Disclaimer: I can't wait for the sequels, and I love pirates, but I don't own anything. Sorry.
A/N: The last strip ended up with a reaction similar to this: -whooshy breeze and a tumbleweed. Authoress just shivers, and whimpers about how cold it is-. So, due to the fact you people thought my fluff was crap (and I don't blame you, because my fluff usually is…) I decided to whip this up for you.
Rum and Cookies to the people who can read between the lines and guess what the subliminal message is!
It was about bloody time they put into port. The crew were all tired, and wanted to spend the money they'd gotten over the last four months; Johnny and Kelly, with their boundless energy, were drained and whining for a decent meal. Even the Pearl herself seemed weary - she needed a few repairs, as well as new ropes. It was about bloody time port had come into view. But, for some reason, Jack had insisted on this one particular town on this one particular island, and been very vague on the reason.
And Squirrel didn't like that. Not one bit. The only reason Jack was ever vague about something was when he was either hiding something, or he was planning something, or both. Her suspicion over the last few days had made her short-tempered, but the sight of land and the prospect of a rest had soothed her nerves and made her much more forgiving.
Ah well, Squirrel sighed, as she watched her children chasing each other around the deck squealing with excitement at the prospect of reaching a new port, At least he'll be out of my hair for an evening. And whatever that son-of-a-gun is planning, I'm going to stay well out of it. She looked out at the smoky water, where the sky was turning a deep purple with the approaching night, and smiled. Sure is nice out here. I can see for miles.
It was a black night when Captain Jack Sparrow swaggered down the alleyways of the town. He never did things by halves - he was all decked out in every ounce of pirate finery he owned, and he was whistling that song through his teeth. He ignored the taverns and bars which were overcrowded, avoided the groups of maudlin sailors and pirates singing drunken lullabies, and he ignored the stares of the girls and the men who muttered 'queen' under their breath. He had more important things to do.
And more important people to meet.
In a little tavern hidden at the back of a shop-house, Jack saw the man he was looking for. With a golden grin, he sauntered over. The man in question was a tired old sailor with one hand and one eye. And something else. And that something else Jack Sparrow knew about. Jack also knew how to get what he wanted. Obviously, because he was, after all, Captain Jack Sparrow. And the old man would be more than happy to give ole Captain Jack what he wanted.
Jack wandered over to the bar, and bought two drinks - the larger one for himself, of course. He smiled at the barman as he handed over a handful of stolen Spanish coins. "I trust these are legal tender?" The barman just grunted and pocketed the gold.
"Here, mate," Jack said, offering the tankard of rum to the old sailor, "Have a drink on me."
The old sailor squinted up at Jack suspiciously with his one eye. "Oi was beginnin' te wonder if'n ye'd shoow, Jack Sparrah," he said, in a heavy brogue accent. "It's aboot toime."
Jack just smiled and sat down, resting his feet on the table. "Well, here I am! Now… Down to business!"
The old pirate scowled a little. "Ye can be a roight bonnie rat when ye try, Jack Sparrah."
"You sound like my wife. And my daughter. But enough beating around the bush - can you tell me what I need to know?"
The old pirate nodded slowly. "Ooh, aye. That oi caan." He offered his flagon. "Teeke watchee caan…"
I love my life, Jack thought to himself, We get the guns, and we get the roses. He smirked, and followed through with the toast. "An' give nothin' back!"
"Mummy, please? Please, please, please? Please can I have one?"
Squirrel relented, and opened the heart-shaped box. Kelly squealed with delight and grabbed the first three chocolates she saw, then scampered out of her mother's reach to scoff them all down in one go. Squirrel sighed heavily, knowing it would be pointless to shout at her daughter, then proffered the chocolates to Johnny. The boy pondered a moment, then carefully picked out one. He ate it carefully.
"Two different kinds of pirates," Squirrel smiled. She ruffled Johnny's hair fondly, then got up to help Kelly, who was choking on the stolen candy. "What did you learn from this?" She asked, wearing her 'serious-mother' face.
Kelly licked her lips, avoiding her mother's eyes. "Don't eat quickly, and don't breathe and swallow at the same time."
"So what has this taught you?"
Kelly frowned for a moment, then looked across at her brother, who was still biting at his chocolate. "Patience?"
"Imagine," Squirrel said wryly, with a weary but loving sigh. "Please be careful, Kel. You may have been born to be wild, but still…" She smiled at her daughter, noting how tall she'd gotten. Whatever happened to the little girl once I knew? Squirrel wondered.
Her thoughts were distracted by the reappearance of Jack. He minced up the gangway with a bottle in each hand. "Squirrel, luv, how about a drink? I feel like celebratin'!"
