Chapter Eight

April, 1914

The atmosphere over the next few months after the twin's births was one of joy and excitement, for everyone that is except Olivia. She barely had time to adjust to her babies when they were handed over to a nanny at Cal's insistence. Thankfully the nursery was close enough to her room that Olivia could hear one of them if they cried, but she would no sooner go in until Mrs. Ryan would bustle in and assure her she was taking care of things.

While she was grateful for the help, she was also weary of Mrs. Ryan's no nonsense approach. She made Olivia feel at times as if she were an intruder rather than her children's mother. After this had happened several times, Olivia finally spoke to Cal one evening at dinner about her concerns and voiced her annoyance about Mrs. Ryan. But, in his usual cool manner he informed her that the woman was doing what she was hired to do.

"She came highly recommended, Olivia. I advise you to let the woman do her job and stop worrying yourself over matters that need not be worried over."

"Are you suggesting that I not worry over my own children?" she asked, irritated at his attitude.

"Of course not," he said lifting his wine glass. "We hired this woman to do a job and she's doing it."

"But, I'm their mother." She stated the obvious.

"And I'm their father," he looked at her over the rim of his glass. "I have taken care of this. You must learn to trust my judgment where our children our concerned."

Olivia stared at him in stony silence. She gripped her napkin under the table until her knuckles turned white. She felt as if the room was closing in on her and if she didn't get out she would suffocate. Ever so slowly, she rose from the table, laid her napkin down and turned to leave but stopped when he spoke to her.

"Where do you think you're going, Olivia?" he asked behind her.

She could hear the rustle of movement as he stood and came near to her. She tensed when she felt his hand slide up her back and into her hair. He pushed the long, blond tresses to one side and bent so that his mouth was close to ear and she could feel his warm breath against her skin.

"When we married I told you that I must have your complete loyalty, do you remember that?" She didn't answer but closed her eyes when she felt his hand slide around her waist and across her abdomen. "You must never question my judgment. I have to be able to trust you in all things… this was our understanding."

Olivia didn't respond as he came around and stared down at her. He grinned mockingly at her silent defiance. He lifted his hand and trailed a finger along her jaw line, down the length of her neck and across the swell of her breast. "I do believe you are being rather rebellious. What am I to do about that?"

Still, she didn't answer. In spite of everything within her, his touch had sent her pulse racing. She despised herself for feeling this way. He was a selfish and demanding man, she knew how far his cruelty could go and yet… and yet… in spite of it all, his nearness and his touch was exciting her. She was shocked and repulsed by it and yet there it was.

Cal sensed the change in her and raised a questioning eyebrow at her reaction. She turned her head away but it was too late for that. He slowly pulled her to him, pressing their bodies close together. She stiffened, but didn't move when he lowered his head to her neck and softly kissed the throbbing pulse beneath her ear. She let out an audible breath when he did. He then inched his way up, kissing her delicately until he was only inches from her mouth. Her heart was slamming against her ribs; it had been so long since he had touched her like this, so long since she had felt this. She was torn between wanting to move and wanting to stay, but she could do neither.

"Olivia," he whispered her name against her lips. "What are you doing to me?"

She still hadn't moved, her arms hung rigid to her side. If she touched him she would lose what self-control she had. She didn't want this to happen, she couldn't let it. He had done so many hurtful things to her, so many things that she couldn't forget. Why, oh why was her body betraying her this way?

Cal lifted his head for a moment and saw the look in her eyes, the tumult of conflicting emotions that she knew was there for him to see. She wanted to turn away because she didn't want him to see, but she couldn't. His breathing deepened and finally when neither of them could take any more, he growled, swooped down and captured her mouth with his own. He kissed her hungrily, his hands moving over her body and tangling in her hair.

Olivia whimpered and threw her arms around him as he passionately assaulted her mouth. It had never been this way before. She had never felt this between them, this need that was nearly tangible. She raised herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him back in an almost desperate way, moving her arms from his waist to around his neck.

He deepened the kiss by pulling her head back by her hair and nearly lifting her off her feet. It went on and on and until she thought she would faint from it. He finally broke away from her and rained kisses down her neck and face. "Olivia, Olivia…" he groaned her name. "This is insane."

She couldn't answer; she was too far gone to even try. She was loving what he was doing to her and hating herself for loving it. She had been denied his touch for so long and God help her but she loved him. She wanted him and there didn't seem to be anything she could do to stop what was happening.

He picked her up and carried her out of the dining room, up the winding staircase and into their suite. Time stood still when he shut the door and stood her in front of him. They stared at each other for a moment and then Cal reached for her. Without hesitation she came to him and gave herself to him willingly. Their movements were rushed and desperate as they undressed each other, as if what was happening would suddenly stop. They fell to the floor in a tumbled heap, unaware they had not made it to the bed. Over and over again she cried out his name until finally they passed the point of no return and she felt her body break into a million pieces beneath him. She had never experienced anything like it in her life and for a breathless moment she couldn't move, nor breathe, nor barely even think clearly as she slowly came back to earth.

It was then that she began to cry, for what reason she wasn't sure. She just knew that everything had changed and nothing would be as it was. How could she continue to live life as before knowing that she didn't have his love as he had hers? How could she when now knew what it could be like between them? What was she going to do?

"Olivia," he whispered as he pulled back to look at her. "Why are you crying?"

She smiled through her tears and pushed her dark thoughts aside. "No reason," she answered touching his face. "No reason at all."

They lay there until the floor became too uncomfortable and they made their way to their bed. Olivia held onto to him tightly, afraid if she let go she would lose him and what they had shared.

