling the sound with her hands. "I'm zorry I cannot help you."
Later that evening, Rinoa was watching over Squall, staring at him and engraving his face in her memory. She had lost all hope, and these few tender moments are all she possessed for a lasting memento she would carry in her heart forever... together with his ring.
Squall felt her presence and stirred.
"Squall?"
"You're still here?"
"You're awake?"
Squall didn't answer. Instead, he stared blankly at the ceiling and whispered, "Some things can never be avoided, huh?"
She sensed the helplessness in his voice. "What do you mean?"
"People will talk about me in past tense after all..."
"No they won't." Rinoa said strongly. "I won't let them."
Squall smiled. "Whatever."
"Whatever." Rinoa leaned close and hugged him. She chose not to lie about his condition, but she couldn't bring herself into accepting it either. She'll miss the way they embraced, the way they talked, the way he smiled at her. She'll miss every inch of him.
"I'm sorry..." he paused, ".....Rinoa."
"There's nothing to be sorry about..." she wrapped her arms tighter around him. "Some things can never be avoided."
"I love you..."
Rinoa cherished the word deep within her heart. "I love you."
He laid his hand gently on the small of her back and carried the moment with him, forever.
He's dead.
Squall is dead.
Rinoa clutched the two rings in their hand. The wind blew hard, tousling her hair into total disarray. A faint whisper of I love you reached her ears, reminding her of Squall whispering the same words that fateful night. Some things can never be avoided, huh? he told her, People will talk about me in past tense after all. Then she clung to him, held him fast, never to let him go.
She clamped her hands to her ears. No.... NO!!! "No...." she said helplessly, falling down on her knees. Tears started pouring down her face, No... please...
"Rinoa..." Selphie said, grasping her shoulders. "It's ok..."
"It's not ok!" Rinoa snapped, pulling Selphie's hands off her shoulders. Then she continued sobbing, now leaning against Selphie for comfort. "He's gone." she whimpered.
"Oh, Rinoa..." Selphie rubbed her hand gently against Rinoa's back and shot a meaningful glance at Irvine and the rest of the guys. He returned the look and took one step forward but he hesitated on the next and decided to leave the two alone. There is nothing he can do to help.
"Rinoa…."
She gave a strong shove of her arm and sent Selphie tumbling away. "Leave me alone!"