Chapter Four

Olivia walked out onto the exquisite private promenade deck of the transatlantic liner The Empress that adjoined the suite she and Cal were occupying. They had only boarded a short while before after staying at the Waldorf-Astoria for several days following their wedding. She walked over the square port hole to look out when she heard Cal come up behind her.

"Is everything to your liking?"

She turned to him and smiled. "Oh yes, everything is wonderful. I can't believe we're finally here."

He came up behind her and slid his arm around her slim waist. "Our departure will be momentarily and then we will be on our way."

"I would love to go up on deck and see the excitement," she said enthusiastically, but stopped short when she saw the look on his face.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm not particularly fond of meshing with the riff raff that tend to intrude upon these things. Later after we've sailed we'll take a quiet stroll around the deck."

Olivia tried not to let her disappointment show so she only nodded. "Yes, Cal."

Satisfied with her answer he offered his outstretched arm to her as they entered the suite. Angelina and Marietta were giggling and talking among themselves as they were unpacking her trunks in the bedroom. As soon as they saw Cal and Olivia come into the doorway they stopped.

"Ma'am, Sir," they curtsied toward them. Angelina timidly stepped forward. "We're almost finished putting everything away."

"Just make sure you don't misplace anything," Cal admonished. "I want everything put where Mrs. Hockley can find it."

"Yes sir, Mr. Hockley," they answered in unison.

Mrs. Hockley… Olivia repeated in her mind. The name sounded foreign in her ears even after almost a week. She didn't feel any different, even if she were a married woman. The doubts that had plagued her prior to her wedding still came forward from time to time, but it was too late to think of that now. She walked over to the navy blue duvet in the sitting room and sat back on the plush seat.

Dismissing the two ladies maids with a sweep of his hand, Cal followed her into the sitting room. "I'm sorry, sweetling but I must leave you briefly. McBride has not returned with my trunk as of yet. I must find a steward to track him down."

"Must you?" she sat up and extended her hand toward him. He took it and sat down beside her.

"This new man my father hired is useless as well as incompetent. He should have already returned. We're not paying him to dawdle about."

"I imagine there is quite a bit of commotion down below. I'm sure he will be here shortly," she reasoned.

Cal frowned at her disapprovingly. "Olivia, you are far too trusting. You can't let these people get by with anything. They may be getting paid, but they are servants nonetheless."

Olivia felt herself stiffen at his reproach. It seemed he was always doing that over one thing or the other, as if she were a child that needed disciplining. As much as she wanted to be a good wife, she didn't like the approach he took.

"I will return as soon as I've seen to this matter." He stood, ending the conversation.

After he left the stateroom, she sat for a few minutes more. She didn't like feeling this way. She was a grown woman, a grown married woman now, and she should be able to have her own opinions and ideas without being made to feel she was doing something wrong.

With a frustrated sigh, she stood to her feet and paced the room. It was a beautiful room, but she wanted to be on deck. A small streak of defiance began to crawl up her back. What if she went? What was the worst Cal would do? Get angry? Yes, that was a given. But, perhaps he would see her need to have her opinions validated and wouldn't berate her at every hand.

As she continued to pace, her idea began to take form. Could she really defy Cal? Part of her wanted to stand up to him and the other part, the trained part of her, was willing to just do as he had said and wait for him.

She walked back out onto the promenade deck and looked out of the porthole. She could see the crowd below waving and cheering emphatically up at the passengers. She tried to look above her but couldn't see beyond the pale blue overhang. She looked below her again at the growing crowd. If she were on deck her view wouldn't be obstructed by anything.

Before she could change her mind she spun on her heel and made her way through the sitting room and to the gleaming cherry wood door that led to the hallway. She reached for it, paused, her mind racing at her blatant defiance. She was torn in her decision, but with one final show of independence she reached for the handle and opened the door.

Olivia stepped out into the muffled hallway and looked down the corridors both ways. Only a few people milled about and seemed to pay no particular attention to her. Feeling a bit more braver she shut the door quietly behind her and excited down corridor the same way they had entered.

As she came to a large entrance that led to the stairwell above her, she could hear the sounds of the crowd below as well as the other passengers on deck. Excitement rippled through her as she made her way up each step. Finally, she reached the top where another small stairwell would take her to the boat deck. She gripped the banister and held up her long skirts until she finally saw the blue sky above her and tasted the salt sea air on her tongue.

She gave a smile triumphant smile to herself as she finally came upon the boat deck where hundreds of people were cheering and leaning over the railings, waving and sending goodbyes the crowd below.

She walked over to the closest free spot she saw and looked down. The thrill of being up here was just as she imagined. In a most impulsive and uncharacteristic move she leaned over as well and began laughing and waving with everyone else.

Olivia felt exhilarated to be in the crowd. She had never participated in such things and she was sorry it had taken her this long to experience it. She was having such a good time, she didn't feel the figure come up behind her, nor did she expect it when he suddenly grabbed her arm from behind and growled in her ear.

"Just what in all that is holy are you doing up here acting like a common gutter rat?"

Cal!

She turned to him and saw the anger in his dark eyes. She felt the grip on her arm grow tighter when he gritted his teeth at her.

"Cal, I'm sorry. I only wanted to see-"

"Enough!" He hissed at her. "You're coming back to the stateroom with me now and we will discuss your disobedience in private."