"Well, you certainly look happy, Jack." Squirrel raised an eyebrow. "Celebrating what, exactly?"
Jack handed Squirrel one of the bottles. "They say the rum on this island is mixed with wild honey. How about we find out exactly how wild, hrm?" He purred in her ear.
Squirrel gently pushed him away, then turned to address her children. "Time for bed! Johnny, help you sister wash up."
"Aww, mum!" Kelly pouted, until Johnny whispered something in her ear. Then the little girl grinned and scampered off, shouting, "Race you!" Her brother took off on hot pursuit.
"Where were we?" Squirrel turned back to her husband, grinning and turning her trademark shade of pink. "Oh yes," she smiled, "I remember. Something about the sweetest thing…?"
Jack grinned back. "Walk this way, m'dear," Jack said, steering her towards their quarters.
"So, Jack," Squirrel said, sneaking an arm around Jack's waist and giving him a kiss, "What's got you in this fine mood this fine evening?"
Jack tapped the side of his nose as he opened the door to the cabin. "That's not for you to know, luv. Not until later, that is. But let me just say there isn't any treasure in heaven or earth that can compare to…" He stopped. Squirrel did likewise, and fixed her husband with a steely glare. Jack began to squirm. "Uh, that is to say…"
"Jack Sparrow," Squirrel said, her voice very, very calm. "Do you mean to tell me that you have somehow, once again, gotten the ship, the crew, your children and your wife all involved in yet another ridiculous treasure hunt? One which might just take our lives?"
Jack smiled uneasily, trying to deflect the situation. "Come on, luv, you're being paranoid. Let's just sit down and talk reasonably about this…"
"Hells bells, Jack Sparrow, what have you gotten us into this time?"
When the crew returned in the morning, it had all been settled. They'd go and get the treasure Jack had heard so much about, and then they'd go on and keep up with the raiding and pillaging with a fully-restocked ship. None of the crew had seemed all that surprised to hear from Kelly that Daddy had slept in the galley that night (she'd gone down to greet her father with a cheery 'rise and shine!', apparently).
"So where is this treasure of yours anyway, Jack Sparrow?" Squirrel asked.
Jack grunted, cricking his back. "Up there," he motioned to the hills behind the port-town.
"Easy pickings!" Kelly crowed, turning to her mother with a triumphant eye. Squirrel just looked sceptically at the jungled pinnacles, wondering…
"Exactly!" Jack said, cheered by his daughter's enthusiasm. "So goodbye and good riddance to bad luck! Easy pickings!"
Squirrel sighed, but managed a smile. "Alright, Captain. Just as long as I don't have to save you. Again."
Jack grinned. "We'll set off this afternoon, then. Just need the time to organise a treasure-hunting party… You can come as you are, if you like. But why don't the two of us relax in port for a while?" He waggled his eyebrows. Squirrel sighed again, but this time, she didn't mean it as much. It was hard for any woman to hold a grudge against Jack Sparrow for long.
The afternoon came quicker than expected. After calling for Jack and Johnny to 'get off the beach, boys!', the expedition of pirates was underway. As they trudged through the undergrowth, they found they were not alone.
Another group of scurvy-looking rogues was also cutting through the foliage in the same direction. The spotted Jack Sparrow and his crew, and bellowed out a challenge.
"Stay where ye stand, dogs! If ye're heading for the cliff-top treasure, you'll have to contend with like likes of the fearsome Fifty-Two Bees!"
"The who?" Jack wrinkled his nose. "Well, if you're as fearsome as you smell, we won't challenge you. Pass on by, we beg you." He turned to find Kelly looking at her father in some consternation. He knelt down to explain, "Right now, the 'positive-negative' of the situation is basically this - they'll be ahead of us, and therefore, downwind of us." Kelly smothered a giggle, and held her nose in exaggeration and mocking.
"I don't see fifty-two of you," Squirrel noted wryly, tapping her blade against her shoulder. "Move aside now, or so help you we'll be 'breaking the code', as it were, and see you fishing without a net in the cool, cool water."
"Get a grip, woman," the pirate sneered, "No needs for threats." He adjusted the band around his neck, and grinned at Jack. "How about a race? First one there takes all."
Jack looked at the pirate, then turned to face his crew. There was a significant pause.
"Well?" The captain of the Bees called out. "What say you?"
His answer was the sudden shouts of Sparrow's crew as they pelted up the cliff, lead by the children, their mother, and their captain. "Off he goes!"
