Hi!

Thanks to my three regular reviewers - you guys keep this story going lol. Anyway, I had an absolutely horrible day yesterday and unfortunately, that was when I wrote this so I am have taken it out on Athrun a little – I'm sorry! I cut my hand cutting an orange… that's where the idea of a little knife-play came from.

I hope you enjoy this chapter – it will be the last time I torture Athrun a little and while I didn't want to, I felt it was necessary for the story… and I love Maloby. Please review! I do take into account all the advice and feedback I get and it's the only way I will ever improve. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed, Gundam Seed Destiny or any other references made to either series. I also do not own the lyrics below – they belong to Nickelback.

WARNING: This chapter does involve a little knife play and suffering on Athrun's behave – both physical and emotional. If you are sensitive to that sort of thing, please don't read it ok?

Abhorrence

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin' – Nickelback

Chapter #11: Fading Lights

Athrun slowly opened his eyes only to find darkness. He felt the bitter cold air stabbing his skin and he knew if he could see, he would be watching his own breath turning into white crystals and disappear into the air. His head was throbbing and he could feel his body eating itself. He shuddered weakly. Every inch of his body pained him when he tried to move…especially his left shoulder. Even the slightest movement caused a fiery pain to ignite in the joint

It felt as if he had been confined to his small prison for months on end. At first he had been confidant that someone would come and help him. He had friends and a lot of people who owed him personal favors. Besides, he knew that Cagalli wouldn't just let him shrivel away into nothingness… at least he thought he had known that.

She doesn't love you…

Athrun suppressed a small sob and felt his eyes begin to water. He blinked several times but that didn't prevent one lone tear from falling, from staining his bruised cheek and freezing on the tip of his chin. He didn't want to believe what Jibril and the others had told him but it was becoming harder and harder to maintain any sort of resolve in the situation was in.

Every night, or so it seemed, men from the Blue Cosmos would come 'visit' him and give him his daily glass of water as they had promised. He had used them to keep track of the days but as time pushed forward, the visits became more and more spontaneous and instead of getting two cups of water each day as he had been told he would, sometimes he would get one or two every two or three days. It hadn't taken long for him to loose his sense of time and all the days began to fuse together into one, long and miserable nightmare.

He would be mocked, taunted and ridiculed by his capturers… anything that would get a reaction from him. Sometimes they succeeded; most of the time they did not. If that was the case, they would simply beat him for being what he was – a Coordinator. They hurt him because they could. It was that simple.

The beatings usually involved another dosage of whatever drug they had been giving him to keep him semi-paralyzed. Though, he was so beaten and so drained from malnourishment that he doubted they had much to worry about. He was no longer a threat to them, or to anyone else for that matter. He always felt so worn out and exhausted that he hardly had the energy to lift his head yet alone fight back. That didn't seem to discourage the men from pounding into him without mercy. Jibril and Neo had been his most frequent visitors. Both would continually badger him about the events of Heliopolis but he never told them anything. They wanted names and the possibility of having Dearka or Yzak go through the same torment as he was, kept him silent.

During his stay, he had developed a fever which perhaps frightened him the most. He had never been sick before. Coordinators were not supposed to get sick yet he was coughing almost regularly now and sweat drenched his quivering form. His pants and buttoned, black shirt were soaked and clung to his body like a second skin, offering almost no warmth at all. The Blue Cosmos had poisoned his body, poisoned his mind and the only thing they hadn't completely stripped him of was his dignity. That was probably the reason he'd suffered so since he had arrived. He never wavered and never gave into them because he knew that was what they wanted. At least he never did when they were present. Tears that were spilt in solitude didn't enter into the equation.

He never begged with them when they hurt him. He just accepted it and that bothered them.

His eyes gradually began to readjust to the darkness and he could barely make out the bared cell across from his own. Lying on the floor, he just gazed at the other cell blankly too tired and too drained to try to sit up and too far gone to think clearly.

"Hang in there lad."

Athrun just coughed and groaned, curling into himself as far as his beaten body would allow.

From his own cell, Maloby's heart went out to the young prisoner. His boney fingers wrapped around the bars of his prison door as he tried to get Athrun's attention. "You won't be here forever. One way or another, you'll be rid of this place."

Athrun raised his head at Maloby's words, contemplating the one way or another that the old man was referring to. Freedom would mean death yet death promised him freedom… freedom without Cagalli. What kind of life would that be?

She doesn't love you…

A shiver crawled up along his spine.

"I overheard the guards," Maloby pressed. "You have a lady waiting for you don't you?"

Athrun nodded once and coughed again, the effort of moving his head exhausting him. He hoped he did. As much as he hated himself for it, his rational mind had begun to question just how much truth and validity that statement held.

"You want to see her again don't you?"

"Of course." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Then fight just a little longer," Maloby told him. His voice cracked with emotion and he shook his head. "Don't let these fools beat you. Survive."

There was another violent cough but Maloby was sure that the young man had heard him. His brow furrowed with concern. He had heard Jibril say almost three weeks ago that he wanted this kid alive. What exactly he had meant by that, Maloby left up to interpretation and he had become certain that Jibril's definition of being alive was simply being able to breathe. Although Athrun was indeed still alive, he wasn't by much and he wouldn't be for much longer. The abuse he had taken was staggering and had it not been for the fact that he was a Coordinator, Maloby was positive he would already be dead.

To beat a child. Maloby bit back the anger he was beginning to feel boiling inside of him. He had stolen from little children before but never had he raised a hand to one. This boy was strong, intelligent, skilled and wise beyond his years but he was still just a boy. A teenager no less. For someone to do such unwarranted damage to a child made him question just what kind of society humanity was developing into.

He rested his head against the iron bars of his cell door. Words were all he could offer the boy and he wished he knew what to say to him but he didn't. He could have told him that things would be ok, that he didn't need to be afraid though what purpose would that serve? He had been abused almost to the point of no return and was in insurmountable pain. To express false assurances would only demonstrate his ignorance.

The sound of footsteps drawing near caused the Maloby to look up. His ears constantly kept watch so as to not be surprised when the Blue Cosmos chose to visit their prisoners. Sadly, the young boy across from him had received almost all of their attention. From the corner of his eye he could see Jibril and Neo coming down the hall. His blood pressure rose and he clinched his hands around the iron bars to his cell. They had demonstrated their brutality over the last couple weeks but would they really drive the boy further into darkness when he was already dangerously close to submitting to it on his own?

He cringed when he saw Neo unlock the door to Athrun's door and swing it open. It hit the wall with a long clank and Maloby answered, in complete repulsion, his own question.

"Wake up you miserable brat!" Jibril called.

Athrun blinked and raised his head, fear right behind his emotionless eyes.

"You don't look so good," Jibril walked towards Athrun with Neo right behind him. "Miss. Cagalli left for the PLANTS this morning. It was on the radio. You shouldn't be surprised. How could someone like her ever fall for someone like you? You're a good-looker, boy, but you are also tainted. You are a Coordinator. She could never love someone like you. She played you like a fool."

"That's not true." Athrun whispered hoarsely.

Jibril bent down and slapped Athrun across the face. "Are you calling me a liar?"

Athrun remained silent and looked forward through the open doorway of his cell. All he wanted was to be left alone in his misery. All he wanted was to sleep yet these men insisted on making his life a living hell. They wouldn't let him sleep and when he did manage to nod off, their voices would haunt his dreams. No matter what he did, he couldn't escape them.

"Guess what else? I just got full approval from Orb to kill you." Jibril winked at Neo and then looked down at Athrun. "They must figure it is best to have you out of the way."

Athrun looked up at him, panicking internally.

"What are you looking at, you little freak?" Jibril grabbed Athrun by his good arm and hulled him up to his feet. He placed a hand over Athrun's rapidly beating heart and smirked. "Are you scared? Are you afraid of me now? You should be."

Athrun thought for sure he was going to get a late-night beating but was unable to prepare himself when Jibril rammed his knee into Athrun's ribs. His eyes grew big as pain shot through his body. Jibril held Athrun up against the wall with one arm underneath Athrun's chin and motioned for Neo to cut the bonds the held his hands behind his back.

Neo quickly complied and Athrun winced. Neo was deliberately careless and he felt a knife graze his skin as it bit through the thick rope. His arms dropped uselessly at his sides, hands completely numb. He felt Jibril release him and take a step back. Immediately, his body began to sag back to the floor. Jibril, however, wouldn't allow it.

A brief nod to Neo sent the masked-man rushing towards him. Athrun gasped as Neo roughly clamped his hands around his upper arms in an iron grip that sent rivers of agony surging through the boy's left shoulder. Athrun moaned pitifully and raised his head when he felt Jibril grab his left hand and wrench it forward. The action was so fierce that it almost sent Athrun hurling into him but Neo held him steady.

Athrun reacted when a hand latched onto his sore, left wrist and he tried to withdraw away from the contact. Another hand, with hard, calloused skin, took hold of his hand and straightened out the digits. Athrun, sensing a hush of uneasiness take hold of him, tried to draw back but Neo held him still and the drug in his system was too potent for him to put up any sort of resistance. He felt something cold and sharp come to rest against the side of his hand and he froze in fear. Jibril had pulled out a pocket knife; its glossy and sharp edge now placed dangerously against his pinky. Surely they didn't really mean to cut off his finger? Athrun could only imagine the pain and he tried to block out the thought of what the loss of a finger would mean. He was left-handed. He could probably adjust in time, but the thought sent tremors down his deadened muscles.

"I was going to cut off your finger," Jibril began, his voice quiet and somewhat mocking. "It would be sore, wouldn't it, boy?" The sudden slash of the knife across the base of his smallest finger brought a piercing cry to Athrun's lips. He could feel the heat of his blood streaming across the back of his hand. He tried to pull his hand away but Jibril just tightened his iron-grip.

"Yes, I thought it would hurt," The mocking voice went on, a hint of laughter now creeping in. "But I thought I would try something else. Perhaps if I threatened to break every bone in this hand, you would tell me what I want to know. I want to know who else from the Heliopolis tragedy is still alive."

The thought of losing the use of his dominant hand was a paralyzing one. Athrun gasped, trying to calm the terror that coursed through him. He opened his mouth to refuse but at that same moment, another cough exploded from his lungs. He hacked violently and a mix of spit and blood escaped his lips and landed on Jibril's hand – the one that held his own so tightly that the limb had begun to turn blue.

He couldn't help it. His gesture hadn't meant to be insolent even though the vocal response he had intended on producing would have been. He was sick. He couldn't help it if he coughed.

It didn't seem to make a difference to Jibril.

"You are stupidly stubborn!" Jibril snarled and pulled on Athrun's arm hard. The boy jerked helplessly, unable to free his hand. The pain was horrible and he whimpered, unable to remain silent. It only added to the shame and utter disgrace he was feeling.

Up until that point, Maloby had watched in silence as the two Blue Cosmos leaders continued their relentless torment. Inching as close to the bars as he could to see, his heart stopped when he saw the look in his young friend's eyes. The bold, young Coordinator was fading and he could see the child so clearly in those flashing, emerald orbs. The child that was scared, that didn't understand why this was happening to him and Maloby just couldn't stand to watch any longer.

"Hey!" He hollered angrily and pounded on the bars of his cell. He hoped to at the very least, to distract them and draw their attention away from Athrun. Anything to give the boy some relief. "Don't you think you've done enough already! Leave the lad alone!"

Jibril's head shot up and he immediately dropped Athrun's hand. Mechanically, he flicked the knife closed and dropped it back into his pant pocket. "Excuse me?"

"Ya heard darn well what I said!" Maloby snorted, fighting the urge to cower back into the depths of his cell. "He's as good as dead so let the kid be."

"Shut up, old man!" Neo spoke first and released Athrun. He advanced towards Maloby but the old man held his ground. At least, he did until Neo kicked at the bars. They raddled loudly and shook, scaring Maloby back. He fell and scrambled backwards as Neo stared down at him menacingly. "Be grateful you don't have to share his discomfort!"

Maloby swallowed and fired a quick glance over at Athrun. The boy had once again begun to drop towards the floor but Jibril grabbed hold of him and once again, pinned him up against the wall to keep him upright. Athrun's gaze fell upon the elder and he shook his head in the negative – silently begging Maloby not to get involved. The man hesitated for a split second but there was something about the young man – an aura of some sort that demanded much respect and he found himself obeying Athrun's mute commands. He had been successful, however, in preventing them from crippling the young man's hand.

Athrun swallowed hard, feeling the cold cement against his back, and the cold and solid ball of fear swirling inside his empty stomach. He shifted his gaze to the door, desperately begging for someone to come and help him.

She doesn't love you…

"Look at me you little freak!" Jibril roared again, pulling him forward a bit and then slamming him against the wall again.

Athrun winced in pain, but did as he was ordered to, pouring all of his hatred and pain into his piercing gaze. Jibril was still holding him by his shirt, right above his shoulder. He tried his best not to tremble as the man pressed his body against him, pinning him tightly to the wall, his face mere millimeters from his. He swallowed as he was forced to look up into those cruel emerald eyes that shone back at him with malicious intent.

"I'm getting tired of asking!" Jibril's voice was harsh and quiet, but yet very, very deadly. He slammed Athrun's body into the wall again, smirking as he saw the boy close his eyes in pain. "You will look at me when I speak to you and you will answer when I ask you a question!"

Athrun flinched and opened his eyes, not recalling having closed them. He looked briefly at the door, but before he had time to turn back to face Jibril, the man moved. With one swift and precise movement, Jibril's hand went flying back down to his pocket and he pulled out his knife, still stained with blood and quickly pressed it to Athrun's slim white neck.

"I said look at me when I am speaking to you." He whispered dangerously, pressing the knife lightly against the soft and caving skin. "Who else was involved at Heliopolis? Who else is still alive?"

Athrun tried not to swallow the lump in his throat, afraid that it would cause the knife to cut through. He looked down at the knife, wondering. He doubted that he would survive the night.

"Look at me!"

The knife came closer, pressing hard enough to nearly draw blood.

"That's enough!" Maloby desperately called from his cell. "God almighty, leave the kid alone!"

"Shut up!" Jibril spat, whirling his head back to glare at the cell across the hall. "Just mind your own business!" He turned back to Athrun, his smirk returning as he saw the fear that shone so plainly in his eyes. A Coordinator scared. It was a beautiful sight.

He banged the boy against the wall again.

Athrun's head went flying back, hitting the wall and then fell back down into the blade. "Ah!" He gasped as he felt his skin break against the sharp edge.

"Stop it!" Maloby shouted. Horrified and enraged, he clawed and pounded against the bars of his cell. He continued to do so until Neo threw his arm against the bars, catching the old man's knuckles. Maloby staggered back into his cell, hugging his sore hand protectively.

"It's just a little cut." Jibril dismissed his comment, and drew the knife a little closer. He leaned down towards Athrun, looking down into wide green eyes. "You are a fool, boy. Blinded by false affections, pathetically loyal to people who don't care. Look at what it has brought you."

Athrun winced at the utter hatred in Jibril's rough voice. He tried to look away from his tormentor, but he had no choice but to stare up at the face hovering just inches from his own. "Don't listen, don't listen, he's lying… don't listen…" Athrun kept repeating in his mind as he fought to disassociate himself from what was happening.

"Orb betrays you and you still refuse to talk?" Jibril pressed his body harder against the trembling youth, grinding him into the wall. "You insist on protecting the people who are allowing you to rot here? I hate your kind. You think you are so much better than everyone else."

Putting away his knife, Jibril nodded and motioned for Neo give him the needle he always kept with him.

The man quickly complied.

Athrun eyed the needle uneasily and then looked back at Jibril.

"The old man is right. We won't get anything from this brat. Tomorrow, we are going to kill you, boy," Jibril smiled, amused when his prisoner attempted to struggle out of his grasp. His attempt was more a slight wiggle than a struggle. "I must say, I am looking forward to it."

Athrun said nothing while trying to ignore the pain emanating from his ribs and bloody hand. He stared at the needle for a long moment and then turned his head back to Jibril. "I'll be waiting for you in hell." He finally said, coldly.

That did it.

Jibril violently slammed Athrun against the wall one last time, hard. Athrun's lungs expelled whatever air they may have held on contact and the boy gasped, trying to draw air back into his lungs. Jibril wouldn't allow it. He threw Athrun back in the floor and stepped away from the battered youth. "Still as stubborn and stupid as ever!" He shook his head in disgust and spat at the limp form at his feet. "That's the problem with you Coordinators. You just don't know when you're defeated. That was the problem with your old man had, kid. He pushed and pushed until one of his own men shot him in the back. Well, your fate will at least be a little more honorable. Thanks to you, the Earth will loose confidence in Orb and negotiations will hopefully collapse. That, my little friend, will be your legacy!"

Jibril hovered over the young Coordinator like a vulture over a carcass. He was about to inject him with another dosage of the drug when he noticed something shiny around Athrun's neck. His eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. He couldn't believe it. Shimmering in the dark was a rose-colored pendant that had fallen out from behind the collar of his shirt and hung loosely around his neck. Mesmerized by its beauty, Jibril reached down and his hand clasped around the glossy object.

"Jewelry?"

Athrun gasped as the chain holding the pendant was violently ripped away from around his neck. He observed silently as Jibril examined the jewel before looking up at him, smiling wickedly. "Real men don't wear jewelry, kid. You're nothing but a baby."

Athrun coughed, his pained eyes focusing solely on the pendant – on the gift that Cagalli had given him just over a year ago. He'd been called a lot of things in his life but none of them were as hurtful as this. Perhaps that's because that was exactly how he felt… like a baby. A pathetic child who had lost faith in everything. He refused to believe that Cagalli had given up, that she had used him for her own means just as his father had, yet doubt had shrouded his mind. He would spend his last living moments questioning everything and everyone he had ever known and such thoughts made him want to weep. Perhaps he was as Jibril said – nothing but a baby.

He watched with heartfelt agony as Jibril tossed the pendant out of the cell and cringed when he heard it clatter loudly on the cement floor.

From where he was viewing the horrid spectacle, Maloby shut his eyes when he saw Jibril place a heavy boot on the boy's back, pressing him down to the ground. Jibril then moved in to give the boy yet another dose of the sedative they'd been given him since he had first arrived. Maloby heard a soft growl but refused to open his eyes. He flinched when he heard the two men retie Athrun's hands behind his back, completely disgusted. He couldn't stand to watch anymore and he wished he could shut his ears to the cruel man's words.

He still refused to open his eyes when he heard the cell door slam shut, footsteps that gradually became faint and Jibril holler one last thing at Athrun.

"Enjoy your last few hours alive!"

Only when the footsteps were completely gone, did Maloby open his eyes. He was shocked to find that the pedant Jibril had thrown away was at his feet and realized that the man had just thrown it carelessly into his cell. The old man peered down curiously at the jewel before he slowly picked it up. It was a simple gem. The way, however, Athrun had looked as it was taken away from him told him that the pendant carried a story far too complex for his comprehension. Athrun had wanted it back desperately. He didn't have to ask to know this was true and so carefully, he slid it back into Athrun's cell. Maloby was satisfied as he saw it land just inches from Athrun's face.

Even in the dim light, the elder could see the youth lying on his side on the floor - hands bound, eyes closed and breathing shallow. His skin shone with a sheen of sweat that matted down his hair and covered his entire body.

"Lad, lad come on, talk to me…"

Very slowly, two bleary, emerald eyes fluttered open and Maloby heard a faint but pained cough. The Coordinator was deathly still and Maloby wondered if the boy had given up.

Maloby hesitated. "Kid?"

Athrun shifted a little where he was lying and groaned. His eyes met the old man's and he held them for a moment. In those few seconds that seemed like hours, Maloby felt as if he had been given the key to the boy's soul. Behind those bright green eyes that shimmered with unshed tears, he could see pain, frustration, hurt and fear. A true fear of what was going to happen to him. Yet, as he continued to stare at him, Maloby also saw a dogged determination, a proud soul who loved life too much to let it slip away so easily.

He had not yet lost hope.

"Thank…you," Athrun muttered more to himself than Maloby as his eyes slowly but surely began to drift shut. Before they did so, however, they fell upon the pendant on the broken chain. "I want … to survive…"

Maloby smiled sadly. He wished he could reach out and comfort the boy but only his words could reach him in the confines of his cell. "You will, kid. Don't you worry yourself. Hang in there and you will."

TBC

Don't flame me! No, I don't have anything against Athrun – he's my favorite character. Help is coming in the next chapter I promise! Anyway, I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you think – I love hearing from everyone. Who is Jibril working with? That's will become important later on.

I don't know when I will update next. I've been updating a lot and I'm starting to get exhausted of this story. I love it but it does take up a lot of my time. I don't want to take a break but it may be a few days before I come back to this story.

Until next time

Krilyn

Slightly Sinister Sinestra: Yes, I don't like Yuuna either but… unfortunately, he will be making a few appearances. Maloby is sort of the crutch that is holding Athrun up at the moment. I like him too and I do plan on writing a sequel to this story where he will appear again. Thanks so much for sticking with my story!

Kageharu Kaco: Yup! I've started outlines for a sequel to this one – you gave me some ideas from your last couple reviews and I think it will work out really well… THANK YOU! I'm not a Yaoi fan though so Dearka and Yzak sharing a bed is as close to anything like that as you will ever see in anything I write. It's just not my thing. Jibril's mysterious phone call will become important later on. Thanks for your review!

Cari-Akira: Next chapter Athrun is going to see some help come! No, no, no… he's still alive see? I didn't kill him! This is probably as bad a condition as we will find him in this story. You were right though… another violent chapter – this one, as I mentioned, was the result of a bad day apologizes to Athrun. Anyway, thanks again!