Without protest she let him drag her back down the stairwell and to their suite. The door to the stateroom flew open with Cal still holding to Olivia's arm. Angelina and Marietta were arranging flowers and other items in the sitting room when they entered.

"Leave us," Cal barked at them. The two women glanced awkwardly at each other but curtsied and quickly left the room.

Olivia stepped back when Cal finally released the hold on her arm. She knew she had angered him but she was prepared to stand her ground this time.

"How dare you disobey me," he said flinging his coat off. "I come back to find that my wife has not only disappeared, but is acting like a commoner upon deck."

She crossed her arms tightly as she watched him stalk around the room in agitation.

"What were you thinking, Olivia? Or were you even thinking at all?" He stopped to look darkly at her. "I want an answer now."

Olivia could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest. She had forgotten how menacing Cal could look when he was angered. But, still she couldn't understand why he was getting so upset by what she did. Was complete obedience really that important to him? And if it was, what did that mean for their marriage? Was she to have no say about her own life at all?

"Well," he snapped. "Have you nothing to say for yourself?"

Finally, she found her voice to answer him. "I did nothing wrong. I simply wanted to see what was going on upon the deck. I asked you take me, but you didn't want to."

"That's right and I thought you understood my reasons. What was going on up there was exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"There was nothing going on, Cal. Why are you so upset?"

"Because," he bit out harshly. "You disobeyed me, my darling wife. You went against my wishes. That is something I won't tolerate."

"Nothing happened!" she cried in exasperation. "I spoke to no one and no one spoke to me."

Cal spun around and took her by the arms. "I will not have my wife behaving the way I saw you behaving moments ago. You are a Hockley now and you will learn your place. Is that understood?"

"You're hurting me," Olivia gritted at him.

As if realizing what he was doing, he stared at the hold he had on her arms. Slowly he released her and stepped back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Olivia stared at him in hurt and confusion. "I don't understand any of this, Cal. Why are you acting this way? Is what I did so horrible that it would cause you to react in this manner?"

Cal held himself rigid as he walked to the fireplace and lifted his arm to rest upon the mantle. He placed the back of his fisted hand against his mouth and stared blankly ahead of him. Olivia was beginning to wonder if he had even heard what she said. Ever so slowly she stepped up behind him and placed her hands on his back.

"Cal," she said quietly. "What is it? What has you so upset? Surely what I did wasn't that bad was it?"

With a deep breath he turned to her and she saw the torment in his eyes. "I'm sorry for my overreaction. It's just when I returned and couldn't find you I immediately assumed the worse."

Olivia came around and wrapped her arms around his middle as if to comfort him. "I suppose I shouldn't have gone alone, but I so wanted to see the excitement."

Cal smiled sardonically. "I forget how young you are and how impetuous you can be."

"I may be impetuous, but at least you'll never be bored." She teased him.

"Still, you shouldn't have gone alone and unescorted. You're a married woman now and you have a reputation to think about, not only yours but mine as well. That's something Rose could never understand."

Rose again, Olivia thought irritably to herself. All roads led back to Rose. She felt as if everything she did and said was some sort of invisible gauge of comparison to his former fiancée. It often felt as there were three of them in this marriage and she was beginning to resent her presence there.

"Rose did everything she could to come against me, no matter what the consequences. It was a battle of wills and very frustrating for me. I wasn't going to tell you this, but perhaps you need to know. I suppose it's being on a ship again that has brought these memories back and have been in the forefront of my mind for several days."

Olivia looked up at him waited for what he had to tell her. She wasn't sure why, but she suddenly felt apprehensive about it.

"It's about the Titanic and what happened while we were on board her." He started. He stepped away from her and continued. "This is very painful but," he paused. "Rose met another man, a steerage passenger, while we were on board. He was a gutter rat, a common piece of trash that she eventually betrayed me with. At first I didn't want to believe it, but then she left me proof of her indiscretion with him, a nude drawing he had made of her. He was an artist of some sort, you see."

Olivia was shocked and was at a loss for words. Could that possibly be true? Surely Cal wouldn't lie about something so serious. But then she remembered the rumors she had heard and she realized that obviously there was some truth to them.

"I was devastated of course, but still I was willing to forgive her and move ahead. But, in the end she chose him and died with him in the icy waters of the Atlantic."

"Oh Cal," she reached for him. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea. How horrible for you."

"Yes, how horrible for me." He repeated sarcastically. "I was a fool and because of my blindness I was betrayed."

"I would never betray you, Cal, never. You are my husband and I love you."

"I trusted once and was deceived. Don't make me doubt you, Olivia. Don't ever make me doubt you."

"I never will. You can trust me, Cal. I won't ever leave you," she said trying to reassure him.

"I know you won't, Olivia. I won't let you." He growled and pulled her close. He reached up and cupped her face firmly. "You're mine and what's mine I keep. I expect complete loyalty and faithfulness from you and anything less is unacceptable. I own you body and soul, don't ever forget it. I lost Rose, but I will not lose you."

Olivia could feel her pulse race as Cal swooped down and captured her mouth hotly. He lifted her from the floor and wrapped his arm under her legs, still holding her tightly against him.

"Your mine," he whispered fiercely in her ear. He swiftly carried her across the room to their stateroom and slammed the door behind him with his foot. He stood her on her feet but still was kissing her passionately. "I want a son," he breathed unevenly. "And if it's one thing you will come to learn, I always get what I want."