I've finally updated! Did you all think I had fallen in the dark hold of the abyss? Well, guess what, I thought I had, but I have found my way out. This chapter is not necessarily the most exciting one I've ever written, but it does set the foundation for what's to come.

Thanks for the reviews and your patience in waiting for me. Lilly, janell, Kate, Eliza, Roxy, Butterfly and Melissa... you guys are awesome and great reviewers. I thank you so much for the encouraging reviews I get from you. I do hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter Eighteen

September, 1914

It had been one week since Olivia had the plaster cast taken off of her leg. She was thrilled to be able to move around on her own again and not have to depend on anyone. The first thing she did was put her babies in their pram and took a long walk around the grounds, stopping every little bit to stop and play with them.

Cal was still busy with work and was hardly home. He hadn't pressed her on the trip to California, only bringing it up once. She was still undecided on what to do and what Cal's intentions were for the trip. Did he expect for her to just forget all that had transpired between them? She didn't know if she could, or if she even wanted to.

Then there was McBride… Patrick. She didn't know what to make of him or what was happening between them. He was a servant, Cal's manservant to be more precise. There were so many reasons, valid and legitimate reasons, as to why what she was feeling was so wrong. She was married for goodness sake and not free to think this way. And, even if she were free, the very idea of her being involved with a servant of his station was inconceivable.

She was tired of feeling so unresolved about everything in her life and it was on a restless afternoon that she decided to visit Thalia. She had Thomas drive her over to the Wentworth's estate, aptly named Wentworth Hall. She was immediately taken into the drawing room where in a few moments Thalia came through the doors.

"Olivia! Oh my goodness. I wasn't expecting you today. How lovely to see you," she exclaimed as she promptly gave her a hug. "Please, sit down and I'll have Clarice bring us some tea and the divine tea cookies Mother just got it from Paris."

"Thank you, Thalia," she replied as she sat down in a plush, mauve velvet wing-backed chair. "I think that sounds wonderful."

Thalia summoned Clarice for the tea and then sat in front of Olivia. "I'm so glad you came by today. Mother and Father have gone to visit my grandmother. I didn't want to go today so it makes it double glad for me that I stayed behind. I'm so glad you're up and about."

"That makes two of us," Olivia laughed. "I never want to experience that again."

"How are those precious babies of yours?"

"Doing wonderfully. They've started crawling now and they're everywhere when we put them down. Nathaniel does a full out crawl while Catherine does more of a caterpillar crawl," she laughed as she spoke.

"I simply can't wait for the day," Thalia sighed and smiled at the same time. "You have the perfect life, Olivia. I envy you so at times."

Olivia felt her heart drop at Thalia's words. Envious? Oh, if Thalia but knew the truth of her life, envy would not be feeling she would have. Her thoughts must have shown on her face because Thalia's expression changed from that of pleasure to puzzlement.

"Olivia, are you okay? I didn't mean anything by what I said. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"No, no, it's fine," she lowered her head. In spite of herself, she felt the dark cloud she had been carrying around cover her. She pressed a hand to her temple and tried to shake off the feeling, but it wouldn't subside.

"You're not okay, are you? Something is wrong, I can tell." Thalia leaned in closer. "What is it, Olivia. Talk to me."

Olivia struggled with her feelings for a moment, torn between keeping her problems to herself and yet needing to confide in someone she could trust. She covered her mouth with her hand stifling the cry that threatened to come out.

"You're really upset. Has something happened? Please talk to me, Olivia." Thalia implored to her, taking her by the other hand.

Swallowing hard, Olivia looked up at her friend and blinked away the tears that had formed there. "I… I'm just so confused, Thalia. Nothing in my life is what I thought it would be and I don't know what to do about it."

Frowning, Thalia squeezed her hand and handed her a handkerchief in the process. "You can tell me, you know that. I will keep your confidence… I always have. Your one of my truest friends and I want to help you if I can."

Taking a deep breath, Olivia nodded and sat up straighter. Slowly at first, she began to relay the story to Thalia; the money issue and Cal's control of her. Before long it had all spilled out in all's its ugliness. She cried at times and became angry at times, but most of all it felt so good to be able to relieve herself of the burden of it. When she was finished, Thalia sat back, a slightly stunned look upon her pretty face.

"Do you think my life is so perfect now?" Olivia asked dabbing at her eyes. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to confess to anyone."

"I never imagined, Olivia. Cal seems so… charming and debonair."

"He is," she nodded, "when it suits him. There are times that I think I love him so much I would die without him and then there are times I think I hate him so much I never want to see him again."

"You poor thing. How have you stood it all of this time?"

The answer was on the tip of her tongue. It was easy… it was Patrick. But, she dared not tell Thalia that. There were some secrets that needed to remain a secret and he was one of them.

"I just have. I have to, for my children and for our families. It's not as easy as saying I want out. Besides, I don't know if I do. I don't know what I feel or what to think. Cal wants me to go to California with him in a couple of weeks and a part of me wants to and a part of me doesn't."

"That's a decision only you can make, Olivia. I can tell you this… from what you've told me, Cal does seem to be sorry for everything. He seems to genuinely have remorse for his actions."

"It seems so, but it's so hard to trust him now. I want to, but I'm afraid of being hurt again," she said as she twisted the handkerchief in her hands. "There is something else I haven't told you. It's… it's about Rose."