The next morning the sun filtered through the pale ivory sheers on the windows and across the bed where Olivia and Cal lay. She awoke to the feel of Cal's arm lying heavily on her hip and the sound of his deep breathing next to her ear. She smiled and stretched as contentment curled warmly through her. At her movement, Cal groaned and pulled her closer against him.

She slowly turned so that she was facing him and could look at him in his sleep. Like this, he was so serene and almost boyish in his features. She reached out to lightly touch his face and then brushed a dark lock of hair from his forehead.

As Olivia lay there looking at her husband she couldn't help but wonder what this morning would bring. Things had been so tense between them and this was the first time he had touched her intimately since the birth of the twins. She had almost given up hope that they would ever reconnect again, but last night proved that there was still something there. She was determined to take it, hold on to it and make the most of whatever she was given. She had to make Cal see how happy they could be together, how wonderful their life could be.

At that moment, she heard the distant sound of one of the babies crying. She slid quietly from the bed, threw her gown on and made her way to the nursery. Just as she walked through the door Mrs. Ryan was coming from her adjoining room. The two women stopped and Mrs. Ryan gave Olivia a nod.

"Good morning, Mrs. Hockley."

"Good morning," she replied in turn as she continued in the room. It was Catherine who was the culprit and by the time Olivia reached the crib, her crying had reached a fever pitch. She reached down and picked up her daughter and snuggled her little body against her own.

"Ssshh," she began to comfort the wiggling baby. "There, there, mommy's here."

"She's probably both wet and hungry," Mrs. Ryan informed her smugly as she clasped her hands in front of her ample figure. "She's always the first to wake up."

Olivia threw the woman a cool look before heading over to the table where they changed their soiled cloths. She had just laid Catherine down when she felt the other woman come up behind her.

"There's no need to do that, Mrs. Hockley. I'll have her changed and fed before you know it and then I'll bring her to you when she's more content."

Olivia tensed and slowly turned to her. "I'm quite capable of changing my daughter's soiled linens, Mrs. Ryan. I am their mother after all."

"Of course, ma'am, but..." the woman gave Olivia a look mild scorn as she spoke. "If you don't mind me saying so, ma'am, the other families I have worked for understood what my position in the household is. They have never minded giving up the… more unpleasant duties of taking care of children, if you will."

Olivia turned back to Catherine who was gearing up for another tantrum. "I appreciate your candor, Mrs. Ryan," she said coldly over her shoulder. "But, I can manage."

"Very well, Mrs. Hockley," she answered stiffly. "I'm only following Mr. Hockley's orders. I'm sure he will not be pleased with this turn of events."

Just as Olivia was going to answer her, Nathaniel let out a wail from his crib. It was hard to tell who was the more unhappy at that moment, he or Catherine. She finally managed to get a clean diaper on her squirming daughter and when she finally picked her up and turned, Mrs. Ryan was still standing there. She gave Olivia a haughty smile that set her teeth on edge.

"Mrs. Ryan," she said taking on a superior tone. "Would you please see to Nathaniel while I see to Catherine or would that be asking too much of you?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Hockley," she answered with a thin smile. "I was just waiting for your instructions."

"Then do what I instructed," Olivia snapped before she could catch herself. "And take care of my son."

"Yes ma'am," she nodded awkwardly and walked over to the crib.

Once the twins were taken care of Olivia headed back to the suite. She was tired of Mrs. Ryan's attitude and she was going to take care of her immediately. She was going to see that that woman was gone by the end of the day and the next nanny that was hired would be of her choosing.

When she entered the room, Cal was still asleep. She got back into bed and lay down close to him. He stirred, mumbled and then let out a low rumble of laughter. He snuggled into her hair and kissed the side of her neck. Olivia smiled, forgetting Mrs. Ryan and her anger and turned to him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Good morning, darling," she whispered.

"Morning," he whispered sleepily and rolled over onto his back. He tugged on her arm, pulling her up so that she was looking down at him, her hair draped across his shoulder. "I was afraid last night was a dream."

"It wasn't a dream," she shook her head. "It was real… very real," she told him as she cupped his face.

He grinned and lifted her hand up, kissing her palm. "You look beautiful this morning."

"So do you," she laughed huskily and bent her head to kiss him softly. It was wonderful being with her husband this way, the way it should be, the way she wanted it to be. When she pulled back he was staring at her with a slight look of puzzlement. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"That's the first time you've ever kissed me," he answered.

She shook her head in denial. "No, it isn't. I've kissed you many times."

He smiled and wrapped a finger around a lock of her hair. "What I mean is that's the first time you've ever kissed me without my kissing you first."

Olivia realized what he said was the truth. She had never done what she just did, she never felt at liberty to do so. She was amazed how easily it happened as well. In fact, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Olivia," he said as he slid his hand behind her neck. "What happened last night… what we shared was… incredible."

"It was more than incredible," she refuted him softly and smiled.

He pulled her down to him until their lips were nearly touching. His smoldering dark eyes bore into hers. "Perhaps, if we try, we can see how much more incredible it can be."

Already Olivia could sense the tension mounting within her body. Any logical thought left her when their lips finally met. Just as the night before, they came together in a swirl of passion that threatened to consume them. For a small moment in time it was only she and Cal and their need for each other. When she could take no more, she cried out his name in her release.

"I love you," she cried huskily. "I love you, my darling."

They held each other until he finally had to leave her for the day. Olivia was secure in her position as the lady of the manor now and she was determined to make a good life for her husband and children. It also gave her great pleasure in sending Mrs. Ryan on her way. She was Mrs. Caledon Whitmore Hockley after all and it was about time she started acting like it.