Shouted the captain of the Bees, "Geeze!", then pelted up after them. But it was hard going up the cliff - the crew of the Pearl soon lost the head-start they had. The two children, with their youthful energy and their smaller size, ducked through vines and trees much faster, and they were the ones who reached the cliff first.
"I can hear music," Kelly said, frowning and looking around.
Johnny pointed back down the slope. The two pirate crews were struggling and swearing their way up the hill, their cutlasses and guns glinting metallically in the sunlight. So it wasn't really music.
"Climb!" Jack bellowed at them. So Johnny turned and began to clamber up the cliff face. He looked back down at his sister, who was still waiting for her mother and father to join them.
"You too!" The boy shouted back down at her, risking vertigo to do so. Kelly jumped, then scrambled up the side of the cliffs as well.
"What are we looking for?" Kelly called, reaching for another handhold. "A rock lobster? A message in a bottle?"
By now, Squirrel and Jack had reached the foot of the cliffs. Squirrel had started to climb up too, but Jack stepped back and looked up, shading his eyes against the sun.
"Cor," one of the Bees said, upon reaching the cliffs, "These stairs'll go all the way t' heaven!"
"Or nirvana," another put in sagely.
"Start climbing, or there'll be tears in the morning!" Their captain snarled. His crew scuttled to obey, but none were nimble enough to get very far.
A few stones rolled down, and some beetles near Jack scuttled out of the way.
"Careful, Kelly!" Jack called out, "It's a long way to the top!"
The Bees-captain stood next to Jack and looked up at the three figures nearing the top of the cliff. "That girl of yours… she's got balls."
"Don't let her hear you say that," Jack said, unable to keep the pride from his voice, "She's a maiden of iron, though she may not look it."
"I'm at the top!" Johnny called. "There's a human body up here!"
Kelly's eyes widened. "Really? Let me see!" She scrabbled up after her brother, and Squirrel - with a sigh - climbed up after her.
Johnny was squatting by the skeleton, examining it curiously. Kelly had a stick, and was about to poke the white bones. Squirrel was certain that the man - though dead - was grateful for her timely intervention. "Don't poke the skeleton, Kelly." Kelly pouted, but tossed the stick aside. Squirrel grinned, and in a moment of maliciousness, added, "He might come back and steal your face." Kelly looked unconvinced - she'd been raised on ghost stories.
Johnny looked up at his mother, then back over the cliff at their father. "Where is it?" He called.
Jack shrugged and gestured vaguely. "Somewhere up the top there!"
Squirrel and her children turned around. And looked up.
"You have got to be kidding." Squirrel groaned. They hadn't reached the top at all. Just a deceptively high-looking ledge.
"Nothing's as it seems," Johnny shrugged.
"Never say die!" Kelly giggled, then leapt at the rock face.
Squirrel just sat down next to the skeleton. "It'll be a black Saturday before I climb that cliff for one of Jack's stupid treasure hunts," she muttered, then craned her head back and watched as Kelly scaled the sheer wall. Don't cry, she smiled to herself, and don't yell at her. That girl loves to do anything I've forbidden.
Johnny looked back down they way he'd come. The Bees were generally giving up and skulking away. Jack and the crew of the Pearl were shouting and urging Kelly on, as though reaching the treasure were the prize of the game.
Finally, Kelly disappeared over the lip of the cliff. The crew of the Pearl waited with baited breath, then started to cheer as Kelly began her slow decent, something large and chunky under one arm. Squirrel felt her heart in her throat, worrying her daughter would slip. But the youngest pirate wasn't hampered at all. When Kelly reached the bottom, Squirrel Grey folded her daughter into a motherly embrace. Kelly couldn't stop grinning.
"Well?" Jack called. "What is it?"
Kelly grinned. "What's next to the moon?"
Jack frowned for a minute, then grinned. "Gems? Jewels?"
"Yeah, and any colour you like!"
Squirrel patted her daughter on the head. "Alright, that's enough. Let's get back to the Pearl. Jam around later."
The three of them carefully clambered down, to where Jack and the crew were waiting to see the treasure that had been found. And to claim a piece before Kelly and her greedy fingers got a hold of it all.
A/N: Yeah, if you thought that this shortshot was CRAP it's because YOU DIDN'T GET THE SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES! Moo ha ha!
Maybe I should explain - Johnny Depp based his character on Keith Richards because pirates were 'the rock stars of the day', remember? So… the subliminal message of this chapter was rock music! -evil cackling- There are 52 songs and 20 bands in this fic. See if you can find them all! -more evil cackling, which borders on the maniacal- If you can find at least ten of each, I'll email you the complete list, and you can have fun looking for the ones I was subtle with. HEE!
… yeah, I haven't slept well for the past week. Can you tell?