"Rose?" she asked frowning. "What about Rose?"

"I… I found him the morning after our homecoming party clutching Rose's picture in his arms. He had fallen asleep in the library and when I went looking for him, I found him there just like that. And there are other things as well, but I must admit not as much now as earlier in the marriage."

"Like what other things?"

"Like he used to compare me to Rose all of the time. Rose betrayed him on the Titanic with a third class passenger and that's all I'm going to say about that, but needless to say, her ghost has haunted our marriage from nearly the beginning. He even named our daughter after her and when I protested, he simply said I was being silly. She's there all of the time, I can feel her around me. Although, it has gotten some better as time has passed."

"Oh," Thalia said releasing her breath. "I… I don't know what to say. This is so unexpected."

"What do I do, Thalia? How do I trust him again? How do I find my way back to the feelings I had for him in the beginning when I knew none of this?" Olivia nearly sobbed again.

"Olivia," she shook her head sympathetically. "I'm at a loss. I've had no experience in these kinds of things. But, I can tell you what I do if it were me."

Olivia dabbed at her eyes again and waited for Thalia to continue.

"If it were me, and I still had any feelings for him, I would try to put it all behind me and not look back. If Cal is truly sorry, then he obviously has feelings for you. You have been terribly hurt so it's only natural to feel this way, but sometimes we have to step out on faith and trust in what we can't see."

"I'm not sure I can," she sniffed.

"You wanted my advice, so here it is. Go to California with him. Take this time to try and take back your marriage. This may be the only chance you have to make it happen and if you continue holding all of this against him, you will never be happy. Think about your children, think about their future. You have to do this, Olivia, if for no other reason but for them."

Thalia's words penetrated something deep inside of her. She did want to find happiness again and she did want her children to grow up in the love of their parents. They were the most important thing in the world to her and their happiness meant more to her than her own. Perhaps Thalia was right, maybe the trip to California was what they needed. If they could get away alone together, then maybe, just maybe they could find their way back to each other.

Smiling slightly, she took Thalia's hand. "Thank you so much for listening to me. I will think about all we have discussed and I'm sure I'll make the right decision. I feel so much clearer about things now and I feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders."

"I'm only glad you decided to confide in me. I'm not sure I did much, but listening can sometimes be just the thing that's needed."

"It was and it did help. Thank you again," she nodded.

Clarice finally arrived with their tea and cookies and the two friends enjoyed them, their visit not marred by Olivia's problems. Soon, it was time for Olivia to return home and on the ride there she thought about what she would do. She saw Cal's Daimler parked in front of the door and knew he must have come home early.

Nervously, she entered the hall and pulled the long pins that secured the hat to her head out and lifted it off of her head. Marietta came down the stairs at that moment.

"Hello, ma'am. I saw you pull up outside and immediately came down. Mr. Hockley is waiting for you in your suite. Shall I tell him you'll be right up?"

Olivia thought for a moment and then shook her head. "No, tell Mr. Hockley I'll be in the parlor waiting for him."

Marietta's eyes widened as she watched Olivia walk away. Once inside the room, she threw her hat and purse aside and walked over the large windows. Evening was setting in and casting vibrant colors against the darkening sky. She stood looking out for several minutes before she heard the click of the door.

"You summoned for me?" he asked in a dry, sarcastic tone.

Turning to him she took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. "Yes, I wasn't ready to go upstairs yet. I wanted to speak with you about something."

Cocking a brow at her, he studied her for a moment. "Something is different. What?"

"I'm not sure how to say this and so bear with me as I try."

A serious expression marred his features as he came nearer to her. Crossing his arms, he nodded toward her. "Yes," he urged.

"It's about the trip to California. I've given it some thought and I've decided to go with you," she told him. "I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I'm willing to try and get past… everything that has happened," she faltered for a moment.

Cal looked at her and slowly uncrossed his arms. "You mean you've decided to go with me?" Then, as if something had occurred to him, skeptically, he pinned her with a questioning stare. "Why have you changed your mind? What's happened?"

She licked her dry lips and gave a light shrug. "I'm tired the coldness between us. It's not good for the children to be around us this way and I'm … I'm ready for the change. I'm not sure what there is to build on, but I think we should try and make this work, for the children."

"For the children," he repeated her words thoughtfully. "And that is the only reason?"

"Well, not the only reason, but certainly the main one," she answered. Turning from him, she walked back over to the windows and stared out. "You have to understand how difficult this was for me. I'm still unsure of how I feel about you, about our marriage, but I know I'm not happy with things the way they are, either."

"Neither am I," he replied and came up behind her. "I know I've made a mess of things, something I do regret. Are you saying you're willing to forgive me?"

"I can't answer that, yet. That's why I agreed to the trip. Perhaps we can find a way to get past this… somehow."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Olivia and I'm pleased with your decision. I'll make the necessary arrangements for our departure."

Nodding, she gave her affirmation. She felt him leave her then and heard the sound of the door closing. Sighing, she looked out on the grounds seeing everything and yet seeing nothing. She only hoped that she and Cal could make something of this chance they had been given. If not, she didn't know how long she stay with a man that, at the moment, she simply didn't trust or stay away from a man that simply wasn't an option for her, no matter how attractive, kind and gentle he